Chapter 20 Hazel #3
“But you inject life into the ordinary. That takes a special person. Traveling and money can make anyone seem interesting. But you actually are.”
We sat in the silence for a few moments as I let his words wash over me.
“Forget those so-called friends,” he said, finally turning in his seat and putting the car into reverse. “Real friends don’t make you question whether you’re enough.”
He pulled away, the lights of the small city blurring as I gazed out the windshield.
“Thank you,” I said.
“Of course.”
“Not just for coming to get me, and for the pep talk. For everything. For helping me when you didn’t have to. For letting me stay at your place…for being a friend.”
I spoke the last word cautiously, hoping I didn’t cross some hypothetical boundary.
Reid smiled. “I got you.”
The simple sentiment branded itself right onto my heart.
To lighten the mood, I turned the radio up as a throwback song came on. I sang along, loudly and badly, using it as some sort of cathartic release. Reid drove, not singing, but also not dropping his smile. A few miles away from his house, something caught my attention.
“Oh, can you stop here?” I pointed to the twenty-four-hour gas station.
“We have snacks at home.” Again, with the “we” and the “home.” If this man didn’t stop it right now, I’d end up falling in love with him.
Despite his disapproving words, Reid pulled into the empty parking lot without a fight.
“I’ll be right back, you can stay in the car.”
But he was already turning off the engine and climbing out.
“You don’t have to come in,” I said again, walking up to the brightly lit entrance and pushing the door open.
Reid rolled his eyes and grabbed the door, holding it while I stepped through and started browsing the aisles. “As if I would let you go into a gas station by yourself at midnight.”
“My protector,” I teased.
“Well, you clearly need one.”
No snack called my name. Instead, I snagged a cup off the back wall and examined the slushy flavors before pouring myself a lemon-lime one.
“Really?”
“Are you telling me you don’t like slushies?” I asked, licking the top of my lid where some had started to overflow.
“I did when I was ten.”
“You’re missing out.”
“It’s, like, thirty degrees outside.”
“Good thing your car has a heater.”
We meandered to the front of the store where one man lingered, paying for cigarettes. He patted his pockets and slid over one dollar at a time. After finally coming up with exact change, he stepped away and we moved to the front.
“Just this?” The young woman behind the glass divider asked, pointing to my drink.
“And a daily double,” I said, scanning the selection of tickets behind her.
I could feel Reid’s eyes on me, but I ignored him. When I tried to pull out my wallet to pay, Reid was too quick, already sliding a few bills across the counter.
Once we were back in his car, engine on, he let out a sigh. “Hazel, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the odds of you winning the lottery twice are incomprehensible.”
“Actually, the odds are the same as when I won the first time. I think that means I have an even better chance. I mean, who wins the lottery, right?” I smiled up at him, opening his center console to search for a quarter or something to reveal the ticket.
He laughed. “I can promise you, it doesn’t work like that.”
“This sucker right here is my best shot at the so-called American Dream.”
He squinted and watched me as I scratched it off.
“Damn, not this time.” I surveyed the losing numbers before giving a silent nod to Gran, wherever she was in the universe.
“I could have told you that before you even bought the ticket,” he said, pulling the car into reverse and driving us back to his house.
We rode in silence for a bit, just the sound of the radio softly playing in the background. When we pulled into his driveway, I guzzled the last of my slushie.
“I’m freezing,” I said, teeth chattering.
“You’re ridiculous.”
We spilled into his door, and I gratefully peeled off my heeled boots and coat. I’d never been more ready to get into PJs and get into bed.
“It’s a waste of money, you know?” When I turned to look at Reid, he was standing there, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked pained, like he didn’t want to say whatever it was he was about to say next.
“Look, I know it’s none of my business, but gambling—playing the lottery—I know you won once, but it’s still a hell of a way to burn through money. I-I just hope you’re being careful.”
My cheeks burned, either from embarrassment or because I was secretly pleased he cared enough to bring it up.
“I don’t play that often,” I said.
“Pulling over at midnight just to buy a ticket—”
“It was a thing with my grandma,” I said, before he could lecture me further. “You’ll probably think it’s silly, but any time one of us had a hard day, we’d buy a lottery ticket. She always said it was the best time to try, because our luck was bound to take a turn.”
Reid jerked his eyes up from the floor to study me.
“Oh,” he finally said.
“The ticket I won with? I bought it the day of her funeral.”
His eyebrows drew together. “Shit, Hazel. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be talking to you like you’re an irresponsible kid or something.”
I laughed, moving into his house and plopping myself down on his couch. “I mean, I am kind of irresponsible. Struggled with it my whole life.”
“Seems like you had to do a lot on your own,” he said. Instead of sitting at the end of the couch, he sat down half on my cushion, our knees bumping.
“Not really. Gran was always there for me.”
“Parents,” he said carefully. “Friends. Those are important life pillars too.”
I pursed my lips, thinking about it. “There was always a hole. A small one,” I admitted softly.
“It’s okay to say that.” Reid took my hands in his as I squeezed my eyes shut.
“Gran did everything for me. I owe her everything. She raised me when she didn’t have to. She made all of these happy moments in my childhood when there shouldn’t have been any.”
“It’s not being ungrateful to admit you missed out on things,” he whispered.
