Chapter 15
15
JUNE 2023, PRESENT DAY
On the way back from meeting Diego at Ushua?a, Belle stopped at Serenity to ensure everything was ready for the first outdoor movie night before she returned to Spirit. She felt as troubled by what Diego had said as by how she felt seeing him ten years on. And, knowing that Caleb would be at Spirit, she was trying her best to avoid him, confused by all the things she’d learned that morning.
The sandy terrace above the path to the beach had been cleared of tables and chairs and the beanbag loungers had been brought out, spaced out in pairs with low wooden tables dividing the rows. It would be utterly romantic later with the bulb lights strung between the trees glowing, candles flickering in the frosted glass holders on the tables and La La Land playing on a big screen, but right that minute Belle felt completely alone, a feeling that would often rear its head when she was feeling low or worthless. When anything became emotionally tricky, her default setting was to run away.
She found a quiet corner in Serenity’s bar to work. With the summer season starting in earnest there was lots to do. There were one or two private events a week at Spirit and three weddings at Serenity over the summer, the first one taking place in just under two weeks’ time. Plus there were the general marketing and promotional opportunities Cara had been working on. Ushua?a could now be added to the list, and with Diego as the contact perhaps this morning wouldn’t be the last she saw of him. She still didn’t understand how that made her feel. She’d expected fireworks to go off in her stomach at seeing him again – that would have been clearcut. Coming face to face with him had knocked her sideways and instead of feeling euphoric she was left confused and uncertain. She’d had enough of second guessing everything to do with her heart.
Even with her uncertainty, being on Ibiza had allowed her the headspace to focus on what mattered and to make time for things that she was always too busy for or didn’t have the option of back home: a leisurely breakfast, daily yoga, a stroll on the beach, a swim in the sea or even escaping somewhere further afield. Work had taken over in London, while here the work/life balance was encouraged because Caleb had made it a priority. The lifestyle was a dream. It made her wonder how she would feel about returning to normal life at the end of October.
After liaising with and co-ordinating the staff, then taking photos of the set-up to use on Serenity’s socials, Belle relocated to the stone wall that ran along the side of the restaurant and overlooked the terrace set up for the movie night. It was the perfect spot to keep an eye on things.
She was just posting a photo on Serenity’s Instagram feed when a shadow fell across her.
‘This looks wonderful.’
Belle looked up at Caleb, his tanned face catching the golden light of dusk. He climbed over the wall and sat next to her, looking effortlessly cool and relaxed in snug jeans and a short-sleeved cream shirt. The top couple of buttons were undone, revealing a smooth tanned chest and the edge of a dragon tattoo that snaked up to his neck.
Belle shifted her attention back to the terrace where the honeyed light from dozens of lanterns flickered on the tables between the empty beanbag loungers. This was Belle’s favourite time of the day, the sun a warm caress on her skin as the sea danced with pearly pink, iridescent mauve and a touch of glittering gold.
Accompanied by the sound of diners and the swoosh of the sea, the soft light was magical, the air tangy with zesty lemon and grilling seafood – and Caleb’s cologne which was zingier and fresher than Diego’s.
Belle’s unease had abated over the course of the day but it returned with Caleb’s presence.
‘I’ve been taking photos,’ she said to cover her discomfort. ‘I’ll take some more once it’s dark and the guests start arriving.’
‘See, the social media queen.’ He moved closer as if he was going to knock his shoulder against hers, but stopped short, a breath of space between them. ‘I’ll send them to Cara; she’ll be thrilled with what you’ve done here. I heard you met with Diego. Did you sort everything out?’
It took a moment for her to understand that he was talking about the Ushua?a deal for Serenity’s guests and not the state of her and Diego’s non-existent relationship.
‘Yes, everything’s in hand,’ she said, knowing this was the conversation she’d been trying to avoid because she was unsure how much to share. ‘For such a big club it’s a great deal for our guests. I just didn’t realise the connection you had with Diego being your, um…’ She couldn’t bring herself to say brother-in-law, not after what she’d learned. She sensed him tense next to her. ‘I’m so sorry about your wife.’
Caleb clasped his hands in his lap and ran his thumb over his wedding ring. ‘I should have said something before, but I still find it hard to talk about her.’
‘There’s no reason you should have shared anything personal with me,’ Belle said softly. ‘I never expected you to and I didn’t bring up what Diego said for you to talk about it. I just wanted you to know that I know.’
‘How did it come up in conversation?’ Caleb frowned. ‘He’s not usually that talkative, particularly about personal stuff.’
‘Oh, really?’ That certainly wasn’t Belle’s memory of him; he’d been chatty and easy to talk to, happily sharing his innermost thoughts, but it wasn’t surprising considering the changes in his life since she’d last seen him. ‘He didn’t go into detail; I can’t even remember how we got onto the topic.’
There was no reason to say anything to Caleb about her relationship with Diego and yet it felt wrong to withhold the truth, but not as uncomfortable as blurting out, ‘Oh by the way, I had two incredible nights with your brother-in-law and have been fantasising about him ever since.’ That would be a ridiculous thing to admit, not to mention inappropriate and unprofessional. When she said it to herself like that she saw the truth in it. Her fantasies about Diego were akin to dreaming about having sex with a celebrity. They were a fantasy, and she was only now beginning to realise the depth of her fixation.
