Chapter 32
THIRTY-TWO
REID
I can’t sleep the night we get home from our bookstore and ice cream adventure.
I’m buzzing. I’m furious. It’s not because of the heat that I can't sleep, although that doesn’t help either.
I’m fucking pissed about what Annika told me.
I spent hours searching the internet, seeing where Trey Roberts was and how I could punch him in the face.
Four years ago, she dealt with this asshole, and clearly, it affected her so badly that she hasn’t dated another guy since.
I wish I could have been there for her again.
I wish it could have been me at that bar with her.
How differently things would have gone. I’d have treated her like the phenomenal woman she is.
Four years ago.
I reflect on the past. Where was I four years ago?
I was desperately trying to get through college, ready to move to Auburn Hills.
I didn’t end up studying abroad, so I was even more antsy.
I stand up and pace my room and decide I need to just get out of my bedroom.
Maybe I should take another cold shower and blow off these nerves.
If it hadn’t happened so soon after we matched on Flame, then maybe I wouldn’t be taking what happened so personally.
I was still fuming at her for rejecting me and then playing with my feelings like a puppet.
Now, we’ve established this friendship, and I care about her and am upset that she told me some douchebag asshat took advantage of her when she was in college, probably in a sad spiral, drunk, and vulnerable.
Dammit, I’m fuming again. I’m probably miss judging the timeline.
She didn’t mention how much time had passed since we matched on the app.
She wouldn’t have spiraled like that from our little dating app interaction. It was nothing.
I sit on my couch and run my hands through my hair, thinking and searching my memories. Did I take a screenshot? I must’ve if it was Annika. Who would I even have sent it to? Maybe my dad. I guess it’s worth a shot to go through my camera roll. Good thing I don’t delete any photos ever.
It feels like I’m on an endless scroll through my screenshots folder until I find a familiar orange and yellow app background.
The funny thing is, I wasn’t even on it very long, before or after.
I think I downloaded it the day before we matched.
I was just so angry that out of all the women in San Diego, I matched with the girl who broke my heart, so I deleted it the day after.
Okay, so maybe our interaction affected me after all, but I assumed it was one-sided, that she just went on continuing not to care about me.
I reread the chat. It’s hard to absorb. I feel the anger I felt at the time in my messages. I hated San Diego. I wanted to leave so badly. I was incredibly lonely and ached for any sort of human connection.
It’s a Match! Chat with Annika…
Reid
Are you joking?
What are you doing?
Why did you swipe right?
Annika
I wanted to see if you would swipe right.
Which you did.
Reid
Of course I did. I still like you.
You ended things with ME. You said you don’t feel the same way.
Are you saying you were lying to me?
Annika
what? No, I’m sorry.
Reid
Sorry for what, why are you sorry?
Why did you really swipe right?
Annika
I don’t know why…
Reid
Well, figure it out.
- You unmatched Annika -
Damn, I feel attacked by the past me after that last message.
I shouldn’t feel guilty about sending those messages, but a part of me does.
At the time, I didn’t hesitate. I just said what was on my mind, what was brewing inside me.
All the confusion about why she ended things when our dates felt perfect.
I need to shake these feelings off. We are starting fresh, a new friendship, which I love so much.
I love having her as a friend. And Chloe and Tyler.
It’s the best to have this new friend group.
The four of us. The four musketeers, four amigos, the four cool rats.
Is that last one a thing? I think I’ve heard Annika say it before.
Regardless, I need to shake off the past. It seems Anni is trying to do that, too, and I need to respect it.
A cool shower sounds like just what I need, after all.
My apartment is still so hot that I don’t even put my pajamas back on and pass out on my bed.
I have another sex dream with Annika because my brain likes to torture me weekly.
I force myself in the morning to release the tension that was built under my shower head while I mutter to myself that she’s just my friend.