42. Marley
FORTY-TWO
MARLEY
Simon and the other guys are on the roof. When they see me, Connor and Nizam issue quick “See ya’s” and bolt. Simon sits looking out over the town, drinking tea, looking like he doesn’t have a care in the world.
“This place suits you,” I say, sitting in the seat Connor had vacated moments earlier.
“Have you come to admit you were wrong and I was right?” He hasn’t looked at me yet, but I can hear the smirk in his voice.
“Maybe.”
“Sooner or later, everyone comes to tell me that.”
“You’re too cocky for your own good.”
He looks over at me and smiles. “Vincent used to tell me that.”
“Well, then I’m in good company, I guess.”
“He also used to beg me not to go back out into the field. Every time I got back from an assignment, he’d ask if I was ready for that evening news job he’d heard about being available, and I’d shiver and gag. But every time I left, he’d hug me and tell me how much he loved me and how proud he was to call me his husband.” I can see it all playing out. Vincent was the overtly affectionate one in their relationship, but when Simon let his guard down a little, you could watch him melt for him in real time. I remember once upon a time wondering what that kind of love would feel like.
“If you’d known your time would be cut short, would you have taken that evening news job?”
Simon thinks for a minute. “No.”
“Really?” I ask, absolutely shocked.
“I’m not sure I would have been the partner I was if I was around all the time. I don’t know what I would have replaced the adrenaline of this job with.” This makes sense to me on a visceral level. “Our relationship worked so well because the time we got together was intense and we were always making up for the time we spent apart. It’s the same with Ant. I’m not sure our relationship would be as strong as it is if I was watching over him all the time. If I could have seen Vincent every day all day I would have, but I’d still need this.” He sweeps his arms out. “This is who I am.”
He sounds like me now. “I’ve been questioning if this is still who I am,” I say quietly, standing and walking to the edge.
“Are we talking about the whole independent woman thing or the photojournalist thing? You do realize, my dear, that you can be more than one or two things, right? Who you are isn’t your job; your job is part of who you are.”
I turn and lean my elbows on the low wall. “I was lost in thought about my future when I twisted my ankle. I felt so burnt out after my last assignment, and I was questioning whether or not it was even what I wanted to do anymore. Did I still have the passion for it?”
“Ah. And how have you felt about this trip? Has any of the passion returned? ”
“Some.” I shrug. “I don’t know. I’ve been kind of preoccupied.”
“Maybe that’s because you need to actually explore how you’re feeling instead of running away from it.”
“Maybe. But I—”
Simon cuts me off. “No buts, young lady. I guarantee I know what’s been going on in your mind, and I bet you’ve been going around in circles trying to justify every little feeling you’ve had that keeps you from doing the very thing you want to do. And that thing is to clearly take that puppy back home with you and show up at that man’s door and beg him to take you both in.”
I stand there and stare at him, blinking slowly. “That’s a bit dramatic for my tastes, but something along those lines.”
“Excellent. And just so you know, I won’t be letting you back out of this. You could have died yesterday, Marley. Does he even know where you are?”
I look down at my feet instead of at him. “I assume his neighbor may have told him, but he wouldn’t have heard it from me.”
Simon is looking at me with wide eyes. “Wait, why does his neighbor know where you are?”
So I go into the whole story about the Hores, and he laughs throughout. I am shocked I haven’t told him before now. Simon loves a fun name. When I get to the part where Sophie sent me the updates about the cows and the picture of Bennett and me, Simon jumps back in.
“So let me get this straight. You told the girl you took cow pictures for that you were going to a hostile country without telling the guy you spent a week falling for? Marley, you may actually be broken.”
“I never claimed that I wasn’t.”
The others eventually join us on the roof. Dr. Ayad brought up a tray of food that was supposed to be my breakfast but that I happily shared. I have a minor headache so I’m given some ibuprofen for it and told to keep hydrated. But other than that I’m cleared to wander around with the others. I feel absolutely naked without my camera, and I have this odd anxiety that I’ve never experienced before. But I focus on the good what-ifs rather than the what-ifs you’re almost expected to have in a place like this. Especially after what happened yesterday.
