0166
Neah
The room is oddly quiet as I step back inside. Abraxas has his hazel eyes firmly set on Raven. Dane is silently pacing, deep in thought.
It hurts to feel how much pain he is in.
You wouldn't think it if you looked at him. His crimson eyes are full of rage instead of hurt. A frown sits on his face, but that's all.
No clenched fists. No heavy breathing, he was.
..a certain level of calm.
The kind of calm before a storm.
His eyes flash over to me and it stops him in his tracks, he knew what I was going to do.
I feel Damien step in behind me.
He closes the door quietly, a gentle click is the only thing that could be heard as the handle slots back in place.
'We've got this.' Nyx whispers as though the others could hear us. 'It's the right thing to do. We both know it.'
That didn't mean it was any less difficult.
"You won't kill me, Neah." Raven mocks. "I'm your best friend." I stare at her familiar face. I had to remember it wasn't her anymore. That she was gone.
"You're just a soul, trying to survive in someone else's body." I spit back
She smiles and I hear a subtle crack, Jenson was forcing Raven's body to shift. I wasn't going to let that happen. My hand wraps around Raven's arm as the bones crack beneath my fingers. If he thinks he can shift and run, he has another thing coming.
I start shifting too. My hand is first. Claws appear as fur spreads up the length of my arm. My own shift seems to slow Jenson down. Maybe it wasn't what he was expecting.
Though for someone who had a knack for war, he should have expected this. He should know that he wouldn't get away with this. Or maybe it was because he didn't know me, not like he thought he did.
Familiar dark eyes find mine. So much hate. So much anger.
"I'm sorry that I couldn't help you Raven." I mutter just as my head shifts. My claws sink into her chest, piercing the pounding heart.
I keep my eyes in front of me, if I look at any one of the men, the tears that I'm holding back will errupt like lava.
Her dark eyes move down to my sunken claws. Jenson probably thought I wouldn't go through with it because it was her body, not his
Retracting my claws free's her body and Jenson stumbles back against the wall. A hand clutches at the wound as the other slams against the wall, trying to keep the body upright, but it's no use and she ends up on her ass.
Blood pours down the front of her half shifted body, spilling out over her legs and onto the carpet.
Her dark eyes stare up at me until she slopes over onto the floor, still and as silent as the room.
My heart thunders in my chest as the room becomes hazy. I had killed my friend. I had killed Dane's sister. I had killed Damien's mate.
'It wasn't Raven.' Nyx reminds me 'And it was the right thing to do. He was out of control.'
'I need.... I need air.'
I back up and crash into Damien. He just stares at me as I spin around to face him. He knew it was what I was going to do and yet somehow, I felt like I had betrayed him and Dane.
Pushing him out the way, I power through the door. Feeling the pounding of blood between my ears.
'It was the right thing to do.' I mutter to myself, repeating Nyx's words over and over as I crash through my bedroom door.
'It was.' Nyx confirms.
I knew it was, I knew Jenson had to be dealt with, but then why did I feel so sick?
'Neah, you are panicking.' Nyx is calm, to calm
"I killed Raven." I mutter as I shift back to human form.
'No, you killed Jenson. Raven was already dead. Damien confirmed it and you can feel what Dane is feeling. Her body was just a shell!'
I knew I was panicking. I don't know why I am panicking. I had already made it clear to Damien what I was going to do and no one tried stopping me. They all wanted it too, right? 'Yes.' Nyx agrees even though I wasn't asking her.
Quickly, I pull on some leggings and a sweatshirt and jam my feet into some boots. I needed to get out. I needed to think.
My legs power me out of the house, or maybe it was Nyx. I'm not entirely sure. It was hard enough for me to focus and I didn't really care as long as I could get some air.
Killing people that had harmed me or were a threat had been easy up until now. I keep telling myself it was Jenson as I run into the forest, yet all I see is Raven.
'Neah, we have to stop.' Nyx mutters.
I can't, but I wasn't trying to run away either. I just needed to keep moving.
'NEAH!' My own name roars out inside my head and I come to a complete stop. 'Neah, it's okay to feel like this. I liked Raven too but there was nothing you could do to save her. She was already gone.' Nyx continues to remind me.
I slump down on a fallen tree trunk and the tears break free. I look around, half expecting to see Dane or even Damien, but neither one had followed me. I was alone.
'You are not alone. I am right here. This is a new feeling.'
