Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
CALVIN
“Get some rest, boys,” Atlas says as he stands at the door with his sons. “Tomorrow night might be long.”
“Nothing we can’t handle,” Wylder says, excitement lacing his tone. “One way or another, it ends tomorrow.”
Atlas sighs, but nods. “Yeah, it does.”
North squeezes his dad’s shoulder, the motion comforting. “It’ll work out, Dad. You gotta have faith or some shit, right?”
I bark a laugh, causing all eyes to swing to me. “Sorry.”
Ranen smiles at me as he presses himself closer to his boyfriend. “Don’t apologize. They love laughing when they’re not supposed to.”
North rolls his eyes. “That was one time. How was I supposed to know everyone in the movie theater would be pissed that I laughed when the main character died? It was funny.”
Ranen pats his chest in an almost patronizing way, making me giggle behind my hand. “You were raised in a barn, baby. It’s okay.”
“I take offense to that,” Atlas grumbles good-naturedly.
Mateo brushes past with his heavy bag. “Wylder sure was. Name definitely fits.”
Wylder, to his credit, just shrugs. “Never said I was anything else, Princess.”
Smiling at Wylder sweetly—though none of us are fooled—Mateo stands up to his full, unimpressive five foot five and rests his hands on his hips. “You fuck with me way too much for a man who knows I can make his death look like an accident.”
“Promises, promises.” Wylder sounds entirely too excited over a threat.
Atlas exhales hard, making Mateo stop his retort in its tracks. “If you’re going to fight, do it off property. I’m not in the mood to break shit up and Calvin is off duty. You’ll have to patch up your own wounds.”
“North will patch us up,” Wylder says. “We’re staying with him, right?”
“Absolutely fucking not,” North says smoothly. “ Ranen and I have plans.” The suggestive look he gives his boyfriend leaves nothing to the imagination.
“Yuck,” Mateo says and breezes out, his ponytail bouncing behind him. For such a small man, he has a big presence. I really like him, even though he kinda scares me.
Wylder sighs, though a smirk tips up his lips. “We’ll be at the hotel downtown. Call if you need us.”
North, Ranen, and Wylder say their goodbyes to me and Atlas, then leave us alone.
I start cleaning the table, smiling as I gather all the serving dishes.
It was my first family dinner since… since I was a kid, honestly.
It was perfect, sharing the table with the people I love and consider my family.
Wylder and Mateo could have been warmer to each other, but I don’t think that’ll ever happen.
They’re like oil and water—they’ll never mix.
Atlas drifts over and helps me take some items to the dishwasher, where I load them up.
Once we have the first load in, we head back to grab the rest of the dishes. As I’m gathering cups, I peek at Atlas out of the corner of my eyes. He looks… haunted. Like the weight of the world is on his shoulders, but he doesn’t know how to handle it.
But under that, anger simmers. It’s contained, but just barely. I’ve never seen Atlas like this. Even with Mitchell, he was under control, knowing we would handle what was to come together.
Atlas looks like he’s barely hanging on.
Taking his hand to stop him from arranging the plates into a stack for the third time, I ask, “What’s going on? Nervous about tomorrow?”
While their plan is good—Mateo and Wylder worked well where stealth and murder were concerned—it’s still scary. We all have to play our parts perfectly, but anything can go wrong. Atlas and his sons might love murder, but I don’t think any of them think tomorrow will be a walk in the park.
We know the danger—everyone else more than me—but that still doesn’t make it any easier. Is that what’s going on with Atlas? Is he worried about his sons?
Of course he is. A lot is at stake for them. Hopefully, I don’t get in the way of their revenge, especially when Atlas helped me get mine.
Crossing his arms over his chest, he shakes his head but won’t meet my eyes. “No, I’m ready for tomorrow. It’s what I’ve wanted for… for years.” He lets out a long exhale, planting his feet as he leans against the lip of the sink. “I just… all of this is my fault.”
“What? No it’s not. You fell in love with your wife. There’s nothing wrong with that. Keegan shouldn’t have taken her away.”
It’s not lost on me that if she was still in the picture, Atlas and I wouldn’t be together, but I’d rather he not have gone through all his years of unhappiness and suffering.
I rest my hands on his forearms. “Lay the guilt where it belongs—at Keegan’s feet.”
“I knew he would do this.” I look at him curiously, and that haunted quality intensifies.
