43. Bennett
FORTY-THREE
BENNETT
“That’s it, sweetheart,” I praise as Marley sinks down onto me. Her being on top is new, but I’m not complaining about the view. I never truly understood the term “breathtaking” until her.
“I’ve missed this,” she breathes out as she starts a slow rhythm that’s making me clench everything to ensure this feeling lasts as long as possible. “I’ve missed you,” she says as she reaches for my hands and guides them up her body.
Even in our current state, she feels too far away. I sit up so we are chest to chest. “You feel so fucking good,” I murmur. “I never want you to leave again,” I say between kisses.
She doesn’t respond with words but smirks and pushes me back down, taking control. Her rhythm increases, and I watch in awe as she throws her head back, the creamy column of her neck begging for my lips. I’d never considered myself a neck guy, but with Marley, there isn’t a part of her I don’t crave. She is a delicacy I will never tire of.
“I’m so close,” she whispers. I dig my heels into the mattress and hold her hips in place, fully taking over. Giving her exactly what I know she wants. “Don’t stop!” Her breathing quickens. “Bennett! Don’t fucking stop.”
The gentle tones of my alarm pull me out of the dream. As usual, Marley fades, and I wake alone, sweaty and uncomfortable. I’ve got twenty minutes before I need to meet Teddy and Cass and I use every single one of them before meeting them in the driveway.
“So, either of you know any car games?” Cass’s head pops between the front seats.
“No!”
“Yes!” Teddy and I say at the same time.
“Excellent!” Cass ignores Teddy’s less-than-enthusiastic response and turns to me. “What’s the game, boss man?”
I hate that she calls me that, but I also like how at ease she seems and I don’t want to tell her to knock it off and throw off the vibes. “We just called it the Last Letter game. Basically, you pick a subject, like geography. Then someone starts by picking a place, the next person has to then name a place starting with the last letter of the first place.”
“Who did you play this game with?” Cass asks.
“A few of us on the team bus would play, usually as a study method.”
“Team bus?” Teddy seems suddenly interested.
“Football.”
“Baseball.” Teddy points to himself.
“No ball!” Cass adds. “So, Last Letter game. Who wants to start?”
“You start, Cass,” Teddy suggests.
“Okay, let’s see. Isn’t it annoying how when you need to think of a place on the spot, nothing comes to you? I’m even blanking on my hometown name. Fucking weird, eh?”
“You can do it. I have faith in you,” I say as I merge onto the highway.
A shelter up north that had reached capacity put out an SOS to other shelters for help. In total, six answered with each of us agreeing to take at least three dogs. I figured it would be a good opportunity for Cass and Teddy to see how I do things so that in the future any one of us could make the run.
“Korea. My brother Foster lived there.” She claps. “Teddy’s turn.”
“So many A’s.” He groans. “Akron.”
“Nantucket.” Cass didn’t waste any time with that one.
“Tulsa.”
“Algiers.”
“Syria.”
Syria. Marley is in Syria. I don’t know if she’s okay; I haven’t heard a thing from her. Sophie hasn’t said anything else, and I’m too chickenshit to ask. I don’t know if the thought of her reaching out to Sophie is too much, or if Sophie also not having heard from her freaks me out more. All I know is that the mention of a place I’ve spent very little time thinking about until recently sends my heart rate into dangerous territory.
“Earth to Bennett…” I blink a few times, and realize they are waiting for me to name another place.
“Ugh, sorry.” I give my head a small shake. I don’t want to play this game anymore. I don’t want anyone to bring up Turkey or Damascus or anywhere near where she could be. But I also don’t want to talk about it, and I know that if I suggest a different topic or game, Cass will want to know why and she’s annoyingly good at getting the truth out of people. “What did you say?” I ask Teddy.
“Adelaide.”
“Right, um, E… Essex.”
“Oh, fuck, an X?” Cass throws herself dramatically back against her seat. “Does such a place even exist? ”
“Yes,” Teddy says, and when I look over he’s smiling smugly.
“Can I use my phone?” she whines.
“No!” Teddy and I say together.
“Guys, come on! Okay, can I pass?”
“I guess so. I don’t really think there are rules.”
“Except apparently using technology,” she grumbles.
“Well, yes, that’s the only rule,” I say, looking back at her in the rearview mirror.
“I pass.”
“Xaghra,” Teddy says.
“Oh, and where is that?”
“Malta.”
“No shit! Have you been there?”
“I have.” Teddy nods. “I wasn’t there for long, though. That’s an A for you, Bennett.”
We play until I pull into a rest stop to grab some food. I get back to the car first and find myself pulling up the photo Sophie sent me. I’m lost in Marley laughing and don’t notice when Cass and Teddy have gotten back.
“Whoa, who’s the hottie?” Cass asks, looking over my shoulder.
I lock my phone and mutter “No one” before accepting the burger Teddy is holding out to me.
“Didn’t look like no one,” she teases as she buckles her seatbelt. “Is she your girlfriend? Or was she your girlfriend?”
“You know she’s not going to stop, right?” Teddy says with a mix of sympathy and curiosity. He’s the type that acts like he’s above gossip, but at the end of the day, he’s the first to lean in to hear some.
Maybe if I talk about her out loud that will somehow get her out of my system. Or it will make missing her ten times worse. “Not my girlfriend, never my girlfriend…” And then I pr oceed to tell them about how one day I was out for a walk in the woods when suddenly there she was, my Marley.
“Wait, she just left and never even texted you?” Cass asks.
“She sent a postcard… and my sweatshirt back.”
“Ouch,” Teddy whispers.
“But—” Cass starts.
“Ya know what, I think that’s enough Marley talk for now. How about another game?”
“Two truths and a lie?” Teddy asks, surprising me and Cass into stunned silence. “What? I haven’t always been a grump.”
“You go first then.”
“I have been to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro. I have over sixty plants in my loft. I have never been in love.”
“There is no way you have that many plants.” Cass laughs.
“Nah, I think he definitely does.” I’ve seen his resume, so the plants kind of check out with his Environmental Studies and work experience as an arborist. “I think you’ve never been to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro.”
“Both wrong. I’ve been in love, but only once.”
“Tell us right now!” Cass practically squeals.
“Let’s just say she was perfect and I fucked up and if I could go back and do things differently I would without a second thought.”
“How’d you fuck up?” I ask, curiosity getting the better of me. Also, something tells me he wants to talk about it. Why bring it up if he didn’t?
“My life went to shit, and instead of talking to her, I ran away.” I’ve been on the other side of that situation.
“Like to another city?” Cass asks.
“Like to another province and then another country. I never even said I was leaving, I just upped and left.”
“How old were you?”
“Twenty-two. ”
“Have you looked her up at all?” Teddy shakes his head. “What’s her name? I’ll do it now. Maybe she’s single, and this can be your shot at redemption.”
“I’m not telling you her name. It’s been a decade. She’s moved on, and so have I.”
“Bullshit!” I say. “You just told us you’d go back without a second thought. No one who has moved on says shit like that.”
“That’s true,” Cass agrees.
“Cass, can you make a note for me?”
“Sure.”
“29. I think you should come back and help us track down Teddy’s greatest regret.” Cass laughs as she types it into her phone. “What’s your biggest regret, Cass?”
“Oh, I don’t have any regrets.” She beams back at me in the rearview.
I know she’s not lying either, and as we continue towards our destination, I wonder what a life without regrets would feel like. Mine has been made up of little ones all culminating in the biggest one of all: letting Marley walk away.