Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE_
ANGEL
It’s entirely possible that Jamie Harris is the perfect woman for me.
If she really means what she says, anyway.
It would be easy for her, someone still in her twenties, to think she doesn’t want children now, but from what past flings and dates have told me, something changes once a woman hits thirty.
My body must have missed the memo because that biological clock never started ticking for me.
That aside, though, she’s supposedly looking for the same kind of situation I am. She wants to focus on her career. I want to focus on mine. But if we could be supportive and active partners when we do have the time, she’d be exactly what I want in a wife.
Though finding enough quality time around our individual work schedules could be an issue for us.
Jamie’s always doing Harley and band stuff, and I’m being sent all over the world at a moment’s notice.
But I’m getting ahead of myself anyway. Just because we maybe want the same thing, that doesn’t mean we’re soulmates or whatever.
It doesn’t mean she’s “the one” I’ve been wanting to find.
And as I watch Jamie with Maggie’s children, how chill she is with them—cooing at Riff while talking to Kaylee about whatever game she’s playing on her tablet—I could see her as a mother in the future. I don’t want to take that option away from her should she change her mind.
If we were to continue this, get involved, fall in love, and then she decided she did want kids after all, I wouldn’t stop her from getting the life she desires. So, I guess the biggest risk I’d be taking by going beyond sex with her is that I might get my heart broken.
Considering I’ve never found anyone who even had the potential to do that until now, I have to go for it, right?
Jamie picks Riff up off his play mat, but unlike twenty minutes ago when she held him against her and cradled him softly, she’s holding him like he’s a grenade and she can’t get rid of him fast enough. As they get closer to me, I can smell why.
“I don’t do diapers,” she says in a matter-of-fact way.
I laugh and take the baby off her and head toward the portable change table set up in the room.
Maybe Jamie really won’t want kids after all.
Even though I know I’m getting ahead of myself and it’s not a good idea to have thoughts of a future with a woman I’ve spent one night with, I can’t help imagining what our relationship could develop into.
It’s easy to ignore the logistics and fantasize, and it’s even easier to get carried away while dealing with the grossness that is babies. Any distraction from the debris I’m cleaning up from the bomb in Riff’s diaper helps.
“Eww, how can you be smiling while you do that?” Jamie holds her nose.
It makes me like her more somehow.
“Years of helping with my younger cousins. Plus, I’m in my happy place up here.” I go to tap the side of my head, think better of it because of the diaper and unwashed hand situation, and then drop my hand again.
“Ooh, where’s that?”
Of course she had to ask.
“Maybe I’ll tell you … one day.” I finish up with Riff and put him back down on the floor.
While I turn my back to wash my hands in the nearby sink, Jamie screeches.
I’m not a jumpy person by nature—I can’t be in my line of work because one flinch could be the difference between hitting my target and killing the wrong person—but the sound she makes is almost inhuman.
“What? What is it?” I spin to see Riff crawling toward her.
“Maggie said he hasn’t done that, right?” She jumps up and down, clapping, her smile lighting up her entire face. Jamie falls to her knees and holds out her arms, and I almost want to get down on the ground and crawl to her as well.
Yeah, I have it bad. And that scares the shit out of me.
Riff reaches her, and she scoops him up and stands.
“Does this mean I’m, like, his favorite human ever? Can I gloat to Ryder and Lyric?”
“I wouldn’t if I were you. Actually, let’s not mention at all that he decided to start crawling on our watch. Parents live for these first moments … for some reason.”
“Oh. Right. I guess it would have sucked for them to miss it.” She cuddles Riff close. “It’s okay, cutie. It’ll be our little secret.”
That doubt I had before comes back because she does look good holding that baby. “Are you sure you don’t want kids? You’re a natural.”
She shakes her head. “God no. Kids are the worst, but the cuddles are pretty good.”
“You think I’m the worst?” Kaylee’s small voice comes from across the room.
I hang my head. Fuck.
Jamie doesn’t miss a beat, turning toward Kaylee. “Oh no, sweetie. Not you. You’re awesome. But babies are smelly, and all they do is eat, spit up, and then stink up their stinky diapers. I should’ve said babies are the worst.”
Kaylee smiles. “That checks out.”
I laugh because some of the stuff she comes out with sounds so much older than she is.
She goes back to her screen, and I mouth toward Jamie, “Nice save.”
Jamie steps closer to me and cocks her head. “Did I pass your test?”
“Test?”
“Yeah. On the whole babies question.”
“It wasn’t a test. It was …”
“Seeing if I check all your boxes?” She points at me just as my mouth opens. “And do not make a joke about your box in front of the children.” She covers Riff’s ears.
I hate that she’s calling me out and being so cute while she does it. It takes all my effort not to fold my arms and pout. I’m not a pouter. But I do owe her some kind of explanation.
“I’m going to level with you.”
She steps closer again, resting Riff on her hip. “Mmhmm?” Her eyes are playful, her lips fighting to turn up by the look of it.
“I …” Why is it so hard to say the words? “I like you, and last night was fun, and I’m trying not to get ahead of myself, but I want …” Say it. Just say it already.
“What do you want?” she whispers.
“I want more. With you. Not only the physical part, but … more. Even though it’s too soon and it’s only been, what, a month since you broke up with your boyf—”
Jamie cuts me off with her lips on mine.
It’s brief, but when she pulls back, she makes my insides dance with anticipation and nerves of the best kind.
“Screw too soon. I’m all in. It might not work out.
Or it could be the best thing that’s ever happened to either of us.
You might think I’m not in the right place for something, or I’m still figuring myself out, but leave that up to me.
I want to try.” She smiles as she recycles my words. “With you.”