Chapter 24
Twenty-Four
Lily
After a week, I hoped I’d be all cried out. My eyes were bloodshot this morning. I put some toast on a plate and set it on the table.
“We need to eat,” I called down the hall. “We’ve gotta go soon.”
I had woken up early and cleared the driveway. I had clipped the monitor to my jacket, and Bug frolicked in the snow while I worked. Now I was showered and running late. I worked the later shift, but there was no more running to daycare after I was done. Doc Julio had started scheduling my shift a half hour early, so I would be done a half hour before daycare closed. Same for the early mornings.
I was humbled I worked for such a supportive clinic. When I had approached Doc Julio with the request, I had been prepared to apologize profusely for even asking. He’d changed my schedule with no issues. Carter wouldn’t have even done that for me when I was his wife and the kids were his.
Now, it was just me.
Cali ran into the kitchen, her backpack on her back.
Kellan called out to her from his high chair. He was babbling, but I wouldn’t be surprised if some version of her name was his first word.
Cali slid into her seat and devoured the toast. “I wish I could have Eliot’s pancakes,” she said with her mouth full.
I wished I could have Eliot again. Heat rushed behind my eyes. Nope, I wasn’t cried out.
I hadn’t talked to Cali yet about the earlier-than-planned divorce. “Yeah, it’d be nice.” I sighed and brought my toast to the table. Weight mounted on my shoulders, and my breathing turned shallow. “Cali, we have to talk.”
She nodded and kept eating. She was bebopping her head to some music only she could hear. Her backpack had horses on it and underneath one arm was the mare Eliot had given her in the pasture set. She’d named the horse Eli. After Eliot.
I coughed on what I’d been about to say. I swallowed the words. “It’s nothing that can’t wait. Finish up while I get Kellan loaded.”
The pressure eased off my chest. Yes. Telling her about Eliot wasn’t a conversation to be rushed before school. Once we were all loaded into the car, I dropped her off at school, then Kellan at daycare. At the clinic, clients were already filling the waiting room, and I happily lost myself in work.
When lunch rolled around, I swept into the break room. Sutton was at the counter, scrolling through her phone.
“Hey,” she said and tucked her phone in her pocket. She wore sweats and a loose top. Instead of a braid, she’d bunched her hair into a loose bun. The fatigue from the last couple of times I’d seen her was gone. Hopefully, she and Wilder were getting more rest.
“Hi. You’re back early.” I dug my homemade chicken alfredo leftovers out of the fridge.
“I figured I’d start with half days for a couple of weeks and ease into it, but I was hoping to meet with everyone and get a gauge on how everything’s been going. I don’t want to walk in and pretend it’s exactly like it was six months ago.”
Those months had gone by in the blink of an eye, but also so much had changed it was like an eternity had come and gone. I was different. Stable. The kids and I had a routine. I didn’t worry about the roof over my head, and if I had trouble finding a new house to rent, I had generous, doting parents to help me bridge the gap. I wasn’t too immature to rely on them, and I’d never be afraid to again. I’d like to think that when my kids grew up, I’d be there for them in the same way if needed.
She had asked about work, but I needed to clear the air about her brother-in-law. My personal and professional life technically didn’t overlap, but they did, and I’d rather have the truth out there. “Have you talked to Eliot?” My pulse picked up. I could delay this conversation with Cali, but I shouldn’t with my boss.
She frowned. “No, but Cody mentioned Chambers asked him if everything was okay between you two.”
“I asked for a divorce.” A tremor traveled through my body. The tears were ready to fall if I let them.
Shock filled her features. “Oh no. I’m sorry, Lily. May I ask what happened?” She held her hands up. “Sorry. You do not have to tell me.”
“No, it’s fine. He committed to helping me, but he’s not committed to me and…” Each time I spoke my feelings, they felt more valid. My parents had listened to me, my siblings, even my aunt and uncle. “I got to a place where I wanted the real thing and not just a handout. My parents helped me buy some time in the house, and my aunt and uncle were willing to work with us.”
