Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Stefan
I was so proud of him.
I’d seen curious men agree too quickly, mistaking impulse for intent. I’d seen their curiosity falter the moment it became real.
Kieran’s decision felt considered. It had weight. He’d placed his trust in my hands, and that brought responsibility.
I stroked the small of his back, just above the swell of his arse, enough to make him aware of me. Whatever I’d anticipated when I brought him to Rolf’s?
This had gone further.
He lay across me, not rigid but relaxed. Present, in a way that told me he understood, at least in part, what he was stepping into.
That made my job both easier and more significant.
“We go slowly,” I told him.
“Yes, Daddy.”
With one word, he undid me.
I’ll make this good for you.
For both of us.
Kieran
I was aware of everything.
The sounds through the doorway. The scent of leather. My own heartbeat, hammering.
“Still with me?” Stefan stroked my back.
“Yes.”
“Good.” He paused. “Breathe.”
I exhaled slowly, grounding myself in the sound of my own breath.
The first strike wasn’t what I expected. It wasn’t sharp or overwhelming, just the impact of Stefan’s firm hand that landed and faded almost as quickly as it arrived.
I blinked, then expelled a breath. “That didn’t feel how I thought it would.”
“Good or bad?”
“Different.” Then I reconsidered. “But a good different.”
“Good.”
The second came a moment later, but slightly stronger.
This time I felt it more clearly—the warmth spreading outwards, the way my body responded to it, not just physically, but somewhere deeper. I became aware of my breathing, how it had quickened, not from fear but from focus. Each movement was measured, controlled.
Stefan wasn’t testing me. He was listening. Adjusting.
He settled into a rhythm, and something shifted inside me. I felt more aware of him, of the sensations in my body, more in the moment than I’d ever felt before.
“That’s it,” Stefan said in a low voice.
I hadn’t realised I’d moved into the contact until he said it. I stilled, but I didn’t pull away.
“Still good?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said, my voice steadier than I expected. The blows stung, but they didn’t feel random. I knew exactly where I was, what was happening. After a moment, the rhythm slowed, then stopped. Stefan’s hand rested on my warmed flesh.
“Are you all right?”
I let out a breath, my body catching up with everything it had just processed.
“Yes.” I turned, just enough to look at him, and found his attention focused on me.
Realisation washed over me in a slow tide.
This wasn’t about how hard he could hit, or how much I could take.
This was all about trust. I’d given it, and he’d held it.
“Talk to me.”
I tried to encapsulate my feelings in words. “It wasn’t what I expected. I thought it would feel…” I hesitated. “Harsher. Less… controlled.”
“And it didn’t?”
I shook my head.
Stefan nodded once. “Good.” He studied me for a moment. “Do you want to stop?”
I could walk away now, take this for what it is, a first step.
Except I knew I wasn’t finished.
I shook my head. “No. I want to keep going.”
He cupped my chin, looking into my eyes. “With the spanking?”
I took a moment to breathe, to think.
“That new flogger….”
Stefan’s breath caught. “Are you sure?”
That wasn’t doubt I heard in his voice, but care. I felt it in the way his hand remained steady on my face, holding me there, giving me the space to answer properly.
My body hummed from what we’d just done, the warmth lingering, the awareness sharper than it had been when we first walked into the room. But underneath that…
“I think so,” I said. Except that wasn’t a good enough answer. “I don’t want to stop here.”
His eyes searched mine. “And you understand this will feel different.”
I nodded. “Yes.” I smiled. “I trust you.”
The words settled between us.
Stefan’s thumb brushed once against my jaw, a small, grounding gesture.
“All right, but again, we go slowly. And you tell me how it feels, especially if it feels wrong.”
“I will.”
“Then stand up, but take your time.”
I got to my feet, and he stood with me, holding me. What surprised me was how my legs shook a little. Stefan eased me into the chair, then handed me water.
“Drink. Before you do anything else.”
I gulped it down, forcing calm into myself, trying not to overthink my decision.
This isn’t stepping into something unknown.
I was stepping further into something I had already chosen.
Stefan’s hand on my neck grounded me. “Where do you want to do this? Over a bench? On the St. Andrew’s Cross?”
I shivered.
Another step closer to making this happen.
“A bench, if that works. I think I’d prefer that.”
