Chapter 11
JAKE
‘Oh, God, right there, yes, yes, yesssss!’ Halle cried out as she raked her fingers through her hair, before tipping her head back and groaning loudly just like Meg Ryan’s character did in When Harry Met Sally.
As I sat opposite her and watched the Oscar-worthy performance, even I had to admit that she was scarily convincing.
Especially when she started banging her hands on the table for dramatic effect.
‘I’ll have what she’s having!’ Sammie laughed, quoting the line from the same scene. The rest of the group erupted into fits of giggles. ‘That was excellent! Well done, you two!’
‘I just have to add that Halle is clearly an excellent actress and her performance in no way reflects my bedroom skills, because no woman has ever had to fake it with me,’ I grinned.
‘Damn straight!’ another guy called out from the audience.
‘Yeah, yeah! Keep telling yourself that, guys, if it makes you feel better,’ countered the redhead.
‘Now, now,’ Sammie smiled. ‘I’m sure that everyone in this group is fully committed to delivering mutual satisfaction. And if you have the chance to get intimate with your match in the future, may you all enjoy a thoroughly, completely, earth-shatteringly satisfying happy ending!’
‘Hear, hear!’ two women chorused.
‘So Halle and Jake, now you’ve done your performances, I need you to tell the rest of the group a bit about your match. Sorry, I should’ve got you to introduce yourselves first. Can you tell that I’m new here?’ Sammie joked.
‘You’re doing great,’ Halle said reassuringly.
‘Well, I’m sure most of you know this guy already, but just in case you don’t, this is Jake.
So, three things about him: he’s a successful musician and as well as being a hopeless romantic, he likes taking photos,’ she said into the mic before moving it away from her mouth and muttering ‘and he loves himself’ at a volume that only I could hear.
I looked at her and flashed a fake smile. Halle handed me the mic.
‘Thank you,’ I said. Her intro was surprisingly complimentary, even if it was still inaccurate.
‘Hey there, everyone. So this is Halle and as well as being a big fan of romcoms, she makes a mean green juice and she loves to smile – especially whenever she sees me.’ I grinned and right on cue, Halle shot me an unimpressed look.
‘Oooh! That’s what we like to hear,’ Sammie said, her eyes flicking to Halle as if she wasn’t completely convinced that what I’d said was true. ‘Wonderful performance and intros, guys, thank you. Dwayne and Miley, you’re up next.’
Halle stormed back to her seat and I followed. I could tell she was pissed off.
Once the other couples performed various scenes including Sleepless in Seattle, You’ve Got Mail and The Holiday, Sammie said she needed a moment to decide on a winner so said we could take a break for half an hour.
Halle immediately pulled out her cell, which reminded me that I needed to take more photos.
This morning, I’d gone to breakfast expecting to see Halle there, but when Sammie told me she hadn’t arrived yet, I thought I’d make the most of my time and take some photos before Wilma started busting my balls again.
I felt like a fucking idiot, posing on my own in front of the pool, then the beach taking selfies, then making the corny video Wilma had insisted I shoot telling the world that I’d met the woman of my dreams and to ‘stay tuned’ for more details and to follow our ‘love story’.
Just hearing myself repeat those words made me want to barf.
Seemed like Halle had no interest in chatting, so I pulled out my cell too.
Unsurprisingly, there were messages from Wilma.
Wilma
Great job with the video post. You’ve already got a couple hundred likes. But now that you’ve teased them, you’re gonna need some content with your match.
No kissing yet. Just some cute selfies of you two cosying up together will do for now.
Don’t leave it too long. Gotta keep the momentum going.
I dropped my cell on my lap and groaned. There was no way I was gonna convince Halle to take photos ‘cosying up’ with me.
And the ‘no kissing yet’ comment Wilma made was freaking hilarious. Forget licking a pig’s butt. Halle would rather make out with a poisonous snake than lock lips with me.
Once upon a time, I could’ve had my pick of women. Some of them would go to crazy lengths to just be in the same room as me. I’d lost count of the number who’d tried to sneak into my hotel room, break into my home or make up stories to get backstage.
But Halle acted like even breathing the same air as me was a chore.
I knew I shouldn’t give a shit. My presence here was strictly professional. Whether she liked me or not shouldn’t matter. Yet for some weird reason it did.
I guessed it was like whenever I used to do shows. When I looked out in the crowd from the stage if I saw 59,999 people loving my performance, but one person looked bored, I’d worry about why they weren’t vibing with my music instead of appreciating the majority who were.
It was dumb, but I couldn’t help it.
If I knew what Halle’s problem with me was, maybe I could fix it. But until then, I’d just have to do what I always did: put on a brave face, crack some jokes and act like it didn’t bother me.
‘If I could have your attention, please, folks!’ Sammie called out. ‘It was a tough decision, but I’m delighted to announce that the winner of today’s competition is Stuart and Mandy with their performance of Titanic! Give them a round of applause!’
I clapped politely. Their performance was okay, but Halle’s was way better.
‘We were robbed,’ I whispered in Halle’s ear, trying to ignore her sweet scent. I’d noticed it last night and again when I’d first sat next to her earlier. It smelt like strawberries and coconut. And as much as I hated to admit it, I fucking loved it.
‘Yeah,’ Halle replied.
‘Thanks so much!’ Mandy said as she opened the envelope. ‘We’ve won a couple’s massage!’
Everyone cheered. Except me and Halle.
‘Maybe it was a good thing that we didn’t win.’ I turned to face her, trying to ignore her long, toned legs, which were spread out in front of her. Halle’s skin looked so smooth and for a second, I wondered how it would feel to run my hands over it.
What the hell?
It was a good thing I was wearing my shades so she couldn’t see where my damn eyes had roamed.
‘Yeah.’ She swallowed hard. ‘Definitely for the best.’