“I’m sure making you move after you’re established and after Cali’s started school and during the middle of winter feels a lot harsher.”
“I think my aunt felt bad. The pressure to marry and that I fell for him. She had a bad experience when she was younger and probably felt like the trust put me in a similar position.” Eliot would never use me though. Our problem was the exact opposite.
Sutton squeezed my arm. “Don’t be afraid to ask any one of us if you need anything, okay?”
I nodded, my throat growing thick. They would’ve been a wonderful family to belong to. I already had one though, and that was why I could move on.
Someday.
Eliot
It was twenty below, and shit was constantly breaking. The hydraulics went out in the Bobcat, spraying everywhere when we tried to use the bucket. Jasper and Alexander got it towed into the shop. I was elbow deep in hydraulic fluid while they went to repair the bale unroller. The damn thing busted up on them this morning and it was too damn cold to be on the back of a truck tossing hay ourselves.
I had just replaced the line I figured out was leaking in the Bobcat. I tested the lift. The bucket rose. Good. One problem was— A goddamn leak started bubbling from the new connections.
“Fucking motherfucker.” I lowered the bucket and whipped the 15/16 wrench at the shop bench. It clattered against the top, the wall, then bounced to the floor, its bangs ringing through the shop. “Fuck you and your hoses too.”
“I didn’t bring any hoses, but thanks for the offer.”
I spun around at Wilder’s voice. He wore a heavy black coat, and his breath puffed in front of him. The shop wasn’t usually this cold, but it had a hard time keeping up with the wind, and there was likely something wrong with the goddamn heater too.
“What are you doing here?” I wanted to be happy to see him, but for the last two weeks, I’d been steering clear of everyone and everything.
When Chambers had asked who pissed in my Wheaties, I’d tossed the divorce papers at him and walked away. Those damn documents still sat on the island.
Jasper hadn’t said anything, but he’d left my box of clothing and toiletries right inside my bedroom door. I’d almost tripped on the damn thing.
I ignored the papers and the fucking box too.
He shrugged out of his coat. “I came to work my magic on that hose.”
“I just replaced both lines brand new.” I grabbed a rag from off the bench and wiped the grease and hydraulic fluid off my hands. Barely any of it budged.
Wilder searched the floor until he found where the wrench landed. He squatted. He was wearing the same work clothes he usually used when he was doing shit for Sutton at the clinic. “Did Ken at the hardware store make them for you?”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek. I knew what he was getting at. “He doesn’t mess up every DIY job.”
“But when he does, it’s for this.”
My anger notched higher, and the back of my neck heated. I knew to check over Ken’s work. He had a habit of not making the fastenings tight enough. The tractor was old, and he had to make some adjustments since we couldn’t buy the right fittings.
Wilder grabbed another rag, went to the rear of the Bobcat and started mopping up the fresh hydraulic spray. Then he loosened the hoses while I leaned against the workbench and sulked.
He crossed to where I was and found the plastic bag I’d brought the hoses home in. “Come on. Let’s go exchange these.”
“You go ahead.”
“I didn’t come here to do your work for you.”
I knew why he’d come. Everyone had to know about the divorce by now. His wife was my wife’s boss.
Lily wouldn’t be my wife if I signed the papers.
“Don’t start, Wilder,” I said, weary. I hadn’t slept well for almost a month.
“I haven’t.” He put on his coat and started for the door. “I’ll drive.”
“Who’s with Sutton and the boys?”
“I believe her exact words were, ‘I’m not breakable. I can handle a day or two. Go check on Eliot; you know what a stubborn bastard he can be.’” When I stared at him, he shrugged. “Maybe she just said you can be stubborn.”
He walked outside. I glared at his back. Finally, I grabbed my dirty work coat off the hook by the bench and followed him.
Outside, the wind stole my breath, and I tucked my chin into my collar.
He’d parked right outside the shop. Someone must’ve told him where I was, and he’d kept his pickup running. Did he think I was going to run him back out of the shop? I might’ve, but I wasn’t the only stubborn Knight.
