Chapter 19
CHAPTER
NINETEEN
RHYS
Angel is sitting with his back against the headboard. I’m straddling his lap, riding him. He’s inside me, filling me up, stretching me wide. Every time his cock hits my prostate, I leak a drop of pre-cum onto his stomach.
This is my favorite position with Angel, I’ve decided. He’s so solid and strong between my legs. I have full access to his broad shoulders, his furry chest, his rounded tummy. His hands brace me and support me. He’s so gentle and so tender.
And the best part: watching him as he watches me, like I’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever set his eyes on.
I know this is a dream. The bed floats in a nonexistent room. There are no lights or cameras around us. Sebastian isn’t hovering at the corner of my eye.
This is my imagination indulging itself, fantasizing about what-ifs. What if Angel were actually mine? What if we could have a repeat of what happened in his truck, but in the luxury of a bed? I don’t want to let it go. I don’t want to wake up and face reality. I want to stay in this make-believe world forever.
My body drags me back to consciousness against my will and when I open my eyes, it’s worse than I expected.
Guilt hits me like a train, stealing my breath. Fuck. What did I do? Jesus motherfucking Christ, what did I do?
I didn’t plan on jumping Angel last night. The thought hadn’t even occurred to me. I was so happy just getting to sit in the truck next to him, getting that little slice of alone time together.
But then he turned his head at the last moment. I still can’t tell if it was an accident or on purpose. And when our lips met, I couldn’t help myself. Something came over me, possessed me, and suddenly I was in his lap. And holy fucking heaven did it feel so right being in Angel’s lap.
He didn’t hesitate for a single second. He didn’t need to be coaxed or convinced. He was as eager to kiss me as I was to kiss him. He held me so close, so tight. The sexy little gasps of pleasure he makes when I touch him… oh god, I don’t think he even knows he makes them.
I’ve never wanted someone the way I want Angel. I’ve never hungered for someone like this, craved someone like he’s fundamental to my survival. It’s like a beast has sprouted inside me, clawing and scraping at me, demanding that I go find Angel, that I plaster myself against him, that I crawl into him and lose myself there.
Hayden was right. I’m going to get hurt. There’s no way I’m coming out of this unscathed. I wouldn’t go so far as saying that I love Angel. But at this point, it’s practically inevitable. All it’d take is another sweet smile from him, another cute, oblivious text message, another flash of red across the tips of his ears. And I’m a goner .
Reluctantly, I force myself out of bed and to the bathroom. When I stumble out to the kitchen, Hayden is already there with a steaming mug of coffee in hand. He slides a second mug toward me and I gratefully chug it down.
He watches me with a wary eye. I know he wants to ask about Angel. I also know he won’t. He’ll wait for me to bring it up on my own.
“He didn’t come up,” I say, annoyed at how defensive I sound.
“Okay.”
“He didn’t,” I insist. I’m not sure why my hackles are rising.
“I believe you,” he says calmly, which only makes my hackles rise even more.
“Well? Don’t you have anything to say about that?”
Shit. What’s wrong with me? Hayden is being understanding and I’m trying to pick a fight with him.
Hayden’s expression tightens around the edges. “What do you want me to say?”
I deflate. I don’t know what I want him to say. Maybe that I’m not making the biggest fucking mistake of my life? Maybe that it’s okay to be selfish and greedy and there won’t be any consequences later?
I set down my half-finished mug of coffee and shuffle toward Hayden. He opens his arms in time for me to help myself to a hug.
“I’m sorry,” I say, resting my chin on his shoulder. “I just…”
Hayden doesn’t make me say the words out loud. “I know.”
“You’re the best. I don’t deserve you. ”
He chuckles softly. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
I sigh and pull away so I can give Hayden my best puppy-dog eyes. “Seriously. What am I going to do, Denny?”
He gives me a lopsided smile. “I don’t know, babe. I wish I did.”
He plants a quick kiss on my forehead before extracting himself to make breakfast. He’s been doing these overnight oats things with chia seeds and other healthy stuff that sound gross. I’m just thankful I have a fast metabolism that combined with my dancing lets me eat pretty much whatever. Hayden, on the other hand, is a bit of a health nut.
I leave him to his breakfast while I get ready for my dance class. I try to make it to two or three classes a week—pole or modern or ballet. I need the training to stay on top form for The Bronzed Rail. More importantly, it’s how I de-stress. I can’t obsess about Angel when I’m focused on moving my body.
At least, that’s how dance classes usually work. Today, though, Angel keeps hovering at the edge of my mind, distracting me so much I nearly collide with another student while we’re practicing our pirouettes. Oops.
