CHAPTER ELEVEN #2
Over the next few days, her desire for something more in her life grew as she witnessed the love Annie shared with Cole. It seemed like her twin had come alive with his arrival.
The worry and strain Angela had witnessed from Annie since she’d arrived had disappeared, and for the first time, Angela felt like she was getting an honest look at the type of woman her sister was.
“We’re supposed to have more training today,” Kiara said from her bed. “But I feel awful.”
Angela plugged in the heating pad, then handed it to her sister, where she was curled up under her comforter. Kiara had the misfortune of experiencing crippling cramps during the first day of her period each month.
“Did you take any meds?” Angela asked.
Kiara shook her head. “I ran out.”
“I’ll see if I can go get some more,” Angela said as she smoothed an errant curl back from Kiara’s face. “I need a couple of things myself, anyway.”
“Can you pick up some other stuff for me too?”
“Of course. Send me a text with what you need.”
Angela sank down on the edge of Kiara’s bed and opened the banking app on her phone. The balance in her account was low since she hadn’t had a paycheck in almost three weeks. She might have to dip into her savings, which, while not plentiful, would maybe tide her over for a month.
“We’re going to have to look for jobs,” she said.
Kiara sighed. “I know. But how are we supposed to apply or even get to work when we live so far out? There’s no bus here, and walking would be terrible with the snow and cold.”
“Maybe Jude or one of the security people could drive us.”
“Or maybe we could get a place in Serenity. I’ve been looking at options.”
“Is rent expensive?” Angela asked.
“Unfortunately, yes. But even if we have to get a studio and share a bed, it will be better than what we had in Briar Hollow.”
“Is there a library in Serenity?” Angela asked, knowing that her sister’s preference would be to work somewhere with books. “Or a bookstore?”
“It has both, but I don’t know if either place is hiring.”
Angela knew that there was a bakery in town, but like Kiara, she didn’t know if they were looking for a baker.
If she couldn’t get a job there, she’d have to settle for whoever was hiring because while they didn’t currently have to pay rent, they still needed money for incidentals.
And there was no way Kiara wouldn’t want a car now that she was going to learn how to drive. So, they would need to continue saving up for one.
Nothing had been said about their future, so Angela didn’t want to presume that Duncan would want them to stay at the house. Of the Burke children, only Benji lived there full time. And while Annie was still on the estate, she had her own place. Julian didn’t even live nearby.
“Okay. I’d better go.” Angela bent to press a kiss to Kiara’s head. “I’ll see you in a bit.”
After leaving the room, Angela walked down to the mudroom without seeing anyone, then got her wool coat and shoved her feet into her winter boots that had thick tread on them.
A frigid wind greeted her as she stepped out of the house. Angela pulled her knit cap down over her ears and lifted her scarf to cover her nose. She still wasn’t used to the cold, and she wasn’t sure she ever would be.
Hurrying to the security building, Angela was glad to reach its warmth.
“Hey, Angela.” Dawn greeted her with a friendly smile. “What brings you here? I thought we were picking you up at the house.”
“Actually, I was wondering if we could cancel the training today,” Angela said. “Kiara isn’t feeling well, and I need to run to the store to get her some stuff. Could you drive me?”
“I’ll drive you.”
Angela turned to see Jude coming from his office. “I don’t want to interrupt your day.”
“It’s fine. I’m not dealing with anything pressing at the moment,” he said.
That wasn’t an enthusiastic reaction to the prospect of driving her to the store, but it wasn’t surprising.
The few glimpses of interest she’d thought she’d seen early on were nowhere to be found now.
Which told her that perhaps her ability to read—and possibly convey—romantic interest didn’t come naturally.
“Are you ready to go now?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Just give me a minute,” he said, then disappeared back into his office.
“Is Kiara okay?” Dawn asked.
“Yeah. It’s just… you know.”
“Ah.” Dawn gave a nod. “I do know.”
“So I just need a few things for her because she’s having a rough go of it.”
“Poor girl.”
When Jude reappeared, he was pulling on his black coat. She caught a glimpse of a gun in a shoulder harness, a clear reminder of who he was. And probably why he was going with her.
Down in the garage, Jude opened the front passenger door of a large black SUV. After she was settled in the seat, she pulled the seatbelt into place.
Jude slid behind the wheel, his presence filling the interior of the vehicle. He pushed a button to start it, and the dashboard lit up. It was the most luxurious vehicle she’d ever been in.
“I think it’s best if we go to Coeur d’Alene,” Jude said.
“Really?” She wasn’t going to complain about having some extra time with him. Still, she was curious. “Why not Serenity?”
“Annie attends church in Serenity and has friends there, so there’s a good possibility we’ll run into someone who knows her. Since we haven’t revealed anything about you and Annie to the public, it would be a potentially awkward situation if someone thought you were Annie.”
“Oh. That makes sense.” Angela pulled her knit cap off and ran her hands through her hair. “Do you think that will become public knowledge soon?”
“I don’t know what Duncan is thinking,” Jude said. “He has kept Annie and Benji out of the public eye for a couple of decades, so I’m sure he’s in no rush to plunge them into the spotlight now.”
