Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
“ W e need to take this downstairs.” Leading Harper out of her bedroom, we headed to the kitchen as I cleared the husky lust from my voice. I poured us some coffee and placed the mug on the table because I felt a physical barrier was needed to keep us in control. I wasn’t willing to jump her at the first opportunity and our experience of being alone in a room together had a poor track record.
If we were going forward, I knew when I finally did take Harper, I wanted it to mean more than a frantic lust filled twenty-minute ride.
“First things first. Text that guy and tell him you’re done.”
Harper pulled her phone out of her pocket but placed it on the table. I knew she’d probably talk to him later about it, but I wanted to voice my request to ensure the significance of what I was saying.
“Before we go ahead with this, I want you to understand what you’re getting yourself into. I want you to understand how numb I sometimes feel, like my heart has stopped beating, yet somehow I’m still living and the never-ending hurt continues to live on. It’s like I wish my existence on Earth would hurry up and be over in this life. A thousand nights full of breathless tears, that’s what I’m clawing my way back from. ”
Glancing up, my eyes met Harper’s across the table and she winced at my description of my loss.
“That’s how I felt about losing Grace. Coming back from something like this takes a huge amount of bravery, and if I’ve learned anything from this whole horrifically raw experience, it’s that I wasn’t an innately brave man; it’s been an extremely tough skill to learn.”
Leaning over the table, Harper placed a hand over mine. “You’re right, I don’t know the feeling, but I know how it feels to watch someone walk that walk, Cole, because I’ve been here every step of the way.” For a long moment I stopped thinking and stared at her before I considered her answer. I’d never viewed it this way before, but she was right. I nodded, accepting her point and my heart squeezed at the dedication she’d shown my daughter and I.
“Everyone suffers love and loss at some time. Some feel it harder than others. The length of time it has taken for you to pick up the threads of your life tells me you love deeply. I’m not a replacement for Grace… I’d never want to be. If we do this, you need to be prepared for risk, but it’s not one-sided. There’s a bigger risk here for me than for you.”
Nodding slowly, I accepted her comment because what she said was true. How does a girl go from filling one role to one person to being two people’s everything? Then I considered maybe Harper had been everything to Layla and I a long time ago and I’d been too selfish to see it.
“Indeed, and you have to believe me when I say the reasons for holding back with you were mainly for your benefit… and Layla’s of course.”
“I got that. I’ve always accepted Layla’s needs are your priority, but one day she will be grown. Before then, it’s up to you to teach her how to live. The life you lead means she will undoubtedly be of interest to the public because of who you are. I can teach her manners, humility, caring, kindness, assertiveness, and etiquette, but I can’t teach her about wealth and fame.” I sighed.
“You are a fabulous person, you know that?”
“Ah, now he gets it,” she teased and flashed me a soft smile .
“I don’t deserve someone like you in my life,” I stated with the self-loathing view I had of myself since I’d lost Grace.
“Yeah, you do, and you deserve to have fun.” Harper’s eyes darted around my features, taking me in, then in a softer tone she squeezed my hand. “You deserve all that life brings. So far you’ve only seen its extremes, the fame, adoration, fortune, and all the ugly, painful and heart-wrenching misery it has to offer. Maybe it’s time to learn about all the simple pleasures in between.”
“You’re a philosopher, you know that?”
“Not really; just someone who cares.”
“Then I’m a lucky man you landed on my doorstep.”
“Indeed. I was wondering when you’d notice,” she replied and winked.
My lips curved in a smile and I was thankful for the frank exchange, because nothing I’d confessed had made any difference to the way she looked at me.
“I’m excited to get to know you, Harper,” I told her, finally accepting it was okay to take a chance. “I may fuck up from time to time, but if you are willing to tolerate my demons then I’m looking forward to seeing what happens between us.” Lifting her hand in mine I turned it over and placed her palm to my lips. “You’re a lifesaver, you know that?”
“Mm, what flavor?” she joked, referring to the LifeSavers brand of hard candy.
“Obviously not cherry,” I replied, referring to her non virgin state, chuckling and ducked a swat again. “No, you’re a combination of lemon and lime, because this feels kind of bittersweet.”
“Damn, you’re corny for a rock star,” she teased, laughing softly.
“And you’re way too much of a distraction to be my child’s nanny,” I retorted back. We both grinned, and I pressed my lips into her palm again. “Thanks for putting up with me,” I muttered.
“Does this mean I get a raise?” she asked in a serious tone.
“No, I’m the one that gets the raise, Baby, but if you’re good I’ll let you play with it sometime.” My double entendre made us both laugh aloud. Letting go of her hand, I sat back in my chair, my hands clasped behind my head and I knew I sounded cocky. As I did this move, Matty bustled her way back into the kitchen.
“Jeez, guys, never get old. I’d forget my head if it wasn’t attached these days,” she muttered. Opening the pantry door, she pulled out her purse, looped the straps over her arm and headed back over toward the door.
“Matty, don’t bother with dinner tonight. I’m driving up to the mountains later. I’m taking Harper and Layla with me.”
Turning to look at me she smiled. “That’s a great idea and the fresh air will do Harper good after all that alcohol she had last night.”
