Chapter 43
Chapter Forty-Three
Jenny
“I’m going to send Jackson and your mom a text. Just to let them know where you are. I’ll tell them you were tired and went to bed, and that I’m hitting the hay too,” Raffe tells me.
“I hate lying to them.”
“Would you rather me tell them the truth?” He laughs lightly.
I walk over to the window and sit down. Everyone looks like they’re having a good time. Raffe sits on the bed, his fingers flying over his phone screen.
Jackson looks at his phone and then up at my window. I give him a small wave. He taps two fingers over his chest. A quirk he picked up from his dad.
He smiles at me and then goes back to talking with his friends.
Before I close the curtains, I notice Dirk staring up at me. He gives me a thumbs up, and I chuckle. Mission accomplished.
When I turn around, Raffe is waiting for me by the bathroom door. I rush over to the dresser and begin going through it, looking for something to put on after my … our shower.
I’m slamming things around because I’m suddenly feeling flustered.
Everything is unfamiliar. This is almost how I felt when I was trafficked.
Nothing they gave me ever felt like my own.
It wasn’t until Rachel helped me get away that things started to slowly feel familiar. Like they really belonged to me.
Raffe’s hands wrap around mine, stopping me. “You’re not going to need anything to put on,” he reminds me softly. He winds his arms around me and rocks us back and forth. “Let’s just take a shower and see where it goes from there.”
“I’m sorry. I’m just …”
“Nervous, overwhelmed, scared?” He brushes my hair from my face. “I’m all of those things too.”
“But I haven’t been with anyone in so long, Raffe.”
“It's been a few years for me too, but none of that matters. Right now, it’s just you and me, and a warm shower that is calling our names.”
“A shower does sound nice.”
“Good.” He takes my hand and leads me into the bathroom. He turns the water on, and I stare at myself in the mirror. “I … I haven’t shaved or anything, Raffe. This is embarrassing.”
“I haven’t shaved either,” he teases. “Besides, I’m not afraid of a little body hair.”
“The boys at school were making fun of her,” Raffe tells my mother as I cry at the kitchen table.
“Oh honey, why were they making fun of you?” she asks, making Raffe and me a cup of hot cocoa.
I’m crying so much I can’t even tell her.
“They were calling her Sasquatch because she has hairy legs.”
She sits down at the table, handing Raffe his cup. “Jenny, everyone has body hair. Those boys were just being mean.”
I look at her, tears streaming down my face. “All the other girls in my class shave their legs, Mama. I’m the only girl who doesn’t.”
My mama sighs because she knows my daddy will have none of it. He thinks I’m still a baby.
Raffe leans back in his chair, putting his hands behind his head. “They won’t be teasing her no more. I made sure of it.”
Mama’s gaze roams over the scrapes on his knuckles. I don’t know what she thinks of Raffe beating up those stupid boys for me, but she goes to the kitchen and slices him a big piece of her famous chocolate cake.
He leans over and whispers to me while she’s busy. “I don’t care that you have hairy legs.”
“Really?”
“Really,” he says, winking at me.
It makes me feel a little bit better because I really don’t care what anyone else thinks of me. The only person in the world that matters is Raffe.
“Besides, once you start shaving, your hairs grow back all pokey-like. Right now, they’re soft … like a kitten.”
My mama’s eyebrow rises in warning as she slides his cake over to him. “You better be keeping your hands to yourself, boy.”
He doesn’t let it bother him. He’s shifted his focus to his dessert.
Mama pats my hand. “I’ll talk to Dad and see what I can do.”
A week later, my mama hands me an electric razor. “This was the best I could do. He’s worried you’ll cut yourself with a straight edge.”
I hug her tightly around her middle. “Oh Mama, thank you!”
Raffe steps behind me, his eyes meeting mine in the mirror. He pulls his shirt over his head, and then he grabs the bottom of mine. “Can I help you?” he asks before lifting it.
I nod, frozen in place, unable to speak.
When he slips it over my fingertips, I take a deep breath.
His jeans come next, followed by my skirt. His hands go to my bra, and in one flick it pops open.
I hold it against my breasts before it falls, covering myself.
Raffe’s fingers trail over my arms, my back, and my stomach. He’s being patient, something I don’t know if I’ve ever experienced.
He kisses me lightly on the shoulder, holding my gaze. “Your skin is as soft as I remember.”
His words give me courage, and I finally let the bra fall to the floor, turning around to face him.
He groans, and his eyes fall closed. “I’ve waited a long time for this. I’m having a hard time believing you’re really here with me.”
I take his hand and place it over my heart. “I’m really here, but I think I’m on the verge of having a heart attack,” I joke lightly.
He opens his eyes, staring deep into mine, and he takes my hand with his free one and places it over his chest. “Me too.”
We smile at each other, and I relax. This is Raffe … my Raffe. I don’t have anything to be scared of because I know he’ll always protect my heart.
