Chapter 36 Blakely
Blakely
“Where are we going?” Amari asks from the backseat.
I picked her up from school and decided to go look at some wedding dresses.
The conversation Liam and I had last night gave me some inspiration.
I had this urge to go look at dresses. But only to look.
I’m not ready to try anything on yet. I would like to lose a few pounds before I do.
“I thought it would be fun to go look at wedding dresses and maybe we can find you something to wear, too.” I’m not sure what color scheme I want.
Looking at dresses for Amari and bridesmaid dresses might help.
I always thought everything would come quickly when I got engaged since I always dreamed of having a wedding.
But nothing has come to me. Is it because when I always thought about being married, it was when I was a teenager and Kai and me were together?
Have too many years passed by for me to remember what I wanted?
“Can I wear a pink dress?”
“Pink will be pretty. Let’s see what they have.” I put my car in park and look around at the sparse parking lot. Guess they don’t get busy on weekdays.
As we step into the bridal shop, the soft scent of fresh flowers and fabric fills the air. The space is bright, with rows of gowns hanging. The soft pink carpet paired with all the gowns gives this place a sophisticated look.
"Hi, do you have an appointment with us?” a woman asks.
I look at her in surprise at the word appointment. Can’t anyone come in and look around? “No. I don’t. I wasn’t aware we needed one.”
She glances around the store and then back at me. “We usually ask that one is made so we can have a bridal consultant assist you with trying dresses on and to answer any questions you may have. But I can make an exception for you, since we’re pretty slow right now.”
I notice a group of girls in the far back sitting in front of a dressing room looking over at the soon-to-be bride in her wedding dress.
All the girls’ faces light up as the bride twirls around.
“Thank you. I appreciate it,” I say, turning my attention back to the woman. “Next time, I’ll book an appointment.”
She nods, her smile widening. “Do you know what kind of style you’re looking for?”
"Honestly, I’m not sure yet,” I say, uncertain. “I came to look around and get an idea of what I might like.”
Her eyes brighten. “That’s okay. It’s hard to pick out the right dress for your special day,” she says, clasping her hands together. “I’m Grace. I’d be happy to show you around.”
“I’m Blakely, and this is my daughter, Amari.” She looks between the two of us with curiosity on her face. The same curiosity I get all the time. People usually say I look too young to have a daughter her age—or they think we’re sisters…
Until I tell them I had her at sixteen.
“It’s nice to meet you both.” She turns around, waves a hand, and says, “Follow me. I can pull out a few styles and see what you like.”
After an hour of browsing through what feels like a million different gowns, I feel overwhelmed.
Every dress is stunning in its own way, but none of them seem to speak to me in the way I imagined they would.
I thought it would be easier for me to find something.
It’s a good thing I have months to make my decision.
“Do you know what kind of dress you’re looking for?” she asks Amari.
Amari has been so quiet and patient this whole time, looking through all the dresses with me. Even she looks overwhelmed and beat.
“I want a pink dress,” she says, looking up at Grace.
Grace tilts her head in a thinking position, until her eyes light up. “Let’s look over here. I might have something you will like.”
We follow her over to a section of colored dresses. She browses through a rack and pulls out a sleeveless dress with bows on each shoulder. It even has a layered tulle skirt. The tulle skirt is blush pink, and the other upper half is off-white with a pearl trim around the neckline.
Amari gasps and runs her hand through the skirt. “This is pretty.”
A wide smile forms. I’m glad she’s able to find something she likes right away.
Grace looks down at her with a smile herself.
“Isn’t it darling? I love little dresses.
” She looks through the dresses again while pulling out a darker pink one and says.
“Are you excited your mom and dad are getting married?”
My eyes widen in disbelief, and my breath catches as I try to process what she just said.
Amari looks up at her and says, “She’s not marrying my dad. She’s marrying her boyfriend, Liam.”
Grace’s mouth drops as she places a hand on her chest and turns to me. “Oh, my. I’m so sorry. I just assumed.” She shakes her head. “I shouldn’t have assumed.”
My stomach tightens as I force a smile. The father of my child isn’t the man I’m marrying. My thoughts and Amari’s words swirl around in the air. I clear my throat, unsure of how to continue with this conversation.
"Mom, I’m hungry,” Amari says, interrupting my thoughts.
Thank God.
“Let’s go get something to eat,” I say, grabbing Amari's hand. “Thank you for showing us around.” I step a few feet back.
Her cheeks flush bright red, and she quickly glances down, biting her lip as the embarrassment spread across her face. We all start walking out of the store, Grace following behind. She opens the door and says, “Again, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
I can’t even imagine what she must be feeling, but why would anyone assume something like that and then say it to my young daughter, of all people? As if I wasn’t already overthinking everything, now she’s made me think about Kai all over again.
As I’m driving down the back roads to avoid rush hour traffic, I spot a detour sign.
I take the turn the signs tells me to take and head down a road that looks familiar.
I gasp silently as I see the brown brick apartments on the left side of me.
A sense of nostalgia hits me as I think back on all those nights I snuck out to come to this apartment to party.
The apartment I would go to see Kai at. I slow down as I look over at it.
I can’t believe the shit I used to do. Then it hits me.
Our first apartment is a couple blocks down—the one I shared with Kai.
I stop the car and put it in park, looking over at the apartment we shared.
I remember how excited he was to show me that he got us an apartment.
It was Christmas day. Looking back, I remember how nervous he was, putting a blindfold on me only to walk me down a couple blocks and lead me into a place where we thought we would start our forever and ever.
"Mom, what are you doing?”
I look back at Amari through the rearview mirror. “This was my first apartment with your dad.”
“It looks like a house with two doors,” she says, looking at me through the mirror.
“It’s a twin home. It’s two homes connected to each other.” I swing my seatbelt off. The windows are dusty, with cobwebs everywhere. Weeds are overtaking the grass. It looks as if no one lives here. “Let’s see if it’s open.”
“Won’t we get in trouble?” she asks, squirming in her seat.
I shake my head. “I don’t think anyone lives here.”
I walk up the couple of steps to the front door.
The paint on the door has cracked, making the house look even more deserted.
I knock twice before twisting the doorknob.
To my surprise, it’s open. My eyes go wide in disbelief as I swing the door open and see the tiny living room before me.
I take a step in and flick the light switch, but no light shines through.
The musky smell of the apartment makes my noise cringe.
Clearly, no one has lived here in a while.
I walk over to the kitchen and see the fridge is gone.
Did someone steal it? What happened to this place after we left?
To be honest, this entire street looks a little deserted.
Did they stop renting to college students after all the partying that used to go on here?
I walk down the tiny hallway and glance between the bathroom and the bedroom. Amari is right behind me and walks past me into the bedroom. “Where was my room?”
“This was your room,” I say, walking farther in.
She glances around the room with her brows furrowed and confused because of how small this room is. I forgot how small it was and how little room we had to move around.
“How did we all fit in here?” she asks, curiously.
Now that I’m standing in here, I’m not even sure how we did it.
“Both our beds were right up against each other,” I say, pointing to where they were.
“I had to get rid of a lot of my clothes because they didn’t fit in the closet.
” I only brought a duffle bag of stuff with me and never went back to my mom’s house to pick up more.
Being here reminds me of all the good times—and bad—that we had.
It seems like we moved in here just yesterday, but at the same time, it feels like a lifetime ago.
I can’t believe how much we went through, knowing no one thought we would make it as parents.
But we did. We may not have made it as a couple, but we made it as parents.
That’s the thing we got right. Even though there were so many bumps in the road, we’ve always put Amari first.