Chapter 6
six
EWAN
Though my brothers had given me shit, taking time off for the first time in history was actually good thing. My sister had been the one to practically kick me out of the house, telling me that if I came back without seeing what the hell this meant with Livvy, she would change the locks. Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d changed the locks anyway. Just to be contrary.
My small town of Clover Lake was my home. It was my blood. But Livvy already meant so much more.
And although Livvy probably thought my desire to go back with her to Colorado had been in the heat of the moment, I had been thinking about it ever since the plane ride to Wyoming.
And thought about it again at the rehearsal.
And again at the wedding.
And again when I had been deep inside her.
I had never had that kind of connection with another human being in my life, and it only marginally had to do with sex. No, most of it had everything to do with the woman currently dancing in the kitchen.
I leaned against the doorway and watched as she shook that luscious ass of hers back and forth, making Amelia giggle.
Amelia mimicked the motion, wiggling her butt in jerky motions, and grinned up at her mother.
The two of them were baking cookies, something that Livvy didn’t get to do often, but she had finished her work early, taking the time to dance with her daughter, while I stood back and watched, trying to soak in every moment.
It had been three weeks since I had flown down to Colorado with her, and I didn’t know when I was going home. I knew I needed to soon. My life and my ranch were up north. I was still handling a lot of paperwork and computer work from Livvy’s, and my brothers were grateful for that because that meant they didn’t have to do it.
I missed the land. I wasn’t too edgy to be in the city like this—after all, I could still see the mountains and it wasn’t like we were in high-rises. But I missed my small town. Only I knew I could walk away if I had to. That surprised me. I hadn’t known this family long enough to walk away from my life, but I would. Because I loved that woman in the kitchen. And I loved that little girl staring up at her mom with a bright smile on her face.
I didn’t know when it happened, or how, but I was in love with both of them. I would destroy the earth to protect that little girl. And I had no idea where that urge came from. Part of me always knew I would be a father. It just felt like something I would do. I’d find a woman, get married, have kids. Continue to do what my family had done for generations on our land.
Yet I had never pictured something like this .
I didn’t want anything different.
I didn’t want to get attached. I hadn’t wanted anything like this at all.
And yet there was no way I couldn’t be attached to this family.
Lex and Crew hadn’t said a damn thing about me coming back with Livvy. And that probably should’ve worried me more than anything. Because if they thought this was a done deal, then maybe I was in over my head. Or they thought I would leave and would kick my ass before they had to pick up the pieces I left behind.
And I did not want to hurt the women in front of me.
I wasn’t staying at the house, though part of me wanted to. I was staying at one of the Montgomery rentals nearby and was a little alarmed at the conglomerate the family had started to maintain. But I wasn’t going to look too deeply into it. I had a place to stay that wasn’t underneath the same roof as Amelia. Which made it harder for me to spend as much time with Livvy as I wanted. However it also saved my ass because I was pretty sure Livvy’s father and uncles would have a few words to say if I had moved in.
I swallowed hard at the notion. No, not moving in. I was figuring shit out. I wasn’t going to overthink things or go too quickly.
Even though I was doing exactly that in both cases.
“Ewan!” Amelia ran to me and jumped. I held out my arms and caught her in midair, surprised at how much trust she put in that action. Livvy didn’t look too shocked at that, so maybe Amelia jumped into all of her family’s arms. But it warmed me deep inside that Amelia would trust me that way.
I put her on my hip and tapped her nose with my finger.
“Hello, Amelia. Are you making cookies?”
“I like cookie dough.”
I wiped cookie dough off her cheek and nodded. “I can see that. Cookie dough is my favorite too.” I leaned forward and whispered loudly, “Don’t tell your mom, but I think I might like dough more than cookies.”
“I won’t tell.” Amelia grinned at me, and my heart caught.
Livvy rolled her eyes. “You two are a menace. However, we are having fun with these cookies. These are thumbprints.”
My stomach rumbled. “My mom makes those with the jam from some of the fruit she has on the ranch. I’m very spoiled.”
“Yes, you are. And I did make the strawberry jam. The strawberries I bought from the local store.” She winked as she said it, and I leaned down and brushed my lips against hers.
Amelia clapped and kissed my cheek, and Livvy just grinned.
Kissing in front of Amelia was a relatively new thing. But again, everything about this situation was new. But we didn’t know how much longer I would be able to stay, and we had been very good about not talking about that. Meaning hiding everything from Amelia just couldn’t happen.
