Chapter 17 #2
Her eyebrows rose. “The Consortium of Orinoco?”
“A strange name for a drug cartel. Currently, the Consortium is being run ostensibly by a man named Rios—Miguel Lucumí Rios, but he’s a figurehead. According to my handler, not even Rios knows the real leader.”
“El Fantasma?”
“Right. Rios is the Wizard of Oz, but The Ghost is the guy behind the curtain.”
She nodded slowly, taking it in. “What else have you learned?”
“Not much. About thirty years ago, the head of the family that ran the Consortium, Rafael Salcedo, had a heart attack and died. I think he was in his forties. His oldest son, Sebastián Salcedo, was just a teenager at the time—eighteen. But he must have had some powerful allies because he took over and held onto power. He’d been in charge for a year or two when he was murdered.
The theory is that El Fantasma murdered him, wrested the power from whoever’d been helping Sebastián—or maybe convinced them he would be a better leader—and has been running the Consortium ever since. ”
“Okay. That’s a good start. What else?”
“That’s it. That’s all I know. The Consortium has grown since the kid died, eating up smaller drug operations, expanding into neighboring countries.
The DEA has caught and questioned people high up in the organization, but none of them can tell them anything about El Fantasma that helps them pinpoint who he is.
They claim he never meets with anyone personally.
He never shows his face. He might’ve been photographed, but since nobody has any idea who he is… ” Jaz shrugged.
“He’s just a face in a crowd,” Kenzie said.
“Exactly.”
“So… You’re saying the DEA expects you to find him? This guy they can’t find with all their resources? With money and assets and intel?”
“I think…I think they don’t, not really. They’re just using me to gather information. That’s the carrot—hanging from a string so far away I can barely make it out. But I can feel the stick right behind me. I’d rather go down fighting and free than be ‘safe’ in some cell somewhere.”
“But it’s ridiculous. It’s…it’s criminal that they would set you up like that, all because of a gambling debt.”
It wasn’t all because of the debt, though. Jaz had been a fool. He’d made a deal with the devil, and the devil didn’t play fair.
Listing all he knew about El Fantasma always reminded him of everything he didn’t know. It wasn’t just discouraging, it was downright defeating.
And yet, this time, it was different. He was still ashamed of his past and embarrassed that he’d been such a fool. But there was something new, an attraction to this woman who cared enough to ask. He felt hopelessness, yet somehow…hopeful.
It made no sense.
She reached over again, her hand warm on his arm. “You did some things you shouldn’t have done, Jaz.”
“Some things? Try everything. All of this is my fault.” He shifted as if to shake her off, but he didn’t try that hard.
Kenzie tightened her grip. “You did some things wrong, but you know that. You’re not sitting here making excuses. And you weren’t trying to break the law.”
“That’s not a winnable defense.”
“I’m not talking about court or winning or anything. I’m talking about…about who you are here.” She tapped her own chest. “Who you are. You’re not a drug dealer. As soon as you knew what was happening, you tried to make it right.”
He met her eyes. “It wasn’t a choice. I haven’t had any choices since that night in the casino.”
“Sure you have. You could’ve given in to Magras’s demands, but you chose to go to law enforcement. You could’ve run away, but you chose to stay and fight.”
“That doesn’t make me a good guy.”
“What’s the definition of a good guy? None of us is perfect. You chose the harder path in order to do the right thing. That matters.”
He barked a bitter laugh. “Does it? Because from where I’m sitting, I’ve spent five years as a liar, helping criminals while pretending to stop them.
I’ve let shipments through. I’ve stood by while people got hurt, all so I could keep myself out of trouble and maybe, I don’t know, take down one criminal in the process.
” He met her eyes. “What does that math look like to God, Jesus girl?”
“God doesn’t keep ledgers.” Her tone was kind and patient. “That’s not how grace works.”
“Then how does it work?”
She hesitated, searching for words. “Grace is a gift. Even when you don’t feel lovable, even when you think you’ve gone too far, God is right there, loving you, holding grace out to you, waiting for you to accept it.”
That couldn’t be right. It couldn’t be so simple.
But, just like at the hotel, Jesus girl sounded completely certain.
