Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
It felt to Iris that Philip must have known what she was going to tell him. In her eyes, that was the only way to explain what he planned for this evening. A romantic dinner, just the two of them, the first such one of their married life.
Oh yes, they ate together often. Breakfast and supper both. But this felt different. It felt more important. As if Philip was accepting this marriage finally.
But is it still the right thing to do? It feels so final. So… monumental in the grand scheme of things. I am ready, I know it, but is Philip? Will he see it the same way that I do?
Iris knew that she was overthinking it. All she could do was attend this romantic supper, enjoy the moment and the duke’s company, and then see how she felt. No pressure. No expectations. Let the evening dictate how it was to end…
So it was that she presented herself at the dining room on the hour that she was told to do so.
“Iris…” Philip was standing by the end of the table, waiting for her. When he saw her step through the door his eyes lit up as they navigated her body. “You look… incredible.”
She blushed and looked away. “As do you.”
“Oh, this?” He brushed the shoulder of his dark suit. “I suppose I clean up well enough. Just trying to keep up with you.”
A rolling of the eyes but she could not keep from smiling. “Consider it a success.”
Iris was dressed in a gown for this evening, perhaps a little formal but she felt that the occasion called for it.
She had but one green gown and, knowing how the color suited her, did not hesitate to wear it.
It was tight fitting around the waist with a flowing skirt.
Its neckline scooped low above her bosom, showing off plenty of bare skin.
Her necklace held a ruby at its center, her earrings were chosen to match, and her hair was worn in tight ringlets.
All that was to say that she looked as elegant as ever.
Philip too, smart and formal in his all-black suit with a dark red waistcoat. Thick hair neatly combed. A smell wafting from him that was sweet. And again, a look in his dark eyes that told her without question how important tonight was.
I cannot help but feel that this is a night that will either make or break us. A test, it feels like, to see if this marriage has legs. Personally, I am not so inclined to worry. Not even a little bit…
Philip approached her and cocked an arm. “May I?”
She laughed and linked her arm through his. “You may.”
He led her down the table. It was set for just the two of them. Crystal candelabras were lit across its center. Silverware gleaming in the orange light. White porcelain that shone and glistened. And there was music… although she could not see where it came from.
“The room next door,” Philip answered her silent question.
“Next door?” she frowned.
“I find it helps soften the music, so it’s not quite so abrasive.”
“Have you done this before?” she said with a cocked eyebrow as if in derision.
He laughed as they reached their setting. “If you don’t mind…” He unlinked his arm so he could pull out her chair. She took it graciously, settling in as Philip sat across from her, rather than at the head of the table.
“This is all…” she indicated about the room.
“Not too much, I hope.”
“No.” She smiled warmly. “It is perfect.”
Iris had been wondering all day about what she would tell Philip. If she thought that they were ready or if it might be worth waiting a little while longer. Now, she wondered no more.
It was clear to her that Philip was taking this marriage seriously. That he wanted her to know that he was. That if they were to sleep together, it wouldn’t change or ruin anything. If anything, it would only bring them closer together.
Once seated, Mr. Tibbitt—acting as their server for the evening—poured them both a glass of wine. After which, he left them to check on the kitchens, which he promised would be ready to serve their first course soon. Through the doors he hurried, leaving them alone.
From beyond the room music drifted between them, the candles on the table flickered, and Iris met Philip’s eyes. She smiled and he smiled back.
“Iris, there is something…” Philip began, speaking carefully and clearly with a sense of nerves. “There is something we need to speak of.”
“Oh?”
“Earlier today, my brother, when he…” He grimaced and his eyes flicked away from her. “You saw how upset he was. And no doubt, you heard the reason.”
“Something to do with the villagers?”
He nodded. “That is right. You asked to help comfort him, I denied you, and I want you to know that it was not personal. It is just that my brother and I have always been close. Since he was a boy, I have been the one to look after him, and I suppose that is a tradition that is hard to break from.”
“I understand perfectly well, Philip. No need to apologize.” She did understand too, but not for the reasons that Philip knew.
He smiled with relief. “Also, the reason that the villagers upset him so. There is a good reason, and…” He hesitated, looking away again, biting into his lip as he came to a decision. “I want to tell you. And I will tell you—I promise that I will. I just don’t think I am ready to do so yet.”
“You…” She felt her stomach twist with guilt… and sadness. “You’re not?”
“I will be,” he said quickly. “I promise. But it is not such an easy thing to speak of, and I need time.” He laughed awkwardly. “You know how I am when it comes to my family’s history.”
“You don’t like snooping,” she said with a soft smile.
“Which you have not done, and I appreciate it so much. I will tell you one day soon, I just can’t yet. I hope you understand.”
Seeing as Iris knew to what Philip was referring, she understood better than he knew. No doubt Percy’s birth caused Philip shame and confusion both, just as she had no doubt how embarrassed he was to speak about it. And truly, Iris did not take it personally that he wasn’t quite ready to open up.
If anything, she felt extreme guilt over the fact. She knew about it already. She had been lying to Philip this whole time. Should she come clean and tell him the truth? And if she did, how would he react?
I doubt he would be pleased with me. But might he understand? I am not sure…
For how well she was starting to know her husband, there was still so much she could not say about him. What they needed was time to get to know one another better, which as luck had it, they had plenty of. Time she was more than willing to give.
“I understand completely,” she assured him. “And truly, that you even thought to give me an explanation is enough.” Then, she winked. “For now, anyhow.”
