Chapter 47 Kai
Kai
This is the first morning in a long time that I feel fully rested.
For years, there was always something missing.
Or someone. My dreams turned into reality, and I can’t help but feel uneasy about how she is feeling.
I was so happy when she told me she and Liam ended things.
I didn’t let her say anything else. Although, last night we both expressed our need for each other, which is why I hate myself for feeling this way.
“Good morning,” I hear over the sizzling of the bacon.
I glance back, and there she is, in one of my shirts. I didn’t know how much I missed seeing her in my clothes until now. She used to always wear my shirts to bed, especially when she was pregnant. She’s so beautiful, even with her bedhead.
I wrap her in my arms. “Tell me this isn’t a dream?” I ask.
She raises her eyes to mine. “What do you mean?”
“Tell me that this is real? I waited so long for this. I was thinking we would never happen again.”
She rests her head against my chest, squeezing me tightly. “This is real, Kai. I promise you.”
I kiss her on top of her head and rest my chin. “Are you hungry?”
“Starving,” she says, and we release our hold on each other.
I hand her a cup of coffee while she sits down and stares at the table. I remember when we first moved in together, how ecstatic she was to drink coffee. Her mom never let her because of her age. Now she drinks it like it’s a regular morning.
“Is this our old table?” she asks, looking underneath herself at the chair she is sitting on.
“Sure is.” I serve her a plate of eggs, bacon, blueberries, and a slice of toast.
“Why do you still have this?” she asks.
I shrug my shoulders while serving myself a plate of breakfast. “I had no need for a new one. It’s only Amari and me.
” I hadn’t realized that she hasn’t actually been in my apartment like this.
She has always stayed in the living room if she ever came over, except that one time on my birthday when she snuck in and brought me my cake.
I’m sure she didn’t stay long enough to realize it was the same table.
We’ve always gotten together at Brooke’s house, which makes sense, because it’s bigger than here.
“I don’t want to bring up the past or anything, because I do want us to start fresh, but there are questions I have,” I say. Since waking up, I’ve had a lot of questions running through my mind that I would like to understand more.
“Okay. Shoot,” she says with a mouthful of eggs.
I smile at the fact she’s that comfortable around me to talk with food in her mouth. “You said you loved me last night…” She nods. “What made you love me again?”
She clears her throat. “I never stopped loving you, Kai. I suppressed my feelings for you for so long because of how hurt I was that I never realized how much I still do love you.” She pauses for a moment.
“Being engaged to Liam never felt right. I couldn’t understand why, because I’ve always wanted a family.
He was giving me everything I wanted. I finally came to realize that the family I wanted was with you. No one else.”
A pang of jealousy hits my chest, knowing he gave her everything she wanted—everything that I wanted to give her.
But also, a sense of overwhelming feelings hit me with her saying the family she’s always wanted is with me.
I’ve always known how important family is to her, and I’ve always felt guilty for not giving that to her.
The only thing I can do now is move forward from the past and give her what she needs and deserves.
“So, have you already moved out of Liam’s house? What is going on with that?” I question. She darts her eyes away from me, looking as if she is guilty of something. “What? Don’t tell me you’re still living with him!”
She shakes her head. “No. I’m not. I haven’t been…” She pauses and bites her lip. “For a couple of weeks now.”
“A couple weeks!” I exclaim. “And you waited that long to tell me?” I shake my head. “You mean to tell me I could have had you in my bed, in my arms, a couple of weeks ago?” Her eyes widen as she bites down on her lip even harder, stopping the blood flow. “Where have you been staying?”
“At my mom’s. I didn’t have anywhere else to go.”
“Ugh, hello? Here.” I built a house. A house for us.
The only problem is that she doesn’t know the house is ours.
It’s almost finished, and I was about to put it on the market because I was losing hope for us.
Better late than never, but she cut it close.
“Once you finish your breakfast, I have something to show you.”
For a couple of weeks now, the sun hasn’t been shining to its full potential.
Every day has been as gloomy as my mood.
But today the sun is shining, and the blue sky is as clear as ever.
Not a single cloud in sight. This has to be a coincidence.
Everything is falling into place. All the steps I took to better my life have finally led to everything I ever wanted and worked so hard for.
I drive down the winding road with Blakely in the middle seat of my truck and my right hand on her thigh.
I blindfolded her so she couldn’t see where I was taking her.
Like I did many years ago, when I blindfolded her and took her to our first apartment.
I pull up into a now concreted driveway and park my truck. “Where are we?” she says, looking around as if she can see.
“You’ll see soon enough,” I say, opening my truck’s door. “I’m going to come around and get you. Do not peek.”
“I won’t.”
“Promise?”
“Promise,” she says.
I go around the truck, leading her out of it and toward the house.
“Watch your step. There are four steps up.” Once we’re on the porch, I grab the keys and unlock the door.
The smell of fresh paint still lingers in the air.
She sniffs at the smell, and a crease between her eyebrows forms. “Are you ready?” I’ve waited years to tell her this was in the process, and I finally get to. I’ve never been so excited.
