Chapter 11
Aiden
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
I messed up. I messed up real bad.
Pumping my legs as fast as I can, I try to catch up to Julian, but he’s always been faster than me.
Even at my best, his wolf is long gone, leaving only traces of his scent in the wind.
I follow it like a thread, keeping my nose close to the ground and hoping like hell he doesn’t think to mask it—until I cross over into his packlands and the trail goes cold.
You just had to call it, didn’t you? Max curses as I skid to a stop.
Not now, Max, I snap, head twisting from side to side in a search for any clue of which direction he’d gone.
Not now? You caused this, Aiden! he growls, his anger clashing against my own. You’re the one who—
I shut him out before he can say another word.
I know what I did. I’d seen the hurt in Julian’s eyes, and I feel it even now in our bond, but I can’t fix it until I find him.
Tracing the path I’d taken, I try to pick out his prints, but in a pack this big, the earth’s a mess, the tracks trampling over each other like an echo of a stampede. Trying to follow one set will have me running in circles.
Where would Julian go?
I rack my brain, but not a single place comes to mind. I’ve known Julian my entire life. I know every way to piss him off, and exactly how to bring us to blows, yet I don’t know where he might go when he’s upset?
Shame spikes, but I shake it off and sprint towards the only place I can think of—his family home. Not his new place; he knows I’d check there. And I doubt he’d go to his parents’ house either, but maybe they’d have an idea of where he might be.
The journey to the house on the other side of the pack isn’t long, but it still feels like ages pass before my fists are pounding on the Heil’s front door, barely restraining the urge to break the knob and let myself in.
I can only hear one heartbeat inside—please, Goddess, let it be Julian’s.
When the door finally opens, it’s not him standing on the other side. It’s his mother.
“What did he do?”
My eyebrows pull together. “What?” I echo dumbly.
“What did he do?” she repeats, tone calm until familiar ice-blue eyes narrow to slits. She spots something, and whatever it is, it turns her impassivity into a low growl. “Or should I ask, what did you do?”
She steps closer, trying to loom, but I don’t move back. Even as my parents’ “friend” and a former luna, she has no power or authority over me, and I’m not in the mood for petty attempts at intimidation.
“I don’t have time for this,” I grit out, ignoring the glare that triggers. “He’s gone, and he masked his scent. Where would he go?”
Her heart beats a little faster, worry showing through her anger, but she keeps her mouth shut.
“Look, I messed up,” I admit, worsening the bond’s tear, “but I have to find him to fix it. Please. Where would he go?”
She glares at me for what feels like an eternity before she finally relents. Her shoulders sag. “There’s a hill near the borders. He used to go there with his brother before …” She doesn’t need to say the rest. Everyone knows what happened to Oliver. “It was their spot.”
“How do I find it?” I ask, already shuffling back so I can leave.
“There’s a stream close to here. Follow its path to where it splits, then look for a large boulder,” she explains quickly. “Head west from there until the trees break. You’ll find him.”
“Thank y—”
“Aiden.” She grabs my arm before I can take another step.
My body turns to stone as her nails dig deep enough to pierce skin and draw blood.
“Let this be the last time you need my help,” she whispers coolly, her eyes like shards of ice.
“If you hurt my son again, I promise to dig the six feet myself. Do you understand?”
I laugh because I have to—and because there’s no other sane reaction. “I am not a pup or a member of your pack.” I remind, peeling her hand off me. “Never touch me again.”
Dropping her wrist, I leave her where she stands and bolt, shifting mid-sprint.
The sound of flowing water pricks my ears from a mile away, and I find the stream without trouble.
I keep to its path, eyes sharp for the split, while my mind replays those tense moments in the car that somehow went all wrong.
One minute, we were closer than we’d ever been. Julian was kissing me and biting me, giving me fucking hickeys, and the next, there was that tear. The memory makes my steps falter, and worsens the pain.
I hadn’t meant to hurt him, not when it was the first time he’d made a move between us. It all felt so good, but things were moving so fast. I’d kissed plenty of girls before, but never a guy. I panicked, my nerves got the best of me, and then I messed everything up.
I haven’t made Julian cry since we were kids.
My chest clogs, but I bury the guilt for now. I’ll find him, fix this, and I’ll never make him cry again.
