Chapter 27 Rafael #4
I blinked a few times and looked up at Cesare's face. His eyes were glassed over, but it didn't lessen the intensity in them. I worked the rest of his clothes off and tossed them to the side.
The only answer I wanted to give was simple. I'm yours.
Instead, I twisted around, giving myself a second before stripping out of my own clothes. "You want to know who I am?" I asked.
Cesare stared up at the ceiling. "You're a mystery."
I was shocked he hadn't looked more into me by now. I climbed into the bed next to him, and as if he'd been waiting, he spread his arms out. I moved in close, but instead of laying down, I sat up with my legs crossed.
Lying would be the smart option. But I couldn't stomach another wall between us. There were already so many.
"Sure, uh, where should I start? I was born to a sixteen-year-old in Suriname Brazil.
She raised me by herself with my father only visiting occasionally until I was about five.
He stopped coming around. I personally think she got too old for him but whatever.
I lived there happily until I was about ten. "
Cesare was silent, and I was glad he didn't rush me even as the urge to spill everything to him clawed at the back of my throat.
"Uh, my mom died, and well, she was the black sheep of her family.
None of my aunts wanted me, and my grandmother sure as shit didn't like me.
The only other place I could go was to my father.
He was more than happy to take me in once he heard about the insurance payout he'd get and the monthly stipend he'd get for taking care of me.
" I twisted my fingers together. I hadn't told anyone my life story.
Shit, most people didn't really care about it.
It was always easier to let people come up with their own beliefs when it came to my background.
"Moved in with him and his established family.
Met his wife. She hated me on principle alone, and I couldn't blame her.
She was forced to take in her husband's bastard.
The real kicker was meeting my sister. Didn't know I had one prior to moving in.
Her pictures were all over the place, like she was their pride and joy.
We're twenty-four years apart so I wasn't shocked when I finally met her, and she was a bitch.
" I let out a breath and glanced up at Cesare.
His glassy eyes were unfocused, but something told me he was listening.
"I lived with them semi-peacefully for a few years till I was about fifteen or sixteen-ish.” If anyone could count being completely neglected and ignored as peaceful. “They weren't too happy that I turned out to be gay."
"What does that matter?" Cesare asked, finally speaking up.
I lowered my head, hiding away the smile and the stupid tear that threatened to break free. I wasn't even sad and yet the emotion choking me couldn't be thought of anything else but that.
"Yeah, well, not everyone accepts their kids like you do. Although you're fighting with yours."
"They need to learn that I'm always at the top."
I shook my head, knowing damn well that argument wasn't worth it. "Well, one time, my father thought the perfect lesson for me was to get my ass kicked by a bunch of grown men. Guess he was hoping I’d change my ways. See the light and turn into a pussy-loving, bible-hugging straight man.” A bitter laugh tumbled free.
“They called me all kinds of slurs as they beat the shit out of me.
Even threatened to rape me. As if that were the way to turn me straight.
" I shrugged, hating and loving the memory because it was when I met him.
"Why are you smiling?" Cesare asked, pushing up on his elbows. His brows dipped, along with his mouth. “Did they touch you?” His anger rolled off him in waves. I shoved him back down, pushing my fingers through his hair and massaging his scalp.
Even now, years later, he was trying to protect me. How could I not love him? His anger for me now and back then sent tendrils of heat through my body.
I love you.
"Because I met the love of my life that day.
Here I am, some scraggly sixteen-year-old getting the shit kicked out of him by five grown men.
I hadn't even hit my growth spurt yet. And I was nothing more than a damn twig.
This guy just so happened to be strolling around the neighborhood, saying something about his wife getting on his nerves, and he intervened.
" He'd appeared when I'd been ready to give up and just ask for one of them to kill me, because the pain had been too severe.
I stared at Cesare, and laid down with him, wanting nothing more than to be closer to him.
"He didn't just tell them to stop, in fact, I don't think he said anything before he started fighting them.
Five against one and the guy wasn't fazed in the slightest."
"Sounds like you have a crush."
