CHAPTER TWELVE
Jude tightened his hands on the steering wheel, wishing he’d been able to send Dawn with Angela instead of taking her himself. But Duncan had assigned Jude as Angela’s bodyguard for the time being, so when she asked to leave the estate, he had no choice but to go with her.
He also knew that he was the best person to accompany her to Coeur d’Alene. He’d know how to handle the situation should they run into someone who knew Annie. Or if they ran into Jim.
What he hadn’t expected was for Angela to grill him about his personal life. Though he supposed it wasn’t a surprise. He’d sensed that Angela might be drawn to him.
He might not have a lot of dating experience, but he had learned over the years how to tell if a woman was interested in him. Some were blatant about it. Others were more subtle.
Angela was a curious mix of both. She wasn’t blatant in a flirting way. But when they were together, he could sense her attention on him, and she seemed to gravitate toward him.
“Why do you feel like it’s not meant for you?”
Another question that didn’t surprise Jude. However, he didn’t want to have this discussion with her. As long as he could ignore the little glances or how she moved closer to him when they were in the same room, he could pretend that Angela was just another responsibility.
"My job requires all of my focus," Jude said, keeping his eyes fixed on the road ahead. "A family would be a distraction."
But even as the words left his mouth, he knew they weren't entirely true.
His father had managed both for years—until his mother couldn't take the riskiness of the job anymore. The memory of her leaving still stung, even after all these years. Especially since he suspected that his dad’s job had only been an excuse to cover up her real reason for leaving.
"My father was a cop before he worked for Duncan," Jude said finally, keeping his eyes on the road. "My mother left us because she couldn't handle the uncertainty of never knowing if he'd come home at the end of his shift."
He gripped the steering wheel tighter, remembering the night his father had sat him down and explained why his mother wasn't coming back. He'd been eight.
"I chose a similar path. The people I protect are high-value targets. There's always risk involved." He glanced at her briefly. "It's not fair to ask someone to live with that kind of worry."
Although if he was honest, his specific position held less risk than others on the team. As head of security, he didn’t do as much bodyguard work as he previously had. There were times Duncan required him to fill the position—like his current trip to Coeur d’Alene—but they weren’t that frequent.
Angela was quiet for a moment, and Jude could feel her studying his profile. "But don't you get lonely?"
The question hit closer to home than he wanted to admit. "I've made my peace with it."
"That's not really an answer," she pressed gently.
Jude sighed. "Everyone gets lonely sometimes. But I have the team. I have my church and a few friends there. And the Burke family has always treated me like one of their own."
"It's not the same though, is it?"
No, it wasn't. But he'd learned to live with the hollow spaces in his life.
"Look, Angela, my priority is keeping the Burke family safe. That's what I was trained to do. That's what I'm good at." He paused, choosing his next words carefully. "Relationships require attention and can be a distraction. And in my line of work, distractions can be deadly."
"But everyone needs someone, don't they? Even you."
The sincerity in Angela’s voice made something in Jude's chest constrict. He'd spent years building walls around himself, focusing solely on his duty to the Burkes. Telling himself that it was enough. That his purpose in life was to serve as protection for the Burkes.
His few friendships were enough to satisfy any need he had to socialize, and they’d accepted that he wasn’t a super sociable person.
Now here was this woman—this Burke—trying to peek over those walls with innocent questions that cut straight to his core.
"We're almost there," he said, deliberately changing the subject as they approached the outskirts of Coeur d'Alene. "Do you want to go to one of the big-box stores? Or do you have somewhere else in mind?"
Angela seemed to understand he wasn't going to keep pursuing her line of conversation. She turned her attention to her phone, scrolling through something.
"Big-box is fine," she said after a moment. "I should be able to get everything there.”
Jude nodded, grateful for a reprieve from the intensely personal conversation they’d just had. It was the most he’d talked to a woman—to anyone!—about personal stuff in years.
And he’d be happy not to have to do it again anytime soon. Hopefully, Angela had gotten whatever information she’d wanted, and now she’d just let the subject die.
As Jude pulled into the parking lot, he couldn't help but notice Angela's reflection in the side window. Her expression was drawn, almost sad.
He'd disappointed her with his answers. But what else could he say?
