Chapter Ten
TILLIE
We ate our breakfast and talked a little more about our relationship, what it meant for us, and how it would work.
When it was time to get to work, we headed inside before the start of business hours and went our separate ways.
Ryan has some demos to record, and I have media to attend to.
He gave me a long, passionate kiss before we parted ways, and now I’m in my office looking over this week’s statistics on Recoil’s social media pages.
“Hey-ho,” a chirpy voice echoes through my doorway, breaking the intense concentration on my MacBook screen. I glance up to see a pink-framed head popping in through my doorway with a bright, cheery smirk.
I furrow my brows at her strangeness. “What?”
She steps into my office and walks up to my desk with a spring in her step. “So… I went up the fire escape, and it looks like there was a date or something up there?”
Swallowing hard, I look away from her and back to my screen. “Oh, it does?”
“Yeah. Know anything about that?”
“Hm… nope.”
“Liar!”
I giggle and shrug, gesturing to zip my lips shut.
Lunar smiles, throwing her hands in the air. “Yes! I knew it.”
“I know nothing,” I reply.
She laughs and pats my shoulder. “I’m happy for you two. Like so ridiculously happy you don’t even know.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Okay, so you’re keeping it quiet. I get it. I won’t say anything. Just know that I think you’ll be good for him.” She squeezes my shoulder and walks out, leaving me feeling happy that people are on our side.
Taking a deep breath, I get on with my day, getting lost in interview schedules and marketing campaigns. But after lunch, I want to take a break from it all and head to the studio to see how things are progressing with the band.
I enter to find the band in full recording mode, so I step back into the sound room to listen as they record a track for a new album.
I watch how the band moves together and the way they flow and sync so well.
I love their new songs and sway my hips to the music as I watch Ryan smile while he plays his guitar, occasionally singing into the microphone.
The song finishes, and instinctively, Ryan looks up at me. He smiles, and I do the same.
“Okay, guys, feel free to have a quick break. You’ve earned it,” Oliver announces.
Ryan puts down his guitar as Danger takes a giant drink from a water bottle.
“I’m just going to the bathroom,” Ryan calls out quite loud as he glances my way, then heads for the hall between the studio and the booth. I exit to meet him in the hall, where we’ll have a small window of opportunity to have some private time.
“You sounded great,” I chime, and he smirks, stalking toward me.
I take a step back, my body hitting the wall as he steps up against me.
He licks his lips, tilts his head, and slowly leans in, crushing his lips to mine.
My body melts into his while my arms wrap around his neck, and I kiss him back passionately, holding him tightly while we kiss feverishly but slowly.
His body presses against mine, and I ease into him.
We continue kissing, getting lost in each other, our tongues dancing together, sending sparks of magnetism.
My fingers move up, tangling in Ryan’s hair, pulling him closer, needing him closer.
He grinds into me, making me whimper into his mouth, when suddenly someone clears their throat.
My stomach flips as Ryan pulls back, and we both turn to see Nate standing there, smirking at us. “So, how long’s this been going on? Was the whole arch-enemy thing an act?”
Ryan tenses and pulls back. “It’s new… as in today new. So don’t go around telling everyone.”
Nate raises an eyebrow. “Are you going to do a press release saying you’re off the market now, Ry?” He lets out an amused laugh.
I watch for Ryan’s reaction as he becomes increasingly irritated. “There’s nothing to tell right now, Nate. Stop being a child,” I berate, and he smirks.
“Wow! Queen bossy pants has spoken. Is she that feisty in the sack, too, Ry?”
Ryan clenches his fists and pushes Nate up against the wall. Hard. “Shut. Your. Mouth. You tried to get into Danger and Lunar’s heads. I won’t let you do it to me.”
“I don’t have to try to get into your head. You’re in your own head enough as it is, Ryan. Am I right?”
“You don’t know what you’re on about?”
“Oh no? So it hasn’t crossed your mind that Matilda here works for us, and she’s doing an amazing job. What happens when this fling turns to shit? She’ll leave, and we lose the best PR we’ve had ’cause you had to wet your dick.”
“Jesus Christ,” I murmur as Ryan shifts him higher up the wall.
“Learn to shut your mouth, Nate. We all know you have serious commitment issues. Don’t force your views onto others.” He lets Nate go, and his feet hit the floor.
He smiles. “I won’t tell anyone if you do something for me, Tillie.” Nate smirks.
“Fuck off, Nate,” Ryan berates.
“It’s just a small thing. It’s for the band, really. I think it’s the next step in our evolution.”