No wait.
I have.
Last night was even better.
What am I saying? This is all exciting.
I unwrap the blindfold and stand behind her as she looks around curiously. Then she turns to me with her eyebrows scrunched. “This is our home,” I say.
Her mouth parts as she looks again at her surroundings. “You’re joking?”
“No.” My stomach drops. Does she not like it?
She turns toward the nook I made for her, intending to turn it into a library.
She walks over to the built-in shelves I had put in.
Reaching up, she grabs the painted picture we made eight years ago.
Our hands are in it, with Amari’s baby hand in the middle.
Forever and Ever is written on top. I framed it years ago and kept it in my room.
The shock on her face tells me she didn’t know I still had it.
I’m surprised Amari didn’t tell her I had it.
My little girl must really keep all our secrets.
She reaches in and grabs the Valentine’s card she and Amari made for me.
I kept that one as well. That one was always a little harder for me to look at because it was the night I knew she made up her mind about me.
The night she finally had enough and walked out.
It was a night that has always been heavy on my heart.
I walk into our apartment, hung over from the night before, regretting the day before.
Valentine’s day. When I showed up yesterday and saw the hurt on Blakely’s face that I didn’t show up for Valentine’s Day, it made me regret my decision not to see her or Amari.
To be honest, I didn’t think she would have cared.
I had already hurt her so much, so I felt she didn’t want me around.
Especially on a day for couples to celebrate their love for one another.
But an instant regret hit the pit of my stomach when she asked me where I was and if I was with another girl.
Like the asshole I am, I acted like it was a regular day and didn’t show how much I saw her hurting for not showing up.
There were actions and words last night that I regret.
Instead of fixing my actions right then and there, I went home and drowned myself in alcohol.
But it didn’t help. It only made my feeling of regret worse, and when I woke, the only thing I wanted to do was apologize to her.
Apologize for everything I’ve done to her.
At this point, my words are like a broken record. Always repeating but never changing.
I feel lousy buying her two-day-old chocolates and a last-minute bouquet.
But I don’t know how else to show her I’m sorry.
I’ve missed a few days of work, and my uncle has been getting on my ass about my performance.
If missing these days is the last straw for my job, then so be it.
I need to make things right with Blakely. Not just for me, but for my family.
I walk up to our apartment we share, even though I haven’t been sleeping here since she hasn’t wanted me to.
The door swings open, and the darkness of the apartment surrounds me.
Not only because the lights are off, but the quiet sound of…
nothing. I turn the light on and instantly see the “Happy Valentine’s Day” painted in red on folded white paper.
I reach for the card, open it up, and right away, my body shakes.
Written inside is “Daddy, you will always be my first Valentine. Love, Amari Rose Madden.” Amari’s feet are painted inside in the shape of a heart.
Then, on the left-hand side are what I’m sure are Amari scribbles.
I run down the hall into the bedroom. The closet is empty, and Amari’s blanket we keep in her crib is gone. The silence surrounds me, sinking me down to my knees.
She left me.
She finally left me.
My head hangs low, and all I can do is sob.
“You kept these?” she asks, her voice low.
“Of course.”
She looks up from the picture and card in her hand. “What do you mean, this is our home? I thought this was just one you were working on.”
The questioning in her voice makes it hard to read how she’s feeling.
I don’t know if she hates it or not. “I built this house for us.” Her mouth parts again.
“Do you like it?” She walks out of the nook and into the kitchen.
I follow behind her. “Please say something, B. I don’t know what you’re thinking. ”
She turns toward me. “I’m…” She shakes her head. “I’m at a loss for words.”
“Why?” I step closer to her.
“I don’t know. I have so many questions,” she says, shaking her head once again.
“What questions?”
“Like when or how?”
I grab her hand and hold it softly. “This has been in the process for two years now. I wanted you to be involved with every step, but that didn’t happen.
So, I tried to build it the best of what I thought you would like.
” I glance toward the kitchen. “Remember how you noticed this is the same kitchen as the beach house? It’s because I knew you loved it so much.
” I shift my gaze toward the living room.
“I painted everything else a neutral color so you could decorate it easier to your liking.”
“How did you know we would be together again?”
I let out a sigh. "Well, I had high hopes. Very high hopes. I was actually going to put this house on the market because I thought you had given up on us.”
She looks at me in surprise. “Don’t you dare.”
My cheeks rise. “So, you like it?”
She jumps into my arms. "Kai, I love it.” She squeezes me tighter before saying. “But you know I would have been happy with anything. We could have moved back into our one-bedroom apartment, and I would have been happy. All that matters is us being together.”
I lift her up and place her on the kitchen counter.
Her legs spread naturally for me as I stand in between them.
“I know, but I told you I wanted to give you everything you deserve. This is one of them.” I kiss her on the lips.
“You deserve more than I could ever give you. There are no words or actions to show you how much you deserve. Especially after taking me back despite everything I put you through. I’m the luckiest man in the world to have a family like ours, and there is one promise I will make, and that is to never take our family for granted again. ”