I just hoped I didn’t hurt either of them in the end.
“You make your own jam?” I asked, pushing away worries and doubts because I needed to live in the moment.
Livvy studied my face, as if she had heard my thoughts. “Not always, but I was feeling a little energetic.”
I raised a brow at her, knowing exactly why she felt energetic, and she rolled her eyes at me.
“Well, do you need a taste tester? I feel like you need a taste tester.”
“I want to taste! I want to taste!” Amelia said as she clapped her hands against my cheeks. I winced ever so slightly because I had no idea why her hands were so sticky. I knew the running joke between my friends with children that they always had jam hands, but I hadn’t truly lived it until this moment.
“Okay, let’s get you both washed up,” Livvy said with a laugh. I carried Amelia to the sink, and we washed her hands, her face, and then my face.
“I like your beard,” Amelia said as she patted at my face.
“I wonder what you look like with the beard,” I said softly.
Amelia’s eyes widened and she put her hands on her cheeks. “Oh no. No beard for me.”
“You never know, one day you just end up with car tweezers though.” I looked over at Livvy, who shrugged. “There’s always a hidden chin hair. And you can only see it in the light through your car windshield.”
“These are things I do not know.”
“I guess you’re learning everything.”
My heart lurched again, wanting to know everything but not sure when the end would come.
As we finished up the cookies, and started on dinner, I couldn’t help but relish in the domesticity of it. Amelia always had family around her, and Livvy was supported. Yes, her job meant that she could work anywhere, but her family was here. She was happy here.
I could leave Wyoming. Maybe fly back often to help out when needed during high seasons, but I could find something to do here.
I had fallen in love with this family, and it meant I would do anything to figure out a way to make it work.
By the end of the evening we found ourselves sitting on Livvy’s porch, rocking on the wooden bench one of her uncles had made. Amelia sat between us, talking a million miles a minute about one of her cousins.
I wrapped my arm behind Livvy’s shoulders and played with her hair as the sun began to set, and things just felt right.
Tonight . Tonight I would tell Livvy I loved her. And that I would do all I could to make sure I did not fuck things up for her family. I didn’t have any answers, other than I needed to find those answers.
A car pulled into the driveway, and Livvy frowned.
“Who is it, Mommy?” Amelia asked, leaning forward.
Unease settled over me as Livvy stood up and walked toward the man getting out of the truck.
I recognized him as one of the Montgomerys, but I didn’t remember which. Amelia tried to wiggle off the seat, so I stood up and took her with me. For some reason, everything felt off about this, so I put Amelia on my hip again, and lifted my chin at the other man.
“Hey. I’m Noah. I don’t know if you remember me.”
Another car pulled in beside Noah, and fear coated my tongue. Shep and Shea Montgomery got out of their SUV, and ice filled my veins. If everybody was coming here unannounced, something was wrong.
“Grandma! Grandpa!” Amelia wiggled down my body, oblivious to the tension, and ran toward her grandparents.
Shep lifted his granddaughter up and nodded at me.
“Hey Amelia, darling, let’s go inside. I really want some lemonade. Do you have any?”
“I do. I do.”
Shea leaned forward to kiss her granddaughter’s cheek before squeezing Livvy’s hand. “We’ll be right inside.”
There was something wrong, something they needed to protect Amelia from, and I wanted everybody to leave. Whatever perfect moment we had been enjoying was shattered, and there was no going back. I did not want to know what Noah had to say. Only I knew I wasn’t going to have a choice.
“What is it, Noah? Who’s hurt?”
Noah gave me a look before moving forward and holding Livvy’s hands.
“The family is safe. We’re all okay and I need you to breathe.” He swallowed hard. “I found Brick, Livvy.”
I moved toward Livvy in an instant, putting my hand on her shoulder for comfort.
“Why are you saying it like that? Does he want Amelia? Oh my God. Should you get a lawyer? Will his family be doing the same?”
Noah’s face went gray, and I knew that it wasn’t anything like her vivid nightmares. But somehow it was worse.
“Brick died six months ago, Livvy. Car accident. He didn’t have ID on him at the time, so he was a John Doe for a long while. I don’t have all the information yet, but I’ll get it. But Brick is gone, Livvy. I’m sorry.”
Livvy stiffened under my hand, and I squeezed her shoulder. I didn’t say anything, there wasn’t much to say. I knew that Livvy did not love Brick. She had never loved him. But he was still her daughter’s father. And she had cared for him at one point.