I rush out of class the second we’ve finished our bows and head to Sebastian’s apartment. A message comes in from Angel just as I’m climbing the stairs, and I pause on the landing to read it.
Angel: I had a lot of fun last night. *grinning emoji*
My heart somersaults so wildly in my chest that it takes a second for me to catch my breath. Fuck. How do I respond? What do I say?
We had sex in the cab of his truck. While double- parked outside my apartment building. It’s a miracle no one saw us.
He’s supposed to be straight. He’s not supposed to want to kiss a man or have sex with a man. Let alone do all that out in public where anyone could have stumbled on us. And yeah, maybe I have long hair and like to wear makeup and skirts, but it’s kinda hard to miss the dick I was rubbing against his.
Straight boys don’t do the things we did last night. So maybe Angel isn’t so straight after all. And if he’s a late bloomer, only now exploring his sexuality, maybe he’ll be willing to come out of the closet too. He probably just needs time to process. These things aren’t easy to figure out, especially when he grew up in the old neighborhood.
Yeah, that’s it. I’ll just keep telling myself that.
The door to Sebastian’s apartment opens. “Rhys? What are you doing standing out here? Are you okay?”
My head snaps up and I blink, pushing my spiraling thoughts aside. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just club-scheduling stuff. Someone wants me to fill in for them next week.” I slide my phone into my bag and go to give Sebastian a quick hug.
He gives me a quizzical look, but doesn’t press—thank god. It’s bad enough having to talk about this with Hayden. I wouldn’t even know where to start if Sebastian started asking questions.
“Where’s Christian?” I ask when he ushers me inside.
“At Mars Fitness. He’s got clients back-to-back until close today.”
“Busy guy,” I say, helping myself to a seat on the couch.
Sebastian puffs up a little, looking all proud. “Best personal trainer in the city!” he calls out as he disappears into their second bedroom, which they turned into a filming studio slash office for Sebastian.
He comes out holding his laptop. “Okay, so, I got an idea this morning.”
“Uh oh,” I tease. Sebastian is known for his ideas—most of them are crazy, but they almost always work out. The guy has a knack for business-y things that the rest of us don’t. We learned early on not to question him and just go along with whatever he says.
“Hear me out!” He sets his laptop down on the coffee table, then holds his hands up, palms out, eyes flashing with excitement. “I’m calling it 12 Toys of Christmas: The Camboy Network’s Official Holiday Gift Guide .”
I blink at him. “Sebby, girl, you know what we do isn’t exactly kid-friendly, right?”
He drops his hands and gives me a flat look. “Yes, of course, I know. I don’t mean kids’ toys. Jesus, who do you think I am? I mean sex toys! For adults!”
“Oh.” I roll the idea around in my mind again, but nope, still doesn’t make sense. “So… how exactly would it work?”
“I’m putting together a list of twelve toys. We’ll divvy them up, then film ourselves as we use them. It’ll be like video reviews as we’re using the toys. The videos will go out every other day in December, like an advent calendar!”
My jaw kind of drops as I’m stunned into silence. “That’s… genius.”
“I know, right?!” Sebastian looks smug as he pulls his computer onto his lap. “So, you in?”
I shrug. “Why not? Sure.”
“Awesome. I’ve got you down for a giant dragon dildo and then a metal cock sleeve, also shaped like a dragon.” He turns the laptop toward me so I can see the two toys he’s talking about.
The dildo is huge, like the size of a giant’s forearm. It’ll definitely be one of the bigger ones I’ve stuffed into my ass. The cock sleeve, however, is… weird. In the picture Sebastian shows me, it covers the entire length of the dude’s cock. It looks more decorative than anything else. I can’t see how it’d feel very good to wear it, and there’s no way I’d be able to fuck anyone with it.
“Uh, what am I supposed to do with that?” I point to the metal sleeve.
“Right, so, I was thinking. You could wear it while doing a pole routine!”
I glance at Sebastian, whose smile is so wide, it looks a little manic. “You want me to wear that thing while I’m on the pole?”
“Yep!”
“It’ll be in the way! Or I’ll crush my dick!” My hand goes to my crotch where my cock shrivels up a little bit at the thought.
“It’ll be fine! You don’t have to do anything too fancy. Just think. It’ll look so cool if you’re spinning around the pole wearing nothing but that.”
I cross my arms and pout. The problem is, Sebastian’s probably right. If I could figure out the right moves to use, it would look really cool.
“And… I was thinking, if Angel wants to do a second video, you could be giving him a private show.”