She seemed to wait for him to say something. Maybe she thought he’d bow his head and close his eyes… He was having flashbacks to church camp.
“If you want God’s grace, all you have to do is ask Him. He’s eager to give it.” After a few seconds, Kenzie slipped her hand away and stood. “I’ll be right back.”
She disappeared into her bedroom, leaving him alone to ponder what she’d said about God and grace. Her ideas seemed to linger, hovering around, just waiting for him to believe.
He wanted so much for it to be true.
Jaz was still thinking about what Kenzie had said when she walked back into the room a few minutes later. She didn’t explain why she’d gone, and he had the feeling she’d left to give him time to process.
He wanted to know more about God and grace. He wanted to know if it could really be true, if it could really be as simple as just asking for it.
But he was afraid of the answer.
“You were curious about Charlotte,” he said instead. Not that his daughter was an easier topic.
“Only if you want to talk about her.”
Surprisingly, he did. “Violet didn’t tell me she was pregnant. Why would she? We were strangers who’d spent one night together. I only found out when she contacted me after Charlotte was born, demanding child support.”
“You believed she was yours?”
He shifted to meet Kenzie’s eyes. “I’m not that noble.
I demanded a paternity test. It proved she was mine.
” Remembering the moment he’d received the results, the proof that there was a little life in the world, a life he’d created in the midst of stupidity and recklessness.
A baby girl he’d never even laid eyes on.
He’d been overwhelmed with joy and shock.
And regret as deep as the sea. “I was already working with the DEA. I was trapped.” He rubbed his face with his hands.
“I started paying child support—money I earned from Magras, which makes me sick to think about. Violet had taken care of her since she was born. I knew I couldn’t raise a child while living this life.
I couldn’t ever let Magras know she existed.
“Then Violet lost custody—she’s a drug addict.” He glanced at Kenzie. “Ironic, right? I’m risking my life trying to bring down drug dealers while the mother of my child is getting high on their supply.”
“How awful for Charlotte.”
“Yeah. Child services called me and Violet’s mother.
She wanted to take her, or said she did, anyway.
She was kind of a nightmare, which… I mean, her only kid had grown up to be a stripper.
That’s not exactly anybody’s dream for their baby.
But she told me she was going to devote everything to Charlotte, that she could be trusted.
I…I believed her. I thought Charlotte would be safe with her until I could be the father she needed.
I still believed that I’d find the information my handler wanted, and then I’d be able to take care of her. We’d be a family.”
Kenzie was nodding, encouraging him to continue.
“Months turned into years.” He exhaled what felt like a lifetime of frustration and disappointment. “El Fantasma is still a ghost. And Charlotte…”
“How’d she end up with Noah?”
He sighed. This was so hard to talk about, to remember.
Of all the terrible things he’d done, trusting Violet’s mother to take care of Charlotte ranked right at the top.
“Her grandmother was deemed unfit and lost custody. Neglect.” Jaz reached for his water and took a long drink.
Didn’t want to think about what his baby girl had endured because he’d been too messed up to deal with her.
“Child services contacted me again. I had to find a home for Charlotte or she’d go into foster care. So I took her to Noah.”
He would’ve taken her to Noah from the beginning, but he hadn’t wanted to give his brother one more reason to loathe him.
After Violet’s mother lost custody, he had no choice.
Jaz showed up at the door of his childhood home with a little girl Noah hadn’t even known existed.
A few days later, Jaz had packed his bag.
With Magras demanding his return and his handler, Wentz, harping about shipments Jaz was missing, he’d had no choice.
When he announced that he was leaving again… He’d barely been able to look his brother in the face, but what he saw there was better than what he saw on Charlotte’s. She was tiny, much smaller than a four-year-old should be. She barely spoke. Her eyes were hollow and mistrusting.
She’d never known what it meant to be loved.
All he could do was abandon her again.
He was a terrible, terrible man. Why would God want a man like him? Forgive a man like him? He hated himself. Hated himself.
Kenzie’s hand slid over his clenched fist. “No wonder Noah’s worried about you.”
“No.” He yanked his hand away. “Noah doesn’t know any of this. And you can’t tell him, either.”
She sat back. “Why?”