'Right.' I swallow the lump in my throat
'We couldn't let him parade around as Raven. Not after everything. Not after every lie he has told.' Nyx tells me. 'You know this, Neah.'
Nodding, I take a deep breath and I hear a twig crack not too far behind me.
Wiping my tears away, I'm on my feet and sniff the air. A Lycan was heading towards me, someone from the pack that I didn't know that well.
"Neah?" The voice calls out.
"Neah, it's Ryken, is everything okay? I saw you running and I wanted to check...."
"I'm fine." I mutter back but he steps through the trees anyway. He somehow looked odd in the middle of the trees, like he didn't quite fit.
He frowns when he sees me. "Do you want me to get Dane or someone else?"
"No."
"Has something happened?" He parks himself on the fallen tree a little way from me. "Is it Blair? Is she here?" His eyes dart around the nearby area
I snort, with everything happening, I hadn't really thought about her. "No, nothing to do with Blair."
"The girl, Mallory, is she okay? Did she make it?"
"She's in good hands."
"That's good news. The others are in the training hall are being guarded."
I had forgotten all about those Lycans too. I didn't even know where they were. "Right."
"It's not my place to tell you what to do, Neah. And considering what my stepdaughter has done, I more than appreciate you letting us stay here. But if there is anything I can do, I am only too happy to help."
"Ever killed someone you care about? Or sort of cared about?" I wasn't sure how to explain what had happened with Jenson and Raven's souls.
I feel his gaze on me. He's quiet for a few minutes, choosing his words carefully.
"If we kill someone we care about, it is normally for good reason. Something that's been thought about, options have been weighed up. I am certain you had a good reason. I've watched you from afar. You don't rush into things, but when you are forced, your decisions are valid."
"But are they the right ones?"
He raises an eyebrow at me, waiting for me to continue.
"I knew that they had to die. They were a troublemaker from day one and they did something unheard of." I was trying to keep the details vague.
Maybe Dane wouldn't want anyone to know his sister is dead. "I have only ever killed those that were dangerous. Those that would put our lives at risk. This one was...." I trail off as Raven's smiling face fills my head
"You wouldn't make it as a leader if you didn't question your decisions." He sighs.
"I've heard the stories about you. I've heard where you came from, what happened to you, how you were raised and everything since. It takes most people years to train to become a good leader. Dane would have been training since he was a pup. I was thrown into it, though I was never an Alpha of any kind. You've had what, three ish years?"
Is that all it is? It felt like a lifetime had passed. "And a year of that was spent learning who I am." I mutter
"Neah, you've been propelled into something that is bigger than what any of us can imagine. And you are more than capable. Your decision is just that, your decision."
"What if it's hurt those around me? What if they cannot accept what I did?"
"Maybe the key is that you have to accept it first." He shuffles on the tree, it was probably a little uncomfortable for him as he is quite big. "Who would have thought I would be giving advice to you."
I look at him, and he seems to be smiling to himself.
"Is that how you feel about Blair? You had to accept that she needs to die and that's why you are okay with it?"
"Yes. Tara has known for a lot longer than I have, her own mother. I guess on some level, I thought I could be the father she needed, but the only thing she has ever learned to care about is herself."
'Just like Jenson.' Nyx sighs. I could feel her worrying about me. But I don't regret what I've done, I just can't get the image of Raven out of my head and that's what's messing with my thoughts and feelings. It was just like posioning my parents all over again.
Ryken and I turn in the direction of footsteps. I'm hit with Dane's woody scent and I feel my body tense up. Ryken had come out here before Dane. Dane hadn't even bothered following me which could only mean that he is angry.
"I will leave you to it." Ryken walks in Dane's direction. He pauses briefly but I don't hear what they speak of.
'I can feel his anger from here.' I mutter to Nyx. 'He is angry, frustrated, and hurt all because of me.'
I stay completely still as he strides towards me. If it weren't for his scent, I would know it was him by the way he walked.
My body stays rooted to the tree as my chest aches from my pounding heart.
I keep my eyes low as he stops in front of me.
That feeling of preparing to be scolded lingered heavily.
He was the only one that could still make me feel like that.
Yet he had never hurt me.
His hands latch around my wrists and he rips me to my feet.
My eyes remain down and slowly he tips my head back until I'm forced to look at his brilliant crimson eyes.
"You should not have done that."
I open my mouth to protest.
"You were not ready for that. You should have let me end his life."