Chapter 15 Worth Holding Onto
Zane
Mum, the Storm Sovereign and terror of the upper realms, talked to my beloved with the gentle care of someone handling a precious treasure. She kept her maternal vibe light and “cool aunt,” but I wasn’t fooled. She was absolutely clocking Seri in every way. Assessing, admiring, testing.
Part of me wanted to rush forward, to interpose myself between them, to shield Seri from whatever game my mother was playing.
But another part—a quieter, more honest part—recognized something I’d been trying not to see: Mum wasn’t here to judge or intimidate.
She was here because, for the first time in centuries, something had surprised her.
Our bond with Seri, our unusual marriage, the witch who had turned three hardened warriors into devoted husbands.
Despite everything, I still wanted my mother to be proud of me. To approve of the family I’d built. To see what I saw in Seri. Not just the power or potential, but the pure, undiluted goodness.
I tugged Brummy toward the back of the library, creating what my therapist would call “a healthy boundary” if I had a therapist, which I didn’t because therapy was for people who wanted to get better. I just wanted to survive the next few hours without my chest imploding.
“C’mere, Brumster.” I rubbed his ears while watching the royal performance unfold across the room. “You and me, buddy. The emotionally stunted duo.”
Brumous tilted his head, blue eyes blinking up at me with that uncanny intelligence that saw right through my bullshit.
Alpha Fun sad?
“No, not sad. Just…” What word would he understand? Conflicted? Emotionally constipated? Catastrophically fucked in the attachment department? “Mixed up.”
My brain was doing that thing again, wanting to be near Mum while my feet carried me in the opposite direction. Like some weird emotional magnet with the polarities all wrong. Push when I should pull. Distance when I craved closeness. Classic me.
Across the library, Seri was talking animatedly about her ward design, and pride bloomed hot and fierce behind my ribs.
Look at her. Look what she’s become. Look who chose me, despite all my jagged edges and bad jokes.
“Remind me why we’re over here again?” I asked Brum-Brum, who responded by flopping onto my foot with a dramatic sigh.
Pack stay, Alpha Fun. He wiggled closer with something like a purr. Lady Storm leaves. Hana stay.
“I know.” I swallowed hard.
As he drifted off, I tossed a stress ball from hand to hand, needing to occupy my fidgety fingers before they betrayed me by doing something stupid like reaching out. Distance was safer. Distance was what I knew. Distance was what Mum had always given me, so I returned the favor.
At least Lucian had been there, my stupid thoughts pointed out. Every. Damn. Day. Whether we wanted him or not, he was there.
That was the irony, wasn’t it? Vampire Daddy Dearest had been more present in my life than the queen currently lighting up my library with her celestial bullshit.
Lucian, who’d turned three grief-stricken little boys into weapons.
Lucian, who’d backhanded me across the training room for mouthing off during lessons.
Lucian, who had expectations we could never quite meet.
But he was there.
There to teach us a new killing stroke. There to smack the taste out of my mouth when I got smart.
There overseeing our dawn workouts, then eating breakfast with us, which was dinner for him and Sebastian.
Timing our dusk drills, then eating dinner with us, which was breakfast for him and Sebastian.
I could still feel the weight of his hand on my shoulder after a successful hunt.
Still smell the copper-penny tang of blood in the air as he showed us how to track wounded prey through a forest. Still hear his cold, measured voice explaining exactly how much pressure it took to sever a spine with bare hands.
Fucked up? Absolutely. But consistent. Present. There.
Lucian hurt us, sure, but he showed up to do it. That’s more than I could say for her.
I’d memorized this pattern years ago. She’d stay just long enough to remind me she existed, then vanish back to her floating palace and her cosmic duties, her visits as predictable as shooting stars: Rare, beautiful, and gone before you could make a wish, leaving nothing but stirred-up feeling behind.
She’s immortal, for fuck’s sakes! She couldn’t have spared twenty-two years for me?
As if summoned by my thoughts, Mum materialized at my side.
“I see you’re still sulking in corners when things get uncomfortable. I’d have thought Lucian broke you of that habit years ago.”
“He broke me of a lot of things.”
Mum didn’t respond, and I should’ve let it drop there, but my mouth had other ideas.
“Worked out fine, though, didn’t it? Sure, I got commitment issues, questionable humor, and a violent allergy to sincerity, but I also got cool brothers.
Found my beloved and a home.” I gestured around the library.
