Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Kieran
We turned down a quiet street, the noise of the main road fading behind us. Stefan stopped at an ornate wooden door.
“This is it?” I asked.
“This is Rolf’s apartment.” He didn’t reach for the buzzer, but turned to face me.
“You don’t have to do anything tonight if you don’t want to.
Rolf knows this is your first time.” His voice was calm and steady as always.
“You can come in, look around, and if you decide this isn’t for you, we can leave. No one will expect anything from you.”
I nodded, but he still didn’t move.
“And if you do decide you want to play, you need to know something. If at any point you want to stop, we stop. No questions, no pressure.”
“I know,” I said. I was glad he’d said it anyway.
His gaze held mine for a moment longer.
“If there’s something you want to try, we talk about it first. Nothing happens without that.”
His clear, concise words cut through the noise in my head.
“I don’t even know what I want yet,” I admitted.
“That’s fine,” he said without hesitation.
I glanced at the door, then back at him. “I’m curious about… some of it.”
Stefan’s expression didn’t change, but I saw the shift in his eyes, the sharpening focus. “Then we take it one step at a time. Nothing more.”
“And if I decide I don’t like it?”
“Then like I said, we stop, and that’s the end of it. So you need a safeword, one that means that’s it, I’m done. Red, or your own name—you choose.”
I blinked. “My name? Why not yours?”
He chuckled. “Because how would I know if Stefan meant stop or don’t stop whatever you’re doing? Whereas you aren’t likely to call out your own name. Does that work?”
I nodded. This was what I needed, to feel safe.
With him.
“I trust you.”
Stefan’s expression softened. “I know.”
And with that, the tension in my chest eased. It didn’t vanish, but it felt more manageable. I glanced at the door once more, then back at him.
“Okay,” I said, squaring my shoulders.
Stefan pressed the bell.
Here we go.
Rolf was in his fifties, maybe, with long grey hair tied back in a ponytail. He wore leather jeans and a vest, and it was plain from the way he and Stefan greeted each other that they were old friends. He shook my hand warmly.
“Everyone here knows about you,” he told me.
I wasn’t sure how to feel about that.
“No one here is going to judge you,” he added.
“Feel free to watch, to ask questions… and above all, to enjoy.” He smiled.
“We are all here to have fun, after all, however we choose to go about it.” He pointed to a door on the right of the hallway.
“You can get changed in there, and we have plenty of hangers for clothing.” His eyes sparkled. “Leave your boots on.”
Stefan laughed. “I was going to tell him that part.”
Rolf patted his back, then went through the door ahead of us, through which I could catch muffled sounds that intrigued the hell out of me.
I followed Stefan into the small room, my hands shaking a little.
“Leave my boots on?”
He chuckled. “The whole apartment will be covered up. Black plastic sheeting everywhere. And as you can imagine, there will be a lot of fluids around—lube, cum…”
I laughed. “Ah. Now I get it.”
“Do I get to undress you?” he asked.
I let out a rough chuckle. “Sure, and then I’ll walk into that room with a hard-on.”
He laughed. “All the better to fill out that new jock you bought today.”
I removed my jacket, hung it up, and Stefan swiftly pulled my tee up and over my head.
“Pants on or off?”
I swallowed. “Off.” If I was going to do this, I’d do it right.
Stefan gave me an approving glance. “Of course, more than a few guys in there will be naked, so you might find you’re overdressed.”
I managed a shrug. “I’ll cope.” I glanced inside his shoulder bag, and stilled. “You… you brought your new flogger.” My heartbeat quickened.
His gaze met mine. “Just in case.”
Oh my God.
I’d felt the soft leather tongues when Stefan had brought it home from Mr. B’s. I’d tried to imagine how they’d feel, striking my skin.
And yes, I was more than a little curious.
At last we were ready. Stefan’s crotch was encased in a leather jock. I smiled when I saw the fastenings. “That thing is designed for easy access.”
“Of course.” His eyes gleamed. “Ready to fuck or be sucked.” He grabbed my hand. “And speaking of being ready…”
I nodded. “Lead the way.”
Stefan went back into the hallway, paused at the door, then pushed it open.
I took a breath to steady myself.
Okay, Alice. Prepare to get your first glimpse through the Looking Glass.
My first impression was that it was a big space, and looked nothing like an apartment.
