Chapter 30 Blakely
Blakely
“What are we going to do today?” I ask Amari as I set down the plate of pancakes I made.
Today is Sunday, and Amari goes back to school tomorrow.
It’s been a tradition that we spend the whole day together and have our own little sleepover in the living room.
It’s a tradition, mainly for me, since I’m usually a wreck when I send her back to school.
Over the years, though, I’ve gotten better, even though I hate not seeing her as much as I do in the summer.
“Emma and I want to hang out.”
Her words cut me deeper than any blade could. “What?” I mumble, trying to process what she said.
“Yeah. Since it’s our last day before we go back to school, we want to play,” she says, as if she doesn’t remember that we always spend this day together.
Silence spreads through the kitchen. I turn my attention back to the pancakes, at a loss for words.
“Mom.”
“Hmm,” I say, still focused on my pancake.
"So, can I?” she asks, grabbing her cup of orange juice and taking a sip, staring at me with the cup between her eyes.
“We always spend this day together.” It’s always been our thing, and now she doesn’t want to hang out with me. I knew this day would come, but not this soon. I expected her to choose her friends over me once she hit her teens.
“Yeah, but we do that every year.”
Oh, God. She’s cutting me even deeper. “I thought you liked it.”
“I do, but we can play when I get home from school tomorrow.”
Her words hang in the air. The little girl, eager for our traditions, is slipping through my fingers. I force a smile, my heart heavy. “Okay. That’s fine,” I say, turning back to the pancakes.
Me: You won’t believe what our daughter just did.
Kai: What?
Me: You know how we always spend the day before her first day back to school together? Well, she chose her friend over me.
Kai: I don’t get what’s wrong here.
Of course he doesn’t.
Men.
Me: This isn’t supposed to happen until she’s in her teens. Teenagers choose their friends over their parents. She’s eight, and she’s already at that stage. My heart hurts.
Kai: I’m sorry. What can I do?
As I’m staring at the text Kai sent, wondering what he could do, the conversation between Liam, and I had hits me.
Liam asked me to have more boundaries with Kai.
Even though I didn’t completely agree with what he wanted, I never said no either.
It’s like second nature to pull my phone out and text Kai to tell him how I feel.
Kai: ??
Shit.
Is this what Liam is talking about? It’s only been a couple of days since we talked about this.
It should still be fresh in my mind, and it isn’t.
Is this the stuff Liam wants me to go to him about?
Would he truly understand? This is why it’s so second nature to go to Kai about this.
He understands more than Liam would, since he’s Amari’s father.
Before I know it, I’m deleting the messages.
More guilt surfaces. What the hell am I doing with my life?
It's like I'm back in my teenage years, second-guessing if I should stay with Kai or not. But this time, I’m second-guessing Liam and Kai. Relationships shouldn’t be this hard, so why am I making things hard on myself?