Darting through the woods, I follow the stream until I finally reach the fork. I spot the boulder between two trees and run straight past it as I head west. The closer I get, the brighter our bond burns, so I keep my eyes peeled and my ears perked for any signs of my mate.
As the trees grow sparser and the pack’s border looms, I slow to a trot.
He wouldn’t go out on his own, right? Julian’s many things, but he’s not an idiot.
I remind myself of that as I shift and carefully trail the area.
I grab a pair of tucked-away shorts waiting in one of the trees’ hollows, and tug them on.
Slipping past the last of the trees, I spot the small hill ahead—
And the golden-haired figure at the top.
Relief pours into me, making my next breath a heavy one as I start forward. I’m halfway up the incline when Julian’s head snaps up, revealing confused, red-rimmed eyes behind wild strands of his long hair.
“How did you—” His words trail off as his eyes dart between mine. The confusion clears to make room for the hurt.
“Julian,” I start, but he’s already scrambling to his feet, retreating.
“Don’t,” he says, holding a hand up. “Don’t, Aiden.”
I stop, despite wanting to do the very opposite, and watch while he tries to wipe his face clean.
“Julian, just let me explain,” I beg, taking a small step forward—only for him to mirror it with one back.
“I don’t want you to explain!” he groans while he shoves his hair back from his face. “The last thing I want to do is listen to you explain.”
With it drawn back, I see the way his eyes shift past me, already looking for an escape. That, I can’t let happen. Julian’s too damn fast. There’s no catching him if he bolts now, and there’s no chance in all the hells that I’m going back to his crazy mother if I lose him again.
The next time his eyes shift, I dart forward, taking advantage of his disarray to grab his wrists. He tries to step back, to pull away, but it’s nothing like in the kitchen when he’d played at wanting to be free. This time, he really tries to get away from me, and I know I can’t stop him forever.
“Listen, Julian,” I beg while he strains against me. I try to catch his gaze, but he’s as stubborn as ever. “Please just listen.”
“So, I can hear you tell me you don’t want me?” His voice breaks as his struggles slow. “I don’t want to hear that, Aiden.” His fight sputters like a flame before his head drops and he finally slumps in defeat. “Don’t reject me.”
It’s a quiet plea, but one that’s so broken that its jagged edges scrape along my heart until I can barely breathe.
“I’m not going to reject you,” I swear as I pull him closer. “I told you that the day I found out we were mates, and I meant it. I’m not going to reject you.”
Julian shakes his head as he finally looks at me, his blue eyes puffy. “You did today. I tried to kiss you, and you rejected me.”
“That wasn’t a rejection,” I groan, and he’s quick to frown.
“Then what was it?” he snaps back.
“I—”
The words stick on the tip of my tongue. I know what I want to say, but I still hesitate.
A real alpha is never scared. My father’s voice hisses in my mind, halting the words.
“I missed you today,” Julian whispers, peering at me. “I just missed you. I know I was the one who asked for space, but I wanted to be with you all day. In the car, it felt right, so I tried to—” He stops as his eyes fill again.
“I was scared,” I admit, the pain in his voice washes everything else away, leaving only him. “I missed you too. From the moment you got out of the car this morning, I missed you.” The confession tumbles out, and the rest soon comes with it. “I spent the whole day thinking about you.”
I watch hope slip into his wide eyes, slowly at first but growing so quickly that I have to continue. “All I wanted was more of this morning, but you told me to stay away, so I did, and by lunch, I was a fucking mess because of it.”
His arms fall, but I don’t let go. “I knew I couldn’t control myself around you, so I left. I thought I just needed time to calm down, but in the car—”
Julian ducks his head, but I release one of his hands to lift his chin, forcing him to look at me.
“It was good,” I promise. “It was so fucking good … but it just happened too quickly. I hadn’t thought of us kissing, so when you tried, I panicked.
I didn’t know if I was ready—or if I’d be able to stop if you wanted to. It wasn’t you. I was just … scared.”
The admission tries to fill me with shame, but as the hurt leaves Julian’s eyes, it follows suit. Closing my eyes, I rest my forehead against his and whisper the last remaining truth that’s been haunting me for days.