Chapter 10
HALLE
‘I don’t see the problem?’ Jake said as we returned to our sun loungers.
‘Of course you don’t,’ I grumbled. ‘Because you’re not the one that has to do the main part.’
‘The main part?’ He frowned.
‘You know exactly what part I mean,’ I scowled.
‘I think you’ll need to refresh my memory,’ he smirked.
‘The part where Meg Ryan’s character, Sally, is at the diner with Harry and she fakes having an orgasm at the table to show him how easy it is.’
‘Ohhh…’ he chuckled, even though I knew full well that he was familiar with that scene. ‘Still don’t see why that’s an issue. Unless of course you’re telling me that you’ve never had to do that.’
‘Ha!’ I laughed. ‘I can’t remember a time that I haven’t had to fake it.’
‘You’re joking, right?’ His brows knitted together.
‘I wish I was,’ I mumbled.
‘That’s pretty sad.’
‘What?’ My head shot up. ‘You’re blaming me?’
‘No! I don’t mean that you’re sad. I’m saying it’s sad that the guys you’ve been with didn’t take care of business. There’s no way I’d let a woman leave a bed or wherever we’d fucked without knowing that I rocked her world.’
‘Yeah, right.’ I rolled my eyes. ‘You’re so self-centred that just like Billy Crystal’s character, Harry, you wouldn’t know that she was faking it. That’s why that scene is so iconic.’
‘I would know. And I also know for a fact that no woman that’s ever been with me has ever had to pretend. They’ve always got off. Zero exceptions.’
As I looked at Jake, I swallowed hard. I barely knew him and although he still definitely wasn’t my favourite person, somehow I believed him.
Then again, given the number of women he’d slept with, he’d clearly had a lot of practice.
And when he’d said ‘or wherever we fucked’ I couldn’t help being curious about where he’d done it before. Probably down an alleyway, in the toilets or backstage. Someone like him probably had a queue of groupies lining up to jump his community cock.
Gross.
Anyway, I had no business thinking about what Jake was like in bed or up against a toilet wall. Men like him should come with a health warning. You never knew what you could catch from them.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and pushed away the painful memories that flashed into my head.
‘Whatever,’ I said. ‘If you want to continue your delusions, it’s no skin off my nose.’
‘You know what they say, Smiley: the proof of the pudding is in the eating, so if you really want to be sure that I’m telling the truth, there’s only one way to find out. But seeing as you seem to hate me, I guess you’ll never know…’
‘Suits me just fine.’ I wrinkled my nose.
Now that I thought about it, I’d overreacted about the scene we’d been given. Clearly I was no Meg Ryan but if I tried, I reckoned I could ace it. God knows I’d had to do it enough times. The men I’d been with couldn’t find my clit if I gave them a map, compass and sat nav.
‘We’d better rehearse,’ Jake said. ‘If I have to try to convince a bunch of strangers that I don’t know how to make a woman come, it’s gonna take a lot of work!’ A mischievous grin spread across his face.
‘Jesus.’ I shook my head like a disappointed parent. The ego on this guy. ‘I reckon you’ll be a natural. And I’m sure there’s thousands of dissatisfied women you’ve slept with all around the world who’d back me up on that.’
‘Dream on, Smiley. Let’s get to work.’
‘No need,’ I said, thinking if he wanted to play confident, that I could too. ‘Thanks to my lacklustre experiences with big-headed guys like you, I don’t even need to rehearse how to fake an orgasm. I’ve got this.’