Chapter 8 #2
Thankfully, what I want isn’t necessarily what I have to admit, so I keep those awful thoughts to myself, clear my throat, and say, “Sounds good to me.”
“Okay, enough of this.”
I startle when Julian drops his fork on his plate and glares at me.
“What’s wrong?”
“What?”
“What’s wrong?” he repeats, slow and deliberate. “You’ve been acting strange since Sunday. You haven’t stopped frowning. You snap at the strangest things, and—I can’t believe I’m actually pointing this blessing out—but you’ve been quiet.”
I glare back, and he throws his hands up as if I’ve proved his point.
“Nothing’s wrong,” I mutter, shoving another spoonful of rice into my mouth. “I’m fine.”
I am not fine. I am so not fine.
Things were already rocky for me after Julian declared he was perfectly happy to spend half of his days away from me.
I spent the rest of the week all kinds of keyed up, and then this afternoon, we’d tested the bond at the elders’ suggestion.
When that door closed between us and nothing happened, my heart plummeted.
It wasn’t pain, because there was none of that.
That’d disappeared along with the hysterical urge to touch him, and left behind only a hollow feeling that I could live with.
It was realising that we had no excuse to stay together.
My heart sank like a stone in water while Julian fell to his knees and thanked our Goddess for her many blessings.
Not long after, he announced he’d be going back to his beloved human school. I’d expected that. What I hadn’t expected, was him declaring that he’d be doing so tomorrow.
I’d tried to act happy as well, but I didn’t know how to fake anything around Julian, and he’d been giving me suspicious looks ever since. Thankfully, he hadn’t said anything about it—not until now.
“Is it about tomorrow?” he presses when the silence lingers. I glance up sharply. “That’s it? You don’t want to lead the search anymore?”
My shoulders fall. I drop my gaze to my plate. “I’m looking forward to the search. Like I said, I’m fine.”
“Aiden.”
Goddess, why did my name sound different coming from him now?
“You’re not fine. So stop dragging this out and just tell me.”
Let’s just go with him, Max eagerly suggests while he paces within my mind. What are a few more months of school?
Hell, I answer, but he knows that.
It’ll be a worse hell to let him go tomorrow.
It will. But how do I even put that into words in this fucked up situation?
The fact that Julian and I are mates has become more or less normal at this point, but not everything that comes with it.
Like noticing the little things about him, and the way I search for more—that is not normal.
And then there’s trying to distinguish the bond’s influence from my own feelings, because the bond drew you to a person, it didn’t make you suddenly like them, and these days with Julian, I—
“Fine,” he sighs, dragging me back. He’s frowning now, but it’s not one of his usual cold ones. It’s more like a pout, and there’s hurt in his eyes. “Forget I even—”
“I’m coming with you tomorrow.”
Not normal.
The blurted words hang in the air like a noose while Julian gawks at me from the other side of the table. “What?”
“We’ll go to the school together,” I say, my voice steadier than I feel.
“But … you don’t—” He stops, blinks and shakes his head. “Why?”
“Because I want to.”
Julian’s lost stare deepens. I catch myself smiling. It isn’t often I see Julian Heil confused. “I want to come,” I repeat, as I rest my elbows on the table. “And in case you forgot, we’ve got that project to do.”
His scowl bleeds the confusion out by the vein. “So, you’re making fun of me,” he growls.
My smile drops. “No, I’m not.”
But he’s already up, taking his dishes to the kitchen.
“Fuck,” I mumble, following. “Julian, I’m not.”
“You expect me to believe that you simply changed your mind?” he mutters, angrily loading the dishwasher. “That out of the blue you want to go back, when you’ve made it perfectly clear how foolish you think it is that I am?”
My denial dies on my tongue because he’s right, it is ridiculous.
Aiden, Max snaps.
“I’m coming because I want to,” I say again.
And hell opens up beneath his feet as he turns around. “No, you’re not,” Julian snaps, his eyes burning with uncapped fury. “You want to come because you’re an annoying, self—”
“I want to go with you.”
Whatever verbal beatdown he was going to deliver evaporates into thin air along with his anger. Lungs still full, he glares at me, looking for the lie. But I’m not lying and when he realises as much, Julian’s mouth slowly shuts.
Then there’s that fucking blush.
Words can never express what that rush of red does to me.
My chest tightens as I watch it spread, and longing soon stirs behind it.
I want to touch him, taste him, just like I had that first day that still seemed like a fever dream.