I got into the warm cab and sank into the seat. He put the truck into gear and pulled away.
“Just answer one question,” Wilder said after a few minutes.
“I’m not buying that you’re only going to ask one.” He didn’t respond, and for some reason, the silence bothered me. “Fine. One question.”
“Do you want to stay married?”
“We’ve talked about?—”
“It’s a yes or no question.” He used his law enforcement tone on me.
I bristled. “It’s not a yes or no answer.”
He lifted a shoulder. “A question like that should be an immediate yes because if it’s not, the answer is no. But at the same time, if you can’t give a resounding no, that also says a lot.”
“What kind of response is that?”
“What kind of reaction is yours? You go out of your way to keep from seeing Lily unless you’re expected to or she really needs help. Now she’s telling you she doesn’t need you, that she’s no longer your responsibility, and you’re dragging your feet.”
“It’s…” What? A big decision? A hard decision? A decision she already made that I can’t agree to? I’d decided to marry her in less time than it took her to explain why she was divorcing me. “It’s complicated.”
“It’s not.”
I slid a glare toward him, and he glanced at me, challenging me to argue.
I had no rebuttal. The divorce wasn’t complicated. Lily and her family had figured out a workaround, and she’d decided to take the extra time to find something real. I should let her go. But I couldn’t. Not yet.
What we’d had was real. I missed the phone calls. I missed the messages. I missed looking forward to seeing her again. I missed walking into a house that felt like a home.
So why had I been avoiding her?
“You ever think about Mama?” I didn’t know what made me speak, but there was a pressure valve inside of me that needed a little release before I ended up like the Bobcat’s hydraulics.
He grunted. “Maybe not as much as I should, but then she never gave me much thought either.”
“But you remember what she used to say?”
“A lot of bullshit came out of her and Barns’s mouths.”
“Yeah.”
Houses on the edge of town were coming into view. Our talk would be paused once we reached the hardware shop. I needed to get this out. There were some things my brothers and I had never talked about.
“She didn’t like having boys, that’s for sure,” Wilder said.
“She said it’s inevitable that Knight men let down women in their lives.”
He blew out a breath. “Damn, I forgot about those tirades. She wasn’t right though. I mean, yeah, for many years, I wasn’t what Sutton needed, but I got there. I let her go because I didn’t want to be like Barns and coerce her into staying when she was unhappy.” He slowed as we got farther into town. “Maybe that’s why Austen stayed single so long. And you. But Cody didn’t let down Meg, and he sure as fuck isn’t failing Tova.”
“Yeah.” Was I the anomaly? The one to prove Mama right?
He took a few turns and then parked in front of the hardware store. Exhaust billowed around us from vehicles left running in the frigid cold.
“Is Mama why you think Lily’s better off without you?” he asked.
I scrunched my face up. “No.” That was a lie. “Maybe. Being married had me thinking of Mama a lot.”
Wilder barked out a dry laugh. “Our parents are not ones to take advice from. They weren’t role models, and they were two of the most selfish people I’ve ever met in my life.” He shook his head. “We’ve all had to get over shit from them. All of us. Even Aggie, and we know how Mama thought girls were better.”
I didn’t realize I was nodding at first. I’d been in on some of those talks with my siblings as they found the loves of their lives. I’d found mine, and I’d been too afraid of fucking it up.
“What if I don’t know how to love?” Did that question sound as stupid as it felt?
He snorted. “You could’ve fooled me. You came down when you heard she was sick.”
“She had no one to help her.”
“You drove in a storm so you could be with her on Halloween.”
I had to look out the passenger window. “Because it was supposed to be our first time together.”
“No shit?” Surprise rang in his question.
I nodded.
“You’ve gone longer than that without getting laid. You sure it had nothing to do with missing out on trick-or-treating with kids you adore? That you hated not being there for Lily? Maybe you hoped she’d wear a sexy vet tech costume.”
“She doesn’t need a costume. She’s already a sexy vet tech.”
“Eliot, you’ve got it bad.”
I did. Would admitting the fact help me get over her? “She said she deserves better, and she’s right.”