“Could we somehow let people know about me without revealing the connection to Duncan?”
Jude glanced over at her. “Why? The longer we can keep your identity under wraps, the better. Especially with Jim and Craig out there.”
“Kiara and I are going to need to get jobs soon,” Angela said. “And since there’s no bus and we can’t drive, we’ll need to move to wherever we can get work. We assumed that could be Serenity, but maybe it will have to be Coeur d’Alene.”
“Wait. Hang on.”
Jude guided the SUV to the side of the road and came to a stop. Shifting in his seat, he frowned at her, making Angela wonder what she’d done to warrant it.
“Has Duncan not spoken to you about the future?” he asked.
“Well, no.” Angela rubbed her hand on her leg. “We just assumed we’d do the same thing we’d done in Briar Hollow.”
“Which was?”
“I mean, get jobs. Find a place to stay.”
“Why wouldn’t you assume that you could stay on the estate and not have to work?”
This time it was her turn to frown. “Jim always told us that we’d have to work to earn our keep. That we weren’t entitled to anything that we didn’t work for.”
Jude gave a humorless laugh as he gazed out the front windshield. “That’s rich coming from him, considering his lifestyle is funded by a stolen ransom.”
“Yeah. I suppose that is a bit hypocritical. But we never knew how he’d gotten his money, so the lecture resonated at the time.”
“Well, I think you’ll find that Duncan hopes that you’ll stay on the estate.”
“I don’t feel right taking advantage of him.”
“You’re not taking advantage if he’s offering it.” Jude put the SUV in gear and pulled out onto the road. “Just don’t make any final plans before you have a conversation with Duncan.”
The idea didn’t thrill Angela. She still wasn’t sure how she felt about Duncan. Logically, she knew that he was her dad, and that he was a better dad than Jim had ever been.
But that was part of the problem. She didn’t know how to relate to someone like Duncan. They’d never had a father who cared about them the way Duncan seemed to care about his children. Even Julian, who spent most of his evenings drunk.
So, she didn’t know how to approach Duncan. And apparently he didn’t know how to talk to her either, because aside from the brief discussion they’d had about her mom, they hadn’t had any in-depth conversations.
“Do you know what Duncan really wants?”
Jude was quiet for a moment as he smoothly guided the SUV around the curves of the road that was flanked on either side by snowbanks and towering evergreens.
“I know he wants to get to know you,” Jude finally said. “I know he wants to keep you safe and give you the life you were entitled to but have never had.”
“I don’t feel entitled to it,” Angela told him.
“You’re as entitled as Annie, Julian, or Benji. You’re Duncan Burke’s daughter.”
“Is it wrong to say that maybe I’d rather not be?”
Jude shook his head. “It’s not wrong. If it’s how you feel.”
“I suppose it doesn’t make sense. Who wouldn’t want to be related to one of the richest men in the world?”
“So why do you feel that way?”
Angela shifted to look at him, turning as much as she could with the seatbelt. “I just think it might make certain things easier.”
She wondered if they’d met under different circumstances whether Jude would have let that flicker of interest she thought she’d seen early on grow into something more. Or had that just been a figment of her imagination? Wishful thinking?
As she observed his chiseled profile and his strong hands, Angela wondered what sort of woman he was drawn to. Was it a stumbling block that she looked identical to a woman he’d known since she was in diapers?
There were definitely a lot of things resisting the hope and love growing in her heart. What was she supposed to do with that knowledge, though?
As the SUV ate up the miles between the estate and Coeur d’Alene, Angela came to a realization. Everything that had brought her and Kiara to this point had required them to take things into their own hands.
If they’d waited around for someone to rescue them from the homestead, they’d probably still be there. If she’d waited for Duncan to find her, he might never have been able to.
They’d had to make the decision to leave the homestead and then follow through. They’d had to make that phone call to Cole Halverson. Not just leave the picture of him and Annie under a magnet on their fridge.
They’d had to be proactive, and Angela realized she needed to be proactive in how she felt about Jude. Those other times, it had been Kiara that propelled them into action. This time, it would be up to her.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
She had to believe that God would give her the strength to learn what was necessary in order to move forward. And if this path led to heartache for her, He’d give her the strength to deal with that too.
Before she dismissed her feelings for Jude as hopeless, she needed to know for sure. She needed to know if anything was even remotely possible.
If he had someone else in his life, she’d have to move on. No matter how much she didn’t want to. So, she had to ask.
“You said you didn’t have a wife, right?”
Jude’s brows lifted as he shot her a quick look. As he focused on the road again, she saw his jaw tense.
Was he trying to decide whether to tell the truth or to lie in order to keep her at arm’s length?
“No, no wife.”
“Ex-wife?”
“No.”
“Girlfriend?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
Jude’s gaze met hers for a moment. “Why do I not have any of the above?”
“Yes.”
“My job is my life.”
“So you’ve never wanted to have a wife and kids?”
“It’s not that simple. Sometimes you can want something that just isn’t meant for you.”
The finality in his words struck deep inside Angela. She turned to stare out the window, wishing now that she’d never asked him any of her questions.