CHAPTER TWENTY
The next morning, a somewhat singed and sore Mr Gilmorton, with a bandaged right hand and knowing he was not looking his best, but conscious that he was honour bound to speak with Miss Brailes, presented himself at their hiring in Beaufort Square.
When he was admitted to the parlour, Frederick Brailes was standing by the fireplace and his mother and sister were sitting to one side.
Brailes looked sulky, and acknowledged Mr Gilmorton with little enthusiasm.
Mr Gilmorton bade them all good morning, and addressed Lady Brailes, requesting that he might be permitted to speak with Miss Brailes in private, with reference to the previous day’s ‘adventure’.
‘Would you care to take a seat, Mr Gilmorton? I do think you should if you have walked here, after yesterday.’ Caroline wondered why he looked so serious.
He shook his head and, to her dismay, turned away. He could not bear to see her face when she showed her disappointment, when she must despise him.
‘I cannot let you continue in the false belief that I am in any way heroic,’ he said, keeping his voice calm. ‘I will not. You, of all people, must know the truth.’
‘The truth?’
‘Miss Brailes, I … I resigned my commission because I could not face war any more. The thought of killing, even killing men who are the acknowledged enemy, reduced me to a shaking wreck. It … It was not a fear for my own safety, but … I saw … I heard … what the guerillas did to French prisoners … just as I had seen what French soldiers had done to Spanish women. It was vile, all of it, inhuman. I heard a man die, die a most awful death, and could do nothing to prevent it, and in the morning I … I saw.’
‘Tell me, Mr Gilmorton,’ she said quietly. ‘I am not so weak a creature I cannot listen, and … forgive me, but I think not speaking has not helped you.’
‘No. It is not fit for a lady’s ears.’
335‘This lady will not flinch, sir.’ There was such certainty to her. ‘Please.’
For a long minute there was silence, and then he began, falteringly.
‘The Spanish irregulars had caught two stragglers. One they … they crucified to a barn door, bayonets through his limbs, and they had …’ He shook his head.
That was too much to say in front of a woman.
‘The other they tortured, for I heard him in the night, and we were told we must not try to interfere, for the Spanish were our allies, and besides, they would turn on us also in such a mood as they were in. I heard him scream, beg; I knew what they were doing because I heard him cry it. “Le feu, ah non pas ca, non pas ca.”’ He paused, his fists clenched.
‘We passed the place next morning. They had made a sort of cage of boughs and willow, and they burnt him in it, alive. It was the most awful thing I had ever seen and the stench of …’ His shoulders sagged.
‘I have fought in battle, seen sights that are gruesome in the extreme, but this was different. I … I could not bear the smell of the cooking fire when my men shot a deer and put it on a spit, could not sleep for the nightmare of the screaming voice … I trembled … I am weak. Others cope. I could not. The colonel and his wife, Mrs Dalbiac, were very kind. Barkby, he is the best friend a fellow could have, never judged me, though I know others did. I could not face the intent of killing any more. So I sold out. I am a coward, Miss Brailes. I pretend all that horror was just a nightmare, remember the camaraderie, and live my rather pointless existence as what …? Escort to an old lady … an idle gentleman.’
336‘Lord Barkby is selling out.’
‘Yes, but he was wounded so that returning would be far from easy, and he has his family estates as his duty now.’
Caroline stood up, and took the few steps towards Mr Gilmorton, placing her hand upon his sleeve, speaking to his back.
‘Surely some wounds are not visible as scars upon the skin, sir? I said I thought you were the bravest man I had ever met. What you have said makes me even more sure of it. You rescued that woman and her child from the fire, and fire and the thought of someone burning haunts you. You did not tremble when she needed you, when her child needed you. Only when it was over did it take its toll upon you.’ She paused.
‘When you were in Spain you could not save that poor man from his fate, but yesterday your actions saved two innocent souls from death by fire, and the fact that the fire was an accident is not important. I am neither physician nor philosopher, but if it could be said that your “weakness” is a result of your conscience castigating you for not acting, even though the truth is that you would not have saved the Frenchman and put others at risk, then your actions now must surely have atoned for that guilt you felt. A weak man would have been rooted to the spot; a coward would have run away. You … you are neither.’ There was a catch in her voice now, and as he turned he saw tears on her pink cheeks.
