Chapter 1
Chapter One
Raffe
I’ve sat under this tree so much I think we’ve become one. I talk to it more than I do my family and friends.
My gaze searches the tree line, half expecting to see her again. The girl who still haunts me daily. When someone does step out of the trees, I about shit my pants. I sit up straight, assuming it’s her, but it’s just Willow and Aspen.
When my granddaughter spots me, her entire face lights up. “Papa!” she squeals and begins to kick her feet to let Willow know she wants down.
I stand up as her little legs rush toward me.
“Hey, baby girl.” I scoop her up in my arms and begin kissing her obsessively.
She giggles and puts her hands on my cheeks in a lame attempt to get me to stop. She loves it.
“What are you girls doing out here?” I ask my daughter-in-law when she joins us.
“We’re just out exploring and thought we would stop by to say hello to her grandmas.” Willow smiles at me brightly. “Show Papa your treasures.”
Aspen wiggles in my arms to be set on her feet. When she’s on the ground, she shoves her tiny hands in the pockets on her denim overalls.
I drop to one knee as she pulls out a feather. “Oh, wow, that’s pretty.”
She hands it to me and then points to a bird in the tree above us. “Bird.”
“Did a bird lose this?”
Her head bobs up and down as she goes back to her pocket. Next comes a smooth two-toned rock.
“Look, my rock, Papa.” She holds it so close to my face it makes me laugh.
A pair of white butterflies catches her attention, and she begins to chase them around the headstones. Willow and I laugh when one of them lands on her head.
“She gets cuter by the day.”
Willow makes a little noise, agreeing. Her gaze rests on me. “Why don’t you come to the farm? Grandma Maggie and Ray are coming over for supper. You should join us.”
My gaze continues to follow my granddaughter. “Oh, I don’t know. I really need to go over to my house and mow tonight.”
Willow reaches out and touches my arm.
“I’m not very good company these days,” I tell her before she starts in on me.
“Your presence alone is enough.”
The wind blows, and Aspen lifts her face. Her eyelids flutter, and I smile. She reminds me so much of her grandmother.
“Please,” Willow begs. “I’ll make Jackson go over to your place and mow.”
Willow might look sweet, but she also plays dirty. She knows I’ll grab on to any excuse to avoid going over to my house.
I run my hand through my hair and chuckle. “Okay, you’ve got a deal.”
She claps her hands and then gives me a kiss on the cheek. “Supper is at six unless you want to come with us now and help me with this little turd.”
Aspen plucks a flower out of the concrete vase on my wife’s headstone.
She sits down on the ground and begins to pull the petals off one by one.
“Love me.” She smiles as she picks another petal.
“No love,” she mutters to herself, her mouth turning down into a frown.
The next petal makes her smile again. “Love me.”
“Who taught her that?” I scold gently.
Willow laughs. “It wasn’t me. It was Kelsie.”
“How can I say no to an afternoon with my grandbaby?” I walk over to pick her up. “How ‘bout a ride on Papa’s shoulders?” I ask her.
Instantly, she stands and raises her arms to me, the flower quickly forgotten. The sun glints off something on Rachel’s headstone, and I’m temporarily blinded as I bend over to pick up my granddaughter. It’s an amethyst.
I straighten with my granddaughter in my arms and quickly pocket the crystal. Aspen curls against me and lays her head on my shoulder.
“Aw, she’s getting sleepy. I don’t know if she’ll make it on your shoulders,” Willow says, stepping up beside us.
I laugh. “You’re probably right there.”
Aspen rubs her eyes.
“Do you still have a car seat in the truck? We don’t have to walk back.”
I start to head to where I parked. “Sure do.”
My heart beats fast as we make our way down the hill toward my truck. I’m losing my fucking mind. It’s just a rock. It doesn’t mean a fucking thing.
Willow buckles Aspen in after I gently set her in the car seat. “Papa,” she cries, holding her hands out to me.
“Papa’s going with us,” Willow assures her.
She falls asleep as soon as I put the truck in motion. The farm is just a short drive down the county road.
“Your brother is really coming along on their house, isn’t he?
” I say as I pass by his place. It’s my best attempt at small talk.
That’s what life is right now. I’m always trying to make everyone think I’m okay.
I mean, I am okay. I’m just not … well, I’m just not anything.
I’m here, and that’s all I can muster for the time being.
“He really is. Ash is hoping to get it done before their wedding.”
“Is he going to try and sell their tiny house?”
“Um, I don’t know.” She bites her lip and turns to look out her window.
Willow is the worst liar I’ve ever seen. It’s because she doesn’t do it often. It makes me chuckle. “It’s a secret, huh?”
Her sigh brings a genuine smile to my face. There’s not a day that goes by that I’m not thankful for this girl.
“I want to tell you. I really, really do, but it’s a surprise.”
I reach over the seat and shake her hand. “It’s okay. Don’t stress yourself.”
When we get to the farm, I carry Aspen inside. She doesn’t even open her eyes.
“She’s either all the way on or all the way off.” Willow laughs. “You can take her upstairs.”
“I think Grandpa will join her for a nap.”
Her smile widens. “Go on. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything.”
Aspen and I stretch back on her parent’s bed. I roll toward her, lightly running my finger over her cheekbone. She has a tiny heart shaped birthmark there.
I place a kiss on her forehead before letting my eyes fall closed.