“He likes to play games. Since I’ve known him, he’s always gotten a sick satisfaction out of fucking with people’s heads.
He sent that assassin after you, not Mitchell.
He knew what would happen if you saw what I could do.
” My breath catches when he says my ex’s name, but I let him talk.
He seems as if he needs to get it all out.
“Why would he do that?” I ask.
Atlas lets out a growl and smashes his fists on the table.
“Because he wants you to see me for who I really am, Calvin! I’m a fucking monster.
He wants me alone, he wants you afraid of me.
And fuck, I’ve done a damn good job of it.
Your friend would still be alive if it weren’t for me—your husband would never have gotten out of jail.
Had you not met me, none of this would have happened. ”
“Atlas, I—”
“He knows what he’s doing,” Atlas says as if I didn’t say anything. “He wants to hurt me, and he probably thinks it would be an extra kick to make you hate me before he kills you the same way he did Julia.”
I take a step toward him, holding my hands out in front of me, hoping to calm him down. “Atlas, listen—”
“He’s right, Calvin. I’m a fucking monster. Everything I touch turns to death.”
“No, that’s not—”
“I’m the fucking monster he thinks I am, and I’ll show him tomorrow when I cut off his fucking head!” Atlas grabs the table and flips it, sending food and plates and cups scattering. I jump back, avoiding the mess, but keep my eyes on Atlas.
He lowers himself to his knees, putting his head in his hands. I stand still, waiting to see if he’s done, or if he has more anger to unleash, but it seems that explosion took it out of him.
A few seconds pass by before I’m sure, then I inch over to him, wrapping my hands around his wrists.
It takes some effort but he lets me move his hands from his face.
When his eyes meet mine, I place his hands against my chest, hugging them to me.
“I don’t think you’re a monster, Atlas. I’ve never thought that.
Even when you told me your secret. So Keegan fucked up, huh? ”
I give him a smile, but Atlas doesn’t return it.
Sighing, I slide closer to him, careful to avoid the disorder around us.
“Listen to me. There’s nothing Keegan can do to make me believe you’re a monster.
You’re a good father, a good man. I won’t let that asshole make me think differently about you.
” I take his face in my hands, impressing upon him that I mean every fucking word.
“I love you, Atlas. So much it hurts. So much that I think I’ll go crazy if I don’t tell you every minute of every fucking day. ”
His eyes soften and I think I’m getting through to him, so I lean forward and kiss him hard. All of my love, fear, infatuation, everything goes into the kiss so he’ll know that I’m not just talking shit, that I really mean all of it.
Atlas wraps his arms around me, pulling me close, and I want to sob. This man, this amazing, perfect man showing me a side that he’s probably never shown another person. His fears and insecurities. I feel honored beyond words.
Pulling back, I thumb over his lower lip. “Do you believe me?” I ask, needing to hear the words, needing to know that not only my words but my actions prove that.
He nods slowly, his hands going to the back of my neck. “Yeah, sweetheart. I believe you.”
“Good.” I kiss him again, deepening it until the tension leaves his body and he holds me like a man who can’t get enough of touching his partner.
“Now, tomorrow will be long and it’ll be scary as fuck.
Before we’re afraid for our lives, I want to be free.
I want you to fuck me like it’s our last night on earth. ”
“Calvin,” he breathes, that haunted look trying to enter his eyes again, but I don’t let it.
“I want you to feel, just like you made me feel after that shit with Mitchell. Take me to bed so I can make you feel.”
As if waiting for permission, he grabs me tight and pulls me closer, slamming his mouth down on mine. Our teeth clack together as we kiss each other messily.
He pulls me onto his lap, then maneuvers us until he’s on his feet. Jesus Christ, he’s strong.
Atlas walks us into his room—I’m impressed by how he avoids stepping on broken dishes and bits of food—and lays me on his bed.
He’s ferocious as he tears off my clothes, ripping and pulling at the material.
I couldn’t give a fuck less what condition the clothes are in as long as they’re off so I’m naked for my man.
He makes quick work of getting naked, then blankets me with his body. Instead of going at me hard, pushing me to the edge in no seconds flat, Atlas settles between my legs and frames my face. He looks down at me, taking in my features with a look so gentle I almost tear up.
“I love you too, Calvin. More than I ever thought I could love anyone.” He kisses me sweetly, and tears slide down my cheeks, all the love I have for him bursting out of me in the only way I know how to express it.