With darkness, the first guests arrived and were shown to their seats. While more people drifted in, a couple of waiters delivered popcorn and glasses of Cava. Only a smudge of blush remained low on the horizon and the screen at the far end of the terrace was shrouded in darkness. Anticipation prickled up Belle’s arms.
‘A movie night was Cara’s idea,’ Caleb said as the beanbag loungers began to fill up, ‘but having an outdoor cinema of my own has been my dream since I was a kid. As well as football, going to the cinema was my favourite thing to do. I loved the escapism and could forget about real life for a while. My gran gave me pocket money and I’d save up to buy a ticket. My older cousin worked at a cinema and used to sneak me into films I was too young for, because I was into sci-fi and fantasy, anything with things blowing up, dragons, zombies or horror that got my adrenalin pumping.’
‘So nothing quite as romantic as we’re showing tonight.’
‘No, but this’ – he opened his arms wide – ‘is perfect. I don’t think Alien would go down quite so well.’ He gave her a wry smile.
‘Definitely not. Blood and guts and being scared shitless isn’t conducive to romance.’
‘Not for tonight but actually I would argue it is. As a teen I took complete advantage of watching a scary movie with a girl and then, ahem, “comforting” her when she got scared. But here at Serenity, we’re all about romance, dreams and making memories.’
‘You’re certainly doing that tonight.’
‘ We’re doing that.’
It was generous of him to include her when all the hard work had already been done; she’d simply put what Cara had organised in place.
‘I think Cara should take most of the credit,’ she said.
The majority of the beanbags were filled now and glasses of Cava glinted in the candlelight. The smell of freshly made buttery popcorn sweetened the air.
‘Cara should take credit for a lot of things.’ Caleb leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. ‘She came into my life a couple of years before I lost Paloma, and we may not have been friends for long but she knew what to say – or more importantly what not to say. When you suffer a loss like that you discover who your real friends are. Cara was right up there, supportive, selfless, someone I could lean on and talk to. She was my rock. Paloma’s family as well, but they were going through hell too and dealing with their own grief.’
‘It sounds like she turned up at exactly the right time.’
‘It worked both ways.’ Caleb turned to look at her. ‘She’d just got out of an abusive relationship and had fled Australia, intending to bum her way round Europe. She started on Ibiza, working for me for the summer season and never left. Although I was close to Paloma’s family and still am, the little there is of my own family is back in the UK. Cara’s folks are all the way in Oz. We found each other.’
The breeze rolling off the sea was fresh, rustling through the palms and pine trees lining the sides of the terrace. Belle hoped the guests snuggled in their beanbag loungers would be warm enough, but she made a mental note to source throws for the cooler evenings.
‘Did you always think of Cara like a sister?’
‘We both like women so there was never any attraction to confuse our friendship; plus she’s a little younger than me and had been through hell with a manipulative partner. While she helped me navigate my grief, I did my best to help her heal. I’m an only child but I imagine the love I felt and the way I wanted to protect her would have been much the same as if we were family.’ Caleb sat upright and shifted on the stone wall so he was facing her, a glimmer of a smile gracing his lips. ‘Did you think Cara and I were together?’
‘I had wondered but only because you talk about her with love. Now I understand.’
‘Friendship is all I’ve wanted since Paloma died.’ Caleb looked thoughtful for a moment. ‘I put my bachelor days behind me when I met her and even after I lost her I didn’t want to go back to who I was. She changed me for the better and that’s something I can hold onto always.’
His openness floored her. His outlook was refreshing. To have loved someone so deeply and yet be able to hold on to the good parts of their relationship and not the anger or bitterness he must have felt at losing her so young was moving and admirable.
‘There’s been no one since?’ Belle asked quietly.
‘I had my heart broken in the cruellest way; I never want to risk that kind of pain again.’
‘Even if it means you’ll always be alone?’
‘Being on your own isn’t the worst thing in the world, not if it’s your choice.’
But it wasn’t your choice , Belle thought. The untimely death of his wife had instigated him being alone. Maybe it was self-preservation, or like her, the fear of committing to someone without being consumed by love. Or how she imagined being truly in love would feel.
‘Looks like we have a full house.’ Caleb stood and gestured to where the last group of four friends were being led to their seats. ‘Are you staying to watch?’
‘Yes, I want to make sure everything runs smoothly.’ Belle looked up at him. ‘Are you? Staying, I mean.’
‘Next time. I have a few things to do back at Spirit. I’ll see you tomorrow.’
Belle watched Caleb walk away with his hands stuffed in his pockets until he was out of sight. In so many ways he led a wonderful life that people would envy, yet it was laced with sorrow. Her eyes drifted back to the terrace. She picked out the couples snuggled together on their beanbag loungers, their hands entwined, some whispering together, others toasting each other with their glasses of Cava. The emptiness Belle felt was acute. The scene before her was the epitome of romance yet it seemed unattainable. Was she jealous of the happy couples below? Absolutely. Did she want them to have the most incredible and memorable evening? Without a doubt. Perhaps she shared some similarities with Caleb, not willing to give her heart to someone for fear of it being broken, just for a different reason. She was definitely scared of something going wrong and of no one ever living up to her idea of the perfect man she’d concocted for herself.
As darkness and stars took over and La La Land started playing, Belle considered if it was actually self-preservation that had stopped Caleb from staying, because of course not facing painful emotions was the easier option, but it was a path she was no longer willing to take.