“Yep. You’ve gotta be her best, and if you’re not willing to do that, then you need to let her go.” He turned in his seat until I looked at him. “You need to decide what you want. You , Eliot. Not everyone around you. Yes, our parents were selfish, but you’re not. You deserve better too. You deserve a life you look forward to, not one you’ve settled for. Letting yourself love her and spend your life with her isn’t selfish. That’s real commitment, and that’s one of the many things our parents were missing. So if you’re not willing to commit, then you gotta let her go.”
Lily
The kids were dropped off at school and daycare, and I was heading to work. It was Valentine’s Day. At some point, I would have to confess to Cali about my breakup with Eliot, but I also would like the legal papers to be filed before I broke her heart. When she asked about him, I gave her generic answers. He’s busy. The roads are bad. Maybe soon.
I hadn’t been brave enough to call Eliot about the papers, but I’d messaged him. Have you signed yet?
He’d replied an hour later with No.
No other explanation. That was two weeks ago, and I hadn’t dared message him again. Did I need to call him? I had no assets. I’d talked to the lawyer about a clean split. We’d each leave with what we came with. Was that no longer the case? I should call to make sure.
No. If I heard his voice again, I’d regress. I wasn’t crying every night anymore. I got to skip at least every other second without fantasizing about him turning up and ripping those damn papers up.
Once Valentine’s Day wasn’t looming over my head, I’d give it a shot. The day of love was not it. The day when couples celebrated each other would not be when I pestered my pretend husband about divorce.
Cali had wanted to do handmade cards she could pass out and write a special message for each classmate. It’d taken hours, but her excitement made it worth it. A nice task to take my mind off being alone for the day.
To make things even better, the day landed on a workday. Monday. I could see all the flowers that my coworkers got from their partners. I was happy for them. But I was still sad for me.
I pulled into a parking spot and went inside. I dropped my coat and purse off in the office and took my lunch bag to the break room.
Sutton came out of an exam room, and her eyes widened when she saw me. “Oh, hey. You’re here. Hi.”
She wasn’t usually flustered. She was back to working full days, but she also split her time between clients and office work.
“Yes, I’m here. Did I get my shift wrong?”
“No.” Her pitch went up. “I actually need help in Exam One. Right now.”
Was she feeling guilty that she was handing off a tough animal? I relished the challenge. When all of my brainpower was required for a wild patient, then I couldn’t think about my impending divorce. “Whatcha got?”
“Uh…” She stepped closer and put her hands on each side of her head. “Just know—whatever happens in there, it has no effect on your job.”
“That bad?”
“I don’t know. You’ll have to let me know.” She rushed down the hall.
That was weird.
I opened the door and stepped in, checking the exam table and then the floor when I saw the table was empty. “Hi, how’s it going today?”
My gaze landed on a pair of cowboy boots. The scent of leather and sandalwood hit me, and I let the door fall shut behind me. My heart hammered hard as my attention wandered up a very familiar long-legged stance.
Oh god. It was him. He was here.
I brushed my gaze over his wide chest, covered in a loose red-plaid shirt over a black T-shirt. When I landed on his face, taking in his serious expression, I swallowed hard. “Eliot?”
I looked around the room. No cat? No dog?
Why was he here?
“Lily.” He crossed toward me.
My back hit the wall. I stared up at him. He was here. For me?
Was he dropping off the divorce papers in person? Oh god, I could not face a regular workday after seeing his signature saying we were officially done.
He touched two fingers under my chin. “How are you?”
He would be sweet while severing ties between us, wouldn’t he?
“Not well,” I answered honestly. Who was I kidding? I’d been emotionally white-knuckling through each day.
“Me neither.” He searched my eyes.
I was either going to melt into the floor because he was touching me again, or I would combust from anticipation. I could not get my hopes up. “Why are you here?”
“For you.” He dug out folded-up papers that had been stuffed in his back pocket. He unfolded them, and I recognized my lawyer’s letterhead. “I came to find out what you want me to do with these.”