I paused. Was that jealousy in his tone? He was jealous of himself. I wanted to laugh but kept it at bay.
"Well, yeah. While he was breaking their bones and making them cry for hurting me, I fell in love."
Cesae pulled away, his movements jerky, and I followed him, really trying my best not to laugh. "Hey, I'm still talking."
"How much longer are we going to stay on this guy? I'm supposed to be hearing about you."
I leaned forward and kissed him. "You know, you're a lot more honest when you're drunk. Are you jealous, Cesare?"
"Shut up." He pulled me back in, deepening the kiss until my toes curled. Our tongue twisted together, and I gave in to him, letting him have his way with my mouth.
I love you.
We pulled apart, and I wanted nothing more than to dive back in.
"He covered me up and took me to a hospital. Where most people would leave and go about their day, he stayed close. Watched over me for an entire day.” Warmth blossomed in the middle of my chest, and I clung to it.
“I gave a fake-ass name to the hospital, and I knew the guy knew but he backed me up. Made them care for me regardless and even paid.”
Cesare grunted, and again, I was forced to hide my smile.
“The last thing I needed was my dad coming around or getting his friends to try again. We spent two days together in the hospital before he had to go. He made me promise to take some fighting classes.” I licked my lips.
“He said if I was going to be so loud then I needed to have the fists to back it up.”
“Do you?” Cesare asked.
“Know how to fight?” I nodded. I’d taken his words back then to heart. “Yeah, I took boxing and MMA training until last year. Working at Silver Dreams became a full-time job.” Really, it was trying to catch Cesare’s gaze, but he didn’t need to know that for now.
“Good, I'll have to see what you’re made of.”
Fight and then fuck? Yes, sign me up.
I cleared my throat, tracing a pattern on Cesare’s torso.
“When I finally got released from the hospital, I made my way home. Although, I got kicked out often. I wasn’t welcome unless I had money, which should have been reason enough to stay away, but when you got nowhere else to go you always end up going back. ”
His fingers glided over my scalp, and the simple touch did more than any drug could. My body relaxed and a heavy sigh slipped from between my lips. “Once back, I planned on looking for the guy. I found him and got the worst news possible."
"We’re still on this guy? How old was this guy, anyway?"
I tilted my head, thinking about it. "He had to be in his forties, probably forty-four."
"Fuck, that's way too old for you. He better not have touched you."
I shook my head. "No, I doubted I looked sexy with a broken nose, swollen eye, and lips. My shoulder dislocated and my ribs bruised. Not my best look. Plus when I got back home, I found out he was married or re-marrying my sister. They were complicated."
"Damn." He turned his head to stare into my eyes. "What is this, a telenovela?"
I wanted desperately to point out that he was never so talkative.
Maybe I should make sure we had tequila every once in a while.
I shrugged. "Didn't stop me from falling for him still.
I found out everything I could about him.
" And then I went out and got him. "Ended up moving to America with my sister's help. "
"You're better off not falling for someone so much older than you…” There was a long pause before Cesare went still under me. “How much younger are you than me?"
I laughed, bent over, grasping at my sides, unable to stop myself. "Is that important to you now? You've had your dick buried down to my esophagus."
Cesare grunted and wiped a hand over his face. "I'm getting too old for this."
"Not with how you fuck." I leaned over him, my hair falling down around us, pitching us into darkness.
I tossed a leg over him and laid back down on top of him. I needed to be as close as possible. Remembering everything reminded me that I was finally here. I was finally in his arms.
Cesare was silent for a long while, and I was certain the alcohol had finally won out.
His breathing was even, and I laid my head down on his chest, closing my eyes to focus on the steady rhythm of his heart.
His arms banded around me, his mumbled words giving me pause. "What?" I lifted my head off his chest.
"He can't have you," Cesare groaned.
My heart did what it always did around him; it tripped over itself as it began to race. My stomach flipped and every brain cell stopped working.
"Why?" My voice was barely over a whisper, and a part of me assumed Cesare wouldn't hear me.
"You're mine."