My first dungeon.
The room was lit by lamps and candles, and the black plastic over the floor sucked the light into it. Bowls stood on flat surfaces, containing lube and condoms, and next to them were neatly folded towels. Bottles of water were lined up.
Accommodating host.
I counted seven men that I could see, and there were open doorways through which more voices filtered. Most of the guys were naked, and a few glanced over to where Stefan and I stood. Some raised their hand in greeting to him, then went back to whatever they were doing.
Then I saw the slings, hanging from metal frames.
I knew what they were—porn, of course—but I hadn’t expected to see three of them standing together.
One of them was occupied, and as I got a closer look, goose bumps erupted all over my arms. The guy lying in the sling had his feet in the stirrups, and the guy sitting on a stool between his legs had his gloved hand in Sling Guy’s arse, up to the wrist.
Oh… wow.
I didn’t want to stare, so I forced myself to take in my surroundings.
One wall was covered in various implements: ropes hanging in coils, cuffs, paddles, floggers, whips, gags…
Everything a kinky man needs.
“That’s the tools wall,” Stefan murmured. He pointed to the opposite wall. “And that’s the toy shelf.” I saw dildos, butt plugs, and shiny metal objects whose function I could only guess at.
Then I saw it standing in the corner, and my heartbeat quickened.
I knew what it was. I’d seen one in some of the BDSM porn videos I’d found online. Right now it was empty.
That didn’t stop me visualising how it might look later.
So that’s a St. Andrew’s Cross. The real thing.
“Maybe you’d like to spend some time in there.” Stefan pointed once more, and I followed his finger to—
That’s a cage.
It looked like a larger version of a cage that dogs travelled in when in cars, only this one didn’t contain a dog. A nude young man lay inside, his head on his arm, a black leather collar adorned with silvery rings snug around his throat.
“That’s Felix, Rolf’s slave,” Stefan told me in a quiet voice.
I didn’t know what to think, until Felix caught sight of me. He sat up and grinned.
Okay, whatever this is, he’s happy about it.
I took a minute to get a handle on what was going on around me.
I saw one man bent over and cuffed to what looked like a gym horse, except it was padded, and another man was balls deep in him, yanking him back onto a very long dick.
Three men were watching the guy being fisted, and judging by the way they stroked themselves, they were obviously having a good time.
Then something else caught my eye, and I stilled.
“What is that?”
It looked for all the world as though someone had put a toilet seat in the middle of the floor, except it was connected to a low frame. Handle bars sat on either side under it, and there was a padded headrest under it
Stefan chuckled. “That is so you can experience one of your ‘favourite things’,” he air-quoted. When I frowned, he leaned in and whispered, “It’s a rimming chair.”
Oh my fucking God.
Whatever nerves had plagued me dissipated. “I have got to try that.”
Stefan’s laugh had the others turning to look at us, and all I saw were smiles.
He lifted the seat, lay down on the floor, his head on the cushion, then lowered it again. He peered at me. “Are you going to leave the jock on or take it off?”
I made the decision in a heartbeat, and a moment later, my cock was standing to attention. I went over to the chair and sat gingerly, my legs spread wide.
“Oh, look at that,” Stefan said from beneath me with a sigh.
That first swipe of his tongue brought it home to me with shocking clarity.
My hole was relaxed, already opening for him.
Stefan unfastened the front of his jock and fisted his cock as he began tongue-fucking me.
The noises pouring from him left little doubt this was one of his favourite things too.
I tugged on my shaft, wanting him deeper.
“Fuck, Stefan, he’s hot.” Rolf watched us from a few feet away, along with another man.
To my immense shock, I didn’t mind their gaze on us.
To be honest, my whole world had shrunk to Stefan’s tongue in my hole.
And maybe it was the newness of it all, my nerves, my excitement, that had me coming within minutes.
My cum spattered Stefan’s chest and belly, and he groaned.
By the time I was spent, I was as limp as a wet dishcloth.
Stefan got up and helped me stand, claiming my mouth in a heated kiss.
“You were amazing,” he murmured into my ear.
I managed a weak chuckle. “I think you did all the work.”
“But you didn’t hesitate. You went with it.”
His arms around me, his breath warming my cheek, I felt fucking invincible—and braver than I’d ever been in my life.
