Chapter 28 Cesare
My head felt like I’d smashed it against a drum and then the drum had gotten up and kicked my ass. Why the hell I’d drank like that with Rafael, I would never understand, but damn, I was regretting it. I was too old for this shit.
I called Ellie first.
“How’s the kitten?”
“Oh, he’s great!” she said. “Really sweet. Does he have a name? I’ve just been calling him kitty.”
I grunted and then cleared my throat. “No,” I said.
Why the hell would I name it? Eventually, I would find a home for the thing.
I couldn’t keep something that required me to keep it alive.
I’d raised my sons and look how they turned out.
Besides, if something was alive, it eventually left.
Getting attached to something, someone, it was a losing game.
Better to find him a happy little family with a bunch of screaming kids and let it live the good life.
“Oh, okay,” Ellie said. “Well, he’s doing great. I’ll send you some updated pictures today too.”
I stilled as I stirred sugar into my coffee, and then poured more in. When it tasted more like syrup than coffee, I sipped it. I didn’t indulge in my sweet tooth often. It made a man weak, but on vacation, it only felt right.
“Thanks.”
I hung up and quickly scrolled through my phone. Before I could make a call, Rocky was ringing me. I pushed accept.
“Mornin’, boss,” he said cheerfully, screaming in the background.
“Rocky, what the fuck? Is the world ending over there?”
“Huh? Oh no. My daughter is home and brought the grandkids. She’s got six of them, and they never actually stop screaming.
” He laughed. “Hey, get your feet off the couch or your grandmother is going to spank all of us, and I do mean me too!” His voice came closer to the phone.
“But for her, I might be into it,” he mused.
“Rocky,” I snapped, trying not to laugh.
He cracked up. “Sorry, sorry. It’s chaotic over here, you gotta roll with it.”
For a moment, my chest tightened. My boys had kids now. Families. All of them were fruiter than a smoothie now apparently, but they seemed… happy. I hadn’t even met the kids yet. It wasn’t as if they were exactly running to invite me over.
“Cesare?” Rocky called. “Hey, why don’t you just talk to them?”
A strange sensation shot up my spine. I clutched the mug a little too hard and drank down the coffee. When it was half gone, I found the lump in my throat was gone, and I could talk again.
“You ever figure out who was shooting at me?”
“Some low-level thugs,” Rocky said reluctantly as if he didn’t want to change the subject. “They didn’t want to talk, most of them didn’t get a chance. Between me and your cousins, we kinda got a little trigger happy.”
“But they’re gone?”
“Yep, all cleaned up,” he said.
I sighed. “Good, that means I can come home soon. I need to get back to work.”
“Yeah, about that,” Rocky cut in. “I’ve been doing some digging, Cesare. Something’s up.”
“What do you mean?”
“Those little thugs? One of them was saying something about Benito, but… not like he knew him. Almost like someone was feeding him information about him. I don’t know.
I’ve done this shit a long time. I can tell the difference between these things.
I’m just not so sure that we don’t have a problem. ”
“A rat,” I said.
“Yeah. Someone, somewhere, is talking too fucking much. I got that itch again. I can feel it.”
My coffee mug hit the counter a little too hard. “Fuck. Just what I need.”
“I know,” he said.
“Can you handle this?”
“I’m gonna try my best, but we might need you back home soon. But take the day or the next, enjoy yourself. For a moment, the world can wait. Be with your… pretty little thing.”
I worked my jaw. “Hey, watch it.”
“Did I say anythin’ bad?” he asked, his accent thickening. “No. I even called him pretty. Don’t start getting all defensive with me. I ain’t my old man. You wanna stick your dick in a guy? I’m cool. Long as he don’t get in the fucking way, he ain’t my problem.”
Something rumbled in my chest. Part growl, part laughter. Maybe some relief.
“You know, our old men would have had fits if they saw that shit…” I muttered. “The way Rafael dresses alone…”
“Oh yeah. They would have kicked your ass, his ass, each other’s asses because they were probably all secretly gay. I mean, look how much time we spend around dudes in this business. No way at least half of these motherfuckers ain’t choking on cock.”
I choked on my coffee and slammed a hand into my chest. “You trying to give me a goddamn heart attack?” I growled.
There was a grin in Rocky’s voice. “Not yet. You still pay me my money. Can’t have you going on me.
