Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Kieran
The restaurant was another fifteen minutes’ walk from the bar.
Berlin felt different at this hour, full but not crowded. Music spilled from open doors, and laughter drifted into the street as people moved between bars and cafés.
We passed one where the bass thudded underfoot, every table packed, bodies spilling out onto the pavement.
“That looks… lively,” I said, glancing inside. I caught a glimpse of the artwork, and my face grew hot. “That’s definitely a gay bar, isn’t it?” The sign in the window—Men Only—caught my eye, along with the rainbow flags strung above the entrance.
“That’s Prinzknecht. Or PK for short.”
“Will we be going there?” I asked.
Stefan glanced at me, and I saw a flicker of amusement. “Very probably, but not tonight.”
There was a fluttery, empty feeling in my stomach that had nothing to do with hunger.
A little further down the street, a name painted neatly above a doorway caught my attention, and I couldn’t help smiling.
“Elefant?” I said.
Stefan grinned. “Don’t let the name put you off. And it seemed fitting after our day at the zoo.”
He moved ahead of me, pushing the door open, then stepped back to let me pass first, close enough that I felt the brush of him as I went by.
“Trust me,” he added quietly. “You’ll like it.”
Inside, the shift was immediate.
Warm light filled the space. Low voices pervaded the air as the diners’ conversation blurred into a hum. For a moment, I took it all in before we were shown to a table without hesitation.
Stefan shook his head as he sat. “I usually have to book. Walking in and finding a table is… unusual.”
I glanced around, then back at him. “Then this must be your lucky night.”
Stefan held my gaze for a beat. “Our lucky night.”
The way he said it didn’t sound as though he was talking about the restaurant.
Dinner was delicious, and I lost all track of time. In fact, I lost all track of everything except the man sitting across from me.
Stefan didn’t dominate the conversation. He didn’t need to. He listened in a way that made me aware of what I was saying even as I said it.
As though he saw more than I intended to show.
“Well, hello there.” A man stood next to our table, smiling.
Stefan’s face lit up, and he rose to greet the guy with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. When they parted, Stefan grinned. “You can’t keep away from this place, can you?”
The guy laughed. “Luis says I’m way too fond of their schnitzel.” He patted his belly. Then his gaze alighted on me, and his eyes sparkled. “Hi there.”
“This is Kieran.” Stefan gave the man a pointed stare. “Kieran, this is Cole.”
“Hello, Kieran.” Cole bit his lip. “And that’s my cue to go back to my table because my dinner’s getting cold.” He nodded to me, beamed at Stefan, then turned and walked around the corner, disappearing from view.
Stefan sat back down. “That was my ex.”
I blinked. “You’re still on speaking terms.”
“We’re on good terms,” Stefan corrected.
I stared after Cole.
“He found someone else,” Stefan added. “Someone better suited to him.”
I tilted my head. “And you were all right with that?”
Stefan met my gaze. “He wasn’t happy, and neither was I. So why stay together when we could both find happiness elsewhere?”
His words were so simple, so uncomplicated, and yet they speared through me.
I looked down at my glass. “That sounds familiar.”
Stefan didn’t utter a word, and I appreciated that.
I took a deep breath, raised my chin, and told him my story. Not everything, and certainly not in any great detail, but enough: the accusation, the suspension, Diana…
The silence that had settled into our marriage long before either of us had acknowledged it.
The words came more easily than I’d believed possible. When I finished, the noise of the restaurant seemed to return all at once.
Stefan studied me for a moment, then nodded. “You came to the same conclusion.” When I frowned, he added, “That it was better to end something that wasn’t working.”
I let out a quiet breath. “Yes, I suppose we did.”
A momentary silence fell.
“Thank you.” Stefan’s voice was low and warm.
I blinked. “For what?”
“For telling me.” He cocked his head, his gaze focused on mine. “This isn’t just a holiday, is it?” His voice softened. “You didn’t come here simply to see the sights.”
I hesitated. “No.”
Stefan leaned back as if to give me space. “You came here to find something.”
I swallowed. “Yes.”
Stefan’s gaze didn’t waver. “Will you let me help you find it?”
I could have asked what he meant. I should’ve asked.
“Yes.” The answer came quietly without hesitation.
Stefan’s eyes were warm. “Good.”
The way he said it… Far from feeling casual, it felt like…
A beginning.
When we stepped back out onto the street, the night had settled fully around us. The air was cooler against my skin, the noise of the day replaced by something lower, more intimate. Conversations drifted from open doorways. Laughter came from further down the street.
For a moment, neither of us moved, and I became aware of how close we were standing. Not quite touching, but close enough that I could feel the heat of him.