“What’s next?”
Stefan laughed. “Whatever you want.” Then he kissed my temple. “Although I do have a suggestion.”
My pulse raced. “Oh?”
Another lingering kiss. “I’d like you to consider impact play.”
I’d never thought that a single word could send a shiver through me.
“I… I think this is where we talk.” My voice quavered.
He nodded, then took me by the hand and led me through the room to a smaller one that contained a bed covered in black vinyl, a table with more bottles of water, and two plastic chairs. Stefan gestured to them, and we sat, my heart thudding.
I found my voice again. “We’re talking flogging? Whips? Paddles?” I’d seen guys using those online, and while I’d first thought of those actions as violent, I hadn’t been able to tear my eyes away from the screen. I’d noticed the way the guy on the receiving end looked when it was all over.
Relaxed. Flushed. Even euphoric, begging for more.
I also remembered what had passed through my mind when I saw his face.
I want what he’s having.
Stefan’s fingers laced through mine.
“Yes, all those things can be part of it, but I wasn’t thinking of that.”
I blinked. “You’re going to hit me with a feather duster? Whip me with a scarf?”
He smiled. “Actually, I was thinking of a spanking.”
Of all the things I’d expected him to say, that wasn’t it.
My pulse quickened again, warmth surged through me, and there was a tightening in my chest.
Spanking was such a simple word, and yet where my mind took me was anywhere but simple. It went back to those images I’d seen late at night. The ones I’d told myself were just fantasy.
Stefan brushed his thumb over the back of my hand.
“It doesn’t need to be extreme,” he said in a quiet voice.
That was becoming very clear. Whatever this was, it wasn’t about extremes.
It’s about something far more unsettling than that.
I tightened my grip around his hand.
It isn’t the idea of what he might do that gets to me, but the fact that I would let him.
That I wanted to do this.
My heart still thudded, but no longer in a frantic, uncertain way. Now I was standing on the edge of something new, realising I wasn’t being pushed into it, but that I was considering stepping forward on my own.
Stefan waited, and I knew he was giving me space to choose.
That made all the difference.
I took a breath. “Okay.”
Somewhere underneath the nerves, underneath the questions, I knew I wanted to find out how it would feel to let go, to trust Stefan not to let me fall.
I swallowed. “Just… your hand?”
He nodded. “You decide on how you want it. Soft, firm, light, intense…” He locked gazes with me. “This is all about trust. You’d be handing me the reins, making yourself vulnerable. Letting go.”
What passed through my head was that this sounded intimate as fuck.
Stefan tightened his grip on my fingers.
“People get the wrong idea about impact play. They think the person delivering it has all the power.” He chuckled.
“They are so wrong. It takes a strong person to trust someone, to let them play with you. And it also takes a strong guy to step away from stereotypical thinking about what a man should like, to explore different ways of expressing himself sexually.”
I brought my fingers to his lips, and he blinked.
“I think… I think I want to try that.” The words came out more firmly than I’d heard them in my mind.
Saying it out loud made it real. The blood rushing through my ears made it real.
Stefan didn’t look away.
“All right,” he said in his usual calm way. “But we do this properly.”
I shuddered out a breath. “Okay.”
He shifted his chair closer to mine, until I could feel the heat of him.
“We start simple. Nothing extreme. You tell me how it feels, and we adjust.”
I nodded, loving the fact that he echoed my own thoughts.
“Where you’re touched matters,” he continued. “We keep it safe. Controlled. And you can stop at any time. You don’t need a reason.”
“I know.”
He squeezed my hand. “I want to hear you say it.”
I met his gaze. “I can stop at any time.”
“Good.” He paused. “And your safeword is…”
Somehow that made it feel even more real.
“My name.”
He nodded. “If you want me to slow down say Yellow.”
“Okay.”
He studied me for a moment longer. “Are you doing this for me?”
The question caught me off guard.
“No,” I said quickly. Then I took another breath. “No. I’m doing this because I want to know what it feels like.”
“Good.” He pushed his chair away from me. “Get over my lap.”
I hesitated for a fraction of a second, then got off my chair and bent over him, until my hands were on the floor and my stiff cock was between his knees, pointing towards the floor, my heart thumping like a bass drum.
I chose this. I want this to happen.
With Stefan.