Chapter 32 Rafael
Every shuddering breath was like gasping for air and not finding any.
I opened my eyes and was hit with the fact that I wasn't waking up to Cesare or even his scent.
I was surrounded by clean linen and emptiness.
Tears were my only outlet as I curled in on myself.
My chest felt hollow as I laid there in bed.
Soft fur brushed over my arm before paws pressed into my flesh. A wet nose touched mine and I blinked away the tears to focus on the devil cat. The evil thing had stowed away in my bag and some fucked-up part of me got excited.
Cesare loved the cat, he doted on the thing, that meant he'd come looking for him. He'd come find me, and I'd get another chance to see him. Maybe we'd talk. Maybe he'd pull me into his arms and let me love him. Maybe, just fucking maybe, he'd love me back.
A choked off laugh quickly shifted into a sob as I pulled the kitten closer to me. He didn't cry or even scratch me as I soaked his fur with my tears. This was the closest I was getting to Cesare.
"I lost him," I confessed. Admitting it felt like defeat. Why I thought I could win in the first place was beyond me. More tears broke free, and I wished it would all go away.
No matter how badly I wished to let this go, to stop loving him, my wishes were never granted. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t exist without thinking about his eyes, the smirk that touched his lips, the way his hands felt when he was holding me.
I closed my eyes and let the world drift away from me.
I didn't want to be here, I wanted to be in his arms. The only place I could see him now was in my dreams. The darkness crept up and blanketed me in sweet lies.
I was back in Cesare's room, his scent clouding my judgment.
His ringed fingers gripped the back of my neck as he brought me to his lap.
His warmth soaked into every fiber of my being, and I basked in it.
Meow.
The dream slipped away before I could cling to it. My eyes cracked open as another meow pierced the air.
"Shhh, you're a stowaway. The moment they find out you're here, I'm going to get kicked out. And if we do, how will he find us?" How will Cesare know where to come get me? The pain in my chest was sharp, and I clutched my shirt as my breathing became erratic.
It hurts.
Meow.
I forced myself to move, knowing the only way to shut the furball up was to feed him.
It felt like I'd just fed him a few minutes ago.
A glance at the clock let me know a few minutes to me was actually six hours.
My stomach cramped, and I sighed. I opened a can of cat food and he happily pigged out.
"What should I do?" I asked. I watched him, ignoring my bladder for a little while longer. "I got a ransom letter all typed up for you, but I doubt he will even look at it."
I picked at my nail, trying to ease the ball of discomfort that took up residence in the middle of my stomach.
Why couldn't I come up with anything? For a short while, we'd been happy together, right?
Or had I been making that up too? It was getting harder and harder to differentiate between reality and my dreams.
A sharp cramp shot up my abdomen. The pain was welcomed for a split second; it overruled the ache currently pulsing through my chest. I stood up, slightly bent in half as I made my way to the bathroom.
I made quick work of everything, washing my hands and avoiding the mirror.
I headed back into the bedroom and moved toward the bed with the single thought of seeing Cesare's face in my dreams. Even the nightmares where he's kicking me out were welcomed because I saw him.
I was there. I was held by him. I got to love him.
I love him.
My fingers caught in a tangle in my hair, and I groaned before putting it up in a messy bun.
I just needed sleep. My fingers wrapped around my phone, and like I did every single time I had a moment of consciousness, I checked the locator app I downloaded on Cesare's phone a while ago.
His little blue dot was right there. Approximately one hour and fifteen minutes away. Thirty-two miles.
I stared up at the ceiling of one of the Silver Dreams’ rooms. I wasn't in a lavish one, those were reserved for top earners. I was at the bottom once more, and honestly, I was fine with it. After having Cesare's touch, I doubted I could stomach another person's desire.
"I'm fucked." I pressed the heel of my palms hard against my eyes. Colors danced in the darkness of my vision. Pain flared to life, and I ignored it in favor of drowning out the sadness.
A knock at my door gave me pause, and my breath caught in my lungs. What if. Another knock and my stomach tightened.
"Hey, come on, open up."
No, it's all wrong. The voice coming through the door was too soft and airy. Nothing like Cesare's deep gravel that made me weak at the knees.
Go away.
