Chapter 21 #2
Emerson hadn’t actually talked to Ben all day, but he had been able to catch Alexei hours earlier, when an assortment of random Caravalhos had been getting ready inside his house before the ceremony.
He hadn’t planned on saying anything. But then the Caravalho contingent of the wedding had just been so big, so loud. And when Emerson had seen Alexei outside, talking to his sister, he’d stepped out and pulled him aside.
“I just…wanted to let you know that it was the same for me,” he’d started. “At my wedding. I didn’t have any family there, at least, anyone related by blood.”
Alexei listened, eyes intent.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“No, no.” Emerson waved an emphatic hand.
“Well. I have to say I am a little jealous you have Alina. Although my parents definitely shouldn’t have had any other children, so my solo childhood was probably a blessing.
Anyway. I just wanted to say…I don’t know.
That you’re not alone, I guess, if you’re having any kind of feelings today. ”
Alexei had looked into the sky then, silent for a few minutes. Emerson wondered if he was being weird or inappropriate, trying to say anything about this at all.
But then Alexei looked back at him and said, “I don’t feel sorry for me anymore. I really don’t. I’m so grateful all these wild people”—he gestured toward the house—“are mine. I’m not sad that my parents aren’t here. I just feel really, really sorry for them. You know? Not me anymore. Just them.”
Emerson nodded. “Yes,” he said. Although—did Emerson feel sorry for his parents? No. Maybe he had at his wedding. He used to, sometimes, when it came to Daisy. But now—mostly, he felt completely indifferent.
“And…” Alexei continued, “it feels good to say that to someone today who isn’t Alina.” He smiled, a small, handsome curve of his mouth. “Thank you, Emerson.”
Emerson really hadn’t known what to say then, so he’d taken a wordless step back. “Have the best wedding, Alexei.” And then he’d walked up the hill to find Luca.
“I’m so glad,” he said to Ben and Alexei now. “I’m beat, so I’m going to head in soon. But you can text me, or tell Morgan to text me, if you need absolutely anything. Please, stay as long as you want. Before I go, though—have either of you seen Luca recently?”
“No,” Ben said before clapping a hand on Emerson’s shoulder, a twinkle in his eye. “But hey. Hold onto that one.”
Emerson was already blushing when Alexei said, “Yes. He is very hot. Not as hot as Ben, but very hot.”
Ben turned his attention to his husband. “I love you so fucking much.”
“He’s also letting us stay in his beautiful cabin tonight,” Alexei continued, “and I cannot wait. I’m very happy to be married to Ben but it’s very loud here, and it was so quiet there. You could see the ocean right through the windows.”
“You could see the ocean from our hotel room, too.”
Alexei waved a hand, almost smacking Ben in the face. Emerson wondered how much Alexei had been drinking. “It’s different. You’ll understand when we’re there. Which will hopefully be soon.”
“Okay, well.” Emerson felt this was a good time to get away. “I hope you have a great—”
“Emerson.” Before Emerson could process what was happening, Alexei was reaching out and cupping Emerson’s face in his hands.
“Thank you for letting us do this here.” Emerson was about to open his mouth to say, however awkwardly with Alexei this close to his face, you’re welcome, when Alexei leaned down and left a smacking kiss on Emerson’s forehead.
“You are also attractive, by the way. In case I didn’t say that before. ”
“Okay, husband.” Ben dragged Alexei away while biting his lip on a muffled laugh. “Let’s get you some water, hm?”
Emerson watched them go, amused and a little melancholy all at the same time.
He needed to sleep.
Unable to find anyone else who would know about Luca, Emerson did one final round of the old barn before walking down the hill to his house.
The kitchen was dark when he let himself in through the sliding glass door. He blew out a breath as he turned on the lights, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Luca?” He toed off his shoes.
Nothing.
He jogged down the stairs, checking Luca’s room. Nothing.
Back upstairs, a final bolt of energy raced through his veins as he suddenly imagined Luca already in his bed, shirtless and waiting—
Emerson’s room was dark and quiet.
Like the rest of the house.
After getting himself a glass of water, Emerson slumped into a kitchen chair with a sigh. He could hear the din of the wedding, still going strong up the hill. But it was muted, not overwhelming. His house was exactly as he’d wanted it to be: still. Peaceful.
And his skin itched with wrongness.
Emerson knew it hadn’t been terribly long since Luca Yaeger had arrived on his farm. Barely over a month. He should have remembered what it was like, all those months before. During the weeks he didn’t have Daisy after Jayden moved out. How quiet it had been at the end of each day.
He didn’t like remembering.
Luca would come through the door any minute. Emerson was sure of it. He had to be somewhere. Emerson could survive until then.
A drunken crowd of people climbing onto a school bus in his driveway sometime later jolted Emerson awake.
He cursed as he righted his head, whatever weird angle he’d somehow fallen asleep in alerting his neck at once that it was fucked.
He stood, watching the scene outside through his front window, hand cradling the base of his skull, until the bus had safely departed.
He leaned closer to the window, trying to spot Luca’s car. They had moved the van and cars farther from the house earlier today to make room for the wedding party and the bus. But it was too dark now; he could hardly see anything at all.
He did another walkthrough downstairs, even if he knew he would still find Luca’s bed cold. He could feel it, even without looking. Luca wasn’t home.
With a sinking in his gut, he threw off his wedding clothes, tossing them in an uncharacteristic heap on his floor.
And then he climbed under the covers, holding onto the hope that when he next woke, Luca would be there next to him: those long eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks, a tired smile on his lips.