Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
“Where are you going?” Percy called after Philip.
“Where do you think!” Philip strode across the room, each step falling heavy on the floorboards.
“Philip!” Percy was up, hurrying after him. “Don’t. Please…”
At the door, Philip was about to throw it open and storm out. The only thing that gave him pause was the pleading of his brother. Hand around the door handle, he gripped it tight but couldn’t bring himself to open it.
“They can’t treat you like this,” Philip growled, back still to his brother. “They need to understand that there are consequences for their actions.”
“Consequences?” Percy came in behind him, resting a hand on his shoulder. “Such as?”
Philip was still shaking with anger. Fury engulfing his entire body as if he might set the world on fire.
It had been months now since his brother was last home, and longer than that since he’d dared to visit the local village.
Long enough that Philip had almost forgotten just how horrid the people who lived there could be.
They are worse than I remember. Evil, twisted, and cruel people who think it is safe to punch down on my brother because he is not a lord. I can’t let them get away with this!
“I don’t know,” Philip admitted through gritted teeth. “But I will think of something.”
“It is not worth it.”
“How can you say that!”
Percy sighed. “Philip, if you spent all your free time trying to protect me from those who sought to insult or upset me, then I fear you would have no time for yourself. Truly, it would be a full-time job.”
Philip released the door handle and turned to face his brother. “What… what does that mean? Who else?” he demanded. “Who else has said…” He trailed off when he saw the look in his brother’s eyes, one that was dismissive because the answer was that obvious. “Eton…”
“Right in one.”
Philip groaned. “Percy. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you?” Percy laughed. “Tell you what, exactly? That I am not as respected as you and Robert were? That the only reason I was accepted into Eton in the first place is because of who my brother is, which you always knew, Philip. Do not act as if this a surprise.”
Philip winced. “I knew they were not happy about it. But I assumed that once they accepted you, and once they saw you for themselves, that they would realize…” He shook his head to himself. “I am not even sure.”
“You see me through the eyes of a brother,” Percy said. “Which isn’t your fault. But the reality is the rest of the world does not have that privilege.”
Philip felt like a great big fool.
When he insisted that Percy attend Eton College, the rebuke from the esteemed learning institute was severe and harsh.
But Philip, always the stubborn one, refused to take no for an answer.
In his eyes, Percy was his blood, as deserving as anyone else, and the type that once you got to know it could not be denied how intelligent and kind and worthy he was.
Deep down, he had always known it would be hard for his younger brother. He supposed he just chose to ignore that truth, hoping that he was being overly protective and there was no need for concern.
“I am sorry, Percy,” Philip sighed, letting his shoulders falls. “I… I want to say I did not realize, but that is only half true.”
“It is fine, brother.” Percy gave Philip’s arm a gentle squeeze.
“And truly, it is not as bad as you might think. Yes, some of the other boys are a tad harsh to me…” He laughed as if he had said something funny.
“But not all of them. I have made good friends, and the opportunities this school will give me are unmatched. What are a few hard years if the price is worth it?”
Philip forced a smile. This was why he loved his brother. That ability he had to always see the good in something was a skill that Philip greatly lacked. He is a better man than I in almost every way. I just wish the rest of the world could see it.
“That your peers treat you like that is one thing,” Philip said. “But to be spoken down to by some local villagers…” He sneered at the thought. “They need to be made to realize that they cannot speak to you like that. It is not right.”
“You’re right,” Percy agreed. “It is not. But charging in there like a bull with a red flag waved in its face, tearing holes into them, isn’t going to solve anything. Leave it for now, a few more days to cool off. And in the meantime, perhaps we can determine a better course of action.”
“Such as?”
Percy grinned. “Well, if I knew that, I would have said it.”
Philip laughed and slapped his brother on the arm. “I am sorry about this, Percy. You know I hate seeing you like this.”