” He laughed. “Listen, Cesare. We been friends a long damn time, so when I say I don’t give a damn and fuck anybody that does?
I mean that. He’s yours. Cool. Just be smart about this.
You know everything about him? Everything? ”
I paused. “Actually…”
Rocky whistled. “You’ve had blinders on,” he supplied for me. “Shit, man. You have to be smarter than that. We can’t afford a blind spot.” He sighed. “Want me to look into him again? I can get some of the hackers to look. Deep dive.”
We’d been over this before, and the small report Rocky had given me was easy to accept.
But I wasn’t so sure it was all that was to Rafael.
When I looked up, though, Rafael was padding toward the kitchen, yawning, his dark hair wild as he was wrapped in a plush robe looking young, vulnerable.
Something in my chest tightened again, and if my cold little heart wasn’t dead, I’d swear it was that damn ticking bastard.
“Do it,” I said.
“You got it. I’m guessing he just walked in so I’m gonna let you have your morning. Besides, my daughter is calling me and looking like I’m the reason she’s got six little ankle biters. If she told her husband to get off her for five seconds…”
I choked on a laugh again and hung up on Rocky.
Most times, we kept it professional. But, even if I didn’t want to admit it, sometimes you needed those moments of not being a boss and second, but of friends.
Just having someone to talk to. It was weak bullshit, but it was necessary. Human. I hated it.
“Morning,” I said.
“Morning,” Raphael mumbled as he poured himself coffee. “Although it’s, like, two. We slept in.” He sipped from his mug. “What are we doing today? Lazing around or going out?”
“Going out,” I said.
“Even with your hangover?”
I waved a hand. “I’m not hungover.”
“How many pain pills did you take?” Rafael asked without even looking up at me.
“Four. Prescription strength,” I admitted, my face going hot. “I can’t drive today.”
Rafael burst out laughing. I grinned over the top of my mug at the way he threw his head back, but I couldn’t help but to stop and stare.
The light caught his hair and eyes perfectly, making them warm and glowing.
But another part of me couldn’t help but to wonder what he was hiding.
So many things had been happening, some hadn’t started until he came around.
A small voice in the back of my head said I was being paranoid, but my life experience said I wasn’t being careful.
Who was Rafael really? Was I going to have to kill the first person I’d given a fuck about in a long time?
“Well, anywhere you want to go, I’m into it.” Rafael looked up at me, finally searching my face. “Who was that on the phone?”
“Rocky,” I said. “You met him.”
“Yeah,” he said stiffly. “I remember.” He tilted his head. “Have you talked to any of your sons?”
I raised a brow. “Why the hell would I?”
“Just thought you might have called them about the whole getting shot at thing,” he said. “Maybe if you guys talked—”
“Why do you keep pushing that on me?” I asked tersely. “You keep telling me to call them. Talk to them. Why? You think they’re not going to lie to my face? What’s the point?”
“The point is that maybe all of this crazy fighting could be done with,” he said. “Why do you want to fight with them so badly?”
“I don’t,” I snapped.
“Then stop!”
I slammed my hand on the counter before I grabbed his jaw. “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to? You think because I stick my dick in you, you get to tell me how to run my business? My family? My life?” I squeezed. “Stay in your fucking place before I have to put you back there myself.”
Rafael stared up at me and something flickered in his eyes.
It made me release him. I took a step back, my breathing a rough exhale.
Losing my temper, great. It was what I was good at.
But every person who’d ever been with me pulled this shit.
They stuck their nose in where it didn’t belong. Where I hadn’t asked them to go.
“Sorry,” Rafeal said. “I wasn’t trying to be in your business. Just don’t like how stressed out you get because of this. I mean, yesterday you checked your phone fifty times. Blake still isn’t texting you, is he?”
My head snapped in his direction. He’d noticed that?
I’d stared at my and Blake’s message thread.
For hours, I tried to think of something to say.
Some way to point out that I wasn’t the bad guy.
That it was Benito’s bullshit. That I’d been shot at.
But it all felt like a childish finger pointing game.
Boo-hoo, your brother shot at me, I’m a pussy!
I decided not to text him. And he hadn’t texted me since the pizza parlor.
“None of that matters,” I said. “When you do the right things, sometimes you don’t get a pat on the back. Sometimes you get shunned.”
“Maybe they don’t think you’re doing the right thing,” he muttered, glancing away.