This was it. The pressure to sob pumped behind my eyes. He didn’t need me to tell him what to do. Was he shoving them in my face? Was that why Sutton was almost apologetic? “You can probably just run them over to his office.”
“No, Lily pad.”
I had to close my eyes at his use of the nickname. “What do you mean?”
“Do you want me to sign them?”
A tremble whispered through me, leaving a tiny thread of hope winding through every cell of my body. “You haven’t signed them?”
“I had something to run past you first. Like, what if I move a few horses to your property after the mares drop their foals and they’re all healthy enough to relocate? What if I hired Jasper as the ranch manager, and when he moves on, I’ll hire another? Then I could live in Crocus Valley. The ranch would still be going, but the Arabian breeding operation would downsize even more and be right in your backyard. And what if I had a special pony already picked out for Cali? And what if I trained one of the new arrivals this spring to be a good horse for Kellan?”
Those hopes of mine rose up from the depths of my soul, shaky but there. “What are you saying?” I whispered.
“What if we didn’t divorce? What if, on our first anniversary, we renewed our vows in front of our friends and family in a big-ass Knight-and-Duke picnic at our place, which will officially be your place? Because there’s no way your aunt and uncle won’t know that I’m committed to you and those kids forever.”
It sounded absolutely perfect. A dream. But how did I know he wasn’t doing this because he felt bad? “Eliot, it’s okay if I don’t get the house. I’m going to be okay. I have a big family, and I’m not afraid to use them anymore. You don’t have to do this for me.”
Bewilderment flared in his eyes. “It’s for me.” He winced. “That makes me sound selfish, but dammit, I am around you. I want to do this for us. I want to do this for those kids. I want you. And them. I want this family. I want to live under the same roof as you so I can tell you I love you every damn day. I’ll do it in text too. I’ll wake you saying it. I’ll go to bed with you every damn night and whisper those words in your ear. I love you, Lily. I love those kids. I might be selfish, but it’d be an honor to spend my life with you.”
His words stole every molecule of air. He loved me? He wanted to be with me? Eliot wasn’t a liar, but he was finally being honest with himself. It must not have been easy. And he was here, telling me everything I wanted to hear because it was exactly what he wanted too.
“Eliot.” My voice shook. “Are you serious?” Please say yes. Please don’t make me go through all the heartbreak again.
He brushed his fingers down my cheek. He was so close. “You’re not the only one who fell hard. Honestly, as soon as you brushed me off with those indigo eyes, I was yours.”
That would’ve been the cookie incident. “I really liked when you asked if I wanted cheese on my burger.” I was serious, but gosh, that sounded insane.
He blinked, then his lips twitched. “Lily, that was not our first meeting.”
“Before that, you were just a really hot apparition I embarrassed myself in front of.”
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about. I remember a really nice set of tits.”
I laughed and rested my cheek on his chest. He pulled me closer to him. This was real. He was real. His words were real.
My dream was coming true.
“Are you sure?” I was scared to ask.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything. I’ve been so damn miserable without you. Chambers complained about how cranky I was, and my brothers and Aggie wouldn’t leave me alone.” He pulled back and met my gaze. “Being married to you is the happiest I’ve been all my life, and that was with me being a half-assing idiot. I’m all in, Lily. I want to spend my life with you. If you want me.”
My breathing turned shallow. All in. If I wanted him. I was on the edge of a precipice. I just had to leap.
He’d been there to catch me so many times. And when he hadn’t? I had the support system a shitty ex tried to take away from me.
“I love you, Eliot. I want to spend my life with you too.”
A slow grin spread across his face. “Remember when we said that over the phone? I never thought I’d be lucky enough to hear it for real. I love you, Lily pad. I always will. I love those kids, and I can’t wait to raise them with you.” Alarm filled his expression. “Will this be a mindfuck for Cali? I took so long to plan everything and get ready to move, but I was also worried that I’d do more damage?—”
“I didn’t tell her.”
Surprise lifted his brows and hope filled his eyes. “No?”