“Have a wolf best friend and a mum that swings by once in a while like a comet with a wine budget.”
The words came out sharp, each one tipped with a poison I couldn’t quite hold back. This was the problem with Mum. She walked in trailing stardust and certainty, and suddenly I was drowning in all the things I’d carefully packed away and labeled, “Do Not Open. Emotional Biohazard.”
“You think I don’t know what Lucian carved out of you? You think I don’t see the man you’ve forged from his cruelty and my neglect? The way he weaponized your chaos—”
“Weaponized this sweet six-pack, too. Tradeoffs.”
“Don’t.” Her hand shot out, sparks dancing between her fingertips as she grabbed my arm. “Don’t deflect with me, stormling. I see the cracks.”
“Fuck’s sake!” I batted embers from my sleeve. “You wanna bond? Maybe skip the emotional arson!”
The storm stilled. Not the atmospheric kind. The heavier, older tempest living in her chest. When she spoke again, her words fell like hail.
“At the time you were born, I was a wildfire. I consumed everything I touched. I couldn’t have loved you the way Mahina did.”
Ice cracked down my spine to hear her say that name, and I took a step back.
“We ain’t doing this. I don’t need it. Got everything handled.”
For the first time in centuries maybe, Queen Doria Starling looked uncertain. Her eyes flickered, clouds racing across them, then she squared her shoulders and raised her chin.
“You misunderstand. I don’t regret my choices.
I do, however, acknowledge their cost. I can’t make up for the past, and I won’t pretend it didn’t shape you.
” She paused, and I had the impression she was choosing her words with unusual care.
“But don’t confuse distance with disinterest, Zane.
You were never unloved. Just … deferred. ”
Deferred.
Like a fucking payment. Like an obligation pushed to the bottom of a to-do list. Like something you’ll get around to eventually, when more important matters have been handled.
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Bitter laughter bubbled up my throat. “To know I’m mothballed until whenever you feel like dropping in for dinner?”
“To know you were born into chaos, and I wasn’t ready to tame it. But you did. On your own. With your brothers. Now with her.”
I knew what she was doing. Playing the queen card.
The cosmic wisdom card. The “I’m thousands of years old and have perspective you can’t possibly understand yet” card.
And the worst part was, it almost worked.
Almost made me believe she had some grand design all along, that leaving me with Lucian was part of a plan and not just convenient.
Mum and I stood in silence for a moment, the air between us charged with all the things we weren’t saying. The apologies she wouldn’t give. The forgiveness I couldn’t offer.
“You turned out better than I deserved, stormling,” she said at last. “The man you are is worth knowing.”
“Careful.” I smirked to hide the warmth flooding my chest. “You’ll ruin your street cred as the heartless queen.”
“I think my reputation can withstand one moment of maternal sentiment.”
“Wait til I tell Seri. She loves this emotional growth bullshit.”
“Tell her whatever you like. She already sees more than most.”
That was true, and it was terrifying and wonderful in equal measure.
“Now, shall we rejoin the others before your older brother comes over here?” Between one heartbeat and the next, Mum’s mask slid back into place, all sharp edges and hurricane smiles. “He’s been watching us like he expects me to decapitate you at any moment.”
I glanced over to find Cas indeed keeping a watchful eye on us, his posture deceptively relaxed, but his attention laser-focused. Always the shield, always the biggest billy goat gruff, even when the threat was just emotional discomfort.
“Yeah, he does that.” My smile was tiny, but it was real. “Always has, always will.”
#
Dinner was not terrible. Mrs. Wentzel had outdone herself with a meal that satisfied, both mortal and immortal palates, and the conversation had flowed easily, mostly thanks to Seri’s curiosity and enthusiasm.
Mum told her about the cloud shepherds who herd sentient mist across wind currents, about the star harvesters who collect cosmic debris during meteor showers, and about the cloud sylphs who tend gardens made of vapor-lilies and sky-moss.
Even Caelyr spoke more than normal, describing the storm wolves who run the thunderheads and the mist hounds, who are made of fog and can only be seen in moonlight.
One look at Seri’s enchanted expression, and I knew we’d be paying a visit to Skyspire in the near future.
For now, though, dark was settling over Evermere, and the sky wyrms were restless, pawing at the grass and snorting actual lightning with each impatient huff.
I hung back from the others as Ko patiently explained to Seri why she couldn’t pet the wyrms and Cas looked ready to tackle her if she tried.