Chapter 31 #3
“Whatcha lookin’ at, Gomes?” I love it when he calls me by my last name.
“How adorable you are,” Is what I want to say. But instead, I say, “Are you enjoying your book?”
His smirk falls, and he glances over the pages before closing them and setting the book on the side table between our chairs.
He turns his body so he’s facing me directly now.
“Meh, it takes place in the 1700s, which is the period I’m least interested in for some reason.
Give me the 1600s, heck, even the 1900s, and I’m all about it.
But something about this pre-United States era is just a big bore to me. What about you? How’s your book?”
I glance down and realize although I’ve read through several pages, I can’t recall any of the words. “It’s good. It’s the third in the series, so I know all the characters. Not much has happened, though.”
“Is that one of those romance books with a cute cover so no one realizes you’re just reading porn in public?” He makes a move to try and grab the book out of my hands, but I pull the book to my chest so he can’t swipe it. I can feel my cheeks getting warm.
“So, what if it is?” I lower my head and bat my eyelashes heavily in his direction. He seems to squirm a little, which pleases me. “I like to live vicariously through characters in the books I read.”
I can see him pause to form a response. I am entering a danger zone, but we still have a while to wait for Chloe to finish up work, so why not shake things up?
Maybe a year ago, I would have felt too empty, too unmotivated in life to even bother.
But I’m on a warpath to do exactly as I want.
And I want to flirt with my new friend. Is that a crime?
If it isn’t, it should be because I feel an excitement rush through me, I haven’t felt in years.
I could very well ruin the friendship we’ve established in these short months, but maybe I’m willing to risk it.
“When was the last time you were with someone?” Oh, so he’s going straight to the point. I always appreciated Reid’s directness. I look around, and no one in the store is near us. Not like anyone would care. I doubt my sex life is big news in this town.
“Uh, let’s just say it's been a while.”
“Oh, come on, you know about Carrie. Let me in on your past, a lil’ Anni.” He leans forward and softens his eyes. He’s asking as a friend, I assume.
“Well, you were with Carrie in the last six months…for me, it’s been…
.” I pause, drifting my eyes up, pretending to do the math as if I don’t know that the last time I let anyone inside of me was the worst night of my life.
“...it’s been about four years, give or take…
” I quickly open my book and bury my face in it.
He chuckles and reaches for my book again, this time swiping it away from my hands. “That’s nothing to be ashamed of. It just means no one was worth your energy.”
“I mean, the last guy definitely wasn’t worth my energy.”
His stare bores into my soul. “Okay, you gotta elaborate. You can’t leave me hanging on that.”
I swallow and fidget with my fingers. I don’t know if I’ve said my last experience out loud with anyone besides my mom or Chloe, which was immediately after it happened.
I’ve grown a lot since then, and I feel like it’s part of my healing journey to not let the experience claw at my insides.
I’m bigger than my trauma, and I refuse to let it stop me from finding happiness.
“It’s just so embarrassing and a bad memory…
” He sits up and opens his mouth as if to say, never mind, but my mouth decides to word vomit the rest out.
“I got really drunk at a club and hooked up with Trey Roberts in the club bathroom. You remember Trey? The yeti? You saved me that one time he had his grimy hands on me. Well, he came at me again four years ago, and I let him. And after, I was alone and embarrassed and felt gross.”
I feel my eyes go glassy and suddenly realize I just told my crush-turned-ex-turned-friend-turned-crush about my last hookup in the middle of a bookstore. I feel sick and decide to curl up in the chair and pretend I’m anywhere but here.
“Hey.” I open my eyes, and Reid is squatting in front of my chair, his hands hovering out to the side.
He smiles, “I thought I told you to call me if he bothered you again.”
When I don’t smile in response, his expression falls. “I couldn’t. I mean it was after we matched on Flame.”
Reid braces his arms on either side of my chair. “Oh, I—I didn’t realize, it was then.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I’m sorry for what I said to you. I’m sorry you went through that with Trey.”
I’m quiet for a moment, studying his face. More freckles are speckling along his nose because of the summer sun. I’m sure an abstract drawing would form if I connected them. His face is soft as he kneels next to me. I wish he would move his hands from the chair to my legs.
“Yeah, it sucks, but it happened, and I am stronger from it, I suppose.” I press under my eyes to shake the tears trying to form and take a sigh that lasts an entire year.
“You’re the strongest person I know, it takes a lot of guts to follow your dreams.”
I nod and avoid looking at him directly. I really don’t want to cry in public. “I think Chloe should be off soon. I could use some mint chocolate chip ice cream after this trauma dump in a bookstore.”
Reid’s expression morphs into a smile that doesn’t quite meet his eyes, but he extends a hand to me as we rise and gather our books. I go to grab mine, but he swipes it away. “Hey, I want that one.”
“Well, you’re going to have to get another copy because this one is mine,” he says.
“Dude, you have to read the other two beforehand. You can’t read out of order! That’s like the biggest book crime.”
“Fine, I’ll buy you this one. You buy me the first book.” I am beside myself, giggling as I lead us to the romance section.
“That makes no sense, but it’s a deal. I hope you like reading about rich kids in Philly.”
“You said Philly? I love their cheesesteaks.” We head to the registers after grabbing the books Tyler requested, where Chloe checks us out and raises an eyebrow toward Reid’s book purchases.
The three of us head out to a local ice cream shop, and no talk about past relationship trauma is mentioned again, which I’m grateful for.
Although, since telling Reid, a part of me feels a bit lighter.
Like a chip of the weight from that night was broken off.
A lighter load to carry on with. I feel like I can walk a little taller and smile a little bigger.
I hope I can keep chipping away at the bad memories.