CHAPTER TWENTY #2
Lord Barkby, unaware of either his friend’s heroism, or the happy outcome, made his way to Edward Street at 340what had become a regular time.
Emily was pale, tired and inclined to be tearful, but very clearly on the mend, and his lordship thought her mama in a very similar condition, although he would have replaced ‘tearful’ with ‘stubborn’.
She had refused to do more than walk for a half hour in Sydney Gardens with him, and had not yet even been out shopping.
She had complained, when he suggested it, that he thought something ‘unimportant and mindless’ an ideal occupation for a woman.
He knocked upon the door in good humour, but his smile turned to a frown as Leece opened the door, looking more serious than impassive.
‘Something amiss, Leece?’
‘That I could not say, my lord, but the doctor has been closeted with her ladyship some time, and has only just left.’ As a concession to his regularity as a visitor he added, ‘I will take you up to her, my lord.’
It was a still frowning Lord Barkby who entered the drawing room, and he found Louisa Dembleby sitting upon the sofa with a blank look on her face.
‘What has happened?’
‘Dr Parry believes Emily is deaf in one ear.’ Louisa’s voice trembled, and broke. ‘My poor baby.’ She took a deep breath that turned into a sob, and covered her face with her hands.
He ignored propriety and obeyed instinct.
He came to her, sat down beside her and put his arms about her, not as a lover, but as one upon whom she could lean.
She sagged against him, and buried her face in his shoulder.
He held her as she sobbed, conscious of his own pain that she suffered, and that he could do no more than this, and 341simultaneously exhilarated by her proximity, the scent of her hair, the feeling of her within his embrace.
‘How will she manage?’ mumbled the widow. ‘The world demands perfection.’
He stiffened at that. How well he knew the truth of it.
‘It does,’ he confirmed. Then he pushed her back from him, holding her firmly at arm’s length.
‘Look at me.’ It was a command from a man used to command, and she obeyed without a second thought.
‘You are distressed, as any loving parent must be, but think. Be positive, because in that way you serve her best.’ He tried to order his thoughts, even as part of him wanted to focus upon the way her wet lashes clung together as if for mutual support and became more coppery.
There was a short silence, then he spoke earnestly.
‘The world does demand perfection, but is shallow. It is not tolerant of visual disfigurement, but Emily will be beautiful like her mama, in face and character. Having lost part of her hearing so young she will adapt most readily so that many will never even notice the … impairment. We have two ears, as we have eyes … and hands. When one does not function properly we adjust. Do not treat her as different, for she is the same child. Simply be aware, my dear, that sometimes when she ignores you if you speak to her out of direct view, she is not being wilful.’ He gave a twisted smile.
‘Her future is not blighted, I promise you, and one day you will see her the wife of a man who will make her happy.’
She looked at him, and blinked. His calm certainty could not be ignored; it compelled her to believe.
‘Not blighted,’ she echoed softly, and he shook his head. 342It sank in, and consoled her, warmed her. He saw her relax and his grip loosened, but he did not actually let her go.
‘I take it that in all other respects Parry is happy with her recovery?’
‘Yes. You must think me foolish to make so much of this one impairment when … when I could so easily have lost her.’ She smiled at him waveringly. ‘And I will not forget your kindness, your help …’
He shook his head, dismissing any expression of gratitude.
‘I did it for you both, for you are both immeasurably dear to me. I will be honest. When the day comes that a man seeks Emily as his bride, I want him to apply to me, as her father. You said you did not want Dembleby to ruin your future. If you let him hold you back from what your head and heart believe now, Louisa, you will have given him a victory greater than he could ever have imagined. Put him behind you, forget him, and that travesty of a marriage. Marry me, let me love you as you deserve to be loved: absolutely. I am not perfect, in character or in body but …’
Louisa looked him in the eye, but her fingers pulled the soft leather glove from his hand, and dropped it on the floor. He held his breath. She lifted the mangled hand, turning it to press a kiss into the palm, and then held it to her cheek.
‘Emily said one kisses hurts better, remember,’ she murmured, and smiled at him through the film of tears.
‘It is technically better, but feels so much more so for your kiss.’
