Chapter 20 #3
“Yup. Tried to get him to tell me for years how he got it, but he never would.” Shiloh laughed heartily. “That right there is a skeleton key. The most powerful one I’ve ever seen. Might even be Hecate’s. Maybe even Saint Peter’s! Gods only know. But that right there will open just about anything.”
“Even a crack flowery thing into Faerie?”
Shiloh bowed his head as he stepped aside. “Only one way to find out.”
I CAN OPEN THINGS
I CAN DO LOTS OF THINGS
Seymour smiled sweetly. “Yup, and right now, you can cheer me on while I figure out where to stick a damn key in a bunch of floating dirt.”
Day hopped down. “Here! I will hold him.”
AH YES
MEOW MEOW MEOW
Seymour passed the Rolodex down to Day. “Don’t eat him.”
SHE WILL NOT
I WOULD NOT TASTE VERY GOOD
I AM FUELED BY SPITE
Seymour felt very silly holding the key out toward the crack. He had no idea what he was supposed to do, but then he was startled by the sensation of being drawn to a particular spot next to a big sprig of bluebells, like they were two powerful magnets dying to connect.
The key went right in, so he turned it.
Click.
The crack groaned as it widened, opening back up to reveal a long hallway carved out of stone. It might have been in the middle of a mountain for all Seymour knew, but he could see a hazy purple-tinted light at the end.
“Uh…” Seymour grinned. “Abracadabra?”
“All right!” Shiloh opened his bag again. “Let’s get going.”
Of all the many items Shiloh could have pulled out, a giant dark brown loaf of bread was not one of the potential things Seymour had been expecting.
“Here. Take a bite. Everybody.” Shiloh chomped down before passing the loaf to Seymour.
“The fuck?” Seymour bit into the bread. It was rich, tangy, and weirdly chewy. He didn’t have the immediate urge to spit it out, but it did take him a few beats to feel safe to swallow it.
Shiloh waved for him to pass it along.
“What’s this for?” Seymour asked as he handed the bread to Sariel. “Other than eatin’ up all our carbs for the day.”
“Think of it like a trail of bread crumbs but better.”
Sariel ate a cautionary nibble and then offered it to Day.
Day’s jaw crunched as it unhinged.
“Ah, ah!” Seymour gently scolded. “I think you’re only supposed to take a bite, kitty girl.”
“Yeah, definitely just a bite!” Shiloh said quickly. “I need the rest.”
Day’s jaw clicked back to its normal proportion. “Aw, really? I’m getting hungry.”
“We’ll get food soon, promise,” Seymour soothed.
Day grumbled through a small bite of bread, sullenly offering it back out to Shiloh.
“Aw, hungry, huh?” Shiloh reached into his satchel once more, now producing a few strips of a very thick and alarmingly green jerky. “Here you go.” He waved the jerky. “You might as well just take it ’cause I can’t see you.”
“Wait, wait! What is that?” Seymour demanded. “What kinda weird shit are you trying to feed her?”
“Erymanthian boar.” Shiloh wiggled the jerky. “Ever hear of Artemis? This was her favorite breed of piggy. Had a real fun habit of sending ’em after farmers who pissed her off. Even ol’ Hercules got to tangle with one for his fourth labor.”
Seymour regretted not watching more Xena: Warrior Princess in his youth, and he gave Sariel a helpless stare.
Day’s pupils had dilated until her eyes were two black pools and locked on the jerky dangling in Shiloh’s hand. She was also drooling.
“Very fearsome creatures renowned for their large size and strength,” Sariel soothed. “It should not harm her. In fact, it may be an excellent solution to her extreme dietary needs. I understand this breed of boar to be dense in both calories and protein.”
“So, like, a super piggy food for kitty girls?”
“Precisely.”
“And that means I can have it?” Day licked her lips.
“Yes.”
YOU MAY TAKE HIS HAND TOO
MORE PROTEIN
Day leapt forward and snatched the entire bundle of jerky from Shiloh’s hand—which thankfully remained intact.
“Shit on a—” Shiloh yelped. “Easy.”
“Sorry.” Seymour chuckled as Day devoured it all in one bite. “She is definitely, uh, very food motivated.”
Shiloh grunted, throwing the bread as hard as he could toward the Inferno. He waved for everyone to follow as he stepped through the crack and into the hallway. “We better get a move on. There’s no telling how long this is gonna take.”
Seymour wanted to point out that the hallway had a clear end, but he remembered this was a hallway in a magical world of weird faerie shit and held back. He took Sariel’s hand as Day darted ahead of them, falling into step behind her and Shiloh.
As soon as they were all through, the crack sealed up behind them.
There was nothing else there except more hallway, though that direction didn’t have an obvious exit.
Great.
Shiloh walked fast. Day had to run to keep up, and both Sariel and Seymour had to pick up the pace.
The mood was tense, the air thick, and Seymour really had no idea what to expect.
They might find more of the mostree belly guys, maybe they’d find nothing, but he had to hope it would be anything that would help them in their current plight.
Stop bad monsters from using robot brain to hurt good monsters.
Well, good-ish.
The silence was draining, and the hallway really didn’t seem like it would ever end. Seymour was confident he’d go insane before they reached the light. Hoping to busy himself and his worried thoughts, he cleared his throat noisily. “So, uh… Shiloh. You knew my dad?”
“I did. We were in the same coven for a while. Never knew he had a kid until Neil told me.” Shiloh glanced back to give a quick, sympathetic smile. “Sorry for your loss.”
“Thanks.” Seymour smiled reflexively. “Don’t suppose you know why he got murdered?”
“Bein’ a witch is dangerous. Especially in a city full of monsters.” Shiloh chuckled. “No offense to present company, of course.”
Sariel bowed his head. “None taken.”
“So, wait a sec.” Seymour thought Shiloh’s words over again in his mind. “Does that mean all witches are human? Or are there monster witches too?”
Shiloh didn’t answer.
They were at the end of the hall, and before them was an infinite twisting maze of bridges haphazardly cutting through the air in a fierce display of giving the finger to gravity.
Some paths led to halls like the one they were in, a few to various doors, and more still dead-ending into nothing.
There were clusters of platforms and crude stone walls that formed primitive buildings reminiscent of huts where the paths intersected, including one right below them where the current path sloped down sharply and ended.
“This is the Crossroads,” Shiloh said, his voice low. “We need to slowly, very slowly, head on back—”
WHAT IS WRONG
I WANT TO SEE
The Rolodex wrenched itself out of Day’s paws, and she squealed as it flew into the air. She tried to grab it and only ended up with a few pages.
Seymour lurched forward, far too slow but desperate to try, and he watched helplessly as the Rolodex slid down the path, tumbled and skittered, and came to an abrupt stop at…
Oh.
Now Seymour saw why Shiloh wanted to leave.
The Rolodex was at the feet of a large werewolf, and he was not alone.
It was an army—dozens upon dozens of monsters clustered together in and around the building. They were taking orders from a tall snakelike imp who held a glowing crystal brain with a golden hue glimmering in all its wrinkles and folds.
Oh, and the squonk was there too.
He was standing beside the werewolf and had turned to figure out what the strange noise was. His gaze shifted up, up, and up until he saw Seymour and the others standing there.
Seymour didn’t know what to do.
Maybe squonks were like a Tyrannosaurus rex and wouldn’t see them if they didn’t—
Sariel waved.
The squonk screamed.
Shiloh sighed, glaring at the pages in Day’s hands. “Well. Do you have anything to say for yourself, Izba?”
OOPS