Chapter 10 Sebastian
Chapter ten
Sebastian
Ifeel fragile as I sit in Daddy's lap.
It's not a feeling I'm used to. At least not in the presence of other people. But this is not just someone else. This is Daddy.
The voices in my head grow louder and louder.
Bad Sebastian. Bad.
I know… I know I'm bad. But I can't stop it. I can't change who I am.
I wonder what it would be like to live as someone else. Someone who just isn't me. Someone good and deserving and pure. All things that I'm not.
Maybe in another life, I would get the chance to experience it.
Maybe in another life.
At least in this one, I have Daddy. Daddy is all I need. He makes it all better just by holding me. Tonight I can't speak, but Daddy is still giving me everything I need. He's special like this.
I settle more comfortably on his lap, fully aware that I'm closer to his cock than I've ever been, but this moment isn't sexual. It's something different. Something sacred. Just my Daddy holding his boy. Even if he still doesn't know I'm his boy.
Closing my eyes, I make sure to hold on tightly. I don't want him to leave me while I'm sleeping. I'll spiral if I wake up alone.
"Daddy," I whisper as I start to drift off.
I hear his breath hitch, but the last thing that registers is his whispered words, "I'm here."
That's all that I need.
***
One thing about me? I can be asleep one second and fully awake in the next. It's a skill I acquired under unfortunate circumstances, but today I'm grateful for it.
I wake up sprawled over my Daddy. At some point during the night, we must have shifted, because instead of sitting, we're lying together on the couch. I close my eyes and sigh contentedly, listening to his steady heartbeat. My head rests on his chest, and I'm mesmerized by the rhythm.
His arms are wrapped around me, our bodies aligned like we were made for each other.
I want to wake up every day like this.
In Daddy's arms.
I must have made a sound, because I feel Daddy stir beneath me. Lifting my head, I look up just as he blinks awake. Damn, he's beautiful. His black hair is tousled, his gaze still unfocused, but his eyes… those eyes are breathtaking.
"Good morning, Daddy," I whisper.
On the outside, I'm a good boy. On the inside, I'm giggling, jumping, screaming. I'm so happy. Nothing could erase the smile from my face.
"Good morning," he murmurs, voice low.
I expected panic, but I didn't expect it so fast. His eyes widen, his hand falls to the side, and that's when I realize that we're both hard. Our cocks are aligned, pressed against each other. I want to thrust forward, claim his lips, make him come undone. But I know it's too soon.
So I decide to play the innocent boy that I most definitely am not.
I rise slowly, deliberately brushing against his cock on my way up. Fascinated, I watch him bite his lower lip, his eyes flaring. I wonder how he'll look at me when I'm on my knees, sucking him off.
"Do you have something we can eat for breakfast?" I ask casually as I sit beside him.
"Um, sure, yeah. Just give me a moment. I need to use the bathroom."
He hightails out of the room like a murderer is chasing him. He doesn't need to worry about a murderer. I would never allow one to come close to my Daddy. Well, beside me, of course.
I decide to look around. Daddy won't mind. This will be my apartment soon anyway.
Hmm. I'll need to make some big changes to the place. It's very… bare and boring. The colors are mostly muted. Black, gray, blue. There's no photos on the shelves, no souvenirs, no little cute stuff. Nothing.
Not even one toy I can play with.
Even the pillows are a boring blue. Not even a beautiful blue.
Since there's nothing interesting here, I head into the kitchen and check the fridge. I see fruits and yogurt, so I busy myself preparing a bowl for each of us. I also switched on the coffee maker. Daddy will want a cup, and I may have one too.
Poor Daddy. He's probably panicking in the bathroom since he's taking his time. I'll make it better.
By the time he comes back, the coffee and bowls are ready. His eyes widen slightly when he sees the table.
"You didn't have to do this," he says.
"I wanted to. I know yogurt with fruit is your favorite breakfast."
"You… how?" He looks puzzled, but quickly shakes his head. "Never mind. Thank you."
Aziel believed my Daddy's favorite breakfast was pancakes. It was not. He only said that because Aziel loved eating them.
Daddy sits across from me, and we eat in silence. I don't mind. I like everything as long as we're together.
When we finish, Daddy carries our bowls to the sink and washes them before returning to sip his coffee.
"So…" he trails off.
"Soooo?" I ask.
"How are you feeling today?"
I take a moment, checking in with myself. The hollowness from yesterday is gone. The dark thoughts linger somewhere in the back of my mind, but that's always the case. At least they're not up front. I'm with my Daddy. We slept together and we shared breakfast.
"I'm perfectly good," I say sincerely.
He studies me, unsure whether I'm telling the truth.
"You know you can talk with me about anything, right?"
I can't. Not really. So I only nod, not wanting to lie outright to his face.
"What happened yesterday?" he asks.
I pause. Do I tell the truth, half the truth, or a lie? I'll go for half the truth. I want Daddy to know me. The real me, or at least a part of it.
"Sometimes, I have moments like this." I take my time sorting through my thoughts, and Daddy waits patiently. "Nights or days when things go a bit dark up here." I tap my temple.
His brows furrow with concern. He searches my eyes like he'll see inside my brain if he tries hard enough.
"Do you want to share a bit about it?"
I shake my head. "No. Not really."
After a moment, he nods, "Okay. But I want you to know I'm here for you if you need me."
I grin and blurt, "You're a good Daddy. Does this mean you'll let me crash on your couch any time I need it?" I wanted to say crash on you, but I held back.
He bites his lip, unsure for a bit, but then nods. "Yeah. If that's what you need."
Dear Daddy, you have no idea what you just did.
This permission is all I needed.
I'll be a good boy and do what you said.