Chapter 15 Worth Holding Onto #2
Why do goodbyes still sting when I had so much practice with them? I wondered as I kicked a stone.
“Zane.”
The voice beside me was deep and quiet, startling me out of my brooding. Caelyr had approached without a sound, moving with that disconcerting star-born grace that made even dhampir reflexes seem clumsy in comparison.
“Trying to give me a heart attack?” I quipped, clutching my chest. “Because dhampirs have hearts, too, you know. Technically. Most of the time. Mine’s at least sixty percent functional.”
Caelyr didn’t smile, but his silver eyes lightened as he reached into his pocket.
“I have something for you.”
He extended his hand, palm up. In it lay a small honey-red stone that seemed to shimmer with internal light. It was roughly star-shaped, although its edges were worn smooth, as if it had been carried and handled for centuries.
“Cloud amber. A hardened fragment of an ancient cloud. Some contain memories, others scents, a rare few voices.”
“What’s it for?” I stared at it, not quite understanding.
“It holds no magic. No power beyond its meaning. It says you were never forgotten.”
Something thick and uncomfortable lodged in my throat. I swallowed hard against it, but it refused to budge.
“I’m not—
“Some things should be acknowledged,” he insisted. “Your place in her heart is one of them.”
I took the amber. It was warm in my palm and heavier than it looked. I curled my fingers around it, unable to find words for the tangle of emotions writhing in my chest.
“Thanks.”
He nodded once, accepting my inadequate response, then, in a gesture so unexpected it made me go statue-still, he clasped my shoulder and squeezed, hard enough to remind me I was solid and real and seen.
“Remember what else runs in your veins.”
Then he released me and stepped back, and I stood there, the amber clutched in my fist, feeling like I’d just experienced some kind of celestial blessing.
Mum came over then, and Seri and my brothers moved to flank me.
“Thank you for coming,” our beloved said. “It’s been an honor to meet you both.”
And then, because she was Seri, she hugged them.
Ko turned his laugh into a cough, Cas’ eyes widened, and I didn’t bother to hold back my snicker as Caelyr awkwardly patted her shoulder, which was only a few inches above his belly button.
Dude was unnecessarily tall. Mum accepted the embrace with more poise, although I caught the surprise that flashed across her face before she hid it with a queenly nod.
To my utter shock, Mum turned to me next, reached up, and ruffled my hair. Actually ruffled it, like I was still a kid and not a fully grown dhampir who could probably deadlift her sky wyrm.
“Keep her alive, stormling,” she said with a sharp smile. “I’ll want grandchildren eventually.”
“And on that horrifying note,” I spluttered while pretending my face wasn’t burning, “have a safe flight back to your floating castle in the sky.”
She laughed as she turned to Cas and Koa, exchanging final words over the increasingly agitated huffs and snorts of the wyrms. Then, with one last nod to all of us, she and Caelyr strode toward their mounts.
Scales rippling with excitement, the wyrms lowered their heads in greeting as their riders approached.
I felt the familiar tug of longing mixed with relief, the same emotions I’d always associated with Mum’s visits, wanting her to stay even as part of me counted the minutes until she was gone and I could breathe again.
“I’m going to head inside,” Seri said, and I blinked, surprised.
“You don’t wanna watch them take off?”
“This moment belongs to you three.” She smiled a knowing smile. “I’ll see you when you’re ready.”
Before she turned away, she paused and looked at the three of us, and there was something in her gaze, something tender and aching and fierce.
“I don’t know if I’ve ever said it outright, but I’m proud of you. All of you and each of you.”
Cas shifted from one foot to the other. Koa stilled, his eyes wide. Me? My damn mouth dropped open.
“I’m proud of who you are, not just what you’ve survived. Proud to be your wife, proud to walk beside you, and proud of how you love each other. Relentlessly. And you let me be part of that bond. You let me belong. And that’s a gift I’ll never take for granted.”
Ko made a soft sound, then kissed her gently, carefully, reverently, like the sacred creature she was.
“You were never outside it, beloved,” he whispered against her lips. “From the moment we found you, you were a part of us.”
“Same.” Cas’ voice came out like ground glass as Ko stepped back. “Louder.”
Seri smiled and, when her stormcloud eyes found mine, the words crawled up my throat like briar vines, prickling and catching. Too many. Too much. I couldn’t get any of them out, so I just gave a sharp nod. Bit my lip. Leaned down and pressed my forehead to hers.
“I know,” she breathed. “I know.”
Then, with a last squeeze of my hand, she walked away. Not leaving me or us. Not shrinking herself. Just giving space. Because she understood this was about the brothers who’d held me together long before she ever arrived.
Sanguine mortis, I loved how our girl could read hearts better than I could read minds.
Mum and Caelyr settled into position as the wyrms’ long bodies uncoiled like living smoke. Then they were airborn, leaving ghostlights in their wake, little wisps of star matter that clung to the trampled grass like dandelion fluff. Brumous snapped at one, then spat it out with a disgusted sneeze.
All sparkle. No meat, he complained.
Like so many times before, Cas and Koa moved to my side without a word, one on each side, their shoulders brushing mine in silent solidarity.
Deferred, she’d said. Not discarded. Not denied. Just delayed. As if love could be put on layaway.
“Mahina was the only mom who ever made me cookies,” I said after a minute.
Neither Cas nor Ko replied. They didn’t need to. They just stood there breathing through it with me, three boys in a field, watching the sky take something away again.
But this time, not everything.
When the first star appeared, Cas cleared his throat.
“There’s cake.”
“Strawberry,” Ko clarified.
Cake! Brummy’s tail thumped. Now alphas smart!
Laughter bubbled up, raw and cleansing. I glanced back at the star-marked lawn. The ghostlights pulsed once before winking out, and my fist tightened around the cloud amber.
Move, sad two-leg. Brumsy nipped my left ass cheek. Cake!
“Yeah, yeah. Keep your fur on.”
My brothers fell into step beside me. Cas at my right, Koa at my left.
Some things, the best things, stayed, solid and real, even when the storm passed.
And those were the things worth holding onto.