28. North
Chapter 28
North
I t’s physical agony to let Wylder take Ranen to the hospital while I stay behind and take care of my mess. It’s not that I’m worried about someone finding the body—I have a feeling no one even knows this fucking cabin exists.
It’s more that I’m covered in blood and I need to make sure no one sees it. I do my best to clean myself up, and by the time Wylder is back, I feel like something caged.
“How is he?”
“Holy shit, North. He’s fine. Here.” Wylder steps back and yanks his shirt over his head.
I made a mess, trying to scrub the blood off mine…
I yank it off and pull his on, then hold my hand out for the keys. Wylder fishes them out and tosses them to me. “My contact went through the landlord’s computer. He had an email from Ranen telling him to meet him at his apartment. He signed it Pooh Bear. When Mateo ran it back, it was sent from Olly’s computer.”
Of course it was—of course the fucker set up Ranen’s pathetic landlord so we’d let our guard down. But still…
“That doesn’t fucking matter right now. Did you call Dad?”
“He’s with him. North, listen…” Wylder catches my arm and pulls me closer to him. “I get it. I can see how much he matters to you. Just… try to make sure you don’t kill everyone who touches him, okay? I don’t know if Dad will survive having to clean up that many messes. Fuck…” His eyes drift to the basement and the motherfucker I’d like to leave down there to rot. “I don’t know if I’ll survive it at this rate.”
It’s as close to acceptance as I’m going to get, and I want to tell Wylder I appreciate it, but I need to get to the hospital where Ranen is. He hands me the keys with an indulgent smile and I’m running.
I don’t realize I still have blood under my nails until I’m almost inside the building, and by that point I don’t care anymore. I ball my hands into fists to hide it and keep moving.
I get his room number, and when I spot Dad standing in the hallway, leaning against the wall and chatting with Ranen’s handsome nurse from the first time he was here, I scowl.
“He better be asleep if you’re out here.” I know my voice isn’t exactly kind, but Dad’s eyes are full of empathy when they turn to me.
“He’s fine, North. It looked worse than it was, I’m sure.”
He got hurt because of me. He was hurt because I let him go off with Olly.
Ranen’s going to be lucky if I don’t chain him to his bed and keep him wrapped up there for the rest of his life. The thought of letting him out of my sight ever again is a physical pain.
It might make killing a little hard, but I’ll figure it out.
Ranen is lying down when I come into the room, and Dad carefully closes the door behind me. The sound startles him awake, and there’s a second of panic in his eyes.
I didn’t kill Olly slow enough—he deserved to die a thousand times over for that expression, but…
“Why didn’t you call me?” Ranen’s voice asks the soft question, and guilt churns in my stomach again.
“Baby, I’m sorry.” I’m by his side and taking his hand before I speak any more, and at least he squeezes my fingers tightly in his. He’s not angry with me. I can see how glad he is that I’m here written all across his face.
I just hate that I can see the bruises too.
“Olly said you didn’t care because you didn’t call.”
“ Olly is a dead motherfucker, and he was wrong. I didn’t call you because I didn’t want him to turn your phone off. I had to use it to find you.”
Ranen processes the words for a second and nods. “I thought you were being ridiculous putting that tracker on my phone.” He says it in a teasing voice, but there are tears shining in his eyes that he’s trying his hardest not to let fall. I don’t even think about it—I just shift him over and crawl into the bed with him, drawing him up against my chest and wrapping him in my arms.
“It’s okay, Ranen.”
His body jerks with a small, hiccuping sob. “He was supposed to be my friend.”
“I know, baby.” I don’t know , but I can tell that he’s in pain. I can tell the betrayal matters, that losing Olly somehow still matters. As much as I want to detail exactly how dead he is to Ranen, how Wylder is probably burning little bits of his body as we speak… I just hold him instead, stroking my fingers gently through his hair so I can probe for the damage that brought him here to begin with.
“I’m sorry I didn’t realize—”
I cut him off there, careful when I tilt his head up to mine to brush my lips across his in the faintest ghost of a kiss. It’s enough, though. He’s trembling when I pull back, and the tears he tried to hold back streak down his face. “It wasn’t your fault. And it doesn’t matter. He’s gone now, Ranen. He’s gone, and I’m never going to let anyone hurt you again. I promise.”
He stares up at me, and I can see the reflection of all his exhaustion, all his emotion, and all the love he feels for me swirling in his eyes. “Promise?”
I nod, wiping the tears gently from his cheeks. I lower my voice and whisper softly in his ear. “I’m pretty infamous for making people around here disappear. Consider my motive changed. Anyone who hurts you is on my list.”
It’s as close to a confession as I’m willing to get in public, telling him that he’s probably heard about me on the news. But it’s also true.
I can change for Ranen—and by change, I mean that I know I’m going to be too busy taking apart anyone who even thinks too hard about looking at him… but he doesn’t need to know that many details.
