Chapter 40 Kai
Kai
The cool air is filled with kids and their happy shouting as they run from one house to the next with bags of candy hanging off their arms. All four of us have been following Amari all night as she tricks or treats.
There is no doubt in my mind that Liam is upset I’m here after what B told me.
I can see it in his demeanor—the way he won’t look at me, won’t stand by me.
I’ve stood next to him a few times, and he always takes a few steps away from me.
I can’t help but feel bad that Blakely is in the middle of this.
Even though I can’t quite understand what she wants.
Her silence is killing me. It’s only been a week since we last talked, but that week feels like a century.
I’ve told her what I want. She knows. It’s all up to her now.
I can’t sit here any longer and chase after her.
If she truly wants me, she’ll come to me.
If she goes through with this wedding, it will devastate me.
But I know I had her, and I let her go. I blamed myself back then, and I was so hard on myself for years.
I can’t continue beating myself up anymore.
She was my light when my days were dark.
One thing I know for sure is that I’ve tried.
I’ve grown from everything to be a better man.
I am a better man because of her. But I deserve to be happy as much as she does.
Every time Amari goes up to another house, B walks up with her.
I’m sure she’s doing it to get away from Liam and me.
I stand on the sidelines, watching as she follows behind Amari, waiting to be the next in line.
This house is enormous and painted black, giving off an already creepy vibe.
There are cobwebs hanging thick all around the house, with fake spiders and skeletons hanging off the tree branches.
The owners are outside in their garage, handing out spiked apple cider for the adults.
I go in and grab one off the table that’s lined with the drinks as I wait for Amari and B.
“You love her still, don’t you?”
Liam’s words surprise me, and I nearly choke on my drink.
I didn’t realize he was near me since he’s been keeping his distance.
I glance back and see him a few steps behind, his hands in his pockets, eyes fixed on me.
If his eyes could speak, I would say he’s throwing a dagger at me.
“I’ll always love her. She’s the mother of my child,” I say, turning more toward him but also keeping B and Amari in my sight.
He looks between Blakely and me, as if he wants to say something before she comes back. “You’re still in love with her?”
Is that a question or a statement? I already told him I love her.
“I always praised you two for how well you guys co-parent together. I thought that’s all it was,” he says with a hint of disappointment in his voice.
“What do you mean?”
“She doesn’t look at me the way she looks at you. She doesn’t run to me the way she runs to you. I used to think that must really mean something after everything you two have been through. But now I think it’s more than just co-parenting.”
“We have a daughter together. Of course she’s going to run to me when it has something to do with Amari.”
He shakes his head. “You’re still in love with her, and I can see that she’s still in love with you. I’ve tried to ignore it. I’ve tried to tell myself it’s only co-parenting. The more I tried to convince myself, the more I know I’m not wrong.”
As I’m taking in Liam’s words, all I can think is, why can’t B see it? Everybody else saw it. Hell, even her boyfriend or fiancé, whatever the fuck he is. Why can’t she see it? It’s always been us. We’re meant to be together.
I’m unsure of what to say to him. On one hand, I want to say, Yeah, I’m in love with her, so fuck off, but this is truly Blakely’s decision. I can’t step in between them more than I already have.
“You guys ready?” B says, shifting both of our gazes back to her.
“Yes. Let’s go,” he says and intertwines his hand with hers. She looks up at him and then back at me with a concerned look on her face. I put on a smile, hoping she won’t suspect anything and be left worrying.
There's a sting in my heart as I watch the two of them walk in front of me. I don’t know what’s to come now that Liam has his doubts about us.
Will he be the one that walks away? But how will that feel?
Knowing that he walked away and not B? If B walks away, I’ll know it was her choice.
If Liam walks away and she comes to me, how will I know it was truly her choice?