He walks us over to the shower. “Ready?” he asks.
“As I’ll ever be.”
“On the count of three,” he says, and it makes me laugh. “One, two, three.”
We both shove our underwear down at the same time.
The two of us awkwardly peek at each other. I don’t know about him, but I like what I see. He’s perfect.
“God, you are beautiful.” He brushes a knuckle over my breast, and I almost double over from the sensation.
He steps into the shower, holding his hand out to help me in. “Is the water good for you?” he asks.
I place my hand under the spray. “It feels heavenly.”
“Good.”
He pulls me close, so our bodies are touching, and moves us under it.
“Oh my god. Why does this feel so amazing?” I say, tilting my head back to wet my hair.
“Probably because you’ve only had a tub. I’m sure it’s been a while since you had a shower.”
I blink at him as drops of water fall off my lashes. I remember the last time I showered. It was at Rachel’s hotel.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks, stroking his thumb over my cheek.
I tell him the truth.
He doesn’t get upset or mad. He just listens. “I’m glad she saved your life that day,” he says when I’ve finished.
“Me too.”
We remain quiet as we soap up, our hands and fingers quietly exploring each other. It’s soft and careful at first, but as the water cools down, we heat up.
He picks me up off my feet, and my legs wrap around his waist. He barely takes the time to shut the water off before he walks through the room, dripping water everywhere.
We fall onto the bed, our mouths fused together.
“I love you, Jenny. Fuck, I love you,” he whispers frantically over my face.
I match his energy, hungry for him to be inside of me. “I love you too.” My hands cradle his face, my fingers brushing over his beard. “I need you. Right now.”
His eyes bounce over mine. “But I was going to make slow, soft love to you,” he says with a shy grin.
“Later, but right now, I just …” Tears pool in my eyes, and I can’t explain it. I just need him so badly.
Raffe shifts between my legs, his hard length rubbing against me. He holds my face in his hands and slowly slides into me.
My eyelids flutter, but he whispers for me to keep them open. “Stay here with me,” he says quietly … gently.
I stare at him, and when he’s fully seated, I let out a little sob.
We cling to each other, and everything begins to melt away. All the pain, the fear, the heartache. It’s been an eternity since I’ve felt this level of peace.
He wipes my tears away as he continues to hold me. “I’d wait a thousand more years to feel this with you, but I’m glad I don’t have to.”
My muscles clench at his words, and his eyes roll in his head. “Fuck, baby, I’ve got to start moving now.”
I do it again, letting him know I’m okay with that.
Raffe gets his way, and he in fact makes soft, slow love to me. I’ve never slept with someone I’ve loved, yet alone liked. This is new and wonderful. I don’t ever want it to end.
“Oh, oh Raffe,” I moan, my legs trembling around him. I pull him closer, deeper …
He tilts his hips, and his lips descend on mine. His kiss deepens as he takes me higher and higher.
My entire body tenses, and he groans into my mouth. The sound carries me over the edge, and I take him with me.
We do it over and over again. Neither of us getting our fill of the other. Maybe we’re making up for lost time. I don’t know if it will always be like this, but for tonight … we’re not letting each other go.
Eventually, we run out of steam. He sits on the edge of the bed, naked, cutting an apple with his knife. He hands me a slice. I smile at him shyly, taking it from him, purposefully trailing my fingers over his.
“I guess I should probably go to my room and let you get some sleep.” He’s focused on his blade, and I hear the uncertainty in his voice.
I sit up. “Do we …” I begin hesitantly, because fuck, what if this is too presumptuous of me?
His eyes meet mine as he waits for me to finish. “Do we really need two rooms? I could move across the hall with you.”
He stares at me, and I instantly regret my words. “I don’t think we should stay in my room,” he says.
My heart falls. “Okay.”
Raffe reaches out and places his hand at the base of my neck, shaking me slightly. “This is the better room.”
“Oh,” is all I manage to squeak out before he leans forward and kisses me.
His fingers wrap gently around my throat. “I said I’m never letting you go. Don’t ever doubt that. I’ll move my stuff over tomorrow. I’ll get Dirk to help. He owes me one.”
“But what about your house?”
“I’m going to rent it out, but you don’t need to worry about any of that. Wherever you are, that is where my home will be.”
I crawl onto his lap, wrapping my arms around him. “Welcome home,” I whisper before placing a soft kiss to his lips.
He stands, flipping me onto my back in the center of the bed. “One more time?” he asks, crawling over me.
“You mean tonight, right?”
He laughs. “I think it’s already a new day, so no. I just mean one more time before we get some sleep, and then we’ll wake up and do it again.”
I laugh with him, happier than I’ve ever been.
My heart hasn’t worked properly since they tore us apart. Tonight, when we became one, it reset. My body finally feels like my own again, and it hasn’t felt that way in a very long time. He was the missing beat.