“I never got a call from the lawyer that you returned the documents.”
The smile returned. “And you never pressured me.”
“I guess my hope never officially died.”
“Lily Knight, I’m gonna make you my wife every damn day of our lives.” He dug in his pocket and withdrew something I couldn’t make out.
Then he stepped back and dropped to a knee. He was holding a small black velvet box.
I covered my mouth with my hands. I was getting proposed to. Properly. Romantically. I didn’t care if we were in a veterinary clinic exam room with the smell of cleaner surrounding us.
“Will you stay married to me?” he asked and opened the little box. A square diamond ring in a platinum setting sparkled inside.
“Yes. Ohmigod, yes.” I had my arms around his neck before he fully stood up.
He planted his mouth on mine and pressed me against the door. I savored his taste, the hardness of his body, and the fact that he was here.
He pulled back like he needed supreme strength to break contact. “If I don’t stop, I’m going to walk out there with an erection that won’t go away. But everyone’s going to know you’re my girl.” Juggling the box, he took the ring out and slid it onto my finger. A perfect fit. Just like us.
Eliot
Lily pulled into the garage. I wanted to go out and help her, but she thought Cali would love the surprise.
Cali breezed through the door from the garage and stopped in the laundry area. She dumped her backpack on the floor and flung her coat off. She stepped out of her snow boots and danced into the kitchen. She stopped when she saw a little carved horse at her spot at the table. There was another in front of Kellan’s high chair.
“Is Uncle Jasper here?” she yelled toward the garage door where Lily was coming inside with Kellan.
“No,” I said, entering the kitchen. “Happy Valentine’s Day, boss lady.”
“Eliot!” She launched herself at me.
I crouched and caught her. She’d grown again, and I’d missed it—for the last time.
“It’s been forever!”
I laughed. “You sound like Ivy.” My niece loved the drama, and Cali loved her new cousins.
I stood and led her to the table. “I asked Jasper to carve this for you.” He’d captured the traits that made an Arabian stand apart—the arched neck, high tail, and dished facial features. “You know why?”
She shook her head, dancing from foot to foot.
“Because that carving looks exactly like the horse that’ll be coming to live here this summer. Your horse.”
Her mouth dropped open, and she gasped. “My horse?”
“Your horse.”
“What’s her name?”
I chuckled again and ran a finger along the carving. “You’re getting a gelding. A nice, mellow boy who loves to listen and learn. I saved him for you.” I had known he was something special. A good horse for kids. I couldn’t send him to be a show horse whose only purpose was to win money. “His name is Starry Night.”
“Star? His name is Star?” She squealed and whirled around. Lily came to stand by me.
I held my arms out for Kellan. He grinned and reached for me. I lifted him. “Kellan’s horse isn’t stained yet because it’s not born yet. Once we know the color, Jasper said he’ll finish it.”
“The mommy is still pregnant?” Cali’s voice was full of awe.
“Yup. Uncle Ansen is going to help me train both of them for you two.”
“Can I help?”
“We’ll have to ask.” Ansen would probably love to pass on his knowledge to young horse owners. It made his job easier when he knew a client would continue supporting the training long after he was done with the animal.
I put an arm around Lily. She felt good pressed against my side. Just like it felt right to be in this house without a deadline hanging over my head.
“I’m going to be living here now too.” I was almost afraid to say it, as if Lily would wake me up and tell me I’d been dreaming. “Is that okay with you?”
Lily squeezed her arm around me. Her reassurance was appreciated.
Cali jumped up and down. “Yay! Can you take me to school tomorrow?”
“Absolutely. I’ll take you to school every day this week.” And the next. And the one after that.
Cali snatched her horse off the table and then threw her arms around me. She clutched me and the figurine tight. “I love you, Daddy.”
Hell. My throat grew tight. I never thought I’d be called Daddy. I had been afraid I wouldn’t be worthy of it. But right now, I knew I’d spend the rest of my life proving that I was the right man for Lily and a good dad to these kids.
“I love you too, boss lady. I love your brother, and I’m so in love with your mom.”