Chapter 34
LAYLA
With my head buried in my hands, I sat on the edge of the small step leading up to Santiago’s apartment and prayed that he would be okay. The last I’d heard, they were only keeping him for observation.
A soft crunch on the path made me lift my head, and I almost cried when I saw him standing in front of me. Santiago was wearing shorts and a shirt that were slightly too big on him and he was a little pale, but he was alive, on his feet, and he looked okay.
I jumped up, but as I started toward him, he sighed, shook his head, and held up a hand to show me to stay back. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to check on you,” I said as if it was obvious because, to me, it was. “How are you feeling?”
His gaze darted from one side to the other, but when he saw we were alone, he strode around me, unlocked his door, and then at least let me into his place.
As soon as I was inside, he shut the door and then leaned back against it, those blue eyes icy on mine. “You shouldn’t have come here, Layla.”
“I know,” I agreed. “The last time I saw you, however, you were unconscious and they were pulling you out of the water. Before I even knew if you were alive, Ford ushered us all off the deck and then you were gone.”
He exhaled, shook his head again, and pushed off the door, walking further into his small but neat apartment but not motioning for me to do the same.
“I was worried about you too, but I have a little something called discretion. I made sure you were okay and I was going to wait until tomorrow morning to see you in person. We can’t be visiting each other at night on the Station, Perkins. ”
“I hardly think anyone is going to jump to any conclusions tonight, other than us talking about what happened out there.” I thrust my hand in the general direction of the ocean as I stared at him, wondering why those blues of his were still so icy.
“What’s going on, Cortez? Why are you looking at me like you wish I was anywhere other than here? ”
“Because it’s true,” he said as he sat down on his sofa and groaned. “Look, I’m sore and I’m exhausted, so I was hoping to push this conversation to tomorrow morning.”
“What conversation?” I whispered as it suddenly hit me that there really was something else going on. My heartrate sped up and I felt sick as I kept looking into those cool eyes. “Are you breaking up with me right now?”
“Breaking up implies that we’re in a relationship, which we’re not, but we do need to stop this.” He waved a finger from his chest to mine. “We just… we need to stop, Perkins.”
“Why?” I could barely hear the sound of my own voice over the blood rushing in my ears. “What happened today wasn’t about us, Santiago.”
“Master Chief Cortez,” he corrected me when I called him by his given name. “I’m not Santiago to you. Not anymore. It’s too dangerous.”
Disbelief slammed into me like an out of control freight train. “Are you kidding me? Are you really blaming what happened on me?”
“No, but that’s not the point. The crash might not have been your fault or mine, but?—”
He was cut off by a sharp knock at the door. At that moment, I felt like we were suspended in time, simply watching as a meteor approached our world, unable to do anything to stop it.
My breath caught in my lungs as I watched the door handle turn, and before I could move to hide or Santiago could call out for the person not to come in, the door swung open.
In my worst nightmares I wouldn’t have been able to imagine this happening, but the imposing figure that came into view was the very last person I’d have wanted to find me here.
I’d have taken Commander Nicholson over my father, but there he was. Ron Perkins in all his glory. Santiago stood, his mouth agape but not a word coming out. In the meantime, I still couldn’t move. Couldn’t say anything as I blinked and wondered if I was hallucinating.
Please, God, let me still be underwater. Let me be drowning instead of this being real.
“Santiago?” my father’s booming, commanding voice ripped me out of my prayer.
This was real. It was so real, and we were so screwed.
“Layla? What on God’s green earth are you doing in your instructor’s apartment?
I went by the dorms to check on you, but the other girl said she hadn’t seen you, so I thought I’d come by to see Cortez. ”
I kept staring at him, utterly unable to remember how to form words—let alone sentences—as my heart thudded against my ribs and my hands started shaking. Thankfully, Santiago stepped up, giving my dad a calm, reassuring smile.
“Thanks for coming by to check on me, sir. It’s been a hell of a day, but I’m fine. I actually asked Layla to stop by so I could do the same thing you’re doing, check on her. I just got out of the hospital a few minutes ago.”
My dad nodded, taking the excuse as he looked between us before glancing back at Santiago. “Thank God, you acted fast. From what I’ve heard, today was a total clusterfuck. That true?”
Santiago winced, but he dipped his head in a curt nod. “Yes, sir. It was. We could’ve lost the pilot. It’s a good thing your daughter has a clear head on her shoulders. She was the only other person out there who did.”