Philip grinned. “And here I was, worried that your stubborn nature might be my undoing. I don’t know what I was worried about.”
“Calling me stubborn!” she cried in jest. “That is rich.”
He shrugged. “If the dress fits…”
She looked at him flatly. “It fits me very well. Although I wonder now how it might look on you.” They laughed at the silliness of the conversation, the tension between the melting away.
And with that, the evening was able to begin.
The first course was served, which was a simple pea and ham soup. As they ate, they spoke about the early days of this marriage and laughed together at how they had both acted.
“You were not much better!” Philip chuckled when Iris teased him about how he had tried so hard to avoid her. “Even if I had wanted to speak with you, you had a nasty habit of forcing an argument.”
“Only because it was the one way I knew to bring you out of your shell,” she shot back. “Either that or I was treated with a glaring silence. Although there wasn’t much glaring to be had, as you refused to look at me.” More laughter.
Their second course was roast duck served with savory eggs, paired with baked vegetables drowned in a butter sauce. As this was eaten, the conversation moved toward the future, that being where Iris and Philip had once seen their lives heading, before this marriage happened.
“Oh, I always knew I would wed,” Iris said matter-of-factly.
“Is that so?”
She shrugged. “What choice do I have—although I do not want to sound as if I dreaded it. Truthfully, I looked forward to it. That’s how I was raised.”
“Having four older sisters must have helped.”
She laughed. “If you met them, you would know that isn’t true. Funnily enough, where they are all happily married now, none of them started this way. In fact, each one was a tragedy worthy of its own play.”
“But with a happy ending?” Philip laughed.
“Eventually.” She winked at him then and took a sip of wine. “All that is to say, we’re off to a great start.”
It was the third course when the conversation turned serious and Iris felt that she needed to reach a decision.
For dessert a tray of jellies and fruits were served in the shape of a towering pyramid, far too much for just the two of them, but she picked at it happily.
If for no other reason than to distract herself.
“I have enjoyed tonight,” she said softly, finding it hard to look Philip directly in the eyes now. The wine was having a small effect on her confidence, but nowhere near enough. “Thank you…” She glanced quickly at him and looked away. “You have no idea how grateful I am.”
“As am I,” he said seriously. “I suppose it’s overdue, isn’t it.”
“No,” she said. “If this were last week, it would have felt forced. And no doubt it would have been awkward.”
“And likely would’ve led to a fight,” he chuckled.
She laughed along, but said nothing.
As she picked at her plate of fruit she could feel Philip’s eyes on her. Watching closely. Expecting her to say something… as if he knew what was on her mind.
When the dinner started, Iris had not been sure what she wanted. Or rather, if the timing was right for it. Only now, with how well things were going, she realized there was no point in waiting. This marriage was ready for the next step and nervous or not, it needed to be taken.
Just do it, Iris. It is not as if he will say no!
“Philip,” she started softly, still unable to look at him. “There is something we need to discuss.”
“Yes?”
She clicked her tongue. “I… earlier today, when we broke our fast. We were…” She sucked through her teeth. “Do you remember what we were speaking of?”
“I do.”
“Your rules,” she forced herself to say. “I was telling you how I had been thinking about them. The third rule, in particular.”
“I remember.”
Her breathing had grown heavy. Her pulse was racing. She was growing hot, fidgeting, hardly able to sit straight because a nervous energy had flooded her.
“I told you how grateful I was, that you… that you were willing to wait for me. That you were not going to pressure me or make demands. And…” She forced herself to look up, finding his stare focused on her.
Unblinking and powerful. “And where I do appreciate it, so much, you need to know—you should know. That… that…” She could hardly breathe! “That there is no need.”
“No need for what?” he asked, his voice dropping to a whisper.
“To wait,” she said. She made sure to hold his eyes across the table, needing him to see how serious she was being.
“The truth is, I do not want to wait. I did, once, when I thought this marriage was to be nothing more than a convenience. Or an inconvenience,” she added with nervous laughter.
“But with all that has happened, all we have discussed and been through, I just don’t… I do not see why… I think that…”
She was struggling to say it. Casting her eyes down again, breathing ragged and body flushed bright pink, it was all she could do not to flee the room from embarrassment.
But she wanted this. She knew that now. As ready as she would ever be, she needed to stop being afraid.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Philip spoke for her.
She looked up, frowning at the comment. “What… what does that mean?”
He smiled. “I know what you are trying to say. Just as I know what you want.”
“You do?” she blinked.
“I do.” His smile grew and then, most unexpectedly, he stood from his seat. “And you should know, I want it too. I thought that to wait made the most sense, that I was doing the right thing by you. But now, well…” He laughed and shook his head. “I cannot help but think the opposite is true.”
“You… I… I agree,” she somehow managed.
To that, Philip said nothing.
Rather, he kept his eyes on her as he walked around the table. She watched him come, her heart thundering through her chest. When he reached her, he held out a single hand for her to take. She eyed that hand with caution, wanting to take it, but frozen in the moment.
“Iris,” he said. “Will you join me?”
“F—for?” she stammered further.
“I think you know.”
She did know. She could see it in his eyes, the way his hungry stare devoured her. She could feel it pouring off him, wrapping about her body, drawing her to him. There was no need to wait. No need to prolong. No need to pretend at anything other than the truth.
With that in mind, Iris took Philip’s hand. He helped her from her seat. And then, with nothing else to say, he led her from the dining room.
Finally, it was time to take this marriage to the next stage. And Iris could not have been more thrilled. Although that feels like an understatement, all things considered…