‘Good.’ The word was a caress. ‘Some months ago you offered me your “heart and soul and body” and you were 343right, I did not want them, for I could not – dared not – imagine trusting a man … loving a man. My heart was maimed, and it has proved a far more disfiguring wound than your dear hand, for it has kept me from accepting the truth of my feelings. I told myself I was better off without a man in my life, better off independent. I still think it largely true.’
‘You do?’ He looked confused.
‘Yes. Everyone seemed to think I needed “a man”, but I did not. You are not “a man”, you are “the man”, the man for me. I knew it that day in Sydney Gardens, just before Emily … And this last week I have been certain, for when you have been with me I have felt … so alive. I have learnt to think for myself, sir, so if you take me you will have a wife who may question your decisions, may even rebel, but …’
‘“If I take”? Oh Louisa, my love …’
She raised her face, mutely, for his kiss, and his good hand caressed her other cheek as he bent his head to hers.
Their lips met. For a moment, Louisa marvelled, for there was a tremble in Barkby’s fingers, and his passion clamoured for her own to join it.
She had never felt like this. She had never been kissed like this.
She did not endure it, but revelled in it, and it banished the misery of Dembleby forever.
Then she pulled away suddenly. ‘Oh!’
‘“Oh”? What impediment has your dislike of men invented now?’ He smiled at her, and raised one hand to his lips, for having nothing to kiss was unwelcome.
‘Poor Hetty! I cannot send her away, but she would hardly fit into a married establishment.’
344‘Definitely not.’ The thought appalled him.
‘And I cannot leave her to run Elliston Court alone.’ She sighed. ‘It feels a betrayal, leaving it after under a year, when we were so happy there, and I had made it so much ours.’ There was deep regret in her voice. ‘I am sure I will become accustomed, but …’ She shook her head.
Lord Barkby thought rapidly, which was a useful thing in an officer and, he decided, a husband as well. From a germ of an idea sprang a fully fledged plan. After a minute or so of frowning, he sat up straighter. ‘I have it.’
‘Have what, sir?’
‘The answer to your problems.’
‘You do?’ She blinked at him.
‘Yes. Could we not ask Hetty Goodworth if she would like to go to Woodend Hall as companion to my mother?’
‘I am sure she would be delighted, but I do not see how …’
‘And we remain at Elliston Court.’
‘You … you would leave your own home and live in … I would wish to make legal arrangement before the marriage for Emily to inherit it, and that may even mean it is held in trust for her.’
‘Do so, I left Woodend Hall when I went to university, near enough, and certainly when I joined the army. It became my parents’ home, not a place in which I had more than a small boy’s memories.
I do not give a fig what might be said about living in what was your house if it makes you, and Emily, happy.
It would mean less upheaval for you both. ’ He smiled.
‘You are serious,’ she gasped.
‘Totally. It is the perfect answer. Woodend Hall is but a 345ten-minute ride, and I could visit my mother as many days a week as needed, and we could run both estates in tandem with ease. What do you say?’
‘Yes. Oh yes, my lord.’
‘And you can stop that.’
‘What?’
‘Calling me “my lord” when we are alone together.’
‘You wish me to call you … Benfield?’
‘Not unless you want to sound like Mama. To my friends I have been “Ben”, and if you have no objection to the contraction, I make you free of it.’
‘Ben.’ She tried the name, rather slowly.
‘No, really, Louisa, it is but one syllable, not something complicated.’
She giggled, but then shook her head. ‘You are sure? It sounds so perfect I feel it cannot work.’
‘I cannot see why not. I will speak with my mother and go back home for a few days to discuss practicalities with my steward. I will be back in forty-eight hours, and we can make the announcement then, if you care to. I cannot see what can go wrong.’
Little did he know.
Louisa finally went out shopping. Emily had now recovered enough that although she was clingy, she really did not need her mama to be forever within sight. Hetty Goodworth encouraged her to spend a morning visiting the emporia of Bath and showing her face in the Pump Room.
‘For as we will be going home very shortly to facilitate dear little Emily’s restoration to full health, would it not be 346a good idea to buy such materials as will give us occupation with needle and thread?
There are wider selections here than in Frome.
’ Mrs Goodworth was ignoring the fact that her life would change again once Louisa married Lord Barkby.
‘That is very true, Hetty. I would like to purchase more embroidery silk, and some of that pretty floss trimming we saw in Wade’s Passage, the biscuit-coloured one.’ Louisa wondered at herself. She was talking about something as inconsequential as trimming!