My dick goes from not-at-all-interested to raring-to-go. A private show for Angel? Wearing nothing but a metal cock sleeve shaped like a dragon? Maybe a pair of my platform heels? Yes. Yes. And yes. My dick is one-hundred-percent on board with that.
“Speaking of which! I just finished editing your video this morning. Wanna watch?”
Do I want to watch the video of me and Angel fucking? Yeah, of course I do. But I already feel so raw and off-kilter, and watching the video will make it worse.
But Sebastian isn’t waiting for my answer. He’s already got the video pulled up and the cursor hovering over the play button. He clicks it before I can object.
As with all The Camboy Network videos, it starts with our interviews. And from just a few seconds of Angel on the screen, I’m done for. He’s so fucking cute, it should be illegal. The way he blushes and stammers. The way he peeks at the camera shyly. This is Angel at his most adorable.
The scene switches to the kitchen, and after we deliver our super-cheesy lines, I drop to my knees. Jesus. Angel looks so innocent standing there, hands gripping the counter behind him so hard his knuckles are white. And I look so slutty, with my robe hanging off my shoulders, tears running down my cheeks, spit dripping off my chin.
The sucking sounds are loud and obscene. I moan as I worship Angel’s cock. He whimpers and gasps like he doesn’t know what to do with the pleasure he’s feeling.
I was there when this was filmed, obviously. I remember the taste of his pre-cum, the weight of him on my tongue, the stretch of my jaw as I swallowed around him. And yet, sitting on Sebastian’s couch, my gaze is glued to the screen. I can’t look away.
My lips part. My tongue swipes across them. My mouth waters in anticipation .
Heat slithers through me and my cock swells, a bulge forming in my leopard-print leggings. I shift on the couch as I struggle to take in a full breath.
The scene switches and we’re in the bedroom now. Angel’s on his back and I’m climbing on top of him. The camera zooms in for that first breach of his cock in my hole. I can see every bulging vein and watch as they disappear into the glistening pink skin of my hole.
When the camera zooms back out again, it captures the look on my face. Eyes shut and head thrown back. Hovering right on the brink of ecstasy. Then Angel’s face, eyes wide open, staring straight at me. I come, spraying him with my cum. There’s no mistaking me for anything other than a man in that moment. No pretending I’m a woman.
The scene switches again. I’m on my hands and knees now, and Angel is touching me with such reverence, like he’s handling something priceless, something precious. My throat grows tight with emotions I don’t want to examine too closely. Emotions that will only get me in trouble and confuse me even more.
Then Angel’s pounding into me from behind. His rough, construction-worker hands are so big around my narrow hips. On the couch, my hole twitches at the memory, at how well he filled me, at that incredible feeling of being whole.
Want slams into me so hard, so suddenly. Want for Angel, for him to fill me like that again, for him to fill me with his cum.
My hands curl into fists from how overwhelming the desire is. So strong, it steals my breath away.
The video switches to the last scene. Angel’s on his back again, spent this time. I’m curled around his side, chasing my second orgasm.
A part of me wants to look away from the laptop, or at least squeeze my eyes shut so I don’t have to watch. But I can’t. My eyes are riveted to the screen as it shows me spraying my cum onto Angel’s thigh.
Then I look up at Angel and he gazes down at me. I don’t remember this part. I don’t remember the feelings that are so clearly displayed on both our faces. Neither of us are trying to disguise them, and neither of us are that good at acting.
The video ends and silence settles in the apartment. Sebastian doesn’t speak, doesn’t move. I should probably say something, compliment him on his editing or the lighting, but I’m at a loss for words.
The video isn’t merely hot. It’s… intimate and vulnerable. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever put on the internet. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.
“Rhys?” Sebastian finally says in a quiet voice. “You okay?”
I swallow around the lump in my throat and nod.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I shake my head jerkily.
“Do you want me to shelve the video? Angel’s already been paid and I don’t mind eating the cost.”
The offer brings tears to my eyes and I blink rapidly to chase them away. “No,” I croak. “I mean, don’t shelve it just for my sake.”
Sebastian’s smile is understanding and sympathetic. “I’ll send the video to Angel and make sure he’s okay with it too.”
Then he reaches for my hand and gives it a squeeze. “ Hey, if it makes you feel any better, my first video with Christian was like this too. Same thing with Noel and Bellamy.”
I furrow my brow in confusion.
“You know, before any of us were ready to admit our feelings about the other person? It’s hard to hide love.”
My eyes sting with unshed tears and no matter how fast I blink, I can’t keep them at bay. They spill over my lashes as Sebastian pulls me into a hug.
“Oh, Sebby, I’m in so much trouble.”