44. Marley
FORTY-FOUR
MARLEY
One Week Later
My journey home takes longer than expected mainly because Simon insisted I move my flight back a few days to give myself more time to recover. The last doctor I saw told me I should be okay to fly, but it was that “should” that put Simon on edge. Rescheduling my flight for him was the least I could do after he tracked Pip down for me. It also gives me time to finish editing and submitting the images I took along with Simon’s article. He submitted a long article for the paper on humanitarian efforts in Syria and then co-wrote a piece with Connor on the Syrian Female Journalist Network for a North American news magazine. The one side trip we all considered a bonus ended up being the one we were most excited about.
There were also things I had to do to prepare Pip for the flight. I needed a carrier, food, a travel-safe water dish, pee pads, and another trip to a vet to get something that would keep him calm. At the airport, I got to keep him with me until we were about to board, and then one of the staff came to take him for me. Watching her walk away with the carrier was way more emotional than I had expected, and I willed myself not to cry. I failed.
I had also gotten myself something to keep me calm on the flight. My anxiety about seeing Bennett again had grown by the day. I’d been playing out every possible scenario I could encounter when I got to his place. Would he even be home? Would he invite me in? Would he tell me to leave? The worst thing I could imagine would be arriving to find a woman there. I mean, that wouldn’t be a bad thing for Bennett, and part of me would have to be happy for him. But for me, well, that would be the icing on a triple-tier cake of suck.
My dreams have also been very Bennett-centric. And while we never seem to come together in the way I want to, he hasn’t walked away again. I’ve never been someone who analyzes dreams and I’m not about to start, but I must admit it does put my mind at ease that he only walked away that one time.
When the flight lands in Toronto, I have to go to a special section so a vet can do a quick check of Pip. I’m almost more nervous about this than I am about seeing Bennett. Even though two vets have given him the all-clear already, I worry that standards may be different here in Canada. In the end, though, he’s given the okay and a quick clean-up before going back into the carrier.
Izzy sends a text to say they’re waiting outside, and I get everything sorted before walking as fast as possible. I’m only guilty of desperately wanting to hug my friends, but I may as well have just gotten away with bringing something illegal into the country.
Izzy screams and Nellie whoops when they see me, and then I see Nellie’s eyes go immediately to the carrier and I’m suddenly invisible. I had given Izzy a heads-up that I had a travel companion, but I knew Nellie’s reaction would be way better in person than in an email.
“Whaaaat is that?” Nellie says, rushing towards me and dropping to her knees in front of the carrier.
“Pip, Nellie. Nellie, Pip,” Nellie spares me a glance before sticking her fingers right through the bars.
“Oh my god, aren’t you just the cutest little thing? Hi, Pip. Oh, what sharp little teeth you have.”
Izzy comes over and one-arm hugs me. “It’s good to have you back in one piece. Shall we leave them to it and get your bag in the car?”
“Sounds like a plan,” I say, gently putting the carrier down and walking to Izzy’s car.
After I put my bag into the trunk, she throws her arms around me and squeezes. “Fuck, I was so worried about you. When you said there had been an accident, I was imagining so many things.”
“I’m fine, Iz, just a minor concussion,” I say, patting her on the back. “I may succumb to strangulation soon, though,” I gasp.
“Oh shit, sorry.” She releases me and then grabs my face, searching my eyes.
“Iz, what are you doing?”
“Checking your pupils.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m a doctor, and it’s what doctors do.”
“You’re a psychologist.”
“Yeah, which has to do with the brain, so I’m checking your brain.” She pats both sides of my face and nods. “All clear!”
“Thanks, doc.” I turn back to where Nellie is still on her knees cooing at Pip. When I look up, I see one of the parking enforcement people coming over to us. “Time to get going, kids. We’re about to get told off.”
“Oh, let me sit in the back with him,” Nellie says, pulling the carrier from my hands and rushing towards the car.
“Fine by me.” I shrug and get into the passenger seat.
“Izzy, did you know? You had absolutely no reaction,” Nellie asks from the back.
“I knew Mar was bringing a companion, and I assumed it wasn’t a man she’d just met since she’s about to rush up to Bennett’s and confess her undying love.”
I look over at her, wide-eyed and mouth open. “How… I nev— You can’t kn—” All the words die before they fully leave my mouth.
Izzy reaches over and pats my knee. “You said on the phone that you had been scared for the first time ever, and you mentioned having dreams about him.” She spares me a quick look before navigating out of the airport pickup area. “The only thing that changed between this assignment and your previous ones was that you had experienced something resembling a relationship. Mar, you really underestimate how well I know how brains work.” She looks too smug about that. “Plus, your reaction was a dead giveaway. If you weren’t planning on doing just that, you wouldn’t have reacted nearly as dramatically.”
“When are you doing it?” Nellie says from behind me.
“I don’t know. Tomorrow, maybe?”
“Have you talked to him at all?”
“No,” I say, feeling somewhat ashamed as I pull out my phone. “I could text him and make sure he’s actually around.”
“Oh, don’t do that,” Nellie says. “Just show up.”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure I want to put him on the spot.”