We brought the puppy along because a medical facility is really no place for an animal that isn’t house-trained yet. And I’ve been alternating between fighting with him trying to eat his new leash and carrying him around. Luckily everyone has taken a turn carrying him, including Connor. I have a feeling that he won’t be as anti-dog as he claims to be by the time he flies home.
Karima introduces us to a couple of other journalists, and we spend about an hour talking to them about their lives here. One had been shot and was kidnapped five years earlier. The fact she is still doing what she does astounds me. The more we talk to these women, the more I find myself finding a purpose in this profession, even if my passion has waned. Even though I see this sort of stuff all the time, it’s not lost on me that I get to go home while these women are home. They can’t just turn off the TV. They are in the thick of it. This is their reality. And if doing what I do helps ease some of their burden, then that’s my purpose.
That night as I’m falling asleep I realize what I put myself through in order to come to the conclusion I’d already come to, but this time I’m listening to my instincts. I’ve always been good at doing that for work, but apparently not in my personal life.
Word comes through around nine a.m. that the road appears to be safe so we can head back to the hospital today. I am relieved to be leaving this place but sad to say goodbye to our new friends. We have to stop a couple of times to let the puppy, who doesn’t have a name yet, use the facilities. In his case, the side of the road. At least we can see if anyone is approaching for miles in every direction. We make it back to the hospital without a single incident, hostile or puppy-related.
We’re spending one more night at the hospital before we head back to Turkey. I am checked out again when we arrive, and I feel bad for technically jumping the line. I’ll make it up to them by purchasing some supplies for the waiting room. The eye guy is amazed I got away with not having any damage done to my eyes, and come to think of it, I am too. Really, I got lucky in many ways. It could have been so much worse.
I find myself antsy to get home. Every minute seems to drag, and I’m becoming irritable. Thank goodness for the puppy. I decide to focus on naming him rather than on the clock and the location of the sun.
Naomi and I take the dog for a walk while the guys work on their articles. I tell her more about Bennett and how things evolved while I stayed with him.
“I expect an invitation to your wedding. And that guy”—she points down at the dog—“better be walking down the aisle with one of you.”
I’m kind of surprised to not feel terrified about the prospect of walking down an aisle. It’s amazing how much a person can change after a near-death experience.
“So we can’t keep calling him that guy or the dog. Any names dancing around that head of yours?”
I shrug, and she gives me a look that says to just tell her. “Okay, Bennett and I joked about our names being characters from classic literature. His whole name is very Jane Austen because his mom was obsessed with her. And he made the connection that there’s a Marley in Dickens. ”
Naomi scrunches her nose. “Hardly the same sort of characters. Were you named after Jacob Marley, an evil old miser?”
“Ya know, I never asked, but I would put my money on no.”
“Okay, so it’s a reach but it’s actually kind of cute, so I’ll allow it.”
“Anyway, I was thinking maybe a name from another Dickens classic. Although those seem like they are pretty popular dog names.”
“He was a street dog so clearly you’d have to go with one of the characters from Oliver Twist,” Naomi says.
“Actually, no,” I say. “I was thinking of Pip from Great Expectations .”
Naomi looks down at the pup. “Pip the pup. I like it.”
When we get back to the outbuilding, we have dinner and chat with the doctors about the last couple of days. They are all exhausted but feel good about the work they are doing. The eye guy is already planning a return trip with more equipment and hopefully one other doctor to help him out.
Before we call it a night, I write Pip’s name into his little passport and pack it next to mine. Then I take him out one more time. The night is cool and silent, and when I look up it’s like I can see the entire solar system. This country and its people deserve so much more than what they are getting from those in power domestically and abroad. But I am so happy to know people are fighting for their homes by sharing the truth with the world. I only hope one day they are shown the same devotion for the sacrifices they make.
The countdown back to Bennett, back home, is on.