Chapter 32 Rafael #2
She shook her head and agitation flared to life. It was like a sharp knife dancing over each nerve ending.
"I don't!" I balled my fists until my nails bit into my flesh. "I had him. Everything felt right. I—" Was complete. "I was going to confess everything."
"That would be stupid."
I flopped back in the seat, laughing, but it came out dry and humorless. "Doesn't matter. He found out."
"And you’re still alive?"
It doesn't feel like it.
"The way I went about it was wrong. I fucked up, majorly. I am sorry for everything I did." I blinked away the tears as I pictured the distraught look on Cesare's face when I confessed. "You know what?"
Grand Myah cocked a single brow at me.
"I'd do it all over again. I'd make the same mistakes and pick the same choices." I closed my eyes.
"Oh, sweet child, you know the number one rule here." Her voice softened one like a mother who was trying to comfort her injured child.
More pain sawed through my rib cage and seared right through my heart. "I loved him long before he became my client, and I will love him until my last breath."
"If I'd known, I would have never volunteered you."
I smiled weakly at her. "There was nothing in this world that would have kept me away. I was and am willing to do anything to have Cesare."
Her gaze bore into me, searching for something, probably my sanity, but that was probably never really there in the first place. They say love makes you do crazy things, then obsession must make you lose yourself and call it devotion.
She leaned forward and locked her fingers together. Her stare was intense as it leveled on me. "Cesare paid out the remainder of your contract. There wasn't an end date, but he agreed to the amount for an additional month."
"You spoke to him?"
She nodded. "You would know this, but you haven't come out of that room in three days."
Has it been that long already?
"What did he say?" Did he ask about me? Does he want me to come back?
A look of pity came over her face, and I wanted to leap over the desk and slam her face into the wood until there was no more pity left to spare. I ground my molars and breathed instead.
"Nothing. He asked for the tab to be settled."
How could he not ask about me? More pain blossomed in the middle of my chest. "Okay."
She turned her computer on and typed for a bit before turning back to me. "Benito has also deposited your money. It has officially come through this morning. I was on my way to come get you."
That explained why she was in the lower level near the bar. "How much for the damage?"
"You will be covering the clinic bill and stain remover."
I nodded, knowing I wasn't going to get out of it.
"We've been sending the money to the third party. Are you still wanting that?"
Right, my father. I shrugged. I didn't want the money, I wanted Cesare.
A heavy sigh left her lips and she shook her head at me.
"I'm starting to think I'm getting too old for this life.
" She was up and around the desk in seconds.
She was a short older lady, but she moved like she was in her mid-thirties.
She grabbed my blood-covered hands and held them tightly. Her touch gave me no warmth.
Was I always this cold?
“The fact that you’re still alive is a blessing.
" She squeezed tighter. "Take the money and leave. Go live abroad. You can afford it now. Find someone your age. Love comes and goes. There have been plenty who walk through that door and walk back out.” Her words echoed in my head on repeat.
They were sound advice, but it felt like a stab wound to everything I was.
“No.”
"Rafael, dear."
"No, there is no one else."
"I know it feels that way."
I met her gaze and grabbed her wrists before she could pull her hands away. "No, it doesn't just feel like it, I know it. With every fiber of my being, I know who I belong to. I know who I love."
Her shoulders dropped and a soft smile came over her face. "You won't give up."
It wasn't a question, but I still answered. "I'd rather die than walk away from him."
"Well, you're certainly crazy enough to fit the position." She tugged, and I let her wrists go. "What are you going to do?"
That's where I was lost. "I don't know yet, but I'll come up with something. I got this close." I just needed to pull myself out of this despair. I could have him again, and this time, I wouldn’t let him go.
"What about work?"
I bit my lip. I was fine with whoring myself out with the goal to get to Cesare, but now I didn't want anyone else touching me.
As if she could see the answer on my face, she sighed. "You can work the bar and help me with the new talent. We're hosting interviews soon."
"Why?" I hadn't heard of anyone besides me leaving, then again I hadn't paid much attention.
"Between you and Kelly, I’m short. I also lost Bambi and Lindsay."
I could understand Bambi and Lindsay. They'd been dating for a while and it looked like things had gotten serious during my absence.
"What happened to Kelly?"
Grand Myah stared at me for a long while, and the tension was back between my shoulder blades, making them ache.
"What?"
"Cesare is what happened."
What? My mouth opened and closed as confusion settled to awareness. I'd told him who Kelly was to me, that we'd slept together. There was no way in hell Cesare had really been jealous, right?
"Don't look so happy about it. You're lucky he paid what I would have made from her." She stood up. "Go shower, eat something, and get to work. You're paying for the room, but I don't allow bums to stay here."
I headed toward the door with a fluttering in my stomach. It wasn't pain but fucking hope.
"Oh, Rafael."
"Huh?" I stopped short of leaving and glanced over my shoulder at her.
She was back behind the desk. "If you damage one of my employees again, I will get rid of you."
Sometimes the older lady could be terrifying. There was no wonder she made deals with made men without breaking a sweat.
"Yes, ma'am."
I left and headed for the room. I fucked up, yeah, there was no denying that, but that didn't mean I needed to stop. Lying in bed and wallowing in self pity didn't get me back into Cesare's arms. I'd suffered through hell and crawled through fire to get this close. I wasn't stopping. Ever.
The moment the door closed behind me and secluded me from the soft seductive music playing outside of it, I let out a breath. I picked up the fur devil, and he let out a squeaky meow. His big dopey eyes shined back at me. "We're going to get Daddy back. I swear."