“You would get a very clear answer pretty quickly if you surprise him,” Izzy throws in. “Although bring the dog, just in case.”
“To win him over? ”
“No, in case he rejects you. You can brush it off and say you were bringing him another rescue.”
“But he’s my rescue,” I say, offended.
“But he doesn’t know that,” Izzy shoots back.
“So, what, if he rejects me, then I have to give him my dog? That seems like a real shitty deal for just me.”
“If he rejects you, that’s a shitty deal for him, Mar,” Nellie pipes up. “But he won’t reject you. He’s going to take you in like he takes in all those adorable dogs.”
“I’m not a homeless or abused dog, Nellie. I’m a human being. I don’t want to be rescued.”
“Not even a little bit?” Izzy pouts at me.
“No, it’s weird. I’m a grown-ass independent woman, I don’t need some man to save me.”
“We all need saving once in a while, even if it’s from ourselves,” Nellie says quietly. I’m not sure if that’s meant for me or the dog.
I should embrace the fact that everyone in my life seems to be so gung-ho about making sure my love life is as fulfilling as my professional one. But it’s hard for me to admit that they’re right. That what I’ve been avoiding my entire life is what I may actually need.
“I’ll come with you tomorrow if you want,” Nellie says.
“I’d come, but the kids have a dentist appointment and Tom has three surgeries and both our parents are away,” Izzy adds.
“It’s okay, Izzy. Nellie, you don’t have to, but I won’t say no to the company.”
“Perfect. But we’re taking my car. I’m shocked you made it there and back last time.”
“Tom was also shocked.”
“Why are you slagging on my car? ”
“Maybe because it’s a piece of shit,” Izzy says as she merges with the northbound traffic.
“I don’t need anything fancy if I’m not here to drive it most of the time. Plus, it’s a deterrent for thieves.”
“That’s an excellent point,” Nellie says. “No one would waste time trying to steal that thing.”
The rest of the trip plays out like it usually does when they pick me up after I get home from an assignment. I ask about Izzy’s kids and if anyone has woken up in any of Tom’s recent surgeries. So far he’s got a perfect no-wake-ups streak. I completely fill them in on what happened, and Izzy’s response is to pull over on the side of the highway and burst into tears.
“Izzy, I’m fine. It’s okay,” I say, resting a hand on her shoulder.
“No, it fucking isn’t,” she yells at me. “You could have died, Marley.”
“I could have died during any previous assignment. Hell, I could die tomorrow. Any of us could.” I sound a bit like Nancy now.
“Don’t even put that into the universe,” she says angrily. “None of us are going to do that because I will kill you if you go and die tomorrow.”
I hear a snort from the back seat. “That doesn’t even make sense, Iz.”
“It makes plenty of sense,” she says, looking at Nellie in the rearview mirror.
“Don’t die because if you do I’m going to kill you. On what planet does that make sense?”
“It’s a saying.” Izzy wipes her nose on her sleeve and then pulls back onto the road.
Izzy isn’t the emotional one in the group. Usually that’s Nellie’s job. Izzy is the practical one, and I’m the emotionless one. Or I was until just over a month ago. They’re off arguing about different sayings and how they make sense and don’t, and I’m okay with no longer talking about the many ways tomorrow is not guaranteed.
Nellie insists that I stay at her place tonight for logistical reasons, but I think it’s because she’s not ready to say goodbye to Pip. We stop quickly at my apartment so I can drop off my dirty clothes and grab something suitable to wear tomorrow. I stand in front of my closet for way too long trying to figure out what one wears to confess their feelings for someone. In the end, I grab a pair of dark jeans that I feel good in and a mustard-colored sweater. In all likelihood, I won’t even have a chance to take off my coat so what I’ve got on top won’t matter. Even if he invites me in, most of the time he saw me in clothes that were hanging off my body because they were his, and that didn’t seem to stop him from wanting me. I finally tell myself to shut up and throw the clothes in a tote along with fresh underwear, pajamas, and some hygiene products.
The first thing we do when we get to Nellie’s is walk into the backyard and open Pip’s carrier. He comes flying out and then slides to a halt. Then he’s sniffing the ground and taking tentative steps through the snow. He lifts one foot high and licks it then repeats with his other one. This goes on for a while before he realizes no matter what he does the snow is going to keep getting on him. Ten minutes later we’re all running around with him and laughing, even I-never-want-a-dog Izzy.
I take a picture of Izzy on her back laughing as Pip licks snow off her forehead. “Boy, it sure would be a terrible thing if Tom saw you having fun with a dog.”
Izzy’s head snaps in my direction, and she jumps to her feet. “Marley, don’t you dare.”
I hold my phone up. “Don’t dare what? Press this button here that says… I think it says send.” I smile wickedly and hit it.
Izzy goes to run at me, but she’s not wearing appropriate winter boots and she slips on the mix of snow and grass and goes down. Pip thinks it’s a game and is on her in seconds.
My phone dings, and I look to see a reply from Tom. “At least let him know it’s your dog and not a surprise for him,” Izzy huffs.