The Cross felt too big, too… adult, and I knew that didn’t make sense. I just didn’t feel ready for it.
His fingers were gentle, a light stroke that connected us. “We can do that.”
I finished the bottle. “Then let’s go back in there to claim a bench before someone else does.”
Stefan led me into the main room, and over to a padded bench. “Do you want me to leave your hands free? Or shall I use cuffs?”
I swallowed. “Cuff me. That feels… right.” I did my best to shut out the sights and sounds around me, anything that would distract me. The air was filled with moans, grunts, and low cries.
Then Stefan’s hand was on my face.
“You are allowed to change your mind, you know.”
I squared my shoulders. “But I don’t want to change it.” I locked gazes with him. “I want this, Stefan.”
He studied me for a moment, then nodded. “Then we proceed.”
Whatever came next?
I was ready to meet it.
Stefan
I hadn’t expected my fingers to fumble as I fastened the cuffs, securing him to the bench. Nor had I anticipated what effect the sight of his broad back with its light mat of hair, and his reddened arse cheeks, would have on me.
I wanted this too.
I ran my hand down his spine, loving the tremor that trickled through him.
“I’ll be aiming for your back and shoulders,” I told him. I placed my hand roughly over where his kidneys would be. “Not here, although I might aim for where I spanked you.”
He nodded, another shiver making its way through his body.
“Last chance?”
Kieran chuckled. “Would you just do it? The anticipation is driving me nuts.”
I laughed.
I reached into my bag for the flogger, then trailed it over his bare skin. “I won’t be going hard, okay? This will warm you up a little, but it shouldn’t hurt you.”
Another chuckle spilled from him. “I’m used to performing in front of people. It’s second nature. But not once did I ever think I’d be bending over a bench in a room full of naked men, my arse in the air, waiting for a leather flogger to strike.”
I leaned over, brushing my mouth against his ear. “Stay with me.”
He turned to meet my lips, and I kissed him. “Always,” he said in a low, firm voice.
I stepped back, not to create distance, but to prepare, to ensure that what came next remained exactly what it needed to be—controlled—but even as I did, awareness flooded through me.
This was no longer just an experience I was guiding him through.
It was something we were entering together, and that required more of me than I had originally intended to give.
Kieran
I felt the first contact a moment later, but not in the way I expected. It landed softer, broader, spreading across my skin before fading.
I blinked, surprised, then let out a breath.
“It builds,” Stefan told me.
The second came a little stronger, then the third, and with each blow Stefan got into his stride. The initial surprise faded, replaced by a warmth that spread, layered, building with each pass. My breathing changed again, becoming slower, deeper, as if my body had found something to follow.
“That’s it,” Stefan murmured. “Beautiful boy.”
His words floated over me, and I held onto them, clung to them.
Each contact landed, lingered, then gave way to the next, the rhythm pulling me further into the moment, further away from everything else. I stopped thinking about what it was, stopped analysing it, and simply—
Felt it.
The room disappeared. The noise. My awareness of anyone else. All of it fell away until there was only the measured movement behind me, the impact of soft leather, the steady grounding of his voice when he spoke, the certainty of his control—and my response to it.
Stefan paused. “Still good?”
“Yes.” This time there was no hesitation at all. It felt right, for this moment, with him. Because now I got it. With each strike, I felt new sensations, and with each breath, I grew closer to understanding my own desires.
I could love this.
Each time the leather grazed my skin, I felt powerful and so utterly in control. I was accepted, not just by Stefan but by every man in that room. I felt held by him.
He doesn’t judge me.
He’s helping me to be more open to who I am.
Who I could be.
The rhythm slowed gradually, until at last it stilled, and its absence left a different kind of awareness in its wake. Something quieter, deeper.
“Come back to me.” Stefan’s low voice pierced the fog of sensation that surrounded me, and just like that, the room returned. I became aware of myself again, of where I was.
Stefan crouched in front of me, unfastening the cuffs. He stroked my face. “Are you all right?”
I nodded, unable to get the words out that would fully convey what was going on inside me. My body felt… different.
Stefan helped me to stand, then guided me through the room, my legs unsteady, one hand light at my back.
He led me into a quieter space, removed from the low hum of conversation and the other more exuberant noises, where the air felt cooler, easier to breathe.
There was a couch, soft light, and stillness.