Chapter 34
34
With Belle so focused on the view, it allowed Caleb to soak her up. Stare – that was actually what he was doing because he was mesmerised by the dusting of freckles across her cheeks and the way her eyes were wide with wonder. Her lips were slightly parted and the tendrils of hair that had escaped from a messy bun framed her face. His attraction was undeniable and confusing.
As if sensing the intensity of his look, Belle pushed back away from the end of the pool. For a split-second, Caleb caught sight of her out of the water. The image of the now see-through T-shirt moulded to her breasts snatched his breath away. He averted his eyes and powered across the pool to widen the distance between them, although the cool water did little to dampen the blood rushing to a certain part of his body. He climbed out and left a trail of water across the cream-coloured stones. Grabbing a couple of towels, he shook one open and held it in front of himself as he headed back to Belle who was still submerged in the water.
‘I’m going to make breakfast,’ he said, leaving the other towel on the side next to the pool. ‘Do you like eggs?’
Belle nodded, although her confusion at his abruptness was obvious, but he didn’t dare hang about or try to explain, because to do so would mean admitting how he felt. He wasn’t ready for that. He dried himself and retreated to the kitchen where he kept busy cooking Spanish-style scrambled eggs, although his thoughts continued to torment him.
Belle joined him when he was dishing up, back in her dress from the night before with her damp hair loose around her shoulders and a make-up free face, her natural beauty somehow even more enticing.
He took the plates over to the table in front of the windows where he’d laid out cutlery, orange juice and a cafetière of coffee.
She was quiet and he couldn’t read her, although that probably had a lot to do with them not having really talked this morning along with his reaction in the pool. There was something between them though, an energy, a connection that he’d felt before, but last night it had manifested into so much more.
Belle swallowed a mouthful of the eggs with chorizo, cooked potato and piquillo peppers. ‘This is delicious.’
‘One of my favourite breakfast dishes.’
‘I wasn’t sure you cooked.’
‘I do sometimes but it’s much nicer cooking for someone else.’ Aware of how flustered he felt around her, he poured the coffee into mugs and concentrated on his own plate of food.
‘Thank you for suggesting I stayed last night.’ Belle looked at him thoughtfully. ‘I’m glad you weren’t on your own all day yesterday. I can only imagine how challenging it was.’
Caleb took a mouthful of the eggs and considered how much he should share. The smoky paprika and the silky texture of the eggs combined with the sweetness of the peppers helped to ground him. Breakfast with Belle. Recently that had crossed his mind on more than one occasion, but he was glad they were eating together after only having spent the night talking.
‘Paloma’s always with me in some form or another,’ Caleb said slowly, picking up his coffee. ‘There are reminders everywhere and of course on days like yesterday the feelings are acute. But as time goes on, she’s not at the forefront of my mind like she was in those first couple of years. When I’m busy, so many other things take over and I get to the end of the day and realise I haven’t had the time to think about her. Perhaps it’s my head playing tricks making me think if I don’t focus on her I can believe that she’s still here waiting for me to get home. My subconscious torturing me.’
‘Do you dream about her?’ Belle asked.
‘I have two recurring dreams that often happen at times when I’m stressed or have a decision to make, when I’m worried about something. Or simply when I’m missing her. I dream about our wedding day but I always wake up just as I catch my first glimpse of her walking down the aisle. The dream never gets any further than that.’
‘And the other one?’
Caleb dug his fork into the scrambled eggs and stalled while he chewed. ‘The other dream is the last conversation we had and her last words to me. Words I’ve played over and over, committing them to memory and beating myself up about because she wanted me to promise something I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep.’ Buttery light slanted through the windows and across the end of the table where Belle was sitting, making the golden strands of her hair glow. Caleb cleared his throat. ‘How about you? Do you have the nightmare about the accident often?’
‘Only occasionally, thankfully. They’ve lessened over the years but like you, it often comes back at times of stress or when I feel particularly emotional – and not necessarily in a bad way. They’ve just become a part of life and a way of processing things I guess.’
Caleb grunted. ‘You find a way to keep going else you’d simply give up. That’s not helpful for anyone. Over time the trauma lessens whether it’s the grief of losing someone you love or the shock of being involved in something traumatic.’ He sat forward, cupped his hands round his mug and stared out through the windows to the terrace, where the edge of the pool glistened in the sunshine. ‘It’s the emptiness that I’ve struggled with the most. The finality of loss. How incomprehensible it is that I’m never going to see her again, laugh with her or grow old together. Our story was cut short and it makes me wonder about what could have been.’
Belle slipped her hand over his and pulled him back. His gaze switched from the terrace to her blue eyes which were so open, warm and loving. She managed to convey so much without having to say a word. In that moment, her gentle compassionate touch meant everything.
It was late morning by the time Caleb drove Belle back to Spirit. When they said goodbye, he didn’t kiss her cheeks but held her tight, breathing in her freshly washed hair and the scent of cherry on her skin. He could feel her warmth and the rise and fall of her chest through the thin material of her dress, and it took all of his resolve to let go.
‘Thank you for coming over and for just being there.’ He’d thought he had to get through yesterday on his own when actually talking about Paloma and sharing his heartache with Belle had been helpful and meaningful. Her company was needed and wanted even if he hadn’t considered he could have it.
Belle nodded, her cheeks tightening a touch as she squeezed his hand.
Caleb watched her walk away and it wasn’t confusion he felt any longer. It wasn’t relief or sadness either. What he felt was something he’d only had brief snatches of over the last few years. Happy.