Chapter 7
seven
LIVVY
Grief was such an odd thing. It was never constant, nor did it truly make sense. I hadn’t loved Brick. I perhaps at one point thought I had loved him—could love him. The same way I had loved the idea of who we could be together. Or the fact that my daughter had come from our time together. So I did not know why Brick’s death hit me like this.
Crushing waves of uncertainty and helplessness.
It felt as if somebody carved out part of my soul and would never give it back.
“Can I get you tea? Anything?”
I looked into the hollow gaze of my cousin and best friend, and almost asked her the same thing. She had secrets of her own and wasn’t saying anything. I couldn’t tell what was wrong, or how to fix this.
Then again, I was in similar quicksand.
“I’m okay. Thank you.”
Aria gave me a look, and then glanced down at the tattered up napkin in my hand. I hadn’t even realized I had torn it into so many pieces.
“Okay, perhaps I’m not fine or okay. But I will be. I just know that one day my little girl is going to grow up and I’m going to have to tell her what happened to her dad.”
Amelia was too young to understand now, so I was given the reprieve of not having to explain. Although part of me knew it wasn’t quite a reprieve. As everything hurt so much. I was afraid waiting would just intensify it over time.
“I realize you are upset that Brick is dead because a man is dead. But that’s not why you’re acting like this.”
I blinked at her, utterly confused. “What on earth are you talking about?”
She raised a brow at me. “Where is Ewan, Livvy?”
I froze, not having heard his name since he had left. I still couldn’t quite believe that he had just walked out of the house, never to return. Yes, he had needed to. This wasn’t his home. But he was gone.
And I had forced him out. I didn’t fight for him, nor did I say I wanted him in the slightest. So why would he have stayed?
“I can’t. I can’t talk about him.”
“I know you’re scared. Scared of what could happen to you and Amelia if it doesn’t work out with Ewan. But I saw the way you guys are together. That type of chemistry is one in a million. It doesn’t just happen every day. It might have felt too fast, too intense, but it was something.”
“And he left,” I whispered, my voice cracking.
“Because you needed him to.”
Why did I understand and hate that statement? “It’s another mistake. I thought I could trust Brick. I was wrong.”
“You were young and Brick and Ewan aren’t even in the same stratosphere when comparing the two. You and I both know that.”
“But Ewan’s whole life is up north. He lives on a ranch in Wyoming. Clover Lake is a small town and his family and Jackson’s practically run the place. It’s their place. And I don’t think it’s something meant for a Montgomery.”
“Well, to start with, long distance relationships can work for a little while. It gives you time to sort things out.”
I shook my head. “That wouldn’t be fair to Amelia.”
Aria winced. “I realize you have a support system here, but that family has a private jet.” My cousin rolled her eyes. “Which is insane to me, but I’m off-topic here. It’s not that far. Even driving it’s not that far. Yes, your family is here, but you know damn well I would be up at that ranch to visit you as much as possible. Clover Lake sounds adorable and in need of a Montgomery. I mean, every small town is in need of a Montgomery. You told me he said that he would’ve found a way to stay. And I believe that. But your job is easier to move. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if we build a Montgomery home in Wyoming just to be closer to you and Amelia. You know us, we sort of take over the world.”
I let out a watery laugh and shook my head. “Three days. It’s been three days and I miss him so much. It’s ridiculous. I barely even know him.”
“These weeks have been the most intense, and you do know him. Take it from me, watching the person that you crave and are perfect for walk away tears your soul right out of your body, and there’s no coming back from that. I know it’s not going to be easy. And it’s going to come with obstacles that no one is prepared for, but at least one of us should have a happy ending, right?” She blinked away tears.
“Aria, what’s wrong?”
She shook her head, rubbing her hands over her face. “This is not about me. I realize I circled toward my own problems, but this is about you. If you want Ewan, you should try . Don’t walk away because you’re scared of what happened with Brick. That man doesn’t matter. And I know I’m going to hell for speaking ill of the dead, but he was never here, Livvy. The part of him that mattered in this life of ours died long ago. It’s not fair that life is too short but it’s also not fair that he left you scrambling. Yes, you got Amelia out of the deal, but that’s the only good thing that matters.”
I reached out and squeezed her hand. “I don’t want to confuse her.”
