Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
ATLAS
I am a saint. Whatever bad karma I’ve earned for killing people has to have been wiped clean by the simple fact that I haven’t already pressed my lips to Calvin’s.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone as… pretty as him. I definitely haven’t seen someone who can make exhaustion look so sexy. He’s asleep in my car without a care in the world, like he can’t tell that he’s in the presence of someone who has probably killed as many people as he’s saved.
But… I like that. I hope it means that somewhere in the back of his mind, he realizes that regardless of how dangerous I am, he’s safe with me.
I don’t know him very well, but I know I’d never do anything to hurt him. It feels almost odd to know that someone other than my family could make me feel that way, but it’s real. And it’s honest.
And maybe I’m starting to understand why North saw Ranen and decided he wasn’t going to let him go. I’m not going to go as far as finding Calvin’s place and moving in without permission…
Though he did give me his address.
The drive there is short. Honestly, as tired as he was, he probably could have managed it without me. He’s probably made the exact same drive more times than he can count, half asleep from a shift and working on autopilot.
But… I’m still happy I insisted, because it means he has to let me see him again tomorrow.
The way I want to see him again tomorrow sits like a weight in my chest, telling me I’m already in so deep that I’m probably not getting out of this easily.
Which is… honestly fine. I was willing to stab a man to get his attention—shit, I’m more than willing to get stabbed again if it means I can check him out while he’s working.
I’m too old to play around about the things I want, and listening to the soft sound of his breathing beside me, I know that I want him.
My eyes flick to the building in front of us—it’s nothing special, just your standard apartment complex nestled in the corner of a quiet street. It doesn’t look like there’s much security. The front door doesn’t even have a lock, from what I can see.
A quiet little apartment building in a quiet part of town. Something safe and sweet… as sweet as Calvin.
I let the car idle, reluctant to wake him now that we’re here. He looks so at peace, his dark lashes fanning against his cheeks in soft half circles that are entirely too fascinating.
Finally, I lean over and gently brush my fingers along the back of his hand. “Calvin?” I’m aware that I’m whispering his name too soft to actually wake him, and I take advantage of that and run my fingers slowly up the length of his arm, reveling in how warm and soft his skin is. “We’re here.”
A part of me wants to stay quiet, to keep him here in the confines of the car for as long as I can. It’s not kidnapping if he’s a willing adult who got into the car to begin with, right?
Like he can hear my less than innocent thoughts, his eyes open. There’s a moment of confusion behind his gaze—in that flash I see something adjacent to panic—but as soon as his eyes settle on me, the look fades.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” He bites his lower lip and gives me a soft smile. “I’m a terrible co-pilot.”
I take a second to let my gaze flick up and down his form, settling where my fingers are still lingering on his skin. “I don’t have any complaints.”
His cheeks darken at the compliment, and I lean in. He doesn’t move his arm when I ghost a soft path down his skin, brushing against the back of his hand before linking our fingers together.
“Mr. Sinclair…” His usual tease comes out a little breathless, and I’m caught up in how good he sounds. I want to close the distance between us and taste my last name on his tongue. It’s so foreign for me to want something again.
I blow out a breath and lean back instead.
“Can I…” Kiss you? Keep you? His eyes widen while he waits for me to finish my sentence. “Can I walk you in?”
Disappointment flashes through his gaze, and he disentangles our fingers. “That’s… yeah, sure… yeah, you can.”
I’ve never had anyone make a polite gesture sound like an accusation before. He throws me a look over his shoulder as he climbs out of my car on slightly unsteady feet, and I feel almost helpless to resist hopping out to follow him.
Calvin leans into me when I put my hand at the small of his back, and I walk him up along the sidewalk and into the little lobby of the apartment building.
Just like I thought, there isn’t a lock.
If I actually wanted to, it would be entirely too easy to kidnap him if I were my son—which I’m not—but I do take note that this place has shit for safety.
