36. HUNTER
36
A ll the times my mother told me I was a worthless piece of shit, and yesterday, I finally proved her right.
I fucked up so bad .
I absentmindedly swirl my feet through the cold water of the pool, staring into the ripples of the surface. The sun burns on my bare chest, but not as much as it’s frying my pounding brain. It feels like a knife is jammed into my skull every time I angle my neck a little differently, but I welcome it. I fucking deserve all the torment I can get.
“You think that if you sit there long enough, the sun will melt your sins away?”
I glance up, wincing when a jolt of pain runs through my scalp.
“The sun ain’t that powerful.” I rear my head back in front, my gaze colliding with the Hollywood sign as Jensen lowers his body into the pool.
“Ah, shit, that’s cold.”
“Pussy,” I mutter.
The asshole splashes water my way, a shit-eating grin on his face before he completely submerges into the pool. Two seconds later, he jumps back up like a fucking dolphin, glistening in the sun, before swinging his dark hair back.
His smile remains, but it lowers when he studies my stance. “She’ll come around, man. ”
I snort, a humorless laugh echoing over the water. “She won’t. Not this time.” I saw it in her eyes. The sheer disappointment. Regret. She told me she loved me, and I couldn’t say it back. But it’s not even that. I think we could’ve overcome that. No, it’s me deliberately hurting her because I freaked out. Again.
“Yeah, okay. Thanks, Jules.” Jason walks out on bare feet, his phone to his ear, and I look up at him when he stands beside me. His navy shirt matches his eyes that are squinting at me with a scowl that hasn’t left since last night.
“Charlotte got home safe.”
I swallow, fixing my gaze back in front of me.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” He sits down beside me, his lower legs sinking into the water while Jensen flips his attention back and forth between the two of us.
“About what?” What’s the fucking point? She’s not coming back, and I can’t fucking blame her.
“About the fact that you pushed the one person away who was willing to put up with your sorry ass?”
I groan, then snap him a glare that comes straight from hell. “I don’t fucking deserve her, J.” Nobody does. But certainly not me.
He huffs. “You got that right.”
“Fuck you!”
“No, fuck you! You don’t want to own up to what you feel for her? Fine! Whatever rocks your boat, buddy. But you didn’t have to hurt her like that. Before all this bullshit, you once told me that she was your friend. That your friendship with her was the most important thing in your life.”
“It is!” I yell, ready to punch in his fucking face. Our friendship is the most important thing I have, and I still managed to fuck it up.
“Then fucking be her friend! Don’t treat her like a groupie! She deserves more than that. ”
I shake my head, whispering, “She deserves the world.” I lift my misted gaze up at Jason. “But I can’t give her that.”
“Why not?” Jensen throws me a bored expression, running a hand through his wet hair.
Because girls like her don’t end up with guys like me?
“She lives in North Carolina, and now I live here. She wants a family with a white picket fence and a dog. Look at me.” I spread my arms. “That’s not me. I can’t give her what she wants. I need to let her go. It’s not fair to her.”
“That’s fucking bullshit,” Jason mumbles, and I close my eyes, ignoring him.
“So pursuing”—Jensen waves his hand in front of my face—“whatever it is that is going on between you two isn’t an option.”
“No.”
“Okay…” Jensen drawls. “So if you can’t give her what she wants, how about you just give her what she needs instead?”
A deep frown creases on my forehead, painfully straining the muscles. “What do you mean?”
Jensen shrugs. “I don’t know her, but by the looks of it, J-man here is on your girl’s team more than yours.” No shit . “So clearly, you did fuck up bad…”
“Are you going to keep pointing out the obvious, Dumbledore?” I already have a fucking headache the equivalent of hitting a brick wall. I don’t need these two to get all cryptic about shit I already know.
“Just be her fucking friend, Hunt,” Jason chimes in, rolling his eyes. “It shouldn’t be so fucking hard, since that’s what you’ve been doing for a year.”
“She’s not gonna talk to me, J!” It’s easier for him to say. I called her ten times today, yet he’s the one telling me she got home safe. She doesn’t really want to talk to me .
“Not today, no, asshole .” Jensen snickers, then splashes more water in my face. “But you didn’t get your ass in a LA mansion pool because you’re quitter, right?”
My eyes narrow, colliding with the daring expression in his.
“Win her back,” he dares.
“How?”
A playboy smirk forms on his lips. “One day at a time.”
HUNTER : I fucked up.
HUNTER : I’m sorry.
HUNTER : Can you forgive me?
HUNTER : I’m an asshole.
***
HUNTER : Please talk to me.
HUNTER : I’m sorry, Charls.
HUNTER : Will you ever talk to me again?
***
HUNTER : I’m not giving up.
HUNTER : We’re best friends, Charls.
HUNTER : Please don’t give up on me.
HUNTER : Come on, Charls. It’s been two weeks. Talk to me.
HUNTER : You can’t ignore me forever.
***
HUNTER : Heard you’re going to UNC.
HUNTER : Congrats.
HUNTER : I know you’re going to kill it.
HUNTER : I miss you.