He rummages around in the nightstand, not breaking the kiss as he grabs what we need so he can make love to me.
A bottle cap pops open and a few seconds later, slick fingers slide between my legs, rolling around my entrance. I arch into him, moaning in his mouth, but refusing to stop kissing him.
All of his vulnerability is laid bare for me, and I promise to keep him safe and secure while his guard is down.
I have a feeling he’s kept himself buttoned up for so long that his explosion was long overdue.
He’s had to stay sane for his kids, for the life he wanted to build for them.
After that, he’s had to be careful so he can catch Keegan, to try to get revenge for what he took from them.
Now that they’re so close, that we’re so close, it’s all coming to a head.
I’m glad he’s trusting me to do right by him when he’s at his lowest. I’ll help build him back up, to be the man he’s wanted to be, not the monster he thinks he is.
When I’m open and ready for him, Atlas breaks the kiss, notching his cock to my rim as he stares into my eyes.
I reach up, resting a hand on his cheek. “I want you to feel, Atlas.”
“I will, sweetheart,” he murmurs as he pushes inside me. My mouth drops open in a moan as Atlas watches me, his eyes not missing a moment.
Fuck, this is what I missed all those years I was alone—this closeness, this love, this desire, the need to feel wanted when I didn’t know I deserved it.
Atlas makes me feel like I deserve the world. Like nothing is out of my reach because he’d do anything to get it for me. He makes me feel seen, loved, wanted, and all the other things Mitchell took from me.
He gave me back who I am and helped me become who I wanted to be.
Atlas bottoms out, his soft exhale drifting across my wet lips. He smiles down at me, his eyes clear of whatever pain he was going through earlier. Now, all I see is his pleasure, his arousal, heat, and lust.
And love.
He rolls his hips, and I wrap my legs more snugly around his waist, moaning as I claw at his back. I’ll leave marks behind for sure.
Atlas throws his head back with a groan, thrusting into me in slow, deliberate strokes meant to tag my prostate with precision.
“Oh God,” I moan, my eyes fluttering closed as I try to absorb all the pleasure coursing through my body. “Atlas,” I whimper, opening my eyes to meet his.
He pushes into me over and over, heightening my arousal with each thrust. “Calvin, I love you. Love you so much.” He lowers his head to my shoulder and pulls one of my legs higher around his waist. “You make me feel so fucking good.”
“You too. So good.”
His hand slides between us and jerks my cock in the same infuriatingly slow cadence he’s fucking into me with, but that doesn’t stop my orgasm from shooting out of me, painting our bellies with my release.
I’ve never been treated so well, with so much care in my life. More tears leak from my eyes, and I hold him close as he picks up the pace, using me to get himself off.
He bends to my ear and repeats how much he loves me over and over. The sound of the sweet words and how much I know he means them pushes me into another unexpected orgasm.
“You’re so beautiful, sweetheart,” he rasps, tipping my chin up so he can watch me come apart. “Your hole is gripping me so tight. I want to stay inside you forever, keep you forever.”
“Then keep me, Atlas,” I whisper as I tighten my legs around him.
“Always,” he grunts as his cock twitches inside me and he sprays my walls with his release.
I watch him as he shudders and realize just how beautiful he is. I’ll never get tired of seeing him in the throes of passion like this.
When he gives me all he has, he wraps his arms under my back and rolls me over until I’m lying on his chest. We pant as I nuzzle closer to him, listening to the steady thump, thump, thump of his heart.
If shit doesn’t work out tomorrow, I might not hear it again. One of us could die, one of us could—
“Don’t think it,” he whispers, running a light hand down my spine. “Tomorrow will bring what it brings. No need to add worry to it.”
There’s my Atlas—the level-headed man who can talk me off a cliff. There’s still some vulnerability in his tone, but he’s more contained than he was before.
I take his advice and wipe my mind clear of thinking the worst. Like he said, tomorrow will bring what it brings. I don’t want to waste my time with Atlas by worrying about what Keegan will or won’t do.
“Atlas?” I whisper, rubbing along his chest.
“Yeah, sweetheart?”
A smile tips up my lips as I say, “We have to clean up the kitchen. I don’t want to trip on broken dishes in the morning. Imagine what the boys will think we’ve done if they walk in and see it.”
He chuckles and kisses the top of my head. “We will. Soon.”