“You’re fucked in the head! Since when is blackmail your thing?”
“It’s fine, Ryan. What do you want, Nate?” I ask.
“I want you to get an A-lister actress to star in a music video of ours. It will boost our popularity, don’t you think?”
Raising my eyebrows, my lips turn up, and I nod. “Yeah, actually, why didn’t I think of that? If I can get someone big to agree, that will draw more attention to you. Nate, you’re a genius!”
He shrugs and nods. “I know.”
“You have a shit way of showing your genius, though, dipshit,” Ryan grumbles, and Nate chuckles.
“I’m not going to tell anyone about you two, I promise. I just wanna meet a hot A-lister.”
“I would have done it if you had just asked, you know,” I tell Nate.
“I know…” he raises an eyebrow, “… but this way was much more fun.” He walks off back into the studio, and Ryan turns to me.
“We have to be more careful where we make out.”
I nod, but it’s in sufferance. “Can I ask… why are we hiding this from people?”
He runs his fingers through his hair. “I’m still wrapping my head around it. Like I said before. I’m not ashamed or embarrassed to be with you, so don’t think that. I just need time to get used to the idea of having a connection with someone. It’s been a long time.”
My stomach sinks slightly, and even though he said he isn’t ashamed or embarrassed, I can’t help but feel like he doesn’t want to show me off, and it doesn’t make me feel good at all.
“Okay,” is all I say.
He swallows hard, looking deeply into my eyes like he’s trying to read me. I’m not sure what he’s getting from my facial expression, but he screws up his face and groans. “Fuck… am I fucking this up already?” He turns away from me, his shoulders slumping.
I reach out, grabbing his strong bicep while my stomach sinks at seeing him upset. “It’s okay, you’re confused. I get that. We’re in a weird situation. I work for you, and that makes things… harder—”
“It’s not just that,” he says, still turned away from me.
“It’s not?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.
He slumps even more. “I want to tell you… all of it. I just can’t yet. I’m not ready.”
My hand drops from his arm, and I nod even though he can’t see me. I knew there was something more, and I hope he can open up enough for me to understand one day.
“Can you wait?” he murmurs.
Squishing my brows in confusion, he turns to look at me, but his face is strained and full of worry.
“Wait?” I ask.
“Can you wait for me to be ready? It’s asking a lot, and I don’t know how long it will take for me to open up to you. But if you’re willing to stand by me, I promise I will tell you everything as soon as I’m able.”
Licking my lips as my mouth suddenly goes dry, I take in a deep breath. “Does this mean everything is on hold until you find your strength?”
He shakes his head. “No. I still want to keep seeing you. It’s just the delving into my past I’m not ready for yet.”
Nodding slowly, I think I understand. The last girl he was with obviously hurt him. Severely. He has trust issues, and it’s starting to make a bit more sense. “I am pretty sure I can manage that.”
He sighs in relief and leans his forehead against mine. “Thank you.”
I smile, bringing my hand up to caress his smooth cheek. “It’s fine.”
He smiles and leans in, quickly kissing my lips, then pulls back. “Better get back in there before Nate demands a pony.”
I laugh before he squeezes my hand, pulls away from me, and walks down toward the studio. That’s when I turn and head back inside the sound booth just in time to see Nate smirk at Ryan.
Danger looks at Ryan and frowns. “You okay, man? You were gone for so long, I thought you fell in the toilet.”
“It’s all those kale smoothies you’re making me drink,” he replies.
Danger laughs as Ryan looks over at me and winks.
RYAN
A quick wink to Tillie confirms she can hear us. Her smile in response is far from convincing—its falseness glaringly obvious.
Swallowing hard, I take a deep, centering breath and look away from her.
I hate that I’ve asked Tillie to keep us a secret.
I knew it would, and obviously is, making her feel inadequate.
But if I acknowledge publicly that something is going on between us, that means I’m over Katie, and I don’t know if that’s true.
I’m not sure if I will ever truly be over my wife.
“Okay, guys, let’s get this going again,” Oliver calls out, clapping his hands together.
Nodding, I pick up my Fender, placing the strap over my head.
Looking at Oliver to let me know when to start the intro to the song, he points at me, so I start strumming.
Nate kicks in with the drum beat and Matt with his Bass.
Danger’s voice chimes in soon after, and I head into autopilot.
My eyes shift toward Tillie, and she smiles at me as I watch her, but soon after, she nods at me and turns, leaving the sound room.
I feel like an asshole for treating her like this.