That sometimes at night, alone in his cabin surrounded by trees, he thought about what it might be like to have someone waiting for him?
That watching Duncan with Elizabeth and Cole with Annie made him wonder if that was something he could have?
Those weren't things he could admit—especially not to her. He didn’t want to hurt her, but it felt like he had no choice. Regardless of whether he let her down now or later.
"I'll be close," he said as they walked toward the store’s entrance. "Just in case."
The store was moderately busy for a weekday. Jude stuck close to Angela as she gathered what she needed, keeping his eyes moving, scanning for potential threats. This was what he was good at—being vigilant and focused. Not talking about feelings.
At one point, he noticed her comparing prices and always choosing the cheaper version. Knowing there was no need for it, he stepped up beside her and took the store-brand painkillers from her hand. He put it back on the shelf and picked up the brand name.
In that particular case, there probably wasn’t much difference between the two products aside from price. But it was the principle of the thing. She didn’t need to pinch pennies anymore.
Jude had no idea why Duncan hadn’t addressed this with her yet, but he knew the man wouldn’t want her worrying about money.
“Listen. Get the best,” he said. “Your father would want you to.”
Angela looked at him, worry in her gaze. “But I don’t want to spend more, and then he says we need to take care of ourselves.”
“Angela, he’s not going to say that,” Jude assured her. “Here. Let me ask him.”
Pulling out his phone, he hit the button to call Duncan, then after making sure there was no one else too close to them, he put it on speakerphone so Angela could hear.
“Jude? Is everything okay?” Duncan asked when the call connected.
“Everything’s fine,” Jude told him. “But I’m here at the store with Angela. She needed to pick up a few things.”
“Does she have enough money?” Duncan asked. “I haven’t had a chance to talk to her about setting up accounts for her and Kiara.”
“Should I just put whatever she needs on my credit card?” Jude asked.
“Yes. Whatever she needs. No limits.”
“Okay.”
“Thanks for taking care of her for me. I’ll have a chat with her and Kiara soon.”
After saying goodbye, Jude slipped his phone into the pocket of his jacket. “Do you feel better about spending money now?”
“Yeah.” She sighed. “It’s just so… weird. I feel a little overwhelmed.”
“Well, for now, let’s get what you need,” Jude said. He wasn’t a big fan of shopping and tended to buy what he needed online, but he dutifully stuck close to Angela.
She didn’t rush, but she also didn’t linger too long in the pharmacy and personal hygiene areas. After she had the painkillers, some hair care and personal hygiene products, she hesitated.
By that point, Jude was pushing the cart for her, and he slowed his steps when he realized she wasn’t keeping up with him.
“Where to now?” he asked.
She hesitated a moment before she said, “Would you mind if I picked out a few clothing items?”
“Not at all. Lead the way.”
Together, they walked to the women’s section. When he realized she was headed for the lingerie section, he stayed in the main aisle with the cart.
He kept an eye on her while also glancing around to watch for threats. Not that he was expecting any, but he would never slack off.
They probably should have gone to a more upscale store, but he had a feeling that Angela wouldn’t have known how to deal with that. Even he struggled with seeing fifty-dollar price tags on a simple black T-shirt.
When she walked over to where he waited, she had an armful of clothing.
“Do you think it’s too much?” she asked as she placed the load into the cart.
“Nope. It’s not too much. If you want it, get it.”
“I bought some stuff for Kiara too,” she said, lifting a hanger with a cozy-looking outfit on it. She ran a hand along the pants. “It’s been so cold that I wanted something cozy for us. The pants are fleecy, and the top is so soft. I got me and Kiara each a set, plus some fuzzy socks.”
Jude listened as she described the different items she’d picked up. Normally, he wouldn’t have this type of conversation with someone he was protecting, but he couldn’t bring himself to cut her off.
“Do you need new shoes or boots?”
“I think we’re both okay with what we have,” she said.
“Anything else?”
“Um… Can we go to the book section and then the candy aisle?”
Jude chuckled. “Sure.”
In the book aisle, Angela went right to the women’s fiction section. She picked up several books and read the blurb on the back before settling on two. After putting them in the cart, she went to the puzzle books and picked up a couple.
“Do you like to read?” Jude asked her as they headed toward the candy aisle.