My dad paused for a beat before he smiled at me. “You did well, baby. I’m proud of you.”
My heart nearly stopped when he said the words I’d been waiting to hear for so long, but then he looked at Santiago and said it with much more gusto when it was aimed at him.
“I’m proud of you too, son. I always am, but your actions today reminded me of why.
Where the hell was everyone else today? Were they even out there with you? ”
“They were,” he replied, hanging and shaking his head at the same time. “I’m afraid we’re in trouble here without you, sir. The wheels have come off and no one seems to know how to put them back on.”
Dad did a double take, but then he heaved out a sigh and scratched the stubble on his jaw.
“I’m sure we can find a way to work it out.
How about I buy you two dinner? We can talk, you can catch me up on everything that’s been going on, and I’ll get to feed you both so at least I’ll have seen you eat with my own two eyes.
You gave me quite a scare today. Both of you. ”
Tears stung the backs of my eyes. I wanted more time with Santiago, who my father seemed to like and respect more than he did me, but when I glanced at the man, he gave his head an almost imperceptible shake.
“Thank you for the offer, sir, but I need to hit the hay. I ate before I left the hospital. Food wasn’t great, but they made me eat it before they signed my discharge papers. I need to be up early to do my report while it’s all still fresh, but I’ll give you a call as soon as I can.”
“Right,” Dad said, then turned to me. “It’s just you and I then, kiddo. Let’s go. You can tell the old man your first war story.”
On the one hand, he said it so fondly that I softened a bit.
For years, I’d been waiting to have a story just like this one to tell him.
It probably sounded weird that I’d been looking forward to something like this, but the fact of it was that I’d just wanted something to tell him that would make him think I was worthy.
On the other hand, however, it was disappointing that he looked a bit bummed that it would only be the two of us when he glanced at Santiago again. “Sorry you won’t be joining us. Maybe next time?”
“Yes, sir.”
Dad held his hand out toward me. “Let’s go, honey. We should get out of his hair. He’s had a long day. I’m sure a cadet and his ex-boss are the last people he wants to be spending time with right now.”
Santiago didn’t contradict him, and it hurt. Especially since the only person I wanted to be spending time with was him.
Either way, however, that wasn’t an option. My dad took my arm and steered me out of the apartment before I could even say goodbye. Then he spent the whole ride to an Italian place down the road telling me how scared he’d been after he’d gotten the call.
As we walked into the cozy dining room and sat down, my brain felt like it’d been scrambled. In one day, I’d survived a helicopter crash, failed at saving a life, and been broken up with, and now I had to have dinner with my father and pretend like everything was okay.
After all the years I’d waited for this, I couldn’t even enjoy it when he told me how proud he’d been when Commander Nicholson had commended him on raising a daughter who could hold her own. It was all noise. All adding to the scramble that—Oh, fuck it.
“I care about Santiago,” I blurted when Dad paused to take a sip of his water.
He smiled as he swallowed it, and I frowned in confusion over the fact that he didn’t seem at all taken aback by what I’d just admitted.
Until he spoke again and I realized he’d misunderstood.
“Of course, you do. He’s your instructor and I know he’s been helping you.
I care about him a great deal myself. He’s an excellent teacher.
I’m happy you two are getting along. There’s a lot you can learn from him. ”
“No, Dad,” I said before I could stop myself. “I don’t mean it like that. I mean, I do care about him as an instructor, but I also really care about him.”
Finally, the smile melted away from my dad’s lips and he blinked hard, his features turning harder than rock when realization dawned.
“Layla…” He trailed off, his head shaking as he glanced around and realized we were surrounded by other people. His jaw tightened and a flush appeared on his cheeks, and he motioned for our server and ordered a whiskey before turning back to me.
“You and I are going to talk about this later,” he said quietly, his tone scathing as his eyes narrowed. “Not here and not now. What do you want to eat? We should get you back to your bunk, if that’s even where you’ve been sleeping.”
And there it was, the disapproval I’d known would be coming. Why the hell did I even say anything?
It wasn’t like I’d expected him to be happy for me. In fact, I’d known he wouldn’t approve. I’d also known he would be furious.
But I’d told him anyway.
Because he was my father and I hated lying to him.
Because I’d almost died today and I’d realized that living a lie wasn’t working for me.
Because I’d thought that above all else, I was his daughter and that he’d at least try to understand.
And now, I might’ve lost Santiago and my father in one day.
Shit. I should’ve just gone under with the damn helicopter when I had the chance.