“Thank you for telling me,” Livvy said, her voice wavering. I met Noah’s gaze, his worry matching mine.
“Do you want to go inside? We can talk.”
Livvy shook her head. “No. It’s good there was some resolution. I don’t know. I should go and make sure Amelia is doing well. Thank you, Noah.”
And then she turned on her heel, and walked away, leaving me behind with Noah.
“I’m sorry, Ewan. I don’t know what to do. She’s always been the one who closes herself off the most from us. She’s going to break soon, and I don’t know how to fix that. That means I’m going to be the asshole who leaves this on your shoulders.”
“I’ve got big shoulders. I’ll be here.” It was a promise I hoped I could keep. Because from the way Livvy had looked at me in that instant, I didn’t know if she wanted me to be there for her. And that thought scared me more than anything.
Noah studied my face before giving me a tight nod. “I believe you. I’m glad she has you.”
Did she? It wasn’t feeling like it at the moment.
“I guess I should go inside. Hell, I don’t know what to say.”
“I don’t think she’s going to want to see me. At least for a little bit. I’ve been trying to find the man for years. Turns out I was too late.”
Before I could say anything in response, Noah hopped in his truck and left, leaving me standing there with my hands in my pockets, wondering what the hell I was supposed to say.
I stood there in the sunset, knowing I couldn’t do nothing for much longer. As I made my way inside, both of the older Montgomerys gave me a worried looks but didn’t say anything.
I watched as Livvy went through the nighttime routine, without saying a word to her parents or me, and pretended everything was okay. Even though it clearly wasn’t.
And when Shep and Shea left, both giving me pleading glances, I stood in the doorway as Livvy tucked in her daughter.
“Will you tuck me in, Mr. Ewan?” she asked, her voice so small, so sweet.
Livvy stiffened, her jaw tightening, and I knew I should probably say no. To not tie myself anymore to this family, but I couldn’t say no to that little girl.
I moved forward to finish tucking in Amelia, and then kissed the top of her head.
“Good night, Amelia. Sleep well, lovebug.”
“I love you, Mr. Ewan.”
It was like a kick to the gut, and I felt more than saw Livvy go straight next to me.
But I couldn’t break this little girl’s heart. So I brushed her hair from her face and smiled down. “I love you too, Amelia,” I whispered. Then I swallowed hard and took a step back, leaving her and Livvy alone.
I found myself in the kitchen again, wondering if I could pour myself a drink. I had no idea what I was doing. I couldn’t help. Not when I knew Livvy needed to have a hard conversation with her daughter, and I would just be in the way. Because every time I looked at Livvy, she was pulling away. Any control or ideas I had were slipping through my fingers like sand.
Livvy came out a few moments later, and I turned to see her staring at me, her eyes slightly vacant.
I moved forward then, knowing if I didn’t hold her, I would never be able to again. So I cupped her face, and she leaned into my palm.
“I’m so damn sorry, Livvy.”
“I don’t know how to tell her. I need to. One day. Not now, but one day. It’s going to confuse her.” She paused and stared into my eyes. And in that moment, I knew I needed to be the stronger person. Because if I pushed right now, she would break. And if I pushed, I would hurt Amelia. Livvy gave me a watery smile. “I don’t want to be the person that falls into mistakes because I’m scared. Because I’m reaching out. I don’t know what to do, Ewan. But I can’t hurt her.”
It was like another kick, a slice. But the sad part was I understood. We had only been in each other’s lives for less than a month. And that little girl already told me she loved me. And now her world was going to shatter when she heard about her daddy. And I wasn’t part of that. Even if I had rushed far too quickly into feelings I’d never had before.
“I should go,” I said into the silence, my voice just as hollow as hers.
Because I didn’t want to be her mistake.
Livvy didn’t correct me. Didn’t beg me to stay. “I’ve already hurt her once. I’m afraid if I take a chance on something that we have no answers for, I’ll hurt her even more.”
“That might be true. You could. But you’re also afraid for yourself.” She winced, and I cursed myself for saying the words. But they needed to be out there. “So I’ll go. But just know, if you’d have asked me, I’d have found a way to stay.” And I leaned forward, brushing my lips against hers, a goodbye so bitter it coated my tongue.
And then I walked away, leaving the family I loved behind me.
Because Livvy wasn’t ready for me to fight for her. But when she was, I’d have to find a way to be there. Even if there was nothing left of me.