I’m probably getting ahead of myself, thinking about security doors and how that might be important if Calvin is going to be a part of my life…
But it’s easy to get ahead of myself when he feels so warm where I have my hand on his lower back, easier still when he leans against me as I carefully walk him to his apartment on the first floor of the building.
We pause in front of his door. This is the part where I either leave him to his own devices with the promise to pick him up tomorrow, or I… what… invite myself in? Kiss him?
He’s looking at me with an expectant expression, and something in my chest tightens. I want to kiss him. Honestly, I want to follow him inside and be here when he wakes up so I can do more than that… but…
If I’m going to do this, it feels like I should probably be honest from the beginning, shouldn’t I? I’m too fucking old to build a relationship on a lie, but I don’t know him well enough to tell him the truth about me.
It’s not just me I’d be putting at risk, after all. Even a fool would be able to put two and two together about North if they realized what a casual monster his father was.
I might risk it for myself, but there’s nothing in this world that would make me put my family in danger.
He’s still staring at me, and his head is actually tilted back like he’s expecting exactly what any normal person would in this situation.
I can see it as I close my lids and sigh—Calvin’s lips, warm and soft against mine as I kiss him…
his body going pliant as I lick along the seam of his mouth and he lets me taste him for the first time.
Maybe he’d lean into me—maybe I’d feel how he was getting hard, even though it wasn’t appropriate. I know he’d feel how much I wanted him…
And…
I couldn’t trust myself—I couldn’t take that from him when I hadn’t told him the truth about me yet. So I raise my hand and gently brush my thumb along his lower lip before putting the slightest bit of distance between us.
Calvin looks up at me, and there’s a sweet mixture of frustration and warmth in his eyes. When I don’t make a move to close the distance between us again, he frowns. “I leave for work at seven. Make sure you aren’t late.”
I manage a smile, aware that he’s leaning toward me, that his eyes keep dropping to my lips. “I’m never late, sweetheart.” We stand in silence for another second before I give a sharp nod. “Get some sleep.”
I can practically read the disappointment as it crosses his face, and he actually goes as far as to lift a hand, brushing his fingers lightly against my wrist. “Thanks for the ride, Mr. Sinclair.”
“Atlas,” I correct automatically, and he shakes his head.
“Goodnight, Mr. Sinclair.” He says it again and closes the door with a soft click and one last look like he’s trying to decide if he wants to hit me or tell me to stop acting a fool and come inside. In the end, it’s neither. Just the sound of the door closing and the silence that follows.
And… I wonder if I’ve fucked something up as I stand there and stare at the dark wood in front of me instead of turning to go home.
I’m great at reading people, and I know from the way he was looking at me that he wouldn’t have stopped me if I’d pressed my mouth to his.
But I’m not impulsive—I’m methodical.
I’m careful.
And…
I’m stepping forward and rapping my knuckles against his door before I can stop myself. From the way he opens it automatically, it’s almost like he was leaning against the other side, hoping I was going to come to my senses and change my mind.
When he glances up at me with those gorgeous eyes, I internally lose the battle I’ve been fighting since the first time I saw him.
“Mr. Sinclair, what are you—”
“Fuck it,” I murmur, and step in to wrap my arm around his waist so I can pull him against me. He lets out the softest exhale, like he’d been holding his breath since the door closed.
“Yes.”
One word—it’s just one word, but it tells me everything I need to know. Whatever this is between us, this weird, instant draw that I’ve felt since I saw him… Calvin feels it too. I lean down and press my lips to his, licking into his mouth when he instantly opens up to let me inside.
And I’m fucked, completely and utterly fucked. He melts against me, his body molding perfectly to my front, and I realize how whole I feel for the first time in a long time. All those missing pieces suddenly realigned in the shape of him.
One kiss. It can only be one kiss. But with the taste of him on my tongue and the feel of his body slotting against mine like he was born to complete every broken line that even time couldn’t smooth the edges of…
one kiss is enough to make me realize Calvin is worth breaking every rule I’ve ever made.