More knocking quickly followed. I could tell it was going to be one of those people who never let up.
I dragged myself from the bed. Every movement felt like I was treading through mud. I cracked it open and found one of the guys who worked the upper floors at Silver Dreams. For the life of me, I couldn't remember his name. It might start with an H, or was it a J?
"Shit, I heard you were back but didn't expect you to look like this.
" He shook his head, his bright, bottle-blond curls bouncing over his forehead.
Laughter tumbled free from his pouty lips.
He was no more than five-foot-eight and was forced to look up at me, but it didn't stop the air of arrogance wafting off him.
Normally men like him were easy to deal with. I wasn't in the mood.
"Honestly, what you get for thinking that you were something special.
Everyone knows the big C loves pussy. You were bound to come back sooner or later.
" He had a cocky grin on his face. "But now that he tried it, maybe he'll want something better.
I can't wait till he comes back here. I've been dying to try a Vitale.
" His mouth opened to spew more shit, but he suddenly went quiet, and I was blissfully wrapped back up in the bubble of oblivion.
A cry bordering on a screech pierced through it all too soon. I blinked a few times and found my knuckles split and the guy on the ground under me with a bloody face. His front tooth was chipped, and his nose was broken and bleeding.
It was so much. The sight of it only made me remember how Cesare came home a few times painted in crimson. He was so fucking hot.
I miss him.
Another tear spilled free. I didn't bother wiping it away. More would quickly replace it. All I had were tears. I was pretty certain I spilled every liquid from my body. My eyes itched and burned with the effort of keeping them open.
"Shit. Hey, enough." One of the security guards ran over to us and grabbed me by the shoulders.
Cesare didn't like when people touched me.
I wrapped my blood-covered hands around his wrists and bent over flipping him over my back.
His spine slammed into the ground with a thunderous crash.
His grunt turned into a groan as he rolled over and placed a hand on his back.
"Fucking bitch." The guard rolled around on the ground, whining like the bitch he accused me of being.
"Rafael." Grand Myah's voice was like ice water to the face.
She was an older lady who took no shit. She reminded me of what my mother could have been if she hadn't died.
"My office now." She snapped her fingers.
"Get Josiah over to the clinic. I'll let Melony know.
" She glanced at the guard. "Get up and get checked out with him. "
I wanted to sleep. I wanted to see Cesare.
"Rafael." Her tone left no room for argument.
I shut my door quickly, catching a glimpse of the furball. He was sound asleep in the bed.
Lucky bitch.
I followed behind her, my strides longer, but my movements far slower. I wore a pair of black shorts and a shirt I'd taken from Cesare's room two weeks after living with him. His scent had faded at some point, but I still clung to the fabric.
Her office was decorated in dark purples and whites.
There was a single cherry wood desk in the middle of the room.
On the right side was a wet bar and couches.
A group of people sat there, laughing and whispering peacefully.
She was truly more like a mother to most of the workers at Silver Dreams. I used to be one of those people on the sofa, chatting it up, waiting for my opportunity.
The few workers in the room took one look at Grand Myah’s face and left without her so much as saying a single word.
"Samantha, be a dear and shut the door. Let everyone know I'm in a meeting," Grand Myah said as she took a seat behind the desk.
I was in trouble. If she wanted to have a motherly chat, we'd be at the couches. The hard talks came with more distance. I took one of the seats opposite her desk and tried not to get blood on her furniture.
The silences that filled the space were overbearing. My shoulders stiffened, and I avoided her gaze as long as possible. I just wanted to go to sleep. I didn't know if I even wanted to wake. A part of me wished he'd pulled the trigger, then I wouldn't have to suffer.
I was a worthless, selfish bastard.
The buzzing from the overhead fan grew louder with every passing second. The tick of the clock hanging on her back wall was steadily driving a metaphorical screw into my brain.
“I warned you,” Grand Myah said, breaking through the madness.
My shoulders bunched, tension filling between them as defiance coursed through my veins. What the fuck did she know? "I did what I needed to do."
She sighed. "I gave you all the warnings that getting into bed with the Vitales would make you pay a heavy price.”
"I know." I licked my lips as I tried to wrangle in my emotions. "But I don't regret it."