“I know it,” Percy said with that same warm smile he always wore. “And that you care so much, that’s all which matters to me. Let the villagers poke fun. It can’t hurt me.”
Philip cocked an eyebrow. “Are you sure about that?”
“Oh, you mean earlier…” Percy snorted. “That was a kneejerk reaction. My own fault for letting them get to me.”
Philip rolled his eyes but then pulled his brother into a tight hug.
He would never apologize for how much he loved Percy, and there was little he would not do for him.
This had been proven hundreds of times growing up, the turmoil Percy’s birth had brought his family, the stain it left on their name.
And despite all of it, there was not a single thing that Philip would take back.
“Come now.” Percy pulled back from the hug. “We best be getting out of here. No doubt your wife is as confused as a cat among dogs right about now.”
“My wife…” Philip felt his chest tighten.
“What?” Percy asked.
“I…” He grimaced. “I may have been a little harsh with her just now. When you came inside, she wanted to come with me to console you and I…” Another grimace. “I was short with her.”
Percy snorted. “Yes, that sounds about right.”
“She does not know about your history,” Philip explained, the tightness in his chest getting worse. “So, I couldn’t very well have her come along now, could I. And I was worried about you. And I was angry. And I was… I was…”
“Not thinking clearly, by the sounds of it,” Percy laughed.
Philip shook his head. “I know I need to tell her – and please, Percy. Do not think it is personal. It is not that I am ashamed of you, obviously. It is more that…” He trailed off, unable to find the words to explain why he was so darn closed off.
It was born from a lifetime of heartache, Philip supposed. From the day that Percy had been born, Philip had been forced to justify his mother’s action. Defend them to others. Try and make it appear that what she had done was not the worst of things imaginable.
Not that he’d believed his own words. He had hated his mother for what she’d done to their father, and he’d let her know it.
When she died, that Philip had bonded so quickly to the baby Percy, made him realize how wrong he had been.
Guilt followed, and shame that he had treated his mother so poorly and couldn’t do anything to take it back.
And all this while he had to defend Percy against those who sought to do him harm, knowing too well why they felt the way they did. For he had been the same…
In the end, Philip supposed he felt both ashamed and embarrassed.
That, as much as anything, was why he didn’t want to tell Iris about Percy.
That and… it feels to me that once I do, that’s it.
No more secrets. No more excuses to keep my distance and pretend this marriage is anything other than what it has become.
Once I tell her the truth, it will be as if I am signaling my intent to commit to this marriage fully.
Which itself shouldn’t have been a problem, but Philip had always been stubborn and emotionally closed off. In that way, this final rebuking of how he knew he felt made perfect sense.
“I understand.” Percy put an arm around Philip’s shoulder. “But you will have to tell her eventually.”
“Likely.”
“Maybe she already knows,” Percy offered. “Have you thought about that.”
Philip snorted. “And how could she possibly know.”
“Rumors,” he suggested. “They do tend to travel.”
“The bare bones,” Philip admitted. “But not everything. Not…” He winced as he considered. “Not how I treated our mother. Not what that has done to me.”
“I guess she can’t,” Percy agreed. “Just me being hopeful, I guess. But you should tell her, nonetheless. She deserves to hear it from you.”
Philip knew that what Percy said was true. He just didn’t know if it made a difference or not.
On top of that, he could not help but think back to the moment before Percy came home.
Iris had told him that she wished to speak on something, the rules he had mentioned, specifically the third and final rule.
Whatever it was that she had been about to say was clearly uncomfortable for her, and despite not having had a chance to say it, Philip was certain he knew the next words that were going to come out of her mouth.
She is ready to go to bed with me. More than that, she wants to.
This should have excited him. It did that. He too wanted to sleep with his wife and finish what they had started so many times already. But did he deserve such a thing? It would be a huge step forward in their relationship and once that step was taken, there would be no going back.
All this was to say that Philip was feeling as confused as ever. But where this marriage was concerned, what else was new.