Near enough that it would take almost nothing to close the distance between us.
“That was…” I began, then stopped.
Stefan watched me, waiting.
“Good,” I finished, a little lamely.
He smiled. “High praise.”
I laughed, and the sound eased some of the tension.
Not all of it.
I felt it now, that same pull from earlier in the day, only stronger, sharper. Now it was no longer something I could dismiss quite so easily.
Stefan took a small step closer to me, and my breath caught in my throat.
“You’re thinking too much,” he said quietly.
I let out a faint, unsteady laugh. “I’ve been told that before.”
“I don’t doubt it.” He paused, his gaze dropping to my mouth, then up to my eyes.
Slow enough that I noticed.
My pulse stuttered, and for a split second—
I wanted him to.
My chest felt constricted, and the moment stretched, balanced on a knife-edge. I didn’t move, didn’t step forwards.
I didn’t step back either. I was acutely aware of everything—my own body, the space between us, the possibility hanging there, waiting.
Stefan seemed to read it too, but he didn’t close the gap between us or force the moment. Instead, he lifted a hand—slowly, deliberately—and rested it at the back of my neck.
It felt warm. Steady.
Grounding.
I closed my eyes for a second, the contact sending a quiet shock through me, unexpected but not unwelcome.
“Hey,” Stefan said softly.
I opened my eyes, and he smiled.
“You can take your time.” There was no pressure or expectation, simply what felt like permission.
I swallowed. “I don’t—”
“I know,” he said quickly. Our eyes held for a second or two.
It would be so easy.
I felt its pull, the almost of the moment.
Then I stepped back, only a fraction, but it was enough for Stefan to let his hand fall away without hesitation or resistance.
This isn’t over.
It was merely deferred. I knew that in my bones.
“I should probably get back,” I said, my voice quavering a little.
Stefan studied me for a second, then nodded. “Of course.” His tone held no trace of disappointment.
He understands.
Relief flooded through me, and I let out a breath.
“Thank you for today.”
Stefan inclined his head. “You’re welcome.” Another pause. “Tomorrow?”
I hesitated, then straightened, my chin held high. “Yes.”
Stefan’s smile widened. “Good.” That head tilt hadn’t altered. “Would you give me your number? Purely for the reason of keeping in touch while we work out what we’re doing, where we’re going…”
I had to smile. “No man has ever asked for my number before. Don’t spoil the illusion.”
He laughed, and I removed my phone from my pocket, opened up Contacts, and handed it to him. Stefan slid his thumbs over the screen. A moment later I caught the trill of his phone.
Those blue eyes focused on mine. “Now we’re connected.”
It sounded simple. Numbers, practicality… But the way he said it made it feel like so much more than that.
I also couldn’t escape the feeling he knew exactly how many ways it could be taken.
Then I realised he was still gazing at me. Still smiling.
“I prefer to keep track of things I’m interested in.”
Oh God.
Stefan handed my phone back, and our fingers brushed briefly as I took it.
The way he’s looking at me.
He didn’t close the gap between us, but I knew he could have. Instead, he tilted his head in what was fast becoming a familiar gesture, his voice quieter now.
“Goodnight, Kieran.”
I wasn’t sure if I’d expected an invitation. I held his gaze, and for a heartbeat I thought about stepping forwards, taking the initiative.
I didn’t.
Stefan nodded, almost in approval, then turned and walked away.
My heart pounded, but I knew exactly what I’d just chosen not to do.
And how much harder it was going to be to stop myself next time.
When I got back to the apartment, I could hear the piano before I even opened the door.
Debussy.
Of course.
Karl was seated at the instrument, the notes soft and fluid under his fingers, filling the space without overwhelming it. He didn’t stop when I came in, but finished the phrase, letting the final notes settle.
He turned to glance at me. “Eventful day?”
I expelled a breath. “Very. Though I didn’t learn much German, unless you count the names of animals.”
Karl smiled. “And now I’m intrigued.”
I shrugged off my jacket and joined him at the piano. “I went to the zoo. With… a guide.”
Karl arched his eyebrows. “Oh?”
I hesitated for a fraction of a second. “He’s—” I stopped, then corrected myself. “He’s interesting.”
Karl turned a little more fully now, watching me with that quiet, perceptive focus of his. “And will you be seeing this… interesting guide again?”
“Yes,” I said. “Tomorrow.”
My chest tightened as I said it.
Karl stood, moving toward the sideboard. “Drink?”
“Please.”
He poured two glasses, then handed one to me. “So, tell me about him. Starting with his name.”