We’d never talked about it, just pretended it’d never happened, but there’s no pretending now as I watch shock unfurl my icy mate.
Julian shifts, taking a step back as he visibly tries to stifle the colour climbing his neck. It leaves him even more flushed while I try not to imagine what would happen if I were to close the space between us.
“Okay,” he blurts, before he clears his throat and tries again. “Okay. Um, well,” he wipes his hands against his thighs while he looks around. “I guess that’s fine.”
“Oh? I’m glad I have your permission,” I drawl.
He glares—soft, harmless. My lips twitch, and that glare falls apart.
“I’m going to get ready for bed,” he declares before he tucks tail and runs away, leaving me smiling to myself as I watch him go.
Julian Heil … annoying, too smart for his own good, downright evil, and maybe … a little cute.
I clear the table slowly, clean the kitchen too, using the added space to calm down before I give in to what I really want and follow after him. Bond or not, I can’t find it in me to care, because my mate is in my den and I want to see him there.
Julian’s already curled on his side of the bed when I slip into my room. He’s got the covers pulled over his shoulder, hiding him away. I leave him be as I get ready for bed, and snort when I find him in the exact same position.
I can hear his heart pounding, but he doesn’t peek at me, not even after I turn off the lights and slip under the cool sheets. He remains curled on the edge of the bed, where I know he won’t move from, so I do.
I slide in closer than usual—not touching, but close enough that Julian definitely feels me behind him. His fingers tighten on the covers, but still, he doesn’t look back.
“I know you’re awake,” I say, and I’m not loud, but in the dark, it is.
“I’m trying to sleep,” he grumbles, tugging the sheets higher.
“Not hide?” I shoot back.
A dry laugh. “We both need our sleep,” he informs from his sacred corner, “especially you. You have to wake up at four for the search.”
“And I’ll sleep right after,” I murmur, eyeing the strands of blonde escaping his self-made cocoon. They’re easy to spot in the dark, and unfairly coaxing. I reach out and touch. It’s soft.
“Have you already forgotten that you’ve just volunteered to attend a certain institute that’s open five days a week, six hours a day, serving barely edible food occupied by hormonal, human teenagers?”
I make a show of groaning, and the mattress shakes with Julian’s laughter.
“Do I really need an education?” I mutter while I toy with the single strand. Mine isn’t nearly this soft.
Peeking finally, he looks over his shoulder just as I snatch my hand away.
“More than anyone I know,” he chuckles, oblivious.
“Shut up,” I grumble, even though I want nothing more than for him to keep laughing. He does, rolling onto his back, smile wide, and eyes bright. They stand out in the night, like his hair, and my fingers twitch.
“You don’t have to come,” he reminds me, tilting his head to look at me.
“I already told you,” I whisper, meeting his gaze. “I want to.”
Julian’s laugh dries out and his smile wavers.
His eyes dart between mine, and something shifts.
He turns like he’s about to roll back over and hide again, but I’m faster.
I slip an arm over his stomach and curl my hand around his waist to keep him in place before I close the remaining space between us.
Julian’s hand falls over mine as he sucks in a breath that he doesn’t let go. Blue eyes dart to mine, the only part of him that moves with the rest of him locked, but he doesn’t push me away.
“What are you doing?” he whispers stiffly.
“Sleeping,” I say. “Trying to,” I amend before my gaze drops to his neck. His scent rises like a spell. “You said we need our sleep,” I mumble before I lean in, and greedily fill my lungs with it.
Julian’s next breath shudders out of him as his hand tightens around mine.
I wait for the shove, but when it doesn’t come, I swipe his hair away from his neck so I can scent him properly.
His body melts, fitting against mine like a puzzle piece.
His fingers loosen, and I tug him closer.
He tilts his head up to breathe me in too, and I groan because I instantly want more.
I thread my legs through his, forcing one over mine, and still, Julian doesn’t push me away. He’s wonderfully, intoxicatingly pliant for me, which is not something I ever imagined Julian Heil to be, but I adore it.
We shift closer, inch by inch, until breathing without touching is impossible. Then I feel a tentative arm slide over my waist.
Pleasure strikes my nerves like lightning, jolting every corner of my soul and demanding that it notices this moment.
This is what I wanted. This touch, this warmth, and not just from my mate, but from him—from Julian.
Alarms ring in my mind, but I’m quick to shut them down. They can ring all they want when morning comes, for now, I want to savour the pleasure of having him so close.
“Good night, Aiden,” he whispers against my skin, and Goddess help me.
“Good night, Jewels.”