Aria gave me a sad smile. “Take time to talk it out. Figure things out. I know you can.”
“But what if Ewan doesn’t want this?”
“But what if he does?”
“Mommy!” I whirled as Amelia came running toward me and stopped quickly right in front of the couch where Aria and I sat.
“What’s wrong, baby girl?” I asked, searching her face for glimpses of Brick. Only I can’t find anything. She looked so much like a Montgomery, so much just Amelia, that I couldn’t see the man who was half of her genes. But he had been zero part of her life. One day I would have to talk to her. One day she would have to know exactly what happened.
But not today.
“I drew a picture of the flowers Mr. Ewan gave me. But I want to draw a horse. I’m not good at it but he said he would help me. When is he coming back?”
Aria gave me a look, and I ignored her even as my pulse raced. “Mr. Ewan went home, Amelia. He lives far away.”
Amelia’s face fell. “But I love him. He’s growly and smiles. And he tickles me with his beard. And he tucks me in. And he loves me too. Why can’t I see him?” she pouted, and I blinked away tears, wondering how I could’ve made so many mistakes. I had tried to protect Amelia, just like I tried to do the same for my heart. And I had failed utterly in both cases.
I had lost something I hadn’t even realized I had held, and I needed to fix this.
“Mr. Ewan is such a good man, isn’t he?” I asked, my voice soft.
“The best.” Amelia nodded enthusiastically. “I want to see him again. When?”
“I don’t know, baby.”
Tears fell down my daughter’s cheeks, and I pulled her into a hug, my own tears following.
“I want to see Mr. Ewan. Please? Can we visit? Can he come here? I love him.”
I could hear Aria sniffling next to me as I pulled Amelia into my lap and rocked her.
“I’ll fix this, Amelia. I’m going to try, okay?”
“And will he stay here like before? Or can we go there?” Her eyes widened. “We can bring Grandma and Grandpa and see the horses.”
“Do you like the horses or Mr. Ewan?” Aria teased.
Amelia gave us a very serious look. “Both. I love both. But I love Mr. Ewan more.”
And with that, I promptly burst into tears, and my daughter gave me a startled look, her tiny eyebrows shooting up, before trying to wipe them away.
“I will go find him. I promise.” And I’d figure out what the hell I was doing next at some point.
“Good.” She gave me an adorably pompous nod. “Because I miss him.”
I looked at Aria over my daughter’s head and saw the longing there. My cousin was in pain, and I could fix this.
But maybe I could fix what I had done to my own family.
I just had to hope I wasn’t making yet another mistake.
* * *
The flight to Wyoming took longer when I had to fly commercial, and there wasn’t a direct flight to the small town where Ewan’s family resided. I rented a car and doubted myself with every passing mile. Amelia hummed in the back seat and looked so excited and worried at the same time, that I had questioned my decision countless times. My parents had dropped us off at the airport, apprehension and something I couldn’t read etched on their faces. But then my father had practically shoved me out of the SUV when they’d dropped us off.
“I almost made the worst mistake of my life by nearly letting your mother walk away. I know there aren’t any easy answers, but I saw the way he treats you and my granddaughter. I was getting the feeling if you didn’t go there, he’d be back here soon.”
My eyes had widened. “How could you know that?”
“Because he’s a good man.”
So there I was, driving to the McBride ranch, hoping I wasn’t making a mistake.
I should have warned him, should have called, but it would’ve given me distance to the point I wasn’t sure I would be able to make the choices I needed to.
And frankly, I needed to see him.
I tapped in the code to the gate, aware it was odd that I even had it. But he had mentioned it to me in passing, because in that short amount of the time, we had clicked.
And I had almost let it all slip away. I wasn’t going to do it again.
I drove down the road, taking in everything at once. This place was beautiful. The mountains in the distance, the farmland and animals everywhere. I knew that the working part of the ranch was a few miles down at a different entrance, but this gate was just for the land Ewan owned. I had directions to his house, and I had hoped he was there. Maybe he was working. Maybe I was about to drive up to a completely empty house, or one filled with people I didn’t know. Or maybe Ewan had already found someone else. “It hasn’t been that long. Get a grip, Livvy.”
“Are we here? Are we here?”