He just needs to know that I’m here, that I’ve got him.
That I’m never letting him go.
“You’re a little scary, North.” He’s smiling when he says it, though, wet and sweet with tears still slicking his cheeks. I raise my hand and gently brush them away with my thumb.
“But I’m yours, right?”
He nods once, fiercely, and presses a soft kiss to my chest before laying his head over it. “Yeah, and I’m yours.”
He’s mine. He’s been mine from the second I saw him, before I even knew his name.
“Try to rest, baby. I’m here now.”
“I know…” He rubs his face against my shirt, then stills. “This isn’t yours, is it?”
I’m surprised he noticed. “Wylder’s.”
Ranen settles against me again with a sigh. “I didn’t think so. You smell better.”
He’s sleeping when Dad comes into the room, with the nurse following after him.
“You aren’t technically supposed to be in the bed with him.”
“Oh, come on now.” Dad leans into him, brushing his shoulder and offering him a charming smile. “It’s okay to bend the rules sometimes, right? Besides…” He glances at the bed and then back to Calvin. “The beds look awfully sturdy. I’m sure they hold two people just fine. If you need to make sure, we could—”
“Ranen should be good to go in the morning.” Calvin cuts Dad off before I suffer psychological damage from whatever image he was about to paint, but his cheeks look a little hot and there’s a smile pulling at the edges of his mouth. “You’re welcome to stay here with him. And you…” He turns on Dad and puts a hand on his hip. “Visiting hours are nearly over, so you need to clear out soon.”
Dad grins, and I wonder if I have enough bleach to pour into my eyes and erase exactly how charming he looks.
“I’m sure I’ll be back to see you again, one way or another.”
Calvin groans, his eyes flicking to Ranen on the bed. “Make sure it’s not because he’s hurt, okay?” He hesitates, but only for a second. “It was nice to see you again, Atlas.” Dad’s grin grows wider, but Calvin is already turning to me. “I’ll be back in a half hour to check in on you two, okay?”
“Thanks.”
I wait until he closes the door to turn back to Dad, talking in a hushed voice. “Stop flirting with Ranen’s nurse.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He sounds innocent enough, and I open my mouth to argue, but he’s already speaking again. “North, I’m pretty sure in all the advice I’ve ever given you, there was something in there about not going out in public with evidence on your hands.”
Ranen hadn’t noticed the blood, but Dad did. Was he just flirting with Calvin to make sure he didn’t see it? Something tells me it wasn’t all an act.
“I’ll finish washing up. I just… couldn’t think straight.”
Dad glances at Ranen curled up on my chest and disappears into the bathroom. When he comes back with a wet towel and holds his hand out for mine, I give it to him. It’s been a long time since he’s had to help me clean blood off like this, and he doesn’t look up at me when he speaks.
“Listen to me. I can see how much you love him, and it’s obvious how much he loves you.” I’m sure this is the part where he tells me I need to stop because it’s clear I can’t be careful, that I can’t think straight when it comes to Ranen. And I’m sure I’m going to tell him I love him, but he can go and fuck himself. Instead, he picks up my other hand and continues. “It’s something special, finding a person who really sees you and loves you anyway. Especially for people like us.” Dad’s eyes are soft when he looks up at me. “Do everything you can to keep it safe.”
Something in my stomach twists. Is this how he felt about my mother? I don’t remember much about her, but the ache in his voice paints a perfect picture—a negative of the space where she should have been at his side, helping him clean me up.
He’s never let me see this part of him, how much he hurts. How much she mattered.
Fuck.
“I’m going to.” My words come out in a soft whisper, and he nods, dropping my now clean hand and tucking the bloody paper towel into his pocket.
“Good. Ranen’s something special, North. Treat him like it.” He pats the sleeping man in question on the hand and straightens up. The pained expression on his face melts away, and he replaces it with another smile. “Now… I’m going to go find Calvin and tell him goodnight before I head out. Try not to call me with another little problem for at least a week, okay?”
He waves as he walks out, and I’m half stunned into silence. The range of emotions he just went through made my head spin, and I don’t have the space to figure it out right now. My attention turns back to Ranen, who is still curled against my chest, breathing softly and unaware of anything that’s happening around him.
Something special.
Someone who really sees me.
He’s all of those things, and Dad was right. I have to do everything I can to make sure that I keep him safe.
“I love you.” I say it like a promise, and his fingers spasm on me like he hears me even in his sleep. He murmurs my name against the curve of my neck and I know…
I know that I’m going to spend the rest of my life loving him, killing for him, keeping him.
Ranen is everything I’ve ever wanted, the same negative space that I saw empty beside my dad earlier. He’s all my missing pieces, and I’ll do everything I can to make sure that he’s right here, in my arms, for the rest of our lives.
Making me feel whole.