“So many people have less.”
“And so many people have more.” He tilted his head down, dragging my gaze back to his. “That doesn’t mean you have to suppress how you feel.”
Another tear escaped the corner of my eye and I laughed, taking one of my hands from his and wiping it away.
“Stop making me get all sentimental.”
Reid’s face remained stoic. “I worry about you.”
That snagged on my heart. Here I was, rapidly forming a kind of huge crush on the guy, and he worried about me? I mean, sweet in theory, but it wasn’t exactly what a girl wanted to hear.
“You don’t have to worry about me.”
“Don’t I?”
We stayed quiet for a moment, searching for something in the silence between us. Suddenly, every part of my body came alive. I was hyper aware of every microscopic skin cell in the hand still entwined with Reid’s.
“I’ve always been alright,” I whispered.
“What if I want you to be more than alright?”
“What does that even mean?”
“Exactly,” he said. “You shouldn’t have to wonder what ‘more than alright’ means. You should just know. You should be living it every day.”
“You know what’s funny?” I asked.
“What?”
“My grandma passing, this whole catnapping nightmare, I should be the worst I’ve ever been. In a lot of ways, I’m not doing great.” He frowned, but I continued. “But anytime I’m with you, or even just knowing you’re around…makes me feel…more than alright.”
He sucked in a breath and continued to stare at me.
“I love being around you, Hazel. I’m not like you, I’m hardly ever lonely. In fact, I’ve always wanted more time alone. Between my overbearing family, a nosy best friend, and an ex-wife who hated my hobbies, I’ve hardly had any room to breathe.”
“So much love you could drown in it,” I joked softly.
“Exactly,” he said. “And yet…yet you being in my space feels so fucking right. It kind of freaks me out, if I’m being honest. I want to help you solve your problems more than anything, but a little part of me isn’t looking forward to it. Because that means you’ll be gone.”
My heart was now full-on pounding out of my chest.
“No more kitchen disasters,” I said. “And you’ll be able to take down my hideous paintings.”
“Those hideous paintings aren’t going anywhere. I might bolt them to the wall.”
I laughed, shaking my head. I caught myself leaning in subconsciously.
His stare completely trapped me. I couldn’t look away if I wanted to.
Was I losing it? Was he getting closer? Did he want to kiss me?
Before I could wonder anymore, I didn’t have to.
Because Reid leaned in and closed the distance between us.
Soft. Careful. Gentle. Exactly what I’d expect from a kiss with Reid.
Except it was also somehow so much better.
He wrapped his free hand around my neck, brushing my jaw with his thumb as his lips pressed against mine, exploring. My hands fell to his waist, clutching the soft fabric of his t-shirt.
Ugh, he smelled good.
Was I seriously making out with Reid right now? On his couch? This is absolutely not where I’d thought the night would lead me.
I never thought I’d share the most vulnerable parts of me and have him willingly dive in for more.
A low rumble came from his throat as he pressed into me, our chests now touching.
Heat pooled in my stomach. I wanted this, I wanted him.
Without thinking, I moved my legs, which had been curled up underneath me, and shifted them onto his lap, setting one on either side of him.
I nearly gasped as his hard length pressed into me through our layers of clothes.
He wanted me. Actually wanted me. I mean, I thought the kiss and the way he was gripping the sides of my face to hold me in place were good indicators, but I could still hardly believe my luck.
I rocked into him, a nearly inaudible moan passing between our mouths.
“Hazel,” he whispered against my lips, before letting his tongue slip past my defenses. Damn. Reid could really kiss. I mean really kiss. I could do this for hours.
My back arched and my hips pressed against him, but almost as soon as it started, he broke away from me.
“Is something wrong?” My words were shaky. I started to climb off him, but his grip tightened ever so slightly, silently asking me not to move yet.
“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to jump all over you like that,” he said, adjusting his glasses, which had been pushed up.
I shot him a shy smile. “I didn’t exactly mind.”
He let out a breath of a laugh and shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut before opening them again. “No, I know that. I just…you were just being so vulnerable, I wanted to be there for you. Not take advantage of the situation.”
“You didn’t,” I insisted.
His arms wrapped around me, and he pulled me in for the most all-encompassing hug I’d had in ages.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered into my ear. “I don’t want to scare you off.”
“You aren’t.” He was doing the exact opposite of scaring me off, but I didn’t say that.
“You had a hard night. I don’t want to take advantage of anything.”
My eyebrows drew together. “You aren’t, Reid.” This was probably the part where I was supposed to tell him I’d been thinking about kissing him for a lot longer than just this evening, but I decided to refrain.
What if this was his excuse to let me down gently? It sure as hell didn’t feel that way, but my self-preservation mode kicked in all the same. If he wanted to kiss me, he would, right? Wasn’t that, like, basic human instinct?
“You should probably get to bed,” he said, giving me a final squeeze before I scrambled off of him and we both stood up.
“I have a few clients early in the morning,” I offered pathetically, wanting to seem like going to bed was just as much my idea as it was his.
We stood, idling awkwardly near each other.
“Um, well. Goodnight,” I said at the same time as he leaned in.
He pulled me in for another quick hug.
I let him hold on for a second longer, trying not to get lost in how good his arms felt around me.