‘I have made you cry,’ he whispered contritely and, without thinking, brushed away a tear with his thumb, which stuck out from the bandaging.
‘You are worth my tears,’ she said softly.
337Her face was upturned to his, the violet-blue eyes misted with emotion, her lips a little parted.
He bent his head, and kissed her cheek, his lips just brushing hers, and she made a small sound between a sigh and a sob, and leant towards him.
There were no doubts in either of them. The second kiss was full upon her mouth and not tentative, nor the third.
She stood upon tiptoe and her arm was flung about his neck as she responded to him, inexpertly, but eager.
When he drew back for breath his hold remained tight about her.
‘I do not deser—’
‘No, for you deserve much better than just me,’ she interrupted. She did not ask if he loved her, for she could feel it in the way he held her, in his kisses.
‘You are beyond price, Caroline. I cannot offer you much, just a little place in Cheshire that Grandmama would let us live in until I inherit it, and a competence. You would never be wanting, my darling, but we could not live in wild luxury. Would your father think it enough? Do you?’
‘More than enough. Are you sure? No man has ever even shown an interest in me, for I am not willowy and graceful, and far too practical and …’
‘Beautiful of spirit and of form, to me. I am “willowy” enough for the pair of us, longshanks that I am. I love your figure, as I love your practicality. If you can love the broken fellow that I am …’
‘Not “can”. I do, and I will help you mend, for wounds do mend, of body and of spirit, even if they leave the scars. You have played the insouciant fool as if to illustrate “the 338idle fellow” you say you have become, but I have seen deeper. I like the insouciance, for it has woken a response within me, made me see the lighter side of life, but I know you are not a shallow gentleman. I love what lies beneath even more. You are kind, you are thoughtful, you are honest. My dear, anywhere with you would be perfect and I do not seek jewels and rank. I never thought to be loved, you see, nor to love, yet here I am in love and beloved.’ She smiled, but then became more serious.
‘You ask if my papa would think what you offer as a husband good enough, but is the real question not more what will the Duchess, and your family, say to me?’
‘My darling, you are not some serving wench from an inn. Your birth is … irreproachable.’
‘But not noteworthy.’
‘Well, the only really important person, in practical terms, is Grandmama, and the comment she made about you is that you were “a sensible young woman, not some witless doll”. I think she would rather I marry such a woman whom I love, than some vapid female I do not, simply because of her family tree. Besides, my mama did not make a brilliant match, but it has been happy. I cannot offer you a title, for the barony goes to my elder brother, but we …’ He halted, and took a deep breath.
‘It sounds so good, saying “we”.’ He squeezed her, in a gesture more boyish exuberance than passionate lover, though feeling her soft body against his own fanned his desire for her.
‘I suppose I ought to post into Berkshire and see your father.’
‘And I think you need first to speak to the Duchess. I will feel confident after that, and if I speak with Mama, 339then perhaps we might travel back to Berkshire all together. Not with the Duchess, though, of course.’
‘But your mama’s health?’
‘Ah, that will be restored wonderfully by the thought of the daughter she thought unmarriageable marrying the grandson of a duke, and she only really came because Frederick persuaded her. He wanted to make a push for Louisa Dembleby, but she was never going to look favourably upon him.’
‘So leaving him behind in Berkshire will not wound your heart?’ Mr Gilmorton smiled at her.
‘Not in the least. Shameful, am I not?’
‘Delightful.’ This had to be proved by further kisses, but eventually they parted at least as far as holding hands, and Caroline led him to the small parlour where Lady Brailes had been sitting in mounting agitation, awaiting the outcome of the interview.
That she had naturally assumed he had been wishing to make a declaration had not occurred to either party, but she was the hopeful mama, who had spent the time alternating between imagining the surprise and admiration of her neighbours when they discovered that the younger Miss Brailes was not in actual fact upon the shelf at all, and was about to marry the grandson of a duke, and fearing some unforeseen impediment.
Mr Gilmorton might not possess a title, but his ancestry and connections were impeccable, indeed illustrious. She very nearly fell upon his neck.