My eyes went wide, and I glanced back at Harper with a smile, wondering where Matty had been and how much she’d heard of Harper’s drunken disclosures when she came to my room the night before.
As soon as she knew Matty had gone, Harper exhaled heavily. “Ah fuck,” she muttered, and I chuckled at how mortified she looked.
“You think anything gets past her? Matty’s nose is far superior than any bloodhound’s. There’s not an event that goes by in this house she isn’t aware of.”
Harper’s face grew scarlet, and I figured she was remembering the noises she made the night before I left. Leaning her elbows on the table she rested her chin in her hands and groaned.
“Tell me something personal about you,” I asked, because I felt ashamed she had lived alongside me, and apart from knowing her parents lived nearby in Draper, she hadn’t disclosed much and I’d never asked.
Everything I had needed to know about her was on her resume and background check, but I knew very little about Harper’s life before she came to live with us.
Gazing up to the ceiling she gave me a soft smile. “Well, I’m the middle child of three children.”
“Three?”
“Yeah, there’s my brother, Baxter; I went to his wedding remember? And I have a younger sister, she’s twenty-one in a few weeks.”
“Oh, yeah,” I agreed, a little embarrassed when I remembered the information which was in the background check we ran on her .
“Ariana is at college— MIT. She’s a computer wiz and wants a career in cyber intelligence.”
“Damn, bright girl.”
“Yeah she is. She’s pretty similar to Dorian actually. For your information, her other passion is graphic design, and it was some of her stuff I was showing Dorian the night you got jealous.”
I smirked, sheepishly. “Yeah, seeing you both like that crushed me, and I had no right because I wanted you, but was still in a bad place in here,” I told her, pointing at my head.
“I love Dorian, but like a brother,” she stated firmly. “Anyway, what else do you need to know about me?”
“Parents?”
“Robin and Tracy. My dad’s a construction worker; my mom has a small soft furnishings company, you know drapes and—”
“Jesus, I know what soft furnishings are. They sound like hard working people.”
“They are,” she said, smiling affectionately at the mention of them.
“What else?”
“Not much. I was a good kid, good scholar, good girl until I met Millar Sorenson. He promised me the world and broke my heart. Made me jaded about men. I decided after him I never wanted to get married.”
“Never? Hm, tell me about him.”
“Well, unfortunately for me, Millar was too good of a teacher. He took my virginity and taught me everything I know about sex. He was a good lover and according to him he’d taught me well… which would imply I was better than average as well.”
I waggled my eyebrows and smiled then my expression fell serious again. “So, what happened?”
“Anal sex was my hard limit, so he slept with my parents’ next-door neighbor. When I challenged him, he told me it was my fault for not being experimental enough,” she replied flatly, and shrugged.
“Wow, what a douche.”
“Anyway, once a cheater, always a cheater. She’s welcome to him. When he moved in with her, I put it all behind me when I came here to work. ”
“Don’t tell me they still live in the house next to your parents?” I quipped, half-joking.
“Yep and he’s still there; hence the reason why I don’t make it home too often now. However, the last time he saw me he begged for my forgiveness and told me he wanted me back.”
“Fuck. I hope you told him where to go, but no one should make you feel you can’t go home.”
“It’s fine. I’m long over him now. I don’t know what I ever saw in him, to be honest. Besides, he’s starting to go bald. Not that I have anything against bald men, they can be very sexy, but if you knew Millar, damn he was vain,” she mumbled through a soft laugh.
As we were talking, the gate buzzer sounded and minutes later Layla came running into the house. “Daddy, can we go buy some new boots? These are getting pretty snug,” she asked, dropping to the floor and wrestling one off her foot.
“Of course, Baby, but wouldn’t you rather go to the mountains with me this afternoon?”
A huge smile spread on her face, and she glanced at Harper. “Can we take Harper?”
I glanced at Harper like it was Layla’s idea, “Wow, that’s a great idea, Baby. Harper would you like to come for a ride with Layla and me to the mountains?”
“I’d like nothing better,” she replied, trying to sound surprised. “Go get a warm coat and some sneakers, Layla. Let’s see how fast you are, I’ll race you.” Both Harper and Layla took off up the stairs and Stuart glanced over at me with a knowing smirk on his face.
“She was as drunk as a skunk last night, huh?” he mused.
“Yep,” I replied, not giving anything away and waving my fingers in a ‘give me’ sign with my hand for him to pass me the car keys.
“Poured her heart out on the way home,” he stated dryly, as he held them up and dropped them into my hand with a knowing grin.
“Fuck off, Stuart,” I warned and tried to bite back my own grin. I failed.
“Yep, I’ll just go right ahead and fuck off in this direction,” he replied, chuckling as he turned and wandered away toward his apartment. “Oh, and Cole…” he added without turning around .
“Yeah?”
“Don’t forget to wrap it up and good luck. It’s nice to see you getting back on your feet… or whatever you’re getting on,” he laughed. “But fuck with Harper and you’ll have to find yourself a new estate manager,” he warned.
As he made off down the hall, I heard the girls’ voices getting closer as they made their way back. I shook my head and glanced toward the stairs. Seeing them come into view I wondered if my attraction for Harper hadn’t been as covert as I’d thought.