I looked in the rearview mirror at my daughter, knowing that no matter what happened, she would remember this moment. She might have been too young at the moment but bringing my daughter to the ranch she couldn’t stop talking about had been the only choice.
“We are. We just have to hope he’s home.”
I probably should have called ahead. Surprising Ewan with not only myself, but my four-year-old daughter, was ridiculous. And yet, here I was. With no way to turn around and change my mind. Hence why we were doing it like this. I couldn’t let any more doubt creep in.
I finally pulled in front of a large two-story home that felt as if it was pulled directly from my dreams. A large front porch, and a balcony that looked to be directly from the master bedroom as Ewan had said. Everything looked welcoming, and far too big for a single man.
Once again, I was making impromptu decisions and wondering if I made mistakes. But no, this felt right.
Finally . This felt right.
Before I could even stop the car, the front door opened, and my heart leapt into my throat.
“Mr. Ewan!” Amelia called, kicking her feet in her seat.
He stood there, hands on hips as he stared at me, his face going pale. He had on a flannel shirt buttoned over a white undershirt and those tight jeans I loved so much.
“I want to get out. I want to get out.” I heard Amelia trying to work her way out of her booster and seatbelt, and I finally turned off the car.
“Okay, give me a moment.”
And then Ewan was running down the front steps as I threw myself out of the car.
“You’re here!” He gasped.
I looked up at him, staring into his gorgeous gray eyes. He hadn’t changed at all since I had last seen him. That made sense since it hadn’t been that long. But it felt as if it had been ages.
A lifetime.
“I am.”
He cupped my face, brushing my hair back. “And you brought the kid,” he said, letting out a rough chuckle as if he couldn’t quite believe it. Frankly I couldn’t either.
“Mr. Ewan! I’m here!”
“I see that, Ames.” He stared at me then, shaking his head. “You came.”
I cleared my throat. “We should probably get Amelia out of the backseat before she gnaws through the door.”
Ewan threw his head back and laughed, and then we moved around the car to let Amelia out. She threw herself into his arms, and as he clutched her to his chest, holding the back of her little head with his large hand, my heart squeezed. It felt as if a rope pulled around my chest and soul, tying it up into this moment, this perfection, this love.
“I’ve missed you, Ames,” Ewan whispered as he rocked my daughter back and forth.
I had expected Amelia to start talking a million miles a minute about horses and missing him, but instead her little shoulders were shaking as she sobbed into his neck.
“Don’t go. I missed you.”
Ewan opened his watery eyes and looked over at me. “I’ve got you, Amelia. You’re going to be okay.”
When Ewan shifted to move his other arm, I went to his side, clinging to him. He held Amelia on one hip as he kissed the top of my head, a slightly chaotic laugh abruptly coming from my chest.
“I know I should have called, but that would have given me an excuse not to come.”
“I’m glad you’re here, Livvy.” He looked over at my daughter. “You too, Amelia.”
I let out a shaky breath. “I know we have a lot to talk about, a lot to do with what’s next. But we wanted to see you.”
“And horses.”
Ewan grinned so widely, I fell in love once again in his arms. “We can do that.” He looked into my eyes again, his face serious. “I’d have come back. I was just here trying to figure out how to make it work. Because walking away from you was the hardest thing I have ever done.” He paused. “And the most moronic.”
I gave a rough laugh as I reached out to cup his bearded cheek. “I don’t know what we have in store, or what will happen next, but I’m here.”
“Just let me love you,” he whispered against my lips, and I nodded.
“As long as you teach me how to do it, because I’m so afraid I’ll mess this up. I’m so scared by how much I love you.”
“Well it’s a good thing we have time to figure it out.”
And then he kissed me, and I couldn’t think of much else—even as Amelia clapped beside us in Ewan’s arms.
“I can’t wait to introduce you to my family, because I’m pretty sure they think I made you up.”
I tensed, even though I was excited. “I should warn you that the Montgomerys will be here en masse. Mostly because they can’t stay away.”
Laughter danced in his eyes. “Thankfully we have the acreage. At least I hope so.”
Then he walked us into his home, and we took the next steps into whatever future we carved out for ourselves.
Even if it was too swift, too outrageous, too scary. It was all too real, and exactly what we needed.
* * *
If you’d like